Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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How is it “confusing” for you to make a conscious effort to fight sin and temptation? That’s what Father means by “embracing it.”

You don’t just walk out of the confessional saying, “Okay, I got this grace so it’s gonna keep me from sinning.” You have to make an effort yourself to not sin. The grace will help you to not sin, but you still have to do some work yourself.
 
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Given your posting history, I have to wonder if your questions like this are sincere. It seems like you’re experiencing great personal turmoil, and I’m very sorry for that. But you can’t blame God for it, nor expect God to work like magic. He entrusted us with free will so that we can choose him.
 
Because the whole thing is confusing for me, we don’t all have the same intellectual level and I was never taught anything other than the Hail Mary when I became Catholic. I only understood sanctifying grace a few years ago ad still do not understand signal graces, actual graces, justification, regeneration etc. That fact that I constantly live in fear of Hell if I miss mass one week and/or don’t go to confession etc. What a terrible life to be constantly terrified of the day you die not knowing where you will spend eternity.
Tis_Bearself said:
The grace will help you to not sin, but you still have to do some work yourself
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This is an example of being confused, what work? Feeding the poor?
 
No, I meant “work” in the sense of putting forth some effort to resist sin.

Let’s say you just confessed that you looked at porn. You were absolved. The Holy Spirit gives you grace to help you not sin in the future.

You leave the church and drive home. You pass a porn store where you’ve shopped in the past. You still have to “do some work” as in make the effort to keep on driving and not pull in the parking lot and go in the store. The Holy Spirit doesn’t grab the wheel of your car and force you to drive past.
 
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Thank you, Father, for creating this thread.

I do not go to church as I have fallen away from Catholicism - but lately, I’ve been thinking a great deal about Confession, (which is what drew me to this thread).

Last October, I had a strong urge, (for lack of a better word), to revisit my Rosary. So I started praying again; and as of November, I’ve found that my day isn’t complete without it - I have not missed a day since then and it’s admittedly been a wonderful experience. Some days, I actually feel a presence in my space, (while I’m in my Rosary), so strongly, that if I did not have my eyes open, I’d swear that I was with another being - it’s that palpable. There seems to be an engulfing shimmer, if that makes any sense. It’s lovely.

Hard to think of it as a coincidence when it was one of those days, right after I had put my beads away that I mis-typed a google search and landed here, on a thread with a rosary poll. And your posts, (all over the forum), are much appreciated.

So, confession … it has been decades since my last confession. I’ve bumped into our parish priest when walking with my husband and he’s welcoming. I would have no problem going to him - but I’m not ready to begin attending mass again. That “urge” - the same one that compelled me to revisit my Rosary - is compelling me to go to confession. But I can’t bring myself to go because it feels like it would be disrespectful to the church, to our priest, to take that step knowing that I would not be going to mass.

So, would it be disrespectful if I asked for confession, knowing that, (at least for now), that I have no intention of returning to the church? I am so conflicted about this. (I must sound crazy, lol.)
 
Not crazy at all.

Please watch for a PM from me. I have some questions, and it would be better to help you in private.
 
I’ve seen plenty of your posts where you seem to be projecting your own struggles onto the spiritual life, even in answering the questions of others, such as when you told someone they could talk to their guardian angel, but it wouldn’t do any good. So it makes me wonder if you’re really asking questions to resolve difficulties, or if you’re questioning just to question. That is, are you asking questions to learn and clarify, or to provoke, coming from a place of hurt?

I am certainly very sorry that you are hurting, but what I’m saying is that there are more spiritually and psychologically fruitful ways of coping with our hurts.
 
BigRon said:
I only understood sanctifying grace a few years ago ad still do not understand signal graces, actual graces, justification, regeneration etc. That fact that I constantly live in fear of Hell if I miss mass one week and/or don’t go to confession etc. What a terrible life to be constantly terrified of the day you die not knowing where you will spend eternity.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) Tis_Bearself:
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This sounds to me as scruples. Please bring this to the attention of your priest.
 
