Asking Family Not To Receive Communion

  • Thread starter Thread starter Marcus_T
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut and advice. Since I got a mixed response, I will pray over this situation and hopefully God will lead me in the right direction. I have some time since the Mass and memorial service is a little over a month away.

In regards to those who recommended to gently suggest confession before the Mass, that does not seem to be an answer as all the family members who no longer attend Mass also do not go to confession and we’ve even talked about that in years past and they seem pretty set in their ways and they’ve told me they do not believe in confession and have no intention of ever going.

God Bless and Thanks again for your thoughts on this matter.

Mark
 
If we were talking about non-Catholic relatives then a pre-Mass word to the wise might be in order. But these are Catholics you’re talking about. Presumably they know “the rules.” As others have said, this is the priest’s domain.
 
If you are going to confession before the memorial, you can invite others to go with you. I was in line once with a fellow who was very nervous, as he hadn’t been to confession in over 20 years. The occasion was his mother’s funeral coming up. IOW, stranger things have happened. Just invite them to go when you go, though. Don’t presume to know whether they have been to confession or not or whether or not they are culpable for what they’ve done. That is beyond your pay grade. You only get to answer questions about what actions are objectively right or wrong, not judge the state of someone else’s soul.
 
Marcus_T said:
** I’ve **made arrangements for a special Mass to be said for them.
Click to expand...
It sounds to me that this mass is over and above the usual funeral service. In that case, I think it is selfish to expect non-believers to even attend in the first place and additionally practice the faith perfectly. If this service was 100% your idea, I suspect a lot of relatives are attending to be polite to you. Giving them what they will consider a lecture before the mass will make them think ‘Why do anything for Mark if this the thanks I get’

Don’t get me wrong, nothing boils my blood as much as to see someone who does not practice the faith and does not go to church regularly take communion. However, at the same time, I would not expect them to accept my invitation to mass and do things my way.

Now on the other hand, if a group of you decided to do this and you agreed to without speaking up about how you feel… it is too late to say something now. Bring your concerns to the priest and let him decide how to deal with it. And don’t be surprised if the priest does nothing. I was at a funeral once sitting beside a non-Catholic (and I suspect never went to any church at all). The priest decided to walk down the isle to give communion to everyone. It was very obvious the non-Catholic did NOT want to take the host and was trying to avoid taking it. The priest just stood there and kept pushing it at him until finally he took it in the most disrespectful way. Sure it boils my blood, but that is when I need to let go and leave this between the priest and God

Angie
 
I would NEVER tell my sister and my dad who seldom go to Mass to refrain from Communion. My sister is fallen away from her faith, and my father goes only a few times a year to keep my mother happy (Xmas & Easter mainly). When my niece and nephew were received into the church and a few years prior for my grandmother’s funeral Mass, many family members received Communion (even those who were openly said they do not go to church or seldom go), and I said nothing. It is not worth causing division.

My aunt said at a funeral Mass for a family member of hers that non Catholics and non practicing Catholics could not receive Communion. That has caused some division in her family as a few of them do not practice their faith of their childhood now or go to Mass 1 to 2 times a year if that.
 
Anglewannabe said:
It sounds to me that this mass is over and above the usual funeral service. In that case, I think it is selfish to expect non-believers to even attend in the first place and additionally practice the faith perfectly. If this service was 100% your idea, I suspect a lot of relatives are attending to be polite to you. Giving them what they will consider a lecture before the mass will make them think ‘Why do anything for Mark if this the thanks I get’

Don’t get me wrong, nothing boils my blood as much as to see someone who does not practice the faith and does not go to church regularly take communion. However, at the same time, I would not expect them to accept my invitation to mass and do things my way.

Now on the other hand, if a group of you decided to do this and you agreed to without speaking up about how you feel… it is too late to say something now. Bring your concerns to the priest and let him decide how to deal with it. And don’t be surprised if the priest does nothing. I was at a funeral once sitting beside a non-Catholic (and I suspect never went to any church at all). The priest decided to walk down the isle to give communion to everyone. It was very obvious the non-Catholic did NOT want to take the host and was trying to avoid taking it. The priest just stood there and kept pushing it at him until finally he took it in the most disrespectful way. Sure it boils my blood, but that is when I need to let go and leave this between the priest and God

Angie
Click to expand...
Just to clarify: A funeral Mass is not an “over and above” funeral service for a Catholic! When one of its members dies, the Church especially encourages the celebration of the Mass. Generally speaking, a Mass is usually celebrated for the deceased whenever it is possible that it can be celebrated. This is for the benefit of the deceased, and is not a whim catering to the mourners. It is possible to put off the Mass for the deceased until a time outside the other funeral rites, but this is usually not done except when there are compelling reasons. The “default funeral” for a Catholic always includes Mass. It is also common to have Masses celebrated for the repose of the souls of the deceased even after the funeral; it is one of the most common ways to pray for the dead. IOW, this is not some gratuitous addition to any memorial celebration for dead Catholics. It is what most faithful Catholics would hope for.

