Aspergers- Advice Please

[SweetLambs]

I have Aspergers, and I was wondering if anybody who either has AS or is a neurotypical who understands us would like to comment here, or PM me if they don’t wish to post here.
I’ve known that I have Aspergers for a few years now, and I’m becoming more and more self-aware (yes, I know, rather late for that). I’m 18, and will be a sophomore in college in several weeks.

I’ve pretty much considered my Aspergers a blessing, certainly not a handicap. I am intelligent, focused, and pretty detached from the sinful aspects of the world. Partying, drinking, and such social occasions of sin hold absolutely no appeal for me. As we all do, however, I have plenty of my own crosses to bear, many of them specifically related to this condition. I’m STILL discovering that many aspects of my life, so many quirks, are likely because of AS. Slowly, I’m trying to take hold of the negatives and understand them.

Honestly, I find most people annoying. They greatly intensify my stress levels every single day. My family, people I have to interact with at work, school, in the public…they all drive me over the edge. I am so tired of being questioned and ridiculed by others. I hate it when people criticize things that I have no control over. My self-worth is based on what I can accomplish, but nobody notices what I do, they only criticize my failings. I put so much effort into doing things well. I feel like it’s so difficult to find people who are similar to me- my interests are bizarre. I’m tired of being judged for being different.

I’m also having such a difficult time lately handling stress. My family does not care when they add to the horrible stress-inducing stimulation. I have tried to talk to them about these things and my mother in particular takes some odd pleasure in making people miserable. I cannot talk to her or anyone about how I feel about things. I warn my family when I am feeling very stressed and on edge and then she deliberately needles me to try to get me angry. She was always cold and emotionally abusive; this is nothing new.

This stress builds up and is so debilitating. It ruins my life. I have no one really to go to and I have a difficult time having a relationship with God, Mary, and the saints. It’s difficult for me to pray and I get distracted so easily. I always have a million things running though my mind (often intellectual subjects that I am extremely interested in) and it’s such a struggle.

Perhaps I’m feeling worse now because I am under a lot of stress, but I would like to get a handle on this before the semester starts.

Please pray for me!

 

[Eleanor61]

I am a 51 year old woman with Aspergers, I also have a 28 year old son with it. The family stress never really ends, but when you are more independent you will be able to structure your life to reduce some of the stress, especially that caused by your family members. Your mom sounds a lot like mine, my childhood and adolescence were horrible, when I left for college at 17 I never went home again.
My son and I got along much better, but there is always stress. For me a lot of it comes from a really uncomfortable feeling if everyone isn’t happy. I have five children, 14-29, a baby grandson, and a husband. That is a lot of people to worry about when people stress me out anyway, and of course no one is happy all the time, so sometimes I want to gnaw my own leg off. I have been known to bang my head against the doorframe, when it gets bad, as has my son. He does drink to try and feel normal socially.

He teaches English in China because people in America are too hard for him to get along with. He has lived abroad since he graduated with a degree in Russian language and literature, almost seven years now.

You are right that intellectual pursuits can be deeply satisfying and people can be terribly frustrating. Do the best you can, but a lot of things that are easy for others are really hard for us. On the other hand, as you have discovered, there are compensations.

I am not really sure from your letter what kind of support you are looking for, but we can survive, though it is a challenge in a world of extroverts and social butterflies. God knows our trials, that is one thing for sure.

 

[angell1]

hi i don’t have aspergers specifically but i am a person with a disability so i can relate to some degree. first of all, your self-worth is absolutely not based on what you can accomplish; that is a lie of modern society. the most important thing is what god thinks is important. which is definitely not the same thing as the world that is for sure. i can definitely relate though; people can be very annoying when they don’t understand. to be fair though, i don’t think they’re doing it on purpose for the most part. it’s just simply they are ignorant and don’t know any better. i have learned a lot of patience and mercy through this process. also, i suggest reading the bigraphy of st. therese of lisieu; perhaps you will find something encouraging. i am praying for you and god bless

 

[Cariethra]

My husband and I are most likely Autistic as well. The only reason I say most likely, is that we are afraid to be officially diagnosed and then have the state government at our door saying we are unfit parent.

I was told constantly by my doctors I would be a failure and was clinically insane, this was as a small child. I learned to hide all ticks and symptoms as much as possible less I be seen as insane and placed in a mental hospital. The only one I had a hard time hiding was my hate for the radio. I still can’t stand the radio, I don’t know how people can listen to it.

