At Odds with Our Priest

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dkoinzan

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I constantly pray for our parish Priest. I absolutely know that being a priest has got to be a difficult job. I respect the position and title this man holds. I just don’t know how do deal with a mean priest. We joined this parish because this priest seemed loyal to Catholic teaching. It is like the man did a 180 and it is shocking. It has been a difficult year for my family. I gave birth to two children who died before birth. We could have really used guidance from a Priest and we have been cast off. I realize all people have their moments and their talents. At the very least I thought we would be lifted up in prayer. I never expected that we would be attacked by a priest. I am not someone who doesn’t follow church teaching.
 
I’m sorry your priest was mean. Pray for him as I pray for mine. my parrish priests are not mean but some of the things that come from their mouths are not altogether Catholic.

May God bless and protect us,
JLC
 
I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious children. That must be very hard to endure. And then to be let down by your priest like that certainly rubs salt in the wound. It shakes one’s faith to be treated poorly by such a direct representative of the Church!

I don’t know what to say. I’ve had negative experiences with priests before and it is very disheartening. Suffice it to say that there are some priests who have emotional problems. Look at what happened with a few who preyed on children sexually! It probably put them and their families into a spiritual crisis that was very difficult to resolve.

Perhaps you can seek out a sympathetic priest who can help you to heal from this hurt. Don’t lose the faith or dwell on the fact that one imperfect human being was mean.
 
Believe me I have prayed and still pray. While in labor with my 31week old dead child I spent the entire time uniting that suffering and sacrifice up for our priest and the parish community. I did the same when my son was born. I continue to pray. We are trying to find a different parish, but it is hard. This has been the hardest year of my life. I couldn’t even give my son a Catholic burial because we basically don’t have anywhere to turn.
 
I would echo what JLSacred writes. There is no excuse for a priest to neglect one of his flock… escpecially when they are in a time of great need. Not to make excuses, of course, but the priest in question may be dealing with something that is a great challenge to his call to ministry–he himself could be dealing with severe depression, alcoholism, or grieving some loss… he could have something that is getting in the way of his call to be Christ to you, your family, and the parish. It is not an excuse, of course,… it just reinforces the need for you and your fellow parishoners to pray for him. In the meantime, I also would suggest that you seek out another good priest for wise counsel.
 
dkoinzan said:
Believe me I have prayed and still pray. While in labor with my 31week old dead child I spent the entire time uniting that suffering and sacrifice up for our priest and the parish community. I did the same when my son was born. I continue to pray. We are trying to find a different parish, but it is hard. This has been the hardest year of my life. I couldn’t even give my son a Catholic burial because we basically don’t have anywhere to turn.
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That’s terrible! :mad: I’m really sorry about all of this.

My sister in law had a run in with her priest, who then refused to allow her daughter to be in the first communion class. She had to go elsewhere. It took awhile for her to forgive, and she did reconcile with him eventually.

Sometimes people abuse their positions of power and trust, unfortunately. 😦
 
AngelicDoctor said:
I would echo what JLSacred writes. There is no excuse for a priest to neglect one of his flock… escpecially when they are in a time of great need. Not to make excuses, of course, but the priest in question may be dealing with something that is a great challenge to his call to ministry–he himself could be dealing with severe depression, alcoholism, or grieving some loss… he could have something that is getting in the way of his call to be Christ to you, your family, and the parish. It is not an excuse, of course,… it just reinforces the need for you and your fellow parishoners to pray for him. In the meantime, I also would suggest that you seek out another good priest for wise counsel.
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I agree with this, the priest might be really struggling with some heavy problems. Have others in the parish encountered difficulty? Have you been able to bounce this off of those who are closer to the situation?
 
JLSacred said:
I agree with this, the priest might be really struggling with some heavy problems. Have others in the parish encountered difficulty? Have you been able to bounce this off of those who are closer to the situation?
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I have spoken with two people. I don’t want to cause gossip. We have alway volenteered to help and have done whatever this man has asked. I know our parish is a difficult parish. I have always tried never to ask for anything unless absolutely necessary. I realize that people have difficult lives and priests are no exception. I continually try to echo that he can’t possibly know the pain he has caused my family because I don’t believe anyone could be so cruel.
 
When I was still in my country, the priest at my parish used to be having hot temper. I don’t know what happened, but about few years later, he was the sweetest and gentle priest I ever knew and everybody at my parish love him and feel comfortable talking with him.

Somebody must’ve prayed hard for him.
 
water said:
When I was still in my country, the priest at my parish used to be having hot temper. I don’t know what happened, but about few years later, he was the sweetest and gentle priest I ever knew and everybody at my parish love him and feel comfortable talking with him.

Somebody must’ve prayed hard for him.
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Thank you, that gives me hope.
 
What exactly did your priest do, can you share with us? He won’t give your stillborn child a funeral Mass?
 
It began when I was asked by some parishoners to speek to the school board about a dress policy. I spoke with this Priest before I ever gave the talk. I showed him what I planned to say. I based the talk on Christopher West’s advice and his books.

After giving the talk I was attacked in the meeting and the Priest just sat and watched. He thanked me for the talk when he saw me in private. He said that was the best school board meeting he had had.

Later my daughter died. He buried her with a graveside service. He said he would say Mass for her, but her never would say her name at the Masses that where designated for her. It is the custom of our parish to say the intention of the Mass. I was hurt but chose to believe it was because he had innocently forgotten.

