Asking for forgiveness for small matters

[Kathrin]

I was asking my Mom a question and she didn’t answer, and I asked again but she didn’t say anything (she was reading something and probably didn’t listen to me). I got a bit impatient and said something like: “Hey, really, don’t you listen when somebody is talking to you?” It may have come out a bit harsher than I wanted it to - as if I was speaking to a child. She look up and we both gasped and laughed about it.
I still felt guilty because I know I shouldn’t have talked to her like that. I asked if she would forgive me. She said jokingly no she couldn’t forgive that. Since she knows I have a problem with scrupulosity she said she wouldn’t go into this and that was something I should be able to live with. Or soemthing like that.

How do I respond in this situation? Should I just forget it? Or was it a grave sin (against honoring my parents), and since my Mom didn’t openly say she forgave me, does now somebody “has something against me” and I have to reconcile before I receive the Eucharist again?

Did I commit a sin? And if yes, should I keep insisting my Mom openly forgive me?

Kathrin

 

[CarrieH]

Calling attention to your mother’s inattention is not sinful at all. You didn’t plan in advance to be impatient with your mother, it just slipped out. When I think of grave sins against honoring one’s parents, I think of things like posting slanderous things about them on a MySpace page, or refusing to help them when they get old…serious stuff, not little remarks made in ordinary conversation. So don’t be so hard on yourself!

You can’t make anyone forgive you, it’s their choice. You asked for her forgiveness and that’s enough. In fact, if she chooses to hold a grudge against you over this, then it becomes her sin for being unforgiving! Forget about it and move on.

 

[Kathrin]

Thank you for your reply.

My Mom is not holding a grudge against me. She just thinks I shouldn’t ask forgiveness all the time for things like that, and she wouldn’t even go there and say she’d forgive me, I think she would have thought it to be ridiculous to forgive me for something like that.

 

[Della]

Thank you for your reply.

My Mom is not holding a grudge against me. She just thinks I shouldn’t ask forgiveness all the time for things like that, and she wouldn’t even go there and say she’d forgive me, I think she would have thought it to be ridiculous to forgive me for something like that.

It’s fine to ask for forgiveness, but where the scrupulosity comes in is demanding that the other’s response satisfy you. Scrupulosity isn’t a virtue, it’s a form of self-interest. It puts all the emphasis on you and how you feel instead of on what actually is or isn’t a sin. This is why you want to nip it in the bud and teach your heart to be indifferent to the responses of others or how you feel when you have done the right thing.

Also, constantly asking for forgiveness from others over small matters is not only annoying to them, it puts others in the position of having to own your “fault,” which may not truly be a fault and so pulls them into your need for reassurance. This is an emotional not a spiritual thing, and we can control our emotions by keeping our focus on what is pleasing to God instead of what makes us feel good or bad.

I don’t know how old you are, but you should take this up with your confessor and perhaps look into getting a spiritual director to help you with these sorts of issues.

 

[Kathrin]

I am an adult. I live in the same house as my parents though, so we spend a lot of time together.
Thank you for your reply. So maybe my Mom was right in not saying what I needed to hear, because she could feel it was just an obsession coming on.

 

[Della]

I am an adult. I live in the same house as my parents though, so we spend a lot of time together.
Thank you for your reply. So maybe my Mom was right in not saying what I needed to hear, because she could feel it was just an obsession coming on.

I think so. Not everything needs to be said in words.

 

[LISA_Annette]

I was asking my Mom a question and she didn’t answer, and I asked again but she didn’t say anything (she was reading something and probably didn’t listen to me). I got a bit impatient and said something like: “Hey, really, don’t you listen when somebody is talking to you?” It may have come out a bit harsher than I wanted it to - as if I was speaking to a child. She look up and we both gasped and laughed about it.
I still felt guilty because I know I shouldn’t have talked to her like that. I asked if she would forgive me. She said jokingly no she couldn’t forgive that. Since she knows I have a problem with scrupulosity she said she wouldn’t go into this and that was something I should be able to live with. Or soemthing like that.

How do I respond in this situation? Should I just forget it? Or was it a grave sin (against honoring my parents), and since my Mom didn’t openly say she forgave me, does now somebody “has something against me” and I have to reconcile before I receive the Eucharist again?

Did I commit a sin? And if yes, should I keep insisting my Mom openly forgive me?

Kathrin

your mother sounds like a very laid-back lady----be thankful for her sense of humor. you reacted in the moment, however not sinfully. I haven’t read any other posts here, so forgive me if it is a repeat—you are not in grave sin, beccause in the first place it wasn’t grave matter----EVEN if you did it with “full consent”, i would call it just a minor fault. You don’t want to KEEP this fault, but if this is the worst of your faults, then I look up to you; in that case, please pray for me. My sins against impatience go degrees beyond what you have described.

Just drop it----it sounds like a compulsion to make your mom “openly forgive you”----Your mom being so laid back in her response to you should be an indication to let it go—be nice to YOURSELF—would you be that mean to someone else and demand an appology from THEM, or just forgive them?? I have a feeling you are a very kind person, so i suspect you would let them off the hook. Treat yourself with the same courtesy and respect.

 

[Kathrin]

Thank you for your very kind answer Lisa Annette!

And I love your signature thing - about praying for the dead. So true.

Kathrin

 

[LISA_Annette]

Thank you for your very kind answer Lisa Annette!

And I love your signature thing - about praying for the dead. So true.

Kathrin

your very welcome

I learned that kindness and acts of charity can apply to myself from a very unexpected place----I had been student teaching, and I was very hard on myself and how I taught lessons. My student teaching professor noticed that I was very picky on myself, BUT when someone else made a mistake, I was very quick to defend them and make excuses for them. She told me privately that it was OKAY to be nice to myself, the same as I am to others.

I often must pray: Lord help me to love myself as You love me.
Thanks for reminding me! I often forget this prayer, and I need it.