Asked to play at Catholic funeral

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A friend of mine (not a Catholic) had a mother that just suddenly died. He asked me to play for his mother’s funeral.(I am his friend).

At first I accepted, but now I have a few misgivings. I will be calling the priest tomorrow.

I guess my misgivings are twofold
(1) I don’t know how kosher this is
(2) I don’t know if this is a good idea anyway. I don’t really know the Catholic order of worship all that well. The few times I have been in a Catholic church I find it confusing.

Comments. Is this a good idea?
 
AmateurPianist said:
A friend of mine (not a Catholic) had a mother that just suddenly died. He asked me to play for his mother’s funeral.(I am his friend).

At first I accepted, but now I have a few misgivings. I will be calling the priest tomorrow.

I guess my misgivings are twofold
(1) I don’t know how kosher this is
(2) I don’t know if this is a good idea anyway. I don’t really know the Catholic order of worship all that well. The few times I have been in a Catholic church I find it confusing.

Comments.
Click to expand...
I’m Catholic and I have played for Methodist weddings (and funerals), Episcopal weddings and funerals, United Church of Christ weddings and funerals. . . so don’t hold back simply because you aren’t Catholic.

The order of worship in a funeral Mass is a little different from a regular Mass, true. Thing is, the priest should be able to direct you. The music director or organist should have an ‘order of worship’ that you can follow with what songs/chant/pieces go where.

I know that you won’t ‘take’ communion so there’s no problem there.

Most of the Catholic churches I have been a member of have an organist or music director/cantor who does the weddings and funerals regularly, though. So that might be something that you need to discuss with the priest. You see, the person might ‘depend’ on that income and so the priest may discourage ‘outside’ organists. It’s a little different for singers but even there, different parishes have different policies.

When I played at the UCC I did so at the specific invitation of both the people who wanted the services AND the request of the regular organist. At the Methodist church I was for a couple of years the regular organist myself, and at the Episcopal church, again, I was approached by the people AND given permission by the ‘regular’ organist.

Hope that helps!
 
It might be possible for you to play just part of the funeral Mass, leaving the liturgical stuff for the regular organist/pianist. I am a Catholic cantor, and have done hundreds of funerals over the last 25 years. Many times, a family member or friend acts as a guest musician for one or two pieces during the service.

The best thing for you to do is consult with the priest, who will be able to guide you. If you will be playing the entire service, there will probably be a set program available to you consisting of the pieces usually used in that parish. If you will be a guest artist, you will probably need to speak with the music director to arrange who plays what.

Don’t worry about its being “kosher.” There are non-Catholic musicians playing in Catholic churches all over.

Feel free to PM me if I can help you. I probably will not be returning to this thread.

Betsy
 
AmateurPianist said:
A friend of mine (not a Catholic) had a mother that just suddenly died. He asked me to play for his mother’s funeral.(I am his friend).

At first I accepted, but now I have a few misgivings. I will be calling the priest tomorrow.

I guess my misgivings are twofold
(1) I don’t know how kosher this is
(2) I don’t know if this is a good idea anyway. I don’t really know the Catholic order of worship all that well. The few times I have been in a Catholic church I find it confusing.

Comments. Is this a good idea?
Click to expand...
Speak to the presiding priest or bishop. If it’s okay with him, you’re in the clear. There is nothing ‘satanic’ or ‘evil’ about Catholic worship. We have our differences, but they, like non-Catholics, call on the name of our dear Lord Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins and everlasting life. We are all an (admittedly dysfunctional) family of those baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 🙂
 
Quit thinking of yourself. Your friend does not need any additional stress.
 
AmateurPianist said:
A friend of mine (not a Catholic) had a mother that just suddenly died. He asked me to play for his mother’s funeral.(I am his friend).

At first I accepted, but now I have a few misgivings. I will be calling the priest tomorrow.

