Asking guests to leave

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Thanks for all the comments.
Yes, it’s a complicated situation. He’s 24 but has some problems w/ADD, ODD. He just got his first solid job and is finally making money so he can contribute to expenses. I’ve let him live here to help him get started.
I’m not worried about hanky panky because 1) there’s nothing I can do about it, and 2) they each have a child already. He would love to move out; he’s working on getting subsidized housing. And as I’m one of the few stable things in the grandson’s life, I don’t want to introduce strife.
I hear you, everyone says he’s disrespectful. For the grandson’s sake, I let some of it slide. I will take your suggestions under consideration. I appreciate Trishie’s comments especially.
 
Viki63 said:
I’ve tried telling my son that most people expect guests to leave by 9 PM at latest. He says that’s just my opinion and not true of his friends.
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"Son. We need to come to an understanding if you are going to continue to leave here.

We ask that guests leave at 9 PM on weekenights. On Friday night guests may stay until 11 PM."

House rules. Make them, stick to them. You can make grandkid bedtime a house rule, IF it is a hill you are willing to die on.

For deciding how much rest your grandson gets, are you the primary caretakers of the child? If so, it is not to expect some say in bedtime, but, in the end he is dad.
 
I don’t think you should speak to the girlfriend. It doesn’t sound like she has a ride except from your son. I do think you should draw boundaries with him. When he has in own place, he can have girls stay over as long as he likes.
 
TheLittleLady said:
"Son. We need to come to an understanding if you are going to continue to leave here.

We ask that guests leave at 9 PM on weekenights. On Friday night guests may stay until 11 PM."

House rules. Make them, stick to them. You can make grandkid bedtime a house rule, IF it is a hill you are willing to die on.
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Took the words out of my mouth.

This is not a “discussion”. Your son is living in YOUR house. You set the rules. If your son doesn’t feel that’s reasonable for him - he’s free to get his own home.
 
It would be inappropriate for you to speak to the girlfriend about this. First of all, your son is living under your roof. That means your rules. If he doesn’t like it, he can go live someplace else. That is what you should be telling him. Secondly, by talking to the girlfriend about it you are letting him off the hook. Where does that end? Sounds like a classic case of disrespect your son is dishing out and you need to set the boundaries for him. If he can’t abide by house rules, he needs to get his own house. Tell him this, and mean it.
 
This thread reminds me of a Carol Burnett Show sketch. The hostess kept hinting for dinner guests to leave, they would not, she changed into pajamas and pulled out the sofa bed. So funny!
 
Just for the record, setting house rules is not introducing strife. Your son not following house rules is the one introducing strife.

If you are the sort of person who lets things slide, it will be difficult to see success.
 
It’s your house, and your rules. Does your son or your grandson pay any of the bills, mortgage, or taxes on the property?

There’s a way to be assertive without being mean. “This is my house, and these are my rules,” apply. If the son and grandson don’t agree with these rules, they can make their own home, elsewhere. And, this isn’t an option to contemplate when angry. Facts override feelings, here. What is the grandson learning? Rules are optional. 🤔
 
ADD/ADHD has given millennials every excuse in the book to avoid responsibilities, and this includes living in their parents’ homes without contributing.

I read all of the responses, and it’s pretty unanimous. The son needs to step up.
 
Absolutely. I have ADD, but it does not have to constrain you- one just needs to persevere and work harder than others.
 
Maybe yes, maybe not. Others have things they’re dealing with that, like ADD, require extra efforts. One has problems with fatigue, another fibromyalgia, another difficult periods, another migraines, another dyslexia. So there are many walking wounded.
 
Dacinom said:
I would not speak to your son’s girlfriend, especially since you said she doesn’t drive. She really is not in complete control of the coming and going, your son is.
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That’s an excellent point. If she doesn’t have her own transportation, she’s not in control.
 
TheLittleLady said:
This thread reminds me of a Carol Burnett Show sketch. The hostess kept hinting for dinner guests to leave, they would not, she changed into pajamas and pulled out the sofa bed. So funny!
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Carrie Fisher famously used to start playing the terrible Star Wars Holiday Special to get company to leave.
 
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