Atheist-Christian relationships

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GEddie said:
It depends upon what each is looking for in a “relationship.”

If by this is meant simply two people having couple-related fun together for a relatively short time, there should be no problem. But if either (or both) are envisioning that the “relationship” would go much farther, then the differences in belief would become more important when major crises develop in either life.

ICXC NIKA
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Having been living in a deep loving relationship that is similar to what the OP is contemplating for over 15 years now (Christian and Nothing in Particular) and having faced several trials in our relationship over those 15 years in addition to raising our daughter… we’ve yet to find that the differences between what we believe have any huge impact. It all depends on how the two sides approach the relationship I think and each other. My wife doesn’t have any issue with me being Christian, and I no issue with her having no belief in particular. Would I like her to find her way to Christ, absolutely. But my love and dedication to her is not predicated on it, nor am I going to force her into believing something unnaturally that she does not find her own way to.
 
It didn’t work for me, but my relationship included an antagonistic agnostic.
1ke said:
I maintain that it only “works” when both parties are non-practicing or one of the parties is completely ambivalent or willingly compromises on their own belief system.
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This assessment makes sense to me.
 
There can be difficulties in regards to sexual morality. I remember reading on a Catholic forum of one atheist (in this case a woman) with a loose sexual morality nonchalantly speaking about taking her Catholic boyfriend’s virginity (unfortunately, I do not have a link to it, so I’m just going by memory). I don’t know if he repented in confession, but this is one example of what we pray against in the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel regarding “Satan and all the evil spirits who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls”. So, please do not ruin her soul like the other woman did to the man in the example I quoted.
 
1ke said:
Depends on what you mean by “work”. In general when two people who have diametrically opposing worldviews try to date, it rarely “works”. They are just too different and they find it to be a deal breaker, sometimes early on and sometimes only with a lot of heartache after they’ve invested a lot of time and effort.

It can “work” when neither of the two people is really very serious about their faith or non-faith position. It depends on what you think it means to “work”. People who are fine to coexist without a deep connection at a spiritual or philosophical level may find it works. For other, such a situation would be unsatisfying. It wouldn’t “work” for me on a lot of levels.

A Christian who really is only a Christmas/Easter or cultural Christian could “work” with a non-believer if they really aren’t too concerned about going to church or raising their kids religiously. A non-believer and a practicing Christian could “work” if the non-believer is more on the ambivalent side and is OK with the Christian taking the kids to church and their partner going to church regularly.

A non-practicing Christian and a non-practicing whatever (Jew, Muslim, etc) could work just fine. My non-practicing kinda Christian brother and his non-practicing Jewish wife do Christmas and Hanukkah and Passover and Easter with the families. But not really in a religious way, more in a cultural way.

Whenever two people seriously practice their religions, or in the case of a non-believer seriously practice their non-belief (i.e. no Christmas tree is coming in my house…), then it rarely “works”. Ever. And, in such cases, it is best to walk away from a serious compatibility deficiency rather than try to make it “work” or to ignore the serious issue and pretend it isn’t a big deal or to hope the other changes (or worse, to be under the delusion you can change the other).
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Especially with things like contraception.Ive had people tell me to go for a lukewarm christian or atheist since my country is nothing but,but what if they insist on contraception and have no respect for going to mass every week and the idea that the bible is the word of the Holy Spirit in its entirety?can an atheist even respect marriage?what if they want a divorce?then youre stuck because you cant remarry .
 
A christian must not have relationship with no christians.Saint Paul say this.Anyone Copt have relationship with no-christians.All Copts have rekationship and marriage with other Copts.That is the true.
 
Padres1969 said:
Having been living in a deep loving relationship that is similar to what the OP is contemplating for over 15 years now (Christian and Nothing in Particular) and having faced several trials in our relationship over those 15 years in addition to raising our daughter… we’ve yet to find that the differences between what we believe have any huge impact. It all depends on how the two sides approach the relationship I think and each other. My wife doesn’t have any issue with me being Christian, and I no issue with her having no belief in particular. Would I like her to find her way to Christ, absolutely. But my love and dedication to her is not predicated on it, nor am I going to force her into believing something unnaturally that she does not find her own way to.
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Point taken, although “rough patches” in the relationship itself were not what I meant per se by major crises.

ICXC NIKA
 
GEddie said:
Point taken, although “rough patches” in the relationship itself were not what I meant per se by major crises.

ICXC NIKA
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Could you elaborate on what you would consider a major crisis?
 
Padres1969 said:
Could you elaborate on what you would consider a major crisis?
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Familial death; financial catastrophe; long-term illness or disablement; severe difficulties involving children, for a start.

And I am aware that those without faith face these issues every day. But there could easily be conflict in a couple situation where one person recourses to faith and the other does not.

ICXC NIKA
 
GEddie said:
Familial death; financial catastrophe; long-term illness or disablement; severe difficulties involving children, for a start.

And I am aware that those without faith face these issues every day. But there could easily be conflict in a couple situation where one person recourses to faith and the other does not.

ICXC NIKA
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Ah ok. What you call major crisis, I called rough patches. My wife and I have been through several familial deaths, financial problems, a long term illness with her mother, and of course all the trials and tribulations that children bring… and as I said, her lack of faith and my Christianity have yet to come into conflict in 15 years.

It’s not a matter of faith/lack of faith… it’s the people in the relationship and their love and respect for each other (and their faith choices) that determines if it will work.
 
CeaselessMedik said:
(How) can they work? I see a Christian girl Friday.
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It really depends on the people involved instead of the faith they hold. I’m a Christian (although haven’t found a church “home” yet) and my husband is an atheist. We respect each other’s beliefs. We have christened our children and he is happy for me to teach them about God etc as they grow but on the flip side of that, I’m happy for him to teach them his worldview. Even though we have different faiths, our ideals on how to raise our children is the same and that is…for them to learn and grow and develop for themselves. I want them to learn about all cultures, religions etc, not just my worldview and not just my husband’s. Obviously I hope and pray they follow God and I leave that in God’s care. My hubby has even said he is happy to come to church with me occasionally. Respect is a big starting point…
 
Find an atheist girl; shouldn’t be terribly hard.
  1. Ask yourself why you’re an atheist. It’s actually pretty common, and many of us here went through a period, usually around the teens/early twenties, of feeling that way.
To some extent, this is due to our educational system not exploring theology and philosophy during the high school years, and thus when there are contradictions or questions, where does a young man turn to find answers? And again, at this period in time, people become more independent of their parents, and more able to use technology, and so the new individualism is exciting. So is the tech—making some think science has all the answers.
  1. some Catholics may dislike atheists; me, I feel sorry for many of them being stuck at one point in the intellectual progression. (Read this fairly; I’m not trying to insinuate a slam there: I really do think that good thinking leads one into theology eventually).
 
If you’re an easy-going atheist and you’re okay with compromising on some aspects of raising children in the Church, then a lot is going to depend on how open-minded your prospective partner is.

From my experience, know what your boundaries are and make them clear in a polite and respectful way up front as situations arise. Like, if you adamantly don’t want to go to Church, then your partner needs to be on board with the idea that you will not be attending with them. They might prefer otherwise, but they should be able to respect your decision and not try to argue you into going. You should be able to respect their boundaries, too. If they don’t want to have sex before marriage, then don’t press the issue and be supportive of their commitment. You might not agree with it, but because it’s important to them, it has to be important to you in some respect.

If they’re a devout Catholic, then likely you will need to think early on about whether the relationship is going to end up in marriage, because that’s the page that they’re probably going to be on. If you can’t see yourself married to that person, it’s best not to waste their time.

Anyway, good luck with it.
 
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