Ask a Priest Anything...about Confession!

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Juanshark25 said:
Is there easy logic for understanding mortal sin? I’m a convert to the faith and its difficult for me to draw the line between mortal and venial sins. I find it very easy to argue the case for why most sins are mortal and vice versa.
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This is a challenge for all, even saints. While you will get better at it, it will remain a gray area for all of your life. Ask your confessor to guide you.
 
I go to confession about once per month. I keep it brief (having read your advice here before) and list my sins (including by kind and number where appropriate).

I also feel that if I start to give an explanation of them it seems like I’m justifying the sin or trying to make myself sound like a good person.

My question is - when I’m listing out sins in this manner, I sometimes feel as if I am sounding like I am not sorry or do not regret the sin or I don’t think it’s a big deal. Sometimes I even feel like I sound arrogant when I just walk in and start listing out all of the ways I’ve sinned like I don’t even care.

I always confess behind the screen as it helps me to picture Jesus sitting on the other side which then keeps me honest.

My question is - if somebody walks in and just lists out all of their sins in this manner without sounding emotional (I’ve read and talked to some people who get very emotional during confession) do you ever wonder if they are truly sorry or if they even care? Does it ever sound arrogant… as in “I’ll just walk in here, God will forgive me and it’s all fine”?

I do find that I feel more emotional at times during private prayer and at mass than I do at confession.
 
Sometimes it happens that a priest cuts me short during confession, before I have reached the point of what I was trying to say, or before getting around to all the things I wanted to confess. And then he gives me the absolution before I have got around to those things. Are the things I have not yet said or finsihed saying forgiven, or do I need to come back another time and confess those again?

I do try very hard to keep it short and come to the point quickly, but some things cannot be said in few words. Also, I am not especially good at speaking off the cuff and sometimes the words that I am seeking don’t come to my mind so I need to use other words to circumscribe that.
 
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Newhills said:
My question is - if somebody walks in and just lists out all of their sins in this manner without sounding emotional (I’ve read and talked to some people who get very emotional during confession) do you ever wonder if they are truly sorry or if they even care? Does it ever sound arrogant… as in “I’ll just walk in here, God will forgive me and it’s all fine”?
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If they’re there to confess, I’ll assume that they’re sorry. Not everybody gets emotional and reading emotions is difficult at the best of times, more so when a person’s face can’t be seen.
 
Cirdan_XII said:
but some things cannot be said in few words.
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“I (name of sin) X times”. Four words (plus however many for multiple word sins like “missed Sunday Mass with no good excuse”). Do any priests expect more from a penitent than this under normal circumstances?
Cirdan_XII said:
I am not especially good at speaking off the cuff
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I think this is why many suggest a written (or electronic - such as on a phone) list that is destroyed/deleted immediately after the Confession is finished. But if writing it down is too risky for your peace of mind then just thinking about it before and on the way to Confession and going over the list mentally while waiting for your turn can help a lot.

ETA: In my case, for my next (first) Confession, with 50+ years to handle (ever since my Baptism at about 10) I will definitely be putting together a list and spending quite a bit of time editing it down to the essentials so I don’t take the priest’s entire day.
 
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A priest may give absolution to a large group of people in case of an emergency. They don’t have to confess out loud at that point, but the absolution is conditioned on them going to confession at their first available opportunity, if they survive whatever calamity it is.
 
I started to tell the priest last week something I had forgotten during my list of sins and I’m not sure he heard me because he interrupted and said ‘say your act of contrition’. I stopped talking about the thing I had forgotten and started the act of contrition. Did I do right in obeying him or was I supposed to continue relating what I had forgotten?
 
Is there a point a priest might ask a confessor to follow up with him after confession, especially if they car confessing a sin that if not stop can be so harmful the person might end up dead?

I’m not asking about Matthew 18:21-22.

also the reason I wanted to know about the questions @edward_george1 had for @KBS is because I’m wondering the same thing… **would it be disrespectful to go to confession if you are questioning if you will return to the Catholic church? **

I believe in confession, I believe in being pure of mind, body and soul before taking in The Eucharist… but there are other traditions in the Catholic church that I still have many questions about and because of those questions, I’m not sure if the Catholic church is the church I should return too.

But the year is almost up… and if I want to continue receiving The Eucharist pure in mind, body, and soul… and to be respectful to the Catholic church, I will need to go to confession. So, is it disrespectful to do so when you are still questing the Catholic church?
 
