"Aspie" Joining the Knights?

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esieffe

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Hi Everyone!
I have been considering joining the KOC for at least a year. I have looked at their online sites and messages, about what they do and so on.

I have mild aspergers, and while it is difficult to tell, it is something that I am quite aware of at times. I have the usual social awkwardness, but I am able to mask that to the point that I can have a normal career, though sometimes being an “aspie” can present some challenges most people don’t encounter.

Due to this, relationships don’t usually don’t work out very well. I tend to pick people who are “broken” mostly alcoholics. I have been doing that for years, so finally I simply stopped and joined al-anon. [My disabled brother is an alcoholic who lives under my roof. My sister has the same issue]

The Knights are a wonderful group, but they are understandably family oriented, and rightly so. But I fear if I join, I will find myself in my usual role of “outsider.” And this would be bit awkward to explain to my recruiting sponsor Knight.

I would appreciate your thoughts and ideas a great deal.
Thanks!
 
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I am an Aspie and a knight, but due to circumstances that are not of my own doing I am unable to be as active as I’d like to be.
 
Be not afraid. You would not be the only Aspie in the Knights. Besides which, the Knights encourage priests to join.
 
This really. It seems to be an opportunity to selectively join in on volunteer activities that work with my schedule and so on. I don’t see myself at “family picnics though…”
 
I would certainly encourage you to join my council if it came up.

We have all types, from bubbly extroverts to cranky 80 year olds.

And, for that matter, mentally disabled is one of our primary charitable targets (the tootsie roll drive).

Frankly, if you local group doesn’t want you, there’s a few of us here that will raise, uhm, cane over it . . . no Catholic man that could work with us as a member should ever be turned away or denied the chance to serve.

You don’t have to be able to do everything; most of us don’t. Some never come to meetings, but come like clockwork to cook, for example. There’s enough to do that we’re happy for whatever help a member can provide.

hawk, PGK, PFN, CGK
 
esieffe said:
I fear if I join, I will find myself in my usual role of “outsider."
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I recently joined the KofC in my area, and had similar reservations after noticing that all the KofC I’ve met are older (40+) men with wives, children/grandchildren, impressive careers/retired, and lots to tell. I’m a young, single man with an unremarkable career and (quite frankly) life. I’m very conscious of how others perceive me.

Despite my doubts, my Brother Knights exclaimed how great it is to have a young, practicing Catholic man join their ranks, as said men are apparently in short supply. As we got to talking, it turned out I have much in common with the other men. My council is quite traditional and does a great deal of charity work, and while I’ve only been part of it for a very short time, I already feel at home.

OP, I’d encourage you to pursue this opportunity. Maybe it will be a life-changing decision, or perhaps not. There’s only one way to find out.
 
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dochawk said:
Frankly, if you local group doesn’t want you, there’s a few of us here that will raise, uhm, cane over it . . . no Catholic man that could work with us as a member should ever be turned away or denied the chance to serve.
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LOL thanks! I appreciate that,… I might keep that offer in mind! I appreciate your post!
 
Go ahead and join. Aspies are cool, I’m sure they’ll love to have you.
 
redbetta said:
Aspies are cool,
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Put that way . . . not even a match for a cranky eighty year old who refers to himself as “a dago”, or some of the others 🤣:crazy_face:🤯 (yes, in all seriousness, that’s the only place and context I’ve heard the word, other than the original priest on MASH . . .)
 
The only priest who would allow a martini over confession.
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redbetta said:
I don’t get it.
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The original Fr. Mulcahy, in the movie and first rhreee or so episodes (Frrancis, not John) was nicknamed “Dago Red” after an unfortunate experience with cheap red wine (i.e., Dago Red)
 
Still not getting it. I’m just going to nod and pretend that I get it.
 
Dago is an old slang [usually negative] for an Italian. Dago red would be a Chianti. [Dry Italian wine. The ones at restaurants usually had a wide base wrapped in tight wicker wrap!]😉
 
esieffe said:
The Knights are a wonderful group, but they are understandably family oriented, and rightly so. But I fear if I join, I will find myself in my usual role of “outsider.” And this would be bit awkward to explain to my recruiting sponsor Knight.
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They’re a men’s group, not a dad’s group. More to the point, the Knights I know are really great guys. If you have things you aren’t comfortable doing because you have Aspergers, tell them you have things you’re concerned about because you have Asperger’s. It is a real difference you have, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. Taking care of your brother who struggles with alcoholism is your brother’s matter and he might prefer to keep it private, but it is nothing to be ashamed of. The Knights have the backs of their brother Knights!

It is very important, if you are Catholic, to be about getting freed from things that bind us or to face the suffering of those things we are not freed from–the thorns in our side (2 Cor 12:7-10)–in the way of redemptive suffering, but in no case is any of this a cause for shame. The Knights I know get this. They’re just Catholic guys who want to be very faithful Catholic guys, just like you, and they’re all struggling with some things that are standing (at the moment) between them and an instant proclamation in favor of canonization when they die.

I wouldn’t spring the news that you deal with Asperger’s on the whole group, because they’re going to be afraid they won’t respond in the “right” way. Most of us don’t know how we’re supposed to respond to this kind of information in a loving way. A lot of us don’t even know what the diagnosis means. All of us are afraid of embarrassing ourselves or others when we’re asked to respond to this kind of information. When you tell someone, tell him one-on-one, and give him a little room to make a mistake with you about how he responds. Tell him what kind of accomodation is really helpful and what kind you get that is kindly meant but not really what you need. Also, tell him what kind of situations are hard on some other people but something you do pretty well. Tell him what your honest-to-goodness strengths are, the stuff that is really in your wheelhouse. Other than that, I would not have any fear of the KCs. Solid guys, they are. You won’t be an outsider.
CathoRick said:
Despite my doubts, my Brother Knights exclaimed how great it is to have a young, practicing Catholic man join their ranks, as said men are apparently in short supply. As we got to talking, it turned out I have much in common with the other men. My council is quite traditional and does a great deal of charity work, and while I’ve only been part of it for a very short time, I already feel at home.
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They are usually thrilled when the other guys don’t wait until they get grey hair to join! Thrilled!
Your pastor will undoubtedly be very pleased, too. I don’t know of a parish with Knights that doesn’t depend on them to a great degree. They are very hands-on guys and a great source of practical charity.
 
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mythbuster1 said:
Be not afraid. You would not be the only Aspie in the Knights. Besides which, the Knights encourage priests to join.
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Maybe the first one with a diagnosis, but very likely not the first one with that bent. Very true.
 
Go for it. I’m one of the “young” guys in my council and assembly. We had a guy that was autistic and he served as our chancellor, I was Grand Knight so he mentioned it to me in conversation, although it was obvious to me.
 
I don’t think the people of this thread true grasp how subtly alienating being an aspie is.

The average person will have an amazing first impression, maybe be impressed at our wit and memory.

Then over time like an overzealous file clerk start documenting the oddities. The things that put people off. The small mistakes that the average person doesn’t make but we do. Mark the days where sensory overload causes us to retreat and calls us over sensitive.

Then after a so called pattern of unreliability or “drama queen” is established they’ll ask we leave.

It’s too much work to tolerate an autistic person. Doesn’t matter it’s a hurculean task for us to make it as easy as we do.

I got asked to leave my council. It was the start of my road to leaving the church.
 
I would love for you to be apart of my council. If you are really worried about it you can have a private conversation with someone on the leadership about your condition if you want too, but I wouldn’t say you had too at all. I am not as active in my council as I once was due to family obligations but I am still very happy to be apart of the Knights.
 
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