Atheist friends?

[Annie39]

What I learned at my parent’s knees was discernment. And what my kids learned is the same thing.

What I find far more important than what belief system their friends adhere to, is to get to know their parents. We live in a rural area; so until my kids were teens and had their driver’s licenses, we had to ferry them everywhere as no friends lived within walking distance. It was pretty easy when dropping them off or picking them up, to chat with the parents and get a feel for the family situation. Moreover when you know the parents, and one of their friends is up to no good, it’s easier to pick up the phone and have a chat.

All of my kids have sound friends. Some are Protestant, some are non-believers, and some are from Catholic backgrounds.

There is probably more to the OP’s mother’s viewpoint than meets the eye though. If their idea of fun is to chase girls, get drunk and party, that’s one thing. If on the other hand they are sports-minded, that’s another.

A mother that would put a blanket ban on all atheist friends though, is doing the kid no favor.

I think that it is the mother of the person in question who is the best judge of this. Wisdom is not your strong suit, is it?

Years ago one mother would not let her son run around with one of my boys. Sadly, she was right. What she doesn’t know, probably to this day is that he grew up to be at least stable and is trying to make up for the grief he caused. Tell that kid to do as his mother says!!!

 

[Magdalena09]

For what it’s worth, I’ve always heard that it is an obligation to honor (obey) your father and mother unless they are asking you to do something illegal, immoral, or unhealthy.

 

[PrayHarder]

For what it’s worth, I’ve always heard that it is an obligation to honor (obey) your father and mother unless they are asking you to do something illegal, immoral, or unhealthy.

I agree. However, as I said in a previous post, I don’t think asking “why” is disobedience. I’m not a parent, but I hope to be some day. And when I make a decision about the welfare of my kids, especially about the type of people with whom they associate, I want to have very solid and defensible reasons (even if the kid does not understand them). While I might be a little annoyed that my kids would question me, at the same time I would feel a little proud that they want to open a dialog with me regarding my decisions.

As someone else mentioned, just because someone is an atheist doesn’t make them an evil person. From my own experience, I’ve known a few good, ethical atheists and some really bad Catholics. So if I were the original poster, I would ask my mother why she doesn’t want me to have atheist friends. I would still honor her decision, but at least I would know why she made that decision.

 

[Annie39]

I agree. However, as I said in a previous post, I don’t think asking “why” is disobedience. I’m not a parent, but I hope to be some day. And when I make a decision about the welfare of my kids, especially about the type of people with whom they associate, I want to have very solid and defensible reasons (even if the kid does not understand them). While I might be a little annoyed that my kids would question me, at the same time I would feel a little proud that they want to open a dialog with me regarding my decisions.

As someone else mentioned, just because someone is an atheist doesn’t make them an evil person. From my own experience, I’ve known a few good, ethical atheists and some really bad Catholics. So if I were the original poster, I would ask my mother why she doesn’t want me to have atheist friends. I would still honor her decision, but at least I would know why she made that decision.

Oh don’t you wish that the dinner that I was invited to was not canceled? I have more time on my hands than I would have. At any rate, it is clear that you aren’t a parent. I’m guessing that the mom in question has been a mom long enough to know that when you start trying to justify your decisions you have put yourself on the level of sibling rather than parent. Hopefully the parent has raised that kid through the years so that he already knows “why”. He’d love to have mom waste her time trying to get him to “see” so he won’t hate her.

 

[Magdalena09]

Oh don’t you wish that the dinner that I was invited to was not canceled? I have more time on my hands than I would have. At any rate, it is clear that you aren’t a parent. I’m guessing that the mom in question has been a mom long enough to know that when you start trying to justify your decisions you have put yourself on the level of sibling rather than parent. Hopefully the parent has raised that kid through the years so that he already knows “why”. He’d love to have mom waste her time trying to get him to “see” so he won’t hate her.

While I primarily agree with your main point in this thread, I don’t think you should project your own thoughts and opinions onto others as if you KNOW what is going on in their heads. I know a handful of mothers who have great, obedient kids, but do not use the phrase “because I said so” simply for the reason that it doesn’t teach the kids the reason behind the decision.

Think of what a lame forum this would be if non-Catholics asked questions about what the Church says or what God says we must do and why we must do it, and all we said was “Because the Church says so” or “Because God says so.” While that is the ultimate reason we should do things, it helps immensely to know and understand the reasoning behind these things… because it helps us to see that it all goes back to how much God loves us and knows best.

 

[ethical_honesty]

A wise friend of mine once told me that people reveal their true selves when they are in stressful situations. That is to say, a person may seem decent and dependable during the good times, but when the hard times come around they may become a different kettle of fish. (Side note: where did the phrase “a different kettle of fish” even come from? How bizarrely humourous.)

