LOL shipwrkd, your post is hilarious! I am from Texas but currently live in Alaska. Where you have squirrels-from-hell, we have black bears-from hell. A couple of years ago, a bear sow with 2 cubs became so acclimated to people that it basically lived in my yard or a neighborās yard 7-24. One day I came home from work and the sow was going through my trash can. It held me hostage in my car for almost 30 minutes while it made a huge mess in my front yard, before finally leaving. A week later, my husband and I were going hunting and I left a bag of peaches out on my kitchen counter before going to bed, so that Iād remember to bring them. About 0400 the next morning, the sow managed to tear a screen off, slide my kitchen window open, crawl inside my home and make another enormous messāthis time in my kitchen! When I heard the racket, I got out of bed, thinking one of my stupid cats was into mischief, and entered my kitchen only to come face to face with a huge bear sow and 2 cubs lurking outside on my deck! The thing harassed dogs, got into cars and was just in general, a huge pain. I called our local animal patrol as we are inside city limits and besides, it wasnāt bear season. They sent 3 of their bear-cops out with tranquilizer guns. This bear was so crazy that it not only showed itself to them, but lead these cops in a merry chase into the woods adjacent to my home! The cops headed off into the woods in hot persuit and for the next 20 minutes, I heard gunfire coming from the trees. When the cops returned, I asked them if they had gotten the bear. Unbelievably one of them, a local native American guy, told me that they had somehow managed to miss the bear with every shot (Iām pretty sure that they tranquilized every tree adjacent to where I lived.) Sadly, they admitted that the bear had managed to lose all of them in the forest which meant that the bear was still very much alive and very close. I was completely disgusted at their ineptnessāI mean that bear had practically walked up to them and shook hands and still they had lost it. I shook my head and told the little native cop that since they had not been able to tranquilize the furry felon and relocate it, that I was of the opinion that this particular bear very much needed to die. I also explained to the cop that the very next time it got within 10 feet of my door, I intended to grab my husbandās 410 which was always loaded and blow that bear away. The native cop looked at me pompously and said āYou white people have no respect for the bear. You probably donāt know how to kill a bear anyhow but if you did kill kill it, you should be put in jail because the bear is my tribeās symbol of god.ā I looked him straight in the eye and replied āWell, let me put it this way. The next time I find your god in my trash Iām going to send your god right back to the the great forest in the sky! And by the way, Iām from Texas and I can for sure hit something as big as a bear!ā You couldāve knocked the cop over with a feather as he stood glaring at me. Finally, he stomped off to his car in a profound twit. Several days later, eternity met a new bear citizen. And no, I did NOT feel any need to go to confession!
:dancing::dancing:
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