Asking my In-Laws to Buy Children Gifts Instead of Me at Christmas

[pensmama87]

My in-laws are very generous people. Ever since I started dating my now husband, they have given me wonderful Christmas and birthday presents, and I have always appreciated their generosity.

Several months ago, I had mentioned offhand to my mother-in-law that I was thinking of joining a gym so I could have a treadmill to run on now that it is so cold and dark in the mornings (during the summer I was running around 5am), and because treadmills designed for running are expensive, even used/at discount stores. Recently, she told me that she and my father-in-law had decided that they would pay for a year’s gym membership for me - just tell them when I had decided on a place and what the cost was. I was blown away by this because I wasn’t expecting it at all, and told them thank you and that I would let them know.

Several weeks later, I’ve been given (by someone else) some workout DVDs to do in the mornings that I really enjoy, and after researching membership costs even the cheapest gym seems like too much money if I’m just going to use it a few months out of the year (I’d much rather run outside if I can, and probably will on the weekends when unseasonably warm, which is likely to happen a few times even with the polar vortex. )

My question is, is it appropriate to ask my in-laws to use the money they would have used on that membership for me, and buy gymnastics lessons for our 3 year old? The cost is comparable, and I feel like it would be much more useful for him. I really don’t want lavish Christmas gifts, but it would make me incredibly happy to be able to give my children experiences like this that we cannot otherwise afford.

Thoughts?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My in-laws are very generous people. Ever since I started dating my now husband, they have given me wonderful Christmas and birthday presents, and I have always appreciated their generosity.

Several months ago, I had mentioned offhand to my mother-in-law that I was thinking of joining a gym so I could have a treadmill to run on now that it is so cold and dark in the mornings (during the summer I was running around 5am), and because treadmills designed for running are expensive, even used/at discount stores. Recently, she told me that she and my father-in-law had decided that they would pay for a year’s gym membership for me - just tell them when I had decided on a place and what the cost was. I was blown away by this because I wasn’t expecting it at all, and told them thank you and that I would let them know.

Several weeks later, I’ve been given (by someone else) some workout DVDs to do in the mornings that I really enjoy, and after researching membership costs even the cheapest gym seems like too much money if I’m just going to use it a few months out of the year (I’d much rather run outside if I can, and probably will on the weekends when unseasonably warm, which is likely to happen a few times even with the polar vortex. )

My question is, is it appropriate to ask my in-laws to use the money they would have used on that membership for me, and buy gymnastics lessons for our 3 year old? The cost is comparable, and I feel like it would be much more useful for him. I really don’t want lavish Christmas gifts, but it would make me incredibly happy to be able to give my children experiences like this that we cannot otherwise afford.

Thoughts?

I don’t really know about the relationship you have with them but in general I think it is risky and in poor taste to tell others how to spend their money. It is theirs. If they wish to pay for gymnastics or your membership you should let them decide.

 

[Catholic1954]

My in-laws are very generous people. Ever since I started dating my now husband, they have given me wonderful Christmas and birthday presents, and I have always appreciated their generosity.

Several months ago, I had mentioned offhand to my mother-in-law that I was thinking of joining a gym so I could have a treadmill to run on now that it is so cold and dark in the mornings (during the summer I was running around 5am), and because treadmills designed for running are expensive, even used/at discount stores. Recently, she told me that she and my father-in-law had decided that they would pay for a year’s gym membership for me - just tell them when I had decided on a place and what the cost was. I was blown away by this because I wasn’t expecting it at all, and told them thank you and that I would let them know.

Several weeks later, I’ve been given (by someone else) some workout DVDs to do in the mornings that I really enjoy, and after researching membership costs even the cheapest gym seems like too much money if I’m just going to use it a few months out of the year (I’d much rather run outside if I can, and probably will on the weekends when unseasonably warm, which is likely to happen a few times even with the polar vortex. )

My question is, is it appropriate to ask my in-laws to use the money they would have used on that membership for me, and buy gymnastics lessons for our 3 year old? The cost is comparable, and I feel like it would be much more useful for him. I really don’t want lavish Christmas gifts, but it would make me incredibly happy to be able to give my children experiences like this that we cannot otherwise afford.

Thoughts?

The gym membership is their gift to you and you should leave it at that. If they ask for gift ideas for the children you can mention the gymnastics lessons.

 

[truetofaith]

If you move to Florida…you can jog for free almost all year long.

 

[MaryT777]

I don’t really know about the relationship you have with them but in general I think it is risky and in poor taste to tell others how to spend their money. It is theirs. If they wish to pay for gymnastics or your membership you should let them decide.

I agree with this. Let their generosity be where it suits them.
Mary.

