Asked to be a Godfather to a friends son

[19davo66]

Massive dilemma -

I am Roman Catholic, I identify as a gay man. My family & friends know & I make no apology nor intend to for a soul that Our Lord has given me.

I consider myself to be a good person, I would not hurt anyone, and hide nothing. I speak well of the Catholic Church, I see myself as a person who is in favour of reform, and believe that changes in the Catholic Church will happen in my lifetime.

I have been asked by a friend to be a Godfather to her son - she is well aware of who I am, and know I bring to hurt to others. Her family, are also aware of my given sexuality, but have recently started to send me leaflets on what is required as a Godparent.

I am rather upset by this.

I have several Godchildren, all proudly attend Mass, and Catholic schools, they are not ashamed of me and accept me, in fact my eldest Goddaughter has asked me to give her away at her wedding, as her father, my brother in law passed away a few years ago. I was and still am very proud.

I have been asked to look at churches, look at readings and also suggest hymns for the wedding. I feel as a Godfather, I am carrying out my duties as she is proudly marrying within her religion and has found a most wonderful gentleman.

I do not take Holy Communion, as I feel this would insult my family, to the parish and would be wrong in the eyes of our Lord. I trust he will judge me when we meet, face to face one day.

My dilemma is with the family - I feel I am being pressured to stand down, as I do not fit the ‘requirements - as stated in Catholic literature’.

Throughout my friends pregnancy, I have been with her for support, since her husband decided after 14 years to walk away from his responsibilities. I ensured she got to church, confession & communion and was there to offer any form of support - she may have needed, spiritually, mentally & medically even - (if she needed a hospital visit) - her family where not around.

She has asked me, if anything happens to me, I will ensure her son will be raised a good Roman Catholic through, the values I have been raised with from my parents, and offer support, guidance and make sure he knows the Lord is always with him, watching, listening, answering and guiding.

I take my religion seriously, I do not want to upset my friends family. I did not ask to become a Godparent, - I was asked.

My parents & family know if I should die before any changes or reformations are made I have said, I will not have a Requim mass or a funeral in a Catholic church, nor shall i lay in Catholic grounds. As I have no intention of asking for forgiveness, for something I have done nothing wrong to ask for forgiveness for.

Until I meet my Lord Jesus Christ, and he shall tell me.

I ask, in all fairness for help. I prayed for help, and I was guided to this site.

If people think I am wrong in any point I have made, I think maybe it is time I left the Catholic church. A history from Altar boy, chorister up to today - I would be sad to leave behind. But, I shall not walk away, I want to leave. To give my Sacraments back as it were.

Thank you all, a Happy & Holy Easter to you all.

 

[1ke]

My dilemma is with the family - I feel I am being pressured to stand down, as I do not fit the ‘requirements - as stated in Catholic literature’.

Well, it really isn’t about opinions, it’s about whether or not you are canonically **able **to serve as a sponsor:

Can. 874 §1. To be permitted to take on the function of sponsor a person must:

1/ be designated by the one to be baptized, by the parents or the person who takes their place, or in their absence by the pastor or minister and have the aptitude and intention of fulfilling this function;

2/ have completed the sixteenth year of age, unless the diocesan bishop has established another age, or the pastor or minister has granted an exception for a just cause;

3/ be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on;

4/ not be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared;

5/ not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.
If you are not receiving Holy Communion, I would presume this is because you are actively involved in same-sex sexual relationships. That would be at odds with Can 874 §3 and your family is giving you good advice on the matter.

I take my religion seriously, I do not want to upset my friends family.

It seems to me that most of this post is about how you are right and the Church is wrong. It seems to have echos of “I will not serve”, from where I am sitting. You seem to believe that ‘being a good person’ is sufficient and that there is nothing disordered about homosexual sex acts.

I have no doubt that you are a nice person, a loving uncle, and a productive, giving member of society.

God’s call is to holiness, not “being nice”. It is much more. It is a call to conformity with the **objective **moral law. It is a call to conformity to God’s will. It is a call to serve God, not the other way around.

My parents & family know if I should die before any changes or reformations are made

Again, I sense confusion on your part. That if only the Church would “get with it” all would be well. No, it is WE sinners who must “get with” God’s law. The Church isn’t going to change anything because it cannot change the truth.

I really encourage you to visit www.couragerc.net for support and help in living chastely in your state in life.

I have said, I will not have a Requim mass or a funeral in a Catholic church, nor shall i lay in Catholic grounds. As I have no intention of asking for forgiveness, for something I have done nothing wrong to ask for forgiveness for.

This to me, does not sound like someone who could honestly teach Catholic moral teaching to a child were he called upon to do so. What, exactly would you teach your godchild regarding the sixth commandment? Would you, could you, honestly teach them what the the moral truth? That homosexual sex acts are disordered and a grave sin agains the Sixth Commandment? That those with same sex attraction are called to live chastely in the single state?