I was asked to run for school board by parishoners. He took my name off the ballot. He said there were some people who didn’t care for me and he wouldn’t let me run. I told him that I would be obbedient.

Later my Son died. At this point my husband is boggled by all that has went on. We were broke from the last burial. My husband is not Catholic thinks this is crazy. He agreed to NFP. He is helping to raise our children Catholic and he attends Mass every Sunday. He gives to the weekly collection and has paid to have our children educated in the Catholic School. He decides the priest can’t come near this little body and we can’t afford to put the baby in the Same cemetary as his sister. Later I was asked why the Priest didn’t offer the burial in the baby section for free. I guess all preborn children can be buried for free in this cemetary. I didn’t complain about any of this. I just asked that the priest please say a Mass for my Son and that it would mean the world to me to hear my Son’s name. He did.

My children attended the Catholic School until a couple of months ago. My children were exposed to Adult Web sights while in computer class. 11 movies of no educational value had been watched in one semester. The teacher had lied to me on several times. This is the brief version. I finally went to the priest to just try to get the teacher some help. He told me not to make trouble and then told me he would do nothing about any of the situation. My daughter was set in a room with a coloring page by herself during a movie, I would not approve of, for a class party. That was the last straw. I confronted the priest on the issues and he called me a lier and a troublemaker. I listened to about a month of homilies on how important a Catholic School is and how to not support this School is not loving. Now I am searching desparately for a new priest.
 
This is all very unfortunate. My guess is that some influential and well-heeled parishioners had a hand in this travesty. Do you have any sympathetic allies within the parish who understand what’s happening? I’m sorry about all this, it does sound very distressing. This is why people leave the Church, because of things like this.

I have a good friend who sent her children to a local Christian school. She encountered terrible favoritism to the children of members of the board. Their wishes for their own children took precedence. It was horrible. This was not a Catholic school, but similar dynamics. The kids of big contributors were given a pass on bad behavior.

This is a reality of the world, even within the Church. St James speaks against it in the Book of James. He addresses many of these common issues within the Church. That’s because human nature always rears it’s ugly head, even on Holy ground. 😦
 
I’m really, really sorry for your losses. ❤️

Can something be said to your diocese bishop or someone like that, in authority over this priest?
 
I am so sorry to hear for your children. It sounds like the priest needs to be happy about being a priest. The best way to do that is to have a sense of humor and to not take things personally and not to stress out. Why did they want to become a priest, to wear spiffy outfits and lift up the Eucharist or to serve?

What amazes me is how some priests go on a vacation and get offended when people ask them questions on their vacation or when they insist on a day off. Do I get a vacation from being a parent or a husband for that matter? I don’t ever tell my children that it’s Wednesday - it’s daddy’s day off or my wife to call me on Thursday when she asks me to do something.

Here is something I would like to see…a priest with a Blackberry! That would be something!
 
pprimeau1976 said:
I am so sorry to hear for your children. It sounds like the priest needs to be happy about being a priest. The best way to do that is to have a sense of humor and to not take things personally and not to stress out. Why did they want to become a priest, to wear spiffy outfits and lift up the Eucharist or to serve?

What amazes me is how some priests go on a vacation and get offended when people ask them questions on their vacation or when they insist on a day off. Do I get a vacation from being a parent or a husband for that matter? I don’t ever tell my children that it’s Wednesday - it’s daddy’s day off or my wife to call me on Thursday when she asks me to do something.

Here is something I would like to see…a priest with a Blackberry! That would be something!
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I think you might be a little off with this post. Priest ARE human and deserve a little time off, just like anyone else. Also, they deserve a little privacy, they aren’t public property. Plus, each priest has a different, God-given temperment. Some priests are shy and some are outgoing.

My priest is a private man. He prefers to live in his own condo rather than the rectory. He also likes to travel, and does guard his privacy.
 
Why can’t you find another parish? God may be calling you to a new faith community. Although if you do leave this parish, please never stop praying for this priest.

I would suggest you read the book by Bob and Penny Lord called “Saints: Maligned, Mistreated, and Misunderstood” (or the M words could be in a different order). You might find comfort in stories of great Saints who were treated terribly by their superiors and fellow people.
 
We are looking for a new parish. After all that has happened this year, it is hard to make another change. It would have been nice to have some support from our Priest and parish. We are in an area that has had a lot of Church abuses. Finding a new parish is not easy.
 
pprimeau1976 said:
What amazes me is how some priests go on a vacation and get offended when people ask them questions on their vacation or when they insist on a day off. Do I get a vacation from being a parent or a husband for that matter? I don’t ever tell my children that it’s Wednesday - it’s daddy’s day off or my wife to call me on Thursday when she asks me to do something.

Here is something I would like to see…a priest with a Blackberry! That would be something!
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Yes, I would urge caution on such remarks. You may be a parent 24-7, just as a priest is a priest 24-7 (it is his identity), but do you engage in parenting activities every minute of every day of every week? If you do, then you need a break because you will be burn out. Most priests I know do not seek a day off from “being a priest”, because they are a priest in everything they do,… but along with the priestly sacramental and ministerial service also comes the 9-5 aspects of administration, dealing with fiancial matters, event planning, etc. Priests do get a lot of petty stuff dumped on them. If a priest does not take some time off from the mundane matters of parish life, he WILL burn out and will not be able to minister in the important times when it counts. If priests never took some private time (just as Jesus did for prayer), then they would always be worthless when faced with the important needs such as those that the OP mentioned.
 
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