I digress. My point is, these atheist friends may seem very moral now, but how would they be if they were in a more irritable frame of mind? Thus, I propose a simple test. The mother of the poster in question should approach the atheist friends and say something like:

“I think all of you are quite unnattractive physically. I find all of your favourite bands to be harsh and unpleasant to listen to. I actively support the biggest rivals of all the teams you support. Also, you all have really bad hair.”

If the atheists remain as moral and sincere as before when faced with this merciless verbal abuse, then I think they are worthy friends. However, if they all morph into soul-stealing succubi I would advise the poster to sever ties with them immediately. I should stress that this holds especially true if the transformation literally happens.

Good luck with your dillema.

 

[PlipPlop]

Atheists are just as moral as Catholics, who are just as moral as Hindus. I do agree that if they literally morph into soul-eating succubi (or soul-eating anything), you would do good to avoid them. However, I seriously doubt that it would be a good idea to verbally abuse anyone. That is not going to help at all.

Perhaps a compromise with your mother? For instance, you can still be friends with these people as long as you do not discuss religion at all. I trust you have sufficient moral strength to keep to this promise.

I don’t agree with what your mother says, in fact I’m quite disgusted by it. Oh well, it’s best to do as she says. I know myself how hard that can be.

EDIT: Annie, if you wouldn’t mind, what happened? I understand that it’s a private matter and none of my business, but I have a terrible curiosity and would like to know. Thanks.

 

[ethical_honesty]

Atheists are just as moral as Catholics, who are just as moral as Hindus. I do agree that if they literally morph into soul-eating succubi (or soul-eating anything), you would do good to avoid them. However, I seriously doubt that it would be a good idea to verbally abuse anyone. That is not going to help at all.

Haha, sorry PlipPlop, I was just kidding about the verbal abuse. I have a terrible sense of humour. Of course if the friends DO turn out to be soul-eating succubi the best course of action remains RUNNING. However, I sincerely doubt this is the case. I will reiterate that everyone is fully entitled to their personal beliuefs. What matters is whether the atheists are reliable, moral people who are worthy friends. I haven’t asked Jesus, but I have a feeling he’s got my back on this one. If nothing else, it is common decency to give everyone a fair chance.

 

[latin_rite]

I have a bunch of friends who are atheists, and they’re all really cool except for the fact that they don’t believe in God. Or Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary. My mom says I should sever ties with them, but I really like them, so is it a sin to keep them around?

If they are go Good people in general. If they respect your beliefs and don’t mock you or try and bully you into their way of thinking they should be ok. But i don’t know your age. If you mum don’t wont you hanging aroundwith them you should listen her. But if you’re old enough then meh i don’t know.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Oh don’t you wish that the dinner that I was invited to was not canceled? I have more time on my hands than I would have. At any rate, it is clear that you aren’t a parent. I’m guessing that the mom in question has been a mom long enough to know that when you start trying to justify your decisions you have put yourself on the level of sibling rather than parent. Hopefully the parent has raised that kid through the years so that he already knows “why”. He’d love to have mom waste her time trying to get him to “see” so he won’t hate her.

Forgive me if I’m reading your post wrong but are you suggesting that once a kid starts getting a mind of his/her own, it diminishes your status and authority as a parent? Look I may not be a parent but I know what it’s like to have a mother who still sometimes has trouble accepting the fact that her son’s not stupid. You know that’s a reality parents have to face when their kids grow up and realize that mommy and daddy aren’t as mighty as they really are. From my own experience, it can also be painful (for both parties in fact) when they realize that their parents are just normal people and are hardly any more perfect than them (and in my case, possibly worse).

Now regardless of the OPs age, I can say this much to him/her. There is no harm in questioning your parents authority. Even if you are not yet fully mature, it’s okay to start asking “why”? Because in this day and age, blind obedience is one thing about religion (and religious folks) that is severely frowned upon (and rightly so).

To the OP: As far as the atheists friends go, it’s okay to have them BUT… make sure they’re not trying to shove their beliefs down your throat and (I’ll probably get reproved for this ) you keep yours to yourself. Do NOT proselytize them. I mean if you’ve ever been on YouTube and put up with the atheist population there, you will realize that they are definitely a defensive and blunt bunch. If you do this, you will then have every right to get defensive in case they do say something anti-religious. (If you’ve never made any anti-atheist comments, then I don’t see why they shouldn’t give you the same respect.)

Unless you’re a master apologist, my advice is that you don’t talk about religion, stay far away from topics of philosophy and politics and you should be fine.

