Jacob fought with God and was blessed by Him as a result (Genesis 32:28).
For me, and I’m sure it is with others, aren’t so lucky. I think I’ve been like Jacob for a while and I haven’t really seen anything tangible. I’m exhausted and knackered, to say the least. At what point do we just call it quits and give up on prayer/spirituality?
I suppose it depends on what you’re expecting to get. As you know I had the experence of my father turning up in my bedroom the night he died, but I was an atheist at the time.
Nor did I expect it.
There have been other experiences, but the one event which proved to me that God and the spiritual world were real beyond any doubt was my first “double whammy” (term coined by my Catholic psychiatrist who’d had the same experience). It was like a breath going through me in waves from head to foot, and it left me in no doubt whatsoever that God was real and that He knew my frame of mind.
However that came after 20 years of cruel and consistent ridicule and humiliation by my own father, the complete destruction of my confidence, failure at university, depression, a divorce, not much help in the vocational sense, social isolation due to being hard of hearing, a sense of not belonging anywhere, a period without employment, manipulation by another person to some extent, and not much help from God. In other words, it was only after a fair amount of suffering by frustration at the age of 28 that it happened for the first time.
It didn’t come easy. Nor has it always been easy since. Since then I’ve had the only “career” I have ever had destroyed by other people, one of whom is a “pastor”. Even the man I looked up to as my spiritual “father” discouraged me, by his own admission (and as predicted by my father the night he died). I don’t like God much sometimes, and even though I’ve had certain experiences, the concept of God as “Father” means very little to me.
I’ve got no doubt He exists, as I’ve had too many spiritual experiences to doubt that, and the first was the “double whammy” which I can specifically state occurred at Forest Glen Caravan Park just south of Nambour in SE Queensland around Christmas 1983. But there was a long period of frustration before that. As the hymn says, “I have tried you in fires of affliction”.
With all due respect to your enthusiasm, and knowing your sincerity from other exchanges, I think you’re expecting God to give you a sign before you’ve been tested. Abraham had to wait till he was in his dotage, Moses spent 40 years in the backside of the desert, David was on the run for years after being chosen. Paul may have been snatched up to the third heaven, but he was also whipped, scourged, stoned, jailed and beaten.
God’s pretty tough at times, and not in a hurry.
Sorry to be blunt, but you might have to develop patience like you wouldn’t believe. He’s there rest assured. You might get your own “double whammy” one day. But I can tell you this much - you’ll be put to the test before you do.
. I haven’t been to Adoration in my life before, and I was thinking about going to a Charismatic Mass. I sort of have a mental checklist of the things I’ve done and haven’t done. I’ve said virtually every novena that exists, every prayer that exists; it really is annoying and outright irritating. I would actually be somewhat comforted if a voice from Heaven just said “No”, so then at least I’ll know not to waste my time praying and I can move on with my life…
. But you’re an inspiration to those who are in “hopeless cases”. Have you tried a novena to St. Jude?
.