Assisting singles who are called to marriage is actually a practical way of addressing some of the moral issues that the Church is dealing with

[JimG]

Our society is very ill and selfish when it comes to sexuality.

Let’s all use birth control and live out our lives until we are 35 THEN decide to have a child or two IF we decide. Then let’s get back on the pills.

It’s a disgusting a poisonous way to live. Sadly Catholics who follow their faith or those open to the Churches wisdom in this area often won’t find someone until they have lived this hollow lifestyle until middle age and are in a hurry to beat mother nature.

Like all sins thou there is a price to be paid somewhere.

This pretty well sums it up.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I was watching EWTN’s Life on the Rock a while back. A gal named Emily Stimpson was explaining this same connection. I think the phrase she used was, “If devout Catholics don’t start marrying and having children, we’re going to have a vocations shortage to the priesthood, the likes of which we have never seen before.”

Scary thought! Unfortunately it’s very true.

Actually, I trust God to take care of His church and He will make sure we have enough priests

 

[Anglewannabe]

Right that’s what I meant. There are plenty of fair young maidens just not many who want chubby, entitled, middle-aged men.

Entitled??? What does that mean??? It sounds like a man who thinks he is entitled to his way. No woman wants that

 

[Anglewannabe]

As a single person, I would be VERY uncomfortable with the church trying to find me a spouse. I am private and I don’t need everyone asking ‘how did your date go’ Or worse, if I am seen going to church with my boyfriend and people started to ask ‘so when are you 2 going to get married’ I would feel very uncomfortable

I like to get to know a man at my rate and the last thing I need is other people putting their fingers in my relationship and pressuring me for marriage

 

[Bruised_Reed]

As a single person, I would be VERY uncomfortable with the church trying to find me a spouse. I am private and I don’t need everyone asking ‘how did your date go’ Or worse, if I am seen going to church with my boyfriend and people started to ask ‘so when are you 2 going to get married’ I would feel very uncomfortable

I like to get to know a man at my rate and the last thing I need is other people putting their fingers in my relationship and pressuring me for marriage

I don’t think anyone suggested the Church play matchmaker.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I think there are a number of issues that make ministry to singles difficult and a big one is that there can’t be a one-size-fits-all type of ministry. I also think that focusing too much on the single state is part of the problem; it can put a spot-light on “what’s wrong with them (me)?”

Eve Tushnet and Mary Beth Bonacci have both discussed making singles a part of the community in different ways. Mary Beth has encouraged couples to invite singles to dinner once a week, a standing date, if you will. At a former parish a family had me over for brunch after Mass many (most) Sundays which was awesome. Yes, I was friends with one of their adult children but I became friends with all of them and they were my family away from family. Recently, I met a woman through work and she has invited me to holiday gatherings as well as attending Mass at her parish with her family (her husband, kids and her mom) in addition to just going out for coffee. When those articles discuss being a witness to singles I think this is what they are talking about. This new friend and I are in a similar place in our spiritual journeys but getting there taking different paths but our paths criss-cross now and again, mostly because she lets it, even directs it. Why is this important? I need community and I can’t be a community by myself. I still need a witness and it’s helpful if it comes from someone I can relate to.

Plain and simple I kind of needed someone near my age, someone who had similar interests, someone who had similar experiences. I live in a rural area but lived in a metro area on the east coast, an experience that changed me. It introduced me to orthodoxy which is something my diocese is not known for. I also went places and tried things and took risks; I went to clubs, I went tried rappelling, went to Stuebenville with a woman I barely new from a prayer group for single women. The friend (above) is from South Philly and let’s just say I don’t feel like I have to be dainty around her. I’m so over trying to fit a cookie cutter idea of what a Catholic woman is supposed to be. Or what my mom’s friends think I should be (hence my discomfort at my home parish.)

Look, singles don’t need to be babysat but it would be nice to be looked out for, especially when we live away from family or don’t have family, both of which I have now experienced. Does this make sense?

 

[XenaFan]

Look, singles don’t need to be babysat but it would be nice to be looked out for, especially when we live away from family or don’t have family, both of which I have now experienced. Does this make sense?

I think this makes sense. We’re not asking the Church to bring us a spouse on a silver platter. We just want some level of acknowledged and help. Every other life state but singledom gets help from the Church, why should singles have to go it alone?

 

[fin]

I’ve also read about this.

But it’s not like devout single Catholics (Catholics who actually adhere to Church teachings and aren’t amenable to using birth control etc.) don’t want to get married, it’s the difficulty of finding someone who shares your faith and values, likes you, and is someone you like.

I was watching EWTN’s Life on the Rock a while back. A gal named Emily Stimpson was explaining this same connection. I think the phrase she used was, “If devout Catholics don’t start marrying and having children, we’re going to have a vocations shortage to the priesthood, the likes of which we have never seen before.”

Scary thought! Unfortunately it’s very true.

 

[Sarcelle]

I’ve also read about this.

But it’s not like devout single Catholics (Catholics who actually adhere to Church teachings and aren’t amenable to using birth control etc.) don’t want to get married, it’s the difficulty of finding someone who shares your faith and values, likes you, and is someone you like.

I think it is very, very difficult for the married folk to see how a lot of singles may find it challenging to meet like-minded singles much less like-minded singles who they are attracted to. After all of the married folks managed to get married than it should not be a big deal for the rest. Right?

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

" … we’re going to have a vocations shortage to the priesthood, the likes of which we have never seen before."

…

We’re going to have a vocations crisis to the laity!