Hi Annad347
@Edward_george1 responded to me privately, (which I greatly appreciated.)

Basically he said that there needs to be a firm purpose of amendment in order to validly receive absolution. So if you confess to missing Mass with no intention of returning to Mass, then the absolution is not valid.

I have to admit that I was disappointed to read this but I do understand and I was not that surprised. It makes sense that there needs to be a desire to correct/prevent the sin that you are confessing - (or at least to do your best to do better in the future.)
 
This is certainly true, but I would say in response to Anna’s question that there’s a difference between persisting in a sinful action and entertaining doubts. I would have to take it on a case by case basis, but if someone is struggling with doubt, confession might be very helpful for them. And I would make it a point to try to meet with someone outside of the confessional to help resolve the doubt. We can’t really be perfectionists about approaching the sacraments, because if we had to be absolutely perfect in intention, we would never go at all.

This is not to say there aren’t impediments to worthy and valid reception of the Sacraments of course, just that doubts themselves don’t necessarily constitute such.

And @KBS, I apologize I haven’t followed up with you in PM, but I’ll get back to you soon. Busy time here.
 
No worries!
Life is busy for everyone these days, it seems!

Your clarifications in the thread are very helpful.
 
KBS said:
Basically he said that there needs to be a firm purpose of amendment in order to validly receive absolution. So if you confess to missing Mass with no intention of returning to Mass, then the absolution is not valid.
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God Bless @KBS, thank you for sharing this with me.

I do plan on following the rules of The Catholic church while I try to figure out if I’m going to return. I believe in the church, and the main rules of the church. Attending mass, taking the Eucharist, fasting, and confession.

I did go to confession last June… but like I said the year is almost up, 4 months isn’t as long as people think it is… which is why I asked if its disrespectful to do something, like going to confession just because its a rule, while I’m still questing weather or not I will return to the Catholic church?

I do attend mass at two different churches every Sunday, do I need to confess that as well? Is that a sin?

I did speak to my priest, but I don’t think he really understood what I was saying… where my doubts about the Catholic church being the only true church.

Also is there a point a priest might ask a confessor to follow up with him after confession, especially if they are confessing a sin that if not stop can be so harmful the person can end up dead?
 
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How can you tell if sin is mortal or venial? If I’m not sure, I usually just assume it’s venial and do it anyway. I struggle with the same sins all the time, mainly the ones relating to pride. As far as I know, I’ve never committed a mortal sin. It’s hard for me to go to confession since it’s hard for me to admit my faults and humble myself. How can I learn to determine moral from venial sins and admit my faults? Thank You!!! 🙂
 
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Hello, Father edward_george1,

I would like to start going to fortnightly confession on a Friday evening. This happens to be after school, when I have my school back-pack with me.

Is it better to take it inside the confessional, will the priest ask me to remove it, should I leave it somewhere else?

Thank you for your time and consideration, Reverend Father.
 
This might be a rough one, and I know our priests are busy!

If someone is uncertain about a sin due to mental illness, what would be the best way to approach it in confession? I’m not referring to things like scrupulosity or OCD, that can make someone believe ordinary matters are sinful. But to cases where mental illness may contribute to behavior that would ordinarily be sinful - such as not getting out of bed or attending to your responsibilities when depressed, or lashing out in anger due to a trauma trigger.

Unfortunately I’ve found that what often happens in real life is priests tell you to ask a therapist because they don’t know about mental illness and therapists tell you to ask a priest because they don’t know about sin or confession! And for various reasons not everyone may have access to therapy. (Also frankly a lot of priests seem to sort of act like you can put spiritual stuff on hold until mental health treatment sorts everything out, which isn’t how it works.)
 
I was a candidate in RCIA but have had to drop out to get some issues sorted before I can even go near any sacraments of initiation.

I fully intend on sorting my stuff out and going back to RCIA again next year. So my question is would I have to wait until just before Easter next year to go to confession? Or do you think if I’ve actually been to all the RCIA sessions this time round I could go to confession a bit earlier?
 
Nik said:
I was a candidate in RCIA but have had to drop out
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OK, so… you were a candidate (meaning that you’re already validly baptized) and not a catechumen (meaning that you’re not baptized)?

Talk to your pastor and get his advice. He’s the appropriate one to make a prudential judgment in your particular situation.
 
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