It is nice to be married to someone who gets it though. We talk for hours about all the weird things we are interested in.

I don’t think that people realize that we adapt and are perfectly capable at living our lives.

 

[the_phoenix]

Hi SweetLambs,

I see you list Latin as one of your hobbies in your profile …

SALVE, SweetLambs,

QUID AGIS HODIE? EGO SUM BENE. TU ES PASTOR, IN VERITATE? MIRABILE DICTU!

Well, it’s been years since high school Latin class for me, let’s just say I’m older than you. But I’m into languages too, so please feel welcome to write back in Latin if you want.

And you’re into fiber arts? Awesome. What kind, in particular? I’ve bought some really cool clothing made by fiber artists.

I’m an artist, and as a fine art photographer, have had my work exhibited in art galleries and museums. Some of my images look like paintings. Here’s one of my abstract nature photos:

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

Do my interests make me different? Or do my differences make me interesting? Either way, what’s so bad about being different?

It’s a matter of finding the right people … which Definitely can be a challenge !!!

As for your mother, yes, I can relate, and am very sorry to hear about all the stress.

And as for your self-worth, you are valuable to God who loves you with an infinite love. As my grandma used to say, “I don’t care if I’m popular with people, as long as I’m popular with God.”

Best thing, IMHO, is to ask God what He wants you to do with your talents. That way, you can turn your differences into strengths, for your good and for the greater glory of God.

Do I have AS? Could be. I’m just glad I was never stuck with a label when I was a kid. They thought about letting me skip a grade in school because I was described as bright, but I’m glad my parents opted to keep me in the regular grade level for my age.

I will pray for you as you ask.

Ave Maria, gratia plena,
Dominus tecum,
benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui Iesus.
Sancta Maria mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus,
nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.
Amen

PAX ET BONUM,

~~ the phoenix

…
…
…

 

[snarf1978]

Yes, it is difficult to handle those interpersonal relationships when one has asperger’s. I found a really cool book to help. The book is: Living Well on the Spectrum amazon.com/Living-Well-Spectrum-Challenges-High-Functioning/dp/1606236342/ref=pd_sim_b_31. This book outlines lots of resources and tips to deal with how we view the world.

Find a psychologist/psychiatrist who has particular skill with high functioning autism/asperger’s. It may be a bit of a search. Good luck!

 

[HeatherWB]

After many years of suspecting it, I finally got a formal diagnosis of AS just a couple of weeks ago. It’s a relief to know that I’m not crazy.

I’m actually OK with the fact that I’m wired differently than most people. The challenge is getting other people to understand and accept my differences; that’s where most of my angst comes from.

There have been times that I’ve doubted my faith in God, but I’ve not given up. I come from a Protestant background, but I believe that God has led me to the Catholic Church, as the Mass is better suited for me and my wiring. in the Mass, I experience a sense of peace, calm, and joy that I haven’t experienced in the Protestant church I’ve been attending with my husband. When I walk out of Mass, I don’t feel the sensory overload that I feel at the other church.

 

[Eleanor61]

After many years of suspecting it, I finally got a formal diagnosis of AS just a couple of weeks ago. It’s a relief to know that I’m not crazy.

I’m actually OK with the fact that I’m wired differently than most people. The challenge is getting other people to understand and accept my differences; that’s where most of my angst comes from.

There have been times that I’ve doubted my faith in God, but I’ve not given up. I come from a Protestant background, but I believe that God has led me to the Catholic Church, as the Mass is better suited for me and my wiring. in the Mass, I experience a sense of peace, calm, and joy that I haven’t experienced in the Protestant church I’ve been attending with my husband. When I walk out of Mass, I don’t feel the sensory overload that I feel at the other church.

We attend the Latin Mass or this reason, Protestant churches, and unfortunately some catholic ones, put way too much emphasis on people and socialization, and too little on The Blessed Sacrament and God the Father. The anonymity of a liturgical church is a real refuge for many of us. I personally cannot participle in the sign of peace without extreme agitation, but it is not in the old mass, thankfully.
God Bless You! A lot of churches cater to extroverts these days.

 

[1ke]

Your worth is in the fact that you are a chld of God, not in your accomplishments or lack thereof. You need not measure yourself against anyone else. Try not to worry about what others think, focus instead on those things that please God and make you happy.