Atheist friend

[Butaperson]

So I have this friend who is really strongly atheist. She’s one of the few people I’ve met who is truly atheist, as opposed to agnostic or just someone who’s never really thought of it.

Yesterday I was talking about going to confession. Then she said that she kind of wishes she was a part of a religion. She said the sense of community sounded nice, but she couldn’t put so much time into something that she didn’t believe in.

There are so many things I wanted to say in that moment. I wanted to tell her how wonderful the sense of community really is. I wanted to tell her that even without the community, to know that there is someone there, so many people in heaven looking out for you is basically the most amazing thing. I wanted to say that she’s welcome to visit mass with me any time, no matter how little she believes in it. I wanted to mention that the time spent to be religious could be as little as an hour for mass and 5 minutes a day for prayer, maybe 15 for confession when necessary. I wanted to be the one to help her find her religious path, to help her find some faith.

But I didn’t.

I could have done so. I wanted to do so. But I didn’t.

“Yeah, I know what you mean”.
That’s all I said.
And somehow, I’m still not certain that I could have ever had the guts to say more.

I wonder if some day, it would be imprudent to ask if she’d like to visit mass. Or even more casually, maybe invite her to a church event. I don’t know. Maybe someday, God’s favor will be in her direction, and I’ll find a way to help her on her path.
Then again, perhaps not.

 

[Eduardo06sp]

Wow, it would be great if you could do that. But you can’t. Nobody can actually, except God. Only God can bless her with the gift of faith. You should pray for her.

Then, you should tell her if she wants to go to Mass with you someday. Tell her that it doesn’t matter that she’s not Catholic, she can still go. If there’s a youth group in your parish, really consider joining it. Honestly, it’s pretty fun to be in a youth group, and in addition to that, you visit events you’ve never even planned on visiting (at least in my experience). If you’re already part of a group, tell your friend that she’s welcome to come with you, if that’s allowed of course.

But whatever you do, remember that it’s the Holy Spirit and His works that allow a person to have faith. Also, tell your friend that if she ever has a question about the Faith, to come to CAF.

 

[DMC12]

So I have this friend who is really strongly atheist. She’s one of the few people I’ve met who is truly atheist, as opposed to agnostic or just someone who’s never really thought of it.

Yesterday I was talking about going to confession. Then she said that she kind of wishes she was a part of a religion. She said the sense of community sounded nice, but she couldn’t put so much time into something that she didn’t believe in.

There are so many things I wanted to say in that moment. I wanted to tell her how wonderful the sense of community really is. I wanted to tell her that even without the community, to know that there is someone there, so many people in heaven looking out for you is basically the most amazing thing. I wanted to say that she’s welcome to visit mass with me any time, no matter how little she believes in it. I wanted to mention that the time spent to be religious could be as little as an hour for mass and 5 minutes a day for prayer, maybe 15 for confession when necessary. I wanted to be the one to help her find her religious path, to help her find some faith.

But I didn’t.

I could have done so. I wanted to do so. But I didn’t.

“Yeah, I know what you mean”.
That’s all I said.
And somehow, I’m still not certain that I could have ever had the guts to say more.

I wonder if some day, it would be imprudent to ask if she’d like to visit mass. Or even more casually, maybe invite her to a church event. I don’t know. Maybe someday, God’s favor will be in her direction, and I’ll find a way to help her on her path.
Then again, perhaps not.

my understanding on stuff, you should not go like trying to convert her by force, that would drive her away, just think on what would Pope Francis would do.

second, I think it would be nice if you invited her to some events, she seems to be respectful and probably would be a good idea.

and like the other user said, pray for her, since it’s God who will convert her.

 

[mountee]

Personally, I think that you handled this very well. She knows you are Catholic yet you didn’t try to make her feel wrong or uncomfortable in that conversation. Now the door is open a crack and the next time she makes a comment like that you can just ask her if she would like to talk about it some more. I applaud you, I never can keep my mouth shut when I should.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I also think you did well. Sure, you could have invited her to mass or an event in a casual way, but I’m sure you will have the opportunity again. If you are not used to doing such things it can be extremely intimidating.

Now she knows she can mention religion without you jumping on the opportunity to convert her. And if she feels free and relaxed to talk about it, she might mention it again. Even if she doesn’t you can still invite her to something. Just pray about it: for courage to talk about your faith when the right moment comes, and the right words to express it.

 

[MadNotAngry]

Then she said that she kind of wishes she was a part of a religion. She said the sense of community sounded nice, but she couldn’t put so much time into something that she didn’t believe in.

