Asking for help understanding

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lonely_soul

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Hello. I am here not as a Catholic, but as a man that is married to one. We are at a crossroads at the moment. I am here asking for help in understanding. We have faced alot of negative situations over the last few years. We are currently apart. I am litterally lost without her and my kids in my life. I am facing the fact that she may leave me forever and I just need a little help understanding her as far as her faith. She believes that I had an affair with someone else. I didn’t, but someone did persue me and like a fool, I kept it from her. I had thoughrs of cheating because I thought she had given up on us, but I saw my wrongs before things went to that. I am heading to work, but I can explain better when I have the time. I welcome any advice & thank you for your time…JW
 
Is your wife a practicing Catholic (e.g. does she attend Mass every week, goes to confession, etc)?

I will pray for you and your marriage.
 
hello all
lonely soul
welcome to CAF
I’ll be praying for the both of you.
jesus g
 
lonely_soul said:
Hello. I am here not as a Catholic, but as a man that is married to one. We are at a crossroads at the moment. I am here asking for help in understanding. We have faced alot of negative situations over the last few years. We are currently apart. I am litterally lost without her and my kids in my life. I am facing the fact that she may leave me forever and I just need a little help understanding her as far as her faith. She believes that I had an affair with someone else. I didn’t, but someone did persue me and like a fool, I kept it from her. I had thoughrs of cheating because I thought she had given up on us, but I saw my wrongs before things went to that. I am heading to work, but I can explain better when I have the time. I welcome any advice & thank you for your time…JW
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Not sure from your post if your wife pracices her faith, If she does ask beg do what ever to get her to meet with her preist with you. Pray, then Prya somemore.
 
Does your diocese offer marriage counseling services? Check into that and try to arrange joint counseling with your wife. It sounds like the latest issue was not the only one affecting your marriage, so you need to work on all of it. Being able to discuss your misunderstandings, problems, and feelings in a Catholic based counseling environment could be critical to saving your marriage. Take the initiative and show her that you want to repair your relationship and fullfill your vows.

I am praying for you and her.
 
I fully agree with the advice - seek marriage counselling from a Catholic source. Good advice has to be based on knowledge of the facts and circumstances, and fit the individuals involved. That’s too much for a public site of this. And most posters here are not trained counselors.

There may be (should be) written sources elsewhere on this site. But written sources may not address the particular circumstances.

Prayer is lifting your mind and heart toward God. A quick prayer you may want to say frequently each day is:

JESUS, I TRUST IN YOU.
 
I truely thank every one of you for your prayers and advice. I am so lost right now. To tell the truth, I am almost incapable of functioning right now. We were the perfect couple for so long. My wife had to have a hisdorectomy after our second son was born. things after that have slowely fell apart. I didn’t know how to help her. I made mistakes and took her mood as a sign that she no longer loved me. I wasn’t patient when I needed to be. I never stopped loving her, I just didn’t keep showing her how much I loved her.

She is not a practicing Catholic right now. I think my lack of understanding maybe kept her from it. Her grandmother is very strongly rooted. I thought of trying to talk with her, but I worry that my wife would find out and think that I was trying to get her grandmother to side with me. All I want is my family back. I am a firm believer in a marrige being sacred. I value it more than anything in my life…I am sorry if I make little since. Again, I thank yall
 
Lonely, I truly do feel for you. Counselling from a Catholic source, starting with a priest, might be a good start. The trust between you has been breached (whether justified or not) and that is a very difficult one to resolve. Keeping secrets, as you discovered, can be a fatal thing in a marriage.

Meanwhile like others here I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

May Saint Joseph, the ever perfect model of a husband and father, and Saint André of Montreal, intercede for you and your family.

God bless.
 
lonely_soul said:
Hello. I am here not as a Catholic, but as a man that is married to one. We are at a crossroads at the moment. I am here asking for help in understanding. We have faced alot of negative situations over the last few years. We are currently apart. I am litterally lost without her and my kids in my life. I am facing the fact that she may leave me forever and I just need a little help understanding her as far as her faith. She believes that I had an affair with someone else. I didn’t, but someone did persue me and like a fool, I kept it from her. I had thoughrs of cheating because I thought she had given up on us, but I saw my wrongs before things went to that. I am heading to work, but I can explain better when I have the time. I welcome any advice & thank you for your time…JW
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I feel for you! It might help you to understand…if you had thoughts of cheating…then you did. You know what I mean? You need to ask God for forgiveness and your wife for forgiveness. Try to talk to her about her faith as well. Let her know that you would be willing to talk with a priest. Let her know that you won’t stand in her way if she wants to practice her faith. This will go a long way in letting her know that you have her best interests at heart…which is what love is about.

I’ll be praying for you AND your wife!
 
Ms. Marie

Yes. I know I was wrong. I was wrong in many ways that I now clearly see. You are 100% correct. I want her to be closer to God. I want her to end every day being thankful. I just pray that I am there to be some of the cause of that happiness. Honestly, I have always kept my faith just between me and God. I remember as a kid, I always slept on a small corner of my bed. I did this because I would tell God in my prayers that if he was tired, he would have a place to lay and rest for a few moments. As life became more complicated,as life does, I slowly stopped thanking him. I would end my days instead reflecting on the struggles of that day. Somehow I forgot to stop and give him thanks for the blessings I did recieve.

Sorry. My mind rambles around alot these last few days. But I do know that somehow I am finding my way. And I do know that God is here helping me. I hope if anyone gets anything from my stupid post. I hope they (if just for a few seconds) stop and realize just how blessed they are that they are surounded by the ones they love. Don’t take that love for granted. It is truely the greatest gift of all.
 
A Catholic priest should aways be there to give spiritual guidance.
 
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