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BlueEyedLady
Guest
Again, CAF threads do not a church-wide singles crisis make. If course there are single women out there, and occasionally they post.
Assisting singles who are called to marriage is actually a practical way of addressing some of the moral issues that the Church is dealing with
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SuperLuigi
Guest
But we should as a society use government to recognize/subsidize it? :ehh:
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opera
Guest
As a forty-something female, I personally wouldn’t mind a chubby middle-aged man. Looks fade with age anyway. I’m simply looking for someone who shares my faith, can marry in the Church, won’t ask me to compromise on Catholic morality, and is reasonably compatible with my personality. You’re right though about the entitlement attitude- that part would have to go.
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Rose71
Guest
I think something a lot of people don’t factor in as well is the fact that once you hit your mid-30s and are holding down a full time job and striving out of necessity, to make a go of your career (because nobody else is going to help) then the means and opportunity to find a good man diminish along with one’s confidence. At the same time, there is still society’s perception that a lady over about 35 who is educated and can hold down a good job must be single because she is ‘selfish’ and ‘career-focussed’.So ironic, when as good Catholic girls, we came home from school and did our homework and didn’t mess around with boys
The same qualities of working hard, using one’s God given gifts and keeping sex for within marriage seem to embarass people who have conveniently dropped them! I still think a lot of people who are Catholics turn a blind eye, or are in denial about the lot of the single, practicing Catholic because they ‘bent’ the rules to get to their ‘happily ever after’ 
I still can’t believe my luck that I got married for the first time aged 42 - apparently I had more chance of being hit by a meteor
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spunjalebi
Guest
I think we all have to come to the realization and acceptance that the Church simply isn’t set up to help singles who want to marry get married. Avenues for young people to get involved in the Church drops off after high school, and unless a college has a Newman Center Catholics know about, they’re on their own.
I would propose that instead of waiting for the Church to come up with some approved, institutionalized-led method of getting singles married, we as laypeople should take that responsibility upon ourselves. We should be having a hand in helping singles get introduced in safe, charitable and chaste activities where people can get to know each other in low pressure environments.
The problem is, the individual parishes need to be open to these ideas.
I would propose that instead of waiting for the Church to come up with some approved, institutionalized-led method of getting singles married, we as laypeople should take that responsibility upon ourselves. We should be having a hand in helping singles get introduced in safe, charitable and chaste activities where people can get to know each other in low pressure environments.
The problem is, the individual parishes need to be open to these ideas.
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Xantippe
Guest
Yes.
And I would encourage parents of young adults to be especially active in facilitating socials.
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HerCrazierHalf
Guest
Or, once one has been single that long (men too), they find there are certain freedoms of singlehood that are difficult to give up to maintain a relationship.
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opera
Guest
foryourmarriage.org/cardinal-dolan-sees-new-urgency-around-marriage/
I thought of this article as I’ve read through the various replies in this thread. I think Cardinal Dolan’s idea of praying for more marriage vocations at Mass is a good one. I also think he’s on to something when he talks about the connection between the vocation to marriage and vocations to the priesthood and religious life. When the former declines over many years, so does the latter.
From what I’ve heard, Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix has also expressed concern about the fact that the marriage rate among Catholics in the U.S. is at an all time low. He’s right too. A Pew Research Center study in May of 2015 shows that single Catholics now make up 48% of the Catholic Church in the United States.
I thought of this article as I’ve read through the various replies in this thread. I think Cardinal Dolan’s idea of praying for more marriage vocations at Mass is a good one. I also think he’s on to something when he talks about the connection between the vocation to marriage and vocations to the priesthood and religious life. When the former declines over many years, so does the latter.
From what I’ve heard, Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix has also expressed concern about the fact that the marriage rate among Catholics in the U.S. is at an all time low. He’s right too. A Pew Research Center study in May of 2015 shows that single Catholics now make up 48% of the Catholic Church in the United States.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Now among single Catholics, which percent are divorced and which percent are never married. I’m thinking it’s more of the former than the latter.
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opera
Guest
According to that same Pew Research study, 14% of Catholics in the U.S. are divorced. I believe it also said 8% of U.S. Catholics were cohabitating.