It is not necessary to “give a lecture” before Mass when non-Catholics will be in attendance. Generally speaking, when there is a funeral with non-Catholics known to be present, the priest merely states at communion time that Holy Communion is reserved to those who have been received into the Church.

Sometimes a priest will invite those not receiving communion to feel free to come forward for a blessing, if they are so inclined, but it is rare for the priest to remind the faithful that they must be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion, as this is presumed to be common knowledge among the faithful. Most people who receive when they are not in a state of grace are not ignorant of the requirement, but choose to ignore it. As you indicate, making an announcement pointed as someone like that is as likely as not to harden their hearts, rather than turn them from what they intend to do.

IOW, it is a good idea to let the priest know that there will be non-Catholics in attendance who may not appreciate that Holy Communion is reserved for Catholics. Let him handle what to do about that. (The idea that any priest would ever “force feed” the Eucharist to anyone is beyond the pale. Suffice it to say that this is extremely rare, but you are right in saying that it is an extreme liturgical abuse.)
 
Can you just call them ahead of time and let them know when confession is available locally, in case they want to receive? Maybe they do go to confession somewhere else and you just don’t know of it. Some people apparently confess once per year. If they are really not confessing prior, your gentle offer of the times and dates when they can confess might jog their memories about having to confess before receiving. Other than that, stay out of it because the memorial service is going to be difficult enough for everyone. I’m sorry for your loss.
 
EasterJoy said:
Just to clarify: A funeral Mass is not an “over and above” funeral service for a Catholic! When one of its members dies, the Church especially encourages the celebration of the Mass. Generally speaking, a Mass is usually celebrated for the deceased whenever it is possible that it can be celebrated. This is for the benefit of the deceased, and is not a whim catering to the mourners. It is possible to put off the Mass for the deceased until a time outside the other funeral rites, but this is usually not done except when there are compelling reasons. The “default funeral” for a Catholic always includes Mass. It is also common to have Masses celebrated for the repose of the souls of the deceased even after the funeral; it is one of the most common ways to pray for the dead. IOW, this is not some gratuitous addition to any memorial celebration for dead Catholics. It is what most faithful Catholics would hope for.

It is not necessary to “give a lecture” before Mass when non-Catholics will be in attendance. Generally speaking, when there is a funeral with non-Catholics known to be present, the priest merely states at communion time that Holy Communion is reserved to those who have been received into the Church.

Sometimes a priest will invite those not receiving communion to feel free to come forward for a blessing, if they are so inclined, but it is rare for the priest to remind the faithful that they must be in a state of grace to receive Holy Communion, as this is presumed to be common knowledge among the faithful. Most people who receive when they are not in a state of grace are not ignorant of the requirement, but choose to ignore it. As you indicate, making an announcement pointed as someone like that is as likely as not to harden their hearts, rather than turn them from what they intend to do.

IOW, it is a good idea to let the priest know that there will be non-Catholics in attendance who may not appreciate that Holy Communion is reserved for Catholics. Let him handle what to do about that. (The idea that any priest would ever “force feed” the Eucharist to anyone is beyond the pale. Suffice it to say that this is extremely rare, but you are right in saying that it is an extreme liturgical abuse.)
Click to expand...
Good post. I would add that even the priest saying something like “Those receiving communion, please come down by such-and-such aisles” can be helpful – since “Those receiving communion” dispels the assumption that everyone will be receiving. (There really is an epidemic of Catholics thinking that receiving communion follows automatically from being there.)
 
EasterJoy said:
Just to clarify: A funeral Mass is not an “over and above” funeral service for a Catholic! When one of its members dies, the Church especially encourages the celebration of the Mass. Generally speaking, a Mass is usually celebrated for the deceased whenever it is possible that it can be celebrated.
Click to expand...
But is the OP talking about a funeral Mass?

It sounds like he is having a Mass said for their parents.
Next month our family will be getting together for a small private memorial service for our deceased parents and I’ve made arrangements for a special Mass to be said for them.
Click to expand...
Sounds to me like he is doing what I do. Every year on my parent’s anniversary I have Mass said for them. Oh, I do it also on their birthdays and date of death. It isn’t a funeral Mass. It is simply that, that days intention is for the repose of their soul.

I know that our priests don’t mention who can receive Communion at a normal Mass. They only mention it at weddings and funerals, if there are many non-Catholics there.

OP, I would make sure that the priest mentions it. Our priest generally says something like, “Those of you that are Catholics, in good standing, can come to the center aisle to receive Communion.”
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top