I guess my misgivings are twofold
(1) I don’t know how kosher this is
(2) I don’t know if this is a good idea anyway. I don’t really know the Catholic order of worship all that well. The few times I have been in a Catholic church I find it confusing.

Comments. Is this a good idea?
Click to expand...
Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Tell the priest you aren’t familiar with the order of the Funeral Mass, and ask him to give you a subtle cue.

I am Catholic (now), but I used to play for my Presbyterian Minister Grandfather’s church… I have played at all types of funerals, from the funeral home, to the person’s own residence, to Cathedrals, Baptist, Methodist, and everything in between. Same thing for weddings.

They will work with you.

I play the organ(or should say “used to”), as opposed to the piano. I never could divorce my hands right for the piano.

You’ll do fine, and what a blessing for your friend to know that you are there sharing your talents.
 
Rightlydivide said:
Quit thinking of yourself. Your friend does not need any additional stress.
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Why do you assume he thinking of himself? He said he doesn’t know the order of the mass… maybe he’s afraid he’ll screw it up and doesn’t want to do that at his friend’s Mother’s funeral.

To the OP ~ I hope the Priest is able to help you. Whether you play or not, I assume you’ll be a good support to your friend during his time of loss. I will say a prayer for him.
 
AmateurPianist said:
A friend of mine (not a Catholic) had a mother that just suddenly died. He asked me to play for his mother’s funeral.(I am his friend).

At first I accepted, but now I have a few misgivings. I will be calling the priest tomorrow.

I guess my misgivings are twofold
(1) I don’t know how kosher this is
(2) I don’t know if this is a good idea anyway. I don’t really know the Catholic order of worship all that well. The few times I have been in a Catholic church I find it confusing.

Comments. Is this a good idea?
Click to expand...
I thought you mean pray and being not a musician I was thinking why in the world are you playing during a funeral. :o

Bless you for being able to be there and to lend a hand during your friend’s bereavement. There is no condition to play during a Catholic mass other than the fact that you can play and want to. So it IS ‘kosher’ – the issue does not arise.

Being non-Catholic you may not be familiar with the order of the requiem mass and so you need to listen attentively to the commentator or otherwise you need someone to prompt you when to start the music. You will be appreciated especially since you are not a Catholic. It is not often non-Catholics step inside a Catholic Church let alone involve themselves directly in the service.

May you do well and God bless.
 
We have non Catholics play music for weddings and funerals all the time. At my home parish there is a young lady who plays the piano and hase a beautiful voice and is requested to play at these masses all the time. She is not Catholic.

Just do as she does, get there early, abaout 45 minutes before “game time”. She meets with the priests and there is normally a sacristain or deacon that makes sure all things go as it should. The sacristain or deacon will gladly help you to know what to do when.

As far as kosher, the Catholic Church is very welcomeing to non Catholics always. You may find a priest or deacon who will give you issues occasionally but I asure you it is the exception not the rule.

Good luck to you!
 
Thank y’all for your encouragement.

I just talked to the priest, and he was nice and encouraging also. So I guess it is a go.
 
Rightlydivide said:
Quit thinking of yourself. Your friend does not need any additional stress.
Click to expand...
I think it is ALWAYS appropriate for us to reflect on the consequences of our actions. This should continue even after we have made a choice. If one makes a decision and later decides it is the wrong one, then one can correct it. Remember the parable about the two sons that the father asked to go work in the fields? One refused, but later thought the better of it, and went. Which one did the Father’s will?
 
Just to let y’all know that I played there this morning and it went fine. I accredit that to the music director who was there that did the singing. She was great at giving me cues as to when to come in and when to stop, Otherwise I would not have known what was going on.
 
AmateurPianist said:
Just to let y’all know that I played there this morning and it went fine. I accredit that to the music director who was there that did the singing. She was great at giving me cues as to when to come in and when to stop, Otherwise I would not have known what was going on.
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Glad to hear it. I was wondering how it went.

It is always the fear of the unknown, that gets us so wound up.
 
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