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spunjalebi
Guest
Those seem like awfully low numbers. Only 8% are cohabiting? You’re hard-pressed to come across a mainstream, practicing engaged couple who aren’t living together.
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spunjalebi
Guest
I never, ever thought this way about unmarried people.
I remember being a young, single believing Christian (thought not Catholic) and finding out how difficult it was to come across men who actually practiced Christianity. It’s also more than just attraction. I come from a very strict, traditional, and overinvolved family (cultural) where a lot of men would have gone running for the hills.
There are probably a lot more young people who come from families like mine who are finding it difficult to meet someone who will want to marry them, and the family. Sometimes families have a way of putting a huge damper on attraction.
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Joie_de_Vivre
Guest
Now that we have made every single group for unmarried people about getting them married we obviously need to open more groups for getting them married, right? Why does everyone seem opposed to the concept of promoting lay celibacy? After all the Church teaches celibacy is a greater good than marriage and that disagreement is anathema (i.e. heresy).
Such as?
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spunjalebi
Guest
I’m sorry but your statement is confusing. Where did I, or anyone else, state they’re against promoting the clergy or religious life? Why would there need to be more groups about getting single people married when the singles groups could obviously serve that same purpose, too?
Might I point out there are far more people who are interested in getting married, have the strong desire to do so, and would like help with it? Are you suggesting we try to get these people to change their minds? That’s what discerning your vocation is about. If those who’ve determined they want married life why shouldn’t there be a way to assist them?
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Bruised_Reed
Guest
Supporting singles in being single might ultimately lead to healthier, holier marriages. If the Church as a culture focuses on matchmaking to “help” singles it’s sending the wrong message.
Joie de Vivre, do you think the Church sees being single as a vocation or a state in life? Or both?
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spunjalebi
Guest
Singlehood has been a vocation of recent. Historically it wasn’t good to be single, especially women, because you had married life or you could go into religious life.
What I’ve witnessed is when we start supporting single people in being single, they’re the same ones who end up complaining later on about how they dislike being single, and where have all the good ones gone. I’d rather see a layculture where there is a space for single people, but matchmaking is a part of that culture. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be matchmaking. It could be activities allowing those who are interested in finding a spouse to actually meet people they’re interested in.
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Bruised_Reed
Guest
I believe that that being single is a valid state but I haven’t seen anything that in which the Church says it’s a capital-V vocation. I wanted to know I Joie de Vivre knew sources different from those that others have shared that have failed to convince me that it is.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Matchmaking? Seriously? Is being a single a disease that needs to be cured? If I came across a group that pressures single people to get married I would run the other way.
I can see if an individual wants to get married than the networking opportunities of groups would help. I have yet to see a singles group that does not pressure its members to get married. It may be different for Catholic single groups but it is true for Protestant single groups.
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spunjalebi
Guest
Never did anyone say pressure. Never did anyone say singles are required to marry. But isn’t the focus of this post to address the ongoing issue of singles who wish to marry in a practical manner?
I said people who are single who desire to partake in activities to find a spouse should have the option to do so. I said this should be a part of singles ministry, not the entire thing.
I’m getting the impression that laypeople, as part of the Church’s body, don’t seem to want anything to do with this. It’s quite sad. Of course there are plenty of singles out there happy to be single, but for every one of those people I’ve come across 2-3 people who aren’t satisfied with being single and wish to marry. Why shouldn’t laypeople have a part to play in that? It’s actually a traditional part of Church body culture.
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Joie_de_Vivre
Guest
I didn’t say that anyone was out to get the clergy or the religious life. Almost every singles group is already at least indirectly about matchmaking.
I am saying that we need to consider that being single is a perfectly valid state and that we should stop pressuring people who do not desire to get married into getting married.
religious-vocation.com/
In Europe there historically were plenty of single people, up to 20% remained unmarried and most of them were not part of religious life. Back then the concept of the extended family still existed in the West before being bludgeoned to death by the modernist abomination of the nuclear family. During that time family actually stuck together and it was relatively common for someone who was not immediate family to live with a family. Furthermore you also had other social structures such as beguinages creating space for unmarried people.
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