There are many people here at CAF and at Courage who live chastely and according to Church teaching. I encourage you to reach out to them.

 

[Cristiano]

I think that you are dealing with major contradictions that come from your beliefs and from the way you feel. I understand your need for being coherent toward the Church and that is why I see why you would not want a funeral or being buried on consecrated land. I think that in the spirit of that coherence you also understand that you should not be a Godparent because your status is objectively not in good standing.

I believe that it is proper for people to inform you of the obligations of a Godparent; however, I think that it is grossly inappropriate and uncharitable to do so by sending leaflets. In my opinion such an action takes away the dignity of your efforts of being a good Catholic even when you live with contradictions. Where is the love when someone prefers to send a leaflet instead of sitting together and talking? Are they trying to bring you closer to the Church or are the pushing you away from the Church by using a legalistic approach? What is our responsibility as Catholics? To try to bring everybody in the bosom of the Church. If we are trying the opposite then we are condemning ourselves to damnation.

I think that maybe you should drop your rigid approach in regard to your sexuality and in playing hard ball until the final judgement. Just stick with the Church and try to improve your holiness and maybe one day with the graces of God we all be in heaven. Accept the fact that now things are not perfect and become confident that one day they will be. You understand that maybe you should not be a Godparent, fine with that and let the parent know that because of this moment in life you cannot do so in full honesty. However, you still have a moral obligation to help that child to grow as a good Catholic whether you are the Godparent or not. You have the intellectual honesty and spiritual attitude of discerning what you should teach and you should not deprive a child of that. Please let the parents know that even if you are not going a Godparent you will still support the spiritual development of the child.

 

[1ke]

I think that it is grossly inappropriate and uncharitable to do so by sending leaflets.

I agree they should talk to him one-on-one.

I would point out, however, that many parishes today require a Sponsor form be completed and signed by both the potential sponsor and his/her pastor and the parish seal affixed to it.

Because sponsors are often unknown to the priest performing the baptism, the certification has become necessary. There are many Catholics living in invalid marriages, or other situations which canonically prohibit them from being a sponsor. Having some sort of affidavit from a priest who knows them well is a common way to ensure the sponsor meets all the canonical requirements.

Our diocese requires the form for both baptism and confirmation.

 

[19davo66]

Not going to use quotes, as I am replying with feelings.

I take on board, & I question even more now, what faith have I been born into?

School was good, teachers also, Mass was fun, our Parish Priest was our friend, he knew our family by name. Priests that came to our parish were people we got to know - but then I suppose something just decided that I was going to be different than those ‘who keep it secret’ - and after regular attendance of Mass, and feeling awful I heard John 14:2 referred to and used in the Homily from the priest - and I no longer felt bad. So I spoke to my family & all was well.

Having children feel oppressed and frightened for who they are, I am sure - quote whatever - is not the message I was raised with from The Holy Lord.

Here in England, there is some horrific stories coming out of the church of the most upsetting - I could ever imagine.

I would pray that devotions to the priesthood are from a desire to serve God, not to hide from what you are.

The choice to not take Blessed Holy Communion was mine, and I informed my family of my choice. They were shocked, but shown support - and my wishes should I die.

Maybe I was born into a religion, I only touched the tip of - I am tolerant of other religions, as I believe, Heaven isn’t full of Nuns, Priests, Bishops, Cardinals and dead Popes! -

Is not our God a welcoming God - a God who wants you to love him - or maybe… I am sort of getting the point now. - I live very close to a Hasidic community here in Manchester, and there is a look of fear, - I am quite upset now, as I make the connection.

Life is an exam - the constant revision is penance, guilt and looking at the sins constantly, - the reward is Heaven. - I remember the fear the Creed put into me.

Sitting at the right hand of The Father.

I am really upset now.

You have pointed me into a direction of thought.

But… feelings, and God is with me, I take in the feelings evoked, because that is what I asked. I shall speak with the parents of my friend. I shall be honest. I shall offer to step aside & it takes more than lists and rules, and numbers and lines and guilt, and getting something wrong - than it is to be open, tolerant, accepting, as it was when Our Lord spoke and was classed as a heretic!

We can all chose what we want to quote to suit our moral ‘umbrella’ - (this is me asking & talking to myself) not berating anyone.

• so glad I found this site. I can, with my conscience speak to the priest & the family, and I know in 2012 if like my priest, I will be asked, ‘if I think I cannot do it, with God watching over me - then don’t do it’ - then I won’t -

 

[1ke]

I cannot encourage you enough to reach out to those at www.couragerc.net.