 

[XenaFan]

As a single person, I would be VERY uncomfortable with the church trying to find me a spouse. I am private and I don’t need everyone asking ‘how did your date go’ Or worse, if I am seen going to church with my boyfriend and people started to ask ‘so when are you 2 going to get married’ I would feel very uncomfortable

I like to get to know a man at my rate and the last thing I need is other people putting their fingers in my relationship and pressuring me for marriage

Just because you’re uncomfortable with it does not mean it should not be an option for those who are mature enough to handle it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Just because you’re uncomfortable with it does not mean it should not be an option for those who are mature enough to handle it.

Eh…I don’t think it’s a question of maturity so much as it is wisdom. There are lots of reasons for parish leaders to stay out of the romantic lives of the flock. It’s just going to create tension, anger, resentment, assigning blame for loneliness/relationships not working out, gossip, drama, and all of these other negative things that don’t belong in church.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Eh…I don’t think it’s a question of maturity so much as it is wisdom. There are lots of reasons for parish leaders to stay out of the romantic lives of the flock. It’s just going to create tension, anger, resentment, assigning blame for loneliness/relationships not working out, gossip, drama, and all of these other negative things that don’t belong in church.

Thank you. I didn’t appreciate the insinuation that I was immature because I am private

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

I think it was on this forum that I heard of a theory that the current “priesthood crisis” or “vocation crisis” was actually a marriage crisis. Because we have had so many unmarried Catholic of so long, we haven’t had enough families for our priests to be born into.

What, do you think we haven’t devalued and abused celibacy enough yet? Perhaps if we kick it some more people might find it more attractive? Part of the issue is the undervaluing of celibacy, historically in Catholic countries you often had up to 20% remain unmarried, the difference is people weren’t kicked out of the family at 18, instead they were always family, regardless of whether they moved out or got married.

Our society is very ill and selfish when it comes to sexuality.

Let’s all use birth control and live out our lives until we are 35 THEN decide to have a child or two IF we decide. Then let’s get back on the pills.

It’s a disgusting a poisonous way to live. Sadly Catholics who follow their faith or those open to the Churches wisdom in this area often won’t find someone until they have lived this hollow lifestyle until middle age and are in a hurry to beat mother nature.

Like all sins thou there is a price to be paid somewhere.

I think you underestimate just how much harder student loans the size of a house down payment make getting married. We also overhype lavish weddings too much so people put off a ceremony until they can afford it.

The main reason why singles are not married today is because of porn addiction and birth control being so common in Our culture

I am a single 27 year old Catholic man who has no chance of ever marrying because of being disabled.

I think you are excessively pessimistic.

As a single person, I would be VERY uncomfortable with the church trying to find me a spouse. I am private and I don’t need everyone asking ‘how did your date go’ Or worse, if I am seen going to church with my boyfriend and people started to ask ‘so when are you 2 going to get married’ I would feel very uncomfortable

I like to get to know a man at my rate and the last thing I need is other people putting their fingers in my relationship and pressuring me for marriage

People seriously need to stop pressuring young people to get hitched within six months, two years before engagement is a solid amount of time.

 

[Sarcelle]

What, do you think we haven’t devalued and abused celibacy enough yet? Perhaps if we kick it some more people might find it more attractive? Part of the issue is the undervaluing of celibacy, historically in Catholic countries you often had up to 20% remain unmarried, the difference is people weren’t kicked out of the family at 18, instead they were always family, regardless of whether they moved out or got married.

I think you underestimate just how much harder student loans the size of a house down payment make getting married. We also overhype lavish weddings too much so people put off a ceremony until they can afford it.

I think you are excessively pessimistic.

People seriously need to stop pressuring young people to get hitched within six months, two years before engagement is a solid amount of time.

 

[Sarcelle]

I think it was on this forum that I heard of a theory that the current “priesthood crisis” or “vocation crisis” was actually a marriage crisis. Because we have had so many unmarried Catholic of so long, we haven’t had enough families for our priests to be born into.

Sure blame the unmarrieds for the problem. Never mind that a lot of Catholic marrieds contracept. No, that is not the problem. It is the singles.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

Sure blame the unmarrieds for the problem. Never mind that a lot of Catholic marrieds contracept. No, that is not the problem. It is the singles.

Yea, being celibate is a much more attractive option when the only other alternative is trying to support 8-12 kids.

 

[XenaFan]

Sure blame the unmarrieds for the problem. Never mind that a lot of Catholic marrieds contracept. No, that is not the problem. It is the singles.

I wasn’t blaming singles. I was blaming the singles crisis, big difference.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I wasn’t blaming singles. I was blaming the singles crisis, big difference.

Is there really though? I have so many Catholic friends and relatives and they all married on the young side of average. Of the ones who aren’t married, none have trouble finding dates. Virtually every devout Catholic I’ve ever met over 35 has a spouse, and the ones that don’t have something else they’re committed to, like expanding education into poor areas.

The only “singles crisis” I ever hear about comes from the same few profiles on CAF - almost all men in their 20’s with issues that would easily explain difficulty dating. Even a quick Google of ‘Catholic singles crisis’ turns up nothing. I just don’t see a lot of evidence that this is a real problem.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

The only “singles crisis” I ever hear about comes from the same few profiles on CAF - almost all men in their 20’s with issues that would easily explain difficulty dating.

If you think that it’s only men that are having trouble finding spouses, you might want to take a look at these threads.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=994940
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=996122
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=992204
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=997775
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=998727
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=954408
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=993697
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=992320
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=996447