 

[pensmama87]

If you move to Florida…you can jog for free almost all year long.

Ugh! Those summers would be torture, though! (I am weird, but I definitely prefer having a cold, snowy winter to a hot, humid summer.)

The thing is, I don’t think I’m even going to sign up for a membership. They aren’t likely to buy the membership themselves, they would just write a check for the amount for a year. I don’t feel right telling them an amount and then using it for something else, or pretending that I am going to the gym when I’m not.

So, if they ask me what gym I want, what do I say? Am I honest and say that I have changed my mind? I haven’t actually received anything from them yet besides what they said they would do. If they just gave me a membership pass, OK, I’ve received the gift, thank you, maybe I use it or not. But since they haven’t done that, I’m unsure of what to do.

 

[pensmama87]

To clarify: I mention to MIL in passing that I am thinking of joining a gym several months ago. She tells me a few weeks ago that she and FIL will pay for a membership as a Christmas present, but they are not actually buying the membership. I do the research, etc. and the actual sign up, and get reimbursed for the amount.

It just doesn’t seem like a normal gift giving situation, which is why I’m confused about the obligations. If I decide (and I have) after the research that it isn’t a good fit for me after all, do I still have an obligation to follow through with it just because my in-laws said they would pay for it?

(We can forget about the second part of the question where I suggest an alternative; I think the above is really what my question boils down to.)

 

[truetofaith]

Ugh! Those summers would be torture, though! (I am weird, but I definitely prefer having a cold, snowy winter to a hot, humid summer.)

The thing is, I don’t think I’m even going to sign up for a membership. They aren’t likely to buy the membership themselves, they would just write a check for the amount for a year. I don’t feel right telling them an amount and then using it for something else, or pretending that I am going to the gym when I’m not.

So, if they ask me what gym I want, what do I say? Am I honest and say that I have changed my mind? I haven’t actually received anything from them yet besides what they said they would do. If they just gave me a membership pass, OK, I’ve received the gift, thank you, maybe I use it or not. But since they haven’t done that, I’m unsure of what to do.

I found the humidity to be worse on Long Island than here in Central Florida.

I would tell my Mother-in-law I’m using a workout video & between that & running on nice days…I’m doing fine!
Wouldn’t a treadmill be cheaper in the long run than a one year gym membership?

Whatever you decide, don’t lie about joining or using the money for something else. It wouldn’t be right.
Maybe she could give you a nice sweater for C-mas!

 

[kmuestwin]

To clarify: I mention to MIL in passing that I am thinking of joining a gym several months ago. She tells me a few weeks ago that she and FIL will pay for a membership as a Christmas present, but they are not actually buying the membership. I do the research, etc. and the actual sign up, and get reimbursed for the amount.

It just doesn’t seem like a normal gift giving situation, which is why I’m confused about the obligations. If I decide (and I have) after the research that it isn’t a good fit for me after all, do I still have an obligation to follow through with it just because my in-laws said they would pay for it?

(We can forget about the second part of the question where I suggest an alternative; I think the above is really what my question boils down to.)

It sounds like your inlaws just want you to be happy. If you don’t feel like getting the gym membership, think of an excuse that isn’t a monetary one.

Instead of saying, “I think its too expensive.” Say something like, “I don’t think I could get enough use out of it right now.” That way you aren’t drawing to question their generosity. I would avoid trying to redirect the gift or to suggest another gift unless they specifically ask.

Something to consider: They may think that your gift is done now and will feel under pressure to find something else as it gets close to the season. Try and think of a gift for yourself that you can feel comfortable receiving when they ask you for a plan B.

 

[pensmama87]

It sounds like your inlaws just want you to be happy. If you don’t feel like getting the gym membership, think of an excuse that isn’t a monetary one.

Instead of saying, “I think its too expensive.” Say something like, “I don’t think I could get enough use out of it right now.” That way you aren’t drawing to question their generosity. I would avoid trying to redirect the gift or to suggest another gift unless they specifically ask.

Something to consider: They may think that your gift is done now and will feel under pressure to find something else as it gets close to the season. Try and think of a gift for yourself that you can feel comfortable receiving when they ask you for a plan B.

That’s actually how the gymnastics thing came up; I was racking my brain for an alternative in case they asked, because I don’t want them to feel pressure about it.

Maybe a gift card to a sports/running store for some new gear? Still same realm, but a better fit.

Thanks for the suggestions.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

To clarify: I mention to MIL in passing that I am thinking of joining a gym several months ago. She tells me a few weeks ago that she and FIL will pay for a membership as a Christmas present, but they are not actually buying the membership. I do the research, etc. and the actual sign up, and get reimbursed for the amount.