There you will find support and authentic Catholic ministry with and by others who experience same sex attraction. Known in England as EnCourage, they have London and Manchester meetings, plus online.

 

[cradlecatholic5]

19Davo66,

My son, who happens to be gay is a GREAT Godfather to my grandson, his sister’s son. He, too, is serious about his Catholic faith.

I would feel the same way you do w/ her family.

And I like how you feel about being YOU.

You sound like a wonderful young man.

PEACE to you.

 

[19davo66]

Hey -

I have posted nothing that I said to you

Everyone is good until they are not!

God is a nice man

All this BS about in 25 million years ago if a woman looked at a mans foot, she was thrown to the daughters of Elcatrezer - your Godson is your Godson, be happy & proud.

 

[19davo66]

I came here looking for some guidance.

Nothing with answers, but encouraging me to think for myself, and to judge what is right and wrong - in the eyes of the Lord.

I know I am appeasing myself with answers, what came from those who I asked for contributed ‘old days’ and sexual words, I did not feel appropriate.

When the time comes to talk about how people have left our Church, and your first answer will be lack of of disciplinary counsel - I will disagree -

Send me Old Testament quotes, & I will match them

Roman Catholicism should be ready for the growth of its Church - the One Foundation, Jesus Christ Our Lord - & the people are going to come back.

With joy in their hearts!

David

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

Massive dilemma -

I am Roman Catholic, I identify as a gay man. My family & friends know & I make no apology nor intend to for a soul that Our Lord has given me.

I consider myself to be a good person, I would not hurt anyone, and hide nothing. I speak well of the Catholic Church, I see myself as a person who is in favour of reform, and believe that changes in the Catholic Church will happen in my lifetime.

I have been asked by a friend to be a Godfather to her son - she is well aware of who I am, and know I bring to hurt to others. Her family, are also aware of my given sexuality, but have recently started to send me leaflets on what is required as a Godparent.

I am rather upset by this.

I have several Godchildren, all proudly attend Mass, and Catholic schools, they are not ashamed of me and accept me, in fact my eldest Goddaughter has asked me to give her away at her wedding, as her father, my brother in law passed away a few years ago. I was and still am very proud.

I have been asked to look at churches, look at readings and also suggest hymns for the wedding. I feel as a Godfather, I am carrying out my duties as she is proudly marrying within her religion and has found a most wonderful gentleman.

I do not take Holy Communion, as I feel this would insult my family, to the parish and would be wrong in the eyes of our Lord. I trust he will judge me when we meet, face to face one day.

My dilemma is with the family - I feel I am being pressured to stand down, as I do not fit the ‘requirements - as stated in Catholic literature’.

Throughout my friends pregnancy, I have been with her for support, since her husband decided after 14 years to walk away from his responsibilities. I ensured she got to church, confession & communion and was there to offer any form of support - she may have needed, spiritually, mentally & medically even - (if she needed a hospital visit) - her family where not around.

She has asked me, if anything happens to me, I will ensure her son will be raised a good Roman Catholic through, the values I have been raised with from my parents, and offer support, guidance and make sure he knows the Lord is always with him, watching, listening, answering and guiding.

I take my religion seriously, I do not want to upset my friends family. I did not ask to become a Godparent, - I was asked.

My parents & family know if I should die before any changes or reformations are made I have said, I will not have a Requiem mass or a funeral in a Catholic church, nor shall i lay in Catholic grounds. As I have no intention of asking for forgiveness, for something I have done nothing wrong to ask for forgiveness for.

Until I meet my Lord Jesus Christ, and he shall tell me.

I ask, in all fairness for help. I prayed for help, and I was guided to this site.

If people think I am wrong in any point I have made, I think maybe it is time I left the Catholic church. A history from Altar boy, chorister up to today - I would be sad to leave behind. But, I shall not walk away, I want to leave. To give my Sacraments back as it were.

Thank you all, a Happy & Holy Easter to you all.

Sexual acts between unmarried persons are inherently sinful. Sexual acts that are inherently sterile are inherently sinful. Marriage is a part of natural law; while the Church has the powers to bind and loose it can not change natural law as that is immutable thus marriage will remain between a man and a woman as long as the Church yet exists (for the gates of Hell will not prevail). If you wish to see those change you will not live to see the change as it will never come.

God and the Church love you regardless, but if you are sexual active with someone/people who you are not sacramentally married to then you can not be a godparent as you can not meet Canon 874 Section 1 Clause 3 (the second half). Many can not fulfill that clause, for example if someone gets remarried while a spouse yet lives they are in an invalid marriage.

Man (homo) as a result of his fallen nature is naturally prone to concupiscence of the flesh, sexual attraction to the same sex is only one of many forms it may take.

If you are chaste then you seem like you are well qualified to be a godfather based on what you have said.