Would you recommend having a regular confessor? I usually go to confession sporadically when it´s offered so it tends to vary a lot who´s in there. I also wondered if someone has you as their regular confessor, do you ever recall what they have confessed earlier when you hear their confession? I oftentimes confess the same sins each time and I have wondered if Father really remembers that I went in for the same stuff a few weeks ago. Not that it really matters, I´m just curious.

And once again, thank you for doing this! 🙂
 
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I’m married for the second time but we are not married in the church because I got married in the church the first time. Is it true that I can’t go to confession?
 
What’s going on if we confess behind a standalone screen in a confession room-- but then the priest comes around the screen without asking, to put his hands on us (head when this happened to me) and pray for us? Or same thing in a confessional with screen recently, after Confession the priest turned his whole face towards me through the screen and peered, clearly trying to look at my face (which I wasn’t hiding; I mean, I think my sins were pretty standard (not that any sin is okay, but I mean – I didn’t confess to international espionage or anything so interesting as to pique curiosity, I wouldn’t have thought)).

To be honest the couple times it’s happened (with two different priests), I felt really uncomfortable. I’ve confessed face to face plenty of times and been fine with it – but if the environment includes a screen and I confess behind it, then the priest peers intently THROUGH the screen, or walks around it and physically touches me, then I feel super weird, like the ‘privacy’ element of the screen was just violated, and I no longer know what the point of the screen was.

Is there a known technique taught to priests about ‘connecting’ to the penitent through trying to meet our eyes, even through the screen? Or advocating walking around the screen, looking at and touching the penitent while blessing them at the end? Or have I potentially had experiences with priests on ‘off’ days or non-recommended behaviours…?
 
A suggestion in love, for whatever it’s worth: while there may indeed be a time and place for a little extra conversation in the confessional (I’ll leave this up to your priest to discuss with you), in my own life I’ve found it a fruitful exercise to give the priest as little context around my sins as possible.

In my case, because I’m SUPER talkative, and often feel tempted to try to “manage” the priest’s opinion of me (by explaining the ‘reasons’ and ‘context’ surrounding the actions I’m there to confess) – but that’s not the purpose of Confession! 🙂 Confession is to confess my sins – not someone else’s sins. And it’s not the place to try to justify myself or how many temptations I’m under (or what the other person said first, you shoulda heard 'im, Father!), either. If what I did was a genuine sin, then it doesn’t matter (for the purpose of Reconciliation) ‘why’ I did it. It’s only if (e.g.) I want extra support from my priest (or if he asks for extra information), that I might consider sharing additional information with him.

Anyway, just a thought, for me. That in general, I’ve found it a fruitful exercise in humility to tell the priest less than I want to tell him, and stick to only the raw facts of my sins that I’m there to confess.

PS: it also helps me to remember that the priest doesn’t need to understand me! I’m not ultimately confessing to the priest; I’m confessing to God through the priest. I once had the most well-meaning priest who just couldn’t understand what I was talking about with one sin I confessed, no matter how much I tried to explain and he tried to understand (partially a language issue, I think). But in the end he understood my other sins, and my penitence, and God understood everything anyway. And being misunderstood sometimes can unite us yet further to Jesus 😉
 
annad347 said:
Are they not questions we can all have
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My assumption would be that they are specific to the situation and confidential (at least). And most significantly, the answers would be even if the questions aren’t.
 
MNathaniel said:
Is there a known technique taught to priests about ‘connecting’ to the penitent through trying to meet our eyes, even through the screen? Or advocating walking around the screen, looking at and touching the penitent while blessing them at the end? Or have I potentially had experiences with priests on ‘off’ days or non-recommended behaviours…?
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More likely the latter. If a person chooses to go behind the scren then I’ll respect that decision - even if they’ve been face to face before and I think I recognise the voice. Going around the screen in order to pray the prayer of absolution tends to defeat the whole purpose of having a screen. If this makes you uncomfortable (and I know it would for me) you might like to find another priest/parish…
 
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