There are so many things I wanted to say in that moment…

But I didn’t.

You did the right thing, which was nothing. You are friends because you’re cool with her Atheism, and she doesn’t flinch when you talk of going to confession. She enjoys your relationship exactly because you don’t proselytize at every opportunity.

Your friend has, in all likelihood, already explored different religions. After seeking her heart and brain for truth, and finding none, she became an Atheist. Taking her to church now would give her no sense of community, as she would not be among like-minded people.

 

[4love2God]

“There are so many things I wanted to say in that moment. I wanted to tell her how wonderful the sense of community really is. …to know that there is someone there, so many people in heaven looking out for you is basically the most amazing thing. …that she’s welcome to visit mass with me any time …, no matter how little she believes in it. I wanted to … be the one to help her find her religious path, to help her find some faith.”

Uh huh. The first thing I would consider is handing her a copy of your Post. A picture of your Post is worth 1000 words. It may melt her Heart. At least you 2 won’t have this “Secret” between you. And, she will know that you are offering her the Highest form of Life that you know of (and won’t retaliate if she chooses to not take you up on it.

The way I feel about suggesting something to a person is: if that person brings up the subject, then I have tacit “Permission” to discuss that issue further (and gently). After I have offered up a couple of sentences, I usually stop (and wait for the reaction of the person). If it didn’t go over well, I quickly say, “Well, I won’t bring that up again” (and then I don’t). Certainly, by offering my thoughts about a subject brought up by another person, I am taking a risk … maybe she will be offended. But the Universe has a cure for that … most people will overlook MANY stupid things that their friends say.

Please do not think that she hasn’t been harassed A LOT over the years by insolent Christians who see it as their duty to “convict” everyone who is not as spiritual as they see themselves. So your friend has heard it all before (and roughly). This means that you can easily discuss this topic with her, as long as you are warm and friendly about it (and won’t judge her vocally if she decides not to take you up on your offer).

If I had such a friend, I would tell her how sorry I am that she has had to put up with a lot of insensitive people in the past. Then, that I am NOT one of those people. Then, I would offer her whatever spiritual attention she is comfortable in hearing. Then, as an Experiment (purely scientific), would she attend a Mass (or at least the first few minutes of a Mass) with me. I might type up a “GET ME OUTTA HERE” card, and hand it to her before the Mass … and offer to leave Church at ANY time she hands me the card. This seems like it would remove most of the pressure (and expectations) about actually being there during the recitation of the Mass.

Or, you can spent the next decades of your Life NOT offering her the Biggest gift in your Life … spirituality.

 

[fred_conty]

So I have this friend who is really strongly atheist. She’s one of the few people I’ve met who is truly atheist, as opposed to agnostic or just someone who’s never really thought of it.

Yesterday I was talking about going to confession. Then she said that she kind of wishes she was a part of a religion. She said the sense of community sounded nice, but she couldn’t put so much time into something that she didn’t believe in.

There are so many things I wanted to say in that moment. I wanted to tell her how wonderful the sense of community really is. I wanted to tell her that even without the community, to know that there is someone there, so many people in heaven looking out for you is basically the most amazing thing. I wanted to say that she’s welcome to visit mass with me any time, no matter how little she believes in it. I wanted to mention that the time spent to be religious could be as little as an hour for mass and 5 minutes a day for prayer, maybe 15 for confession when necessary. I wanted to be the one to help her find her religious path, to help her find some faith.

But I didn’t.

I could have done so. I wanted to do so. But I didn’t.

“Yeah, I know what you mean”.
That’s all I said.
And somehow, I’m still not certain that I could have ever had the guts to say more.

I wonder if some day, it would be imprudent to ask if she’d like to visit mass. Or even more casually, maybe invite her to a church event. I don’t know. Maybe someday, God’s favor will be in her direction, and I’ll find a way to help her on her path.
Then again, perhaps not.

It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to approach someone and ask if they would like to come to Mass with you and see it first hand for themselves.

It depends on the kind of relationship you have with them. If you feel your relationship is medium to weak, then the invite may not be seen as friendly. But if the relationship is above medium, warm to good, then I think they would take it as a compliment based on your warm association with them. It would preclude their suspicion based on the trust they have for you.

So each person should be assessed individually.

May God our Father give you grace and peace.

 

[Cromwell4]

I think you handled it just swell. She now knows it is ‘a pearl of great price.’ No need to push the sale. She will come looking again. When she is ready lets hope you will be there for her. Often atheists know far more about religions than the average RC. She will eventually find the path.