It just doesn’t seem like a normal gift giving situation, which is why I’m confused about the obligations. If I decide (and I have) after the research that it isn’t a good fit for me after all, do I still have an obligation to follow through with it just because my in-laws said they would pay for it?

(We can forget about the second part of the question where I suggest an alternative; I think the above is really what my question boils down to.)

Actually that clears it up nicely!

No, you are not obliged to follow though with it if you do not want to. Simply mention to them if they ask that you do not wish to join a gym and thank them for the offer.

 

[pianistclare]

Ask them to wait until you reach your goal, and then maybe a gift card for some clothes. tell them about your "new " workout plan. they’ll understand. They’re just wanting to make sure they give YOU something useful.
Let them get what they want for the children.

 

[nodito]

Something else to consider: The YMCA I belong to allows you to put your membership on hold for up to three months a year with no penalty. So if you start the membership in December and take off three months during the summer when you’re running outside your “one-year” membership doesn’t expire until the following March, which gets you through two winters.

My in-laws is very generous with gifts and often asks me to pick out and purchase what I want. She usually has a particular idea/category in mind. For example, when a grandchild turns 1, she wants to give them a piece of furniture. At first I felt kind of awkward about it because it was a lot of money and I kept thinking of things I’d rather spend the money on. But I’ve realized that in being gracious and accepting the gift and limitations they’ve chosen, it actually gives them pleasure as well. And it is fun to have to spend money on something you otherwise wouldn’t.

Perhaps you could find a gym that offers a family membership and ask them to cover that for six months. Your daughter could take gymnastics and you could run when it’s cold.

 

[SecretGarden]

I would do your thing and wait for your mother in-law to bring it up again. If she does, you can be honest and tell her how you feel as if you would not use it to its fullest capacity. Basically tell her what you told us. It seems as if you have a good relationship with her and as difficult as it is, it is always best to be honest with others.

 

[oneofmany]

Does the same gym do kids gymnastics that have adult activities? If they are giving you a membership to that gym why can’t you sign up for your 3 year old and not for you?

Otherwise, I would tell them you would only use a gym membership for a few months a year. After all, they want to give you something you would like.

Last year we gave our son and wife a membership to the zoo. They can enjoy it with their kids and actually that is what they suggested. I would rather my gift be wanted and used really.

 

[pensmama87]

I found the humidity to be worse on Long Island than here in Central Florida.

I would tell my Mother-in-law I’m using a workout video & between that & running on nice days…I’m doing fine!
Wouldn’t a treadmill be cheaper in the long run than a one year gym membership?

Whatever you decide, don’t lie about joining or using the money for something else. It wouldn’t be right.
Maybe she could give you a nice sweater for C-mas!

I could use a sweater, actually - my favorite one just got a huge hole in it!

I live inland, so that probably helps for the humidity some. Anything over 85 degrees and I am miserable. Luckily where I live that’s only a few weeks out of the year, and even then running early in the mornings means under 75.

From the research I’ve done, a treadmill designed for running (needs a stronger motor than a regular one to maintain the higher speeds) will amount to at least five years of a gym membership (for normal pricing around here - that I would probably never pay unless I was planning to live there) and ten years for one of the discounted gyms without frills. The treadmill would need replacement parts too like belts within that time. We don’t have the funds upfront for that kind of expense, and I doubt my in-laws do either (they had told me they might buy a treadmill instead, but I told them that it would wear out so quickly it wouldn’t be worth it. That had originally been my plan until I learned the difference between walking and running treadmills.)

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I think when they ask again, I will tell them basically what I’ve said here - that after further research it’s not a good fit and I’m happy with what I’ve got going now. If they ask about another gift suggestion, I have a few ideas thanks to this thread.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Typically the gymnastics gym will have a free class and you could invite them to go with you.
My experience at a place called The Little Gym was so wonderful! Often, the grandparents alternated with the parents on taking the childreen. I’d have our girls enrolled again if I could just get them potty-trained (sigh).

I would use caution about how much they spend on your family. Their generation seem to have a heavy need to give. Too many times, this generation outspends their retirement nest and will be too proud to ever talk about it. This will cause them to spend at the same rate, to show face, and neglect other necessities (good health care, heat, food, ect)

 

[PhiloMed]

If they offered the gift for your gym membership, then leave it at that. If you no longer want to do that then just tell them if they ask about it. As another poster mentioned, have a back-up idea in case they ask for something else you may want.

I don’t think it’s appropriate to try to transfer the offer to gymnastics lessons for your child. People have differing opinions on these kinds of things, but I would pay for an adult gym membership but never for a children’s gymnastics lesson. Unless they ask about something like this for the children, just take what they are offering for you.