 

[Indy46220]

fangary said, “I have a bunch of friends who are atheists, and they’re all really cool except for the fact that they don’t believe in God. Or Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary. My mom says I should sever ties with them, but I really like them, so is it a sin to keep them around?”

This message/question is too incomplete as far as I am concerned, to be able to give good advice. Yet, “fangary” got a bunch of it.

With my family and friends…it’s hard to resist the temptation to control and manipulate others. (Even if I think I am in a position of authority or influence.) The best I can hope for is that I can be a good example consistantly. The power of faith (even in small amounts) sustains people in difficult times. I’ve seen it.

Just my two cents…

Steve

 

[Annie39]

A wise friend of mine once told me that people reveal their true selves when they are in stressful situations. That is to say, a person may seem decent and dependable during the good times, but when the hard times come around they may become a different kettle of fish. (Side note: where did the phrase “a different kettle of fish” even come from? How bizarrely humourous.)

I digress. My point is, these atheist friends may seem very moral now, but how would they be if they were in a more irritable frame of mind? Thus, I propose a simple test. The mother of the poster in question should approach the atheist friends and say something like:

“I think all of you are quite unnattractive physically. I find all of your favourite bands to be harsh and unpleasant to listen to. I actively support the biggest rivals of all the teams you support. Also, you all have really bad hair.”

If the atheists remain as moral and sincere as before when faced with this merciless verbal abuse, then I think they are worthy friends. However, if they all morph into soul-stealing succubi I would advise the poster to sever ties with them immediately. I should stress that this holds especially true if the transformation literally happens.

Good luck with your dillema.

This is by far the dumbest advice that I have read on any blog. I’ll bet you are pulling our collective leg.

 

[Annie39]

fangary said, “I have a bunch of friends who are atheists, and they’re all really cool except for the fact that they don’t believe in God. Or Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary. My mom says I should sever ties with them, but I really like them, so is it a sin to keep them around?”

This message/question is too incomplete as far as I am concerned, to be able to give good advice. Yet, “fangary” got a bunch of it.

With my family and friends…it’s hard to resist the temptation to control and manipulate others. (Even if I think I am in a position of authority or influence.) The best I can hope for is that I can be a good example consistantly. The power of faith (even in small amounts) sustains people in difficult times. I’ve seen it.

Just my two cents…

Steve

Its not incomplete. His mom said drop the atheists.

 

[tjm190]

Its not incomplete. His mom said drop the atheists.

But since severing ties with those who don’t think like you is one of the least Christlike things you can do, it’s quite possible his mother’s command is immoral- in which case he would be obligated to disobey.

 

[Annie39]

But since severing ties with those who don’t think like you is one of the least Christlike things you can do, it’s quite possible his mother’s command is immoral- in which case he would be obligated to disobey.

I checked out your profile to see what sort of person could say such a foolish thing. You are apparently a dissident Catholic. ‘nuff said.

 

[Magdalena09]

Think of what a lame forum this would be if non-Catholics asked questions about what the Church says or what God says we must do and why we must do it, and all we said was “Because the Church says so” or “Because God says so.” While that is the ultimate reason we should do things, it helps immensely to know and understand the reasoning behind these things… because it helps us to see that it all goes back to how much God loves us and knows best.

I still think the best thing to do would be to obey your mother, especially if you’re still living under her roof. That said, there is also no harm in a civil, sincere, open dialogue about why she has asked you not to hang out with your friends.

When my Mom was 13 or 14 she was told be her Baptist preacher not to hang out with her heathen friends (who were Methodists…) because they were going straight to hell. His advice backfired because she got so offended and appalled by his comment that she started going to the Methodist church with them instead. She still goes there to this day.

 

[Annie39]

I still think the best thing to do would be to obey your mother, especially if you’re still living under her roof. That said, there is also no harm in a civil, sincere, open dialogue about why she has asked you not to hang out with your friends.

When my Mom was 13 or 14 she was told be her Baptist preacher not to hang out with her heathen friends (who were Methodists…) because they were going straight to hell. His advice backfired because she got so offended and appalled by his comment that she started going to the Methodist church with them instead. She still goes there to this day.

The mother can only do her best. We have free will and her child could indeed go off the rail once he leaves home but we are told to “train up a child in the way he should go”. If the child asks politely if they can discuss this, it may be that she would say “sure”. But if the child does it to wear her down thats a horse of a different color.

 

[ethical_honesty]

This is by far the dumbest advice that I have read on any blog. I’ll bet you are pulling our collective leg.

You are indeed correct ma’am. My apologies, I find it almost impossible not to make jokes during tense discussions.

 

[Indy46220]

Annie said, " Its not incomplete. His mom said drop the atheists."

The message is incomplete for me. Not for you (obviously)…for me.

Care to comment on the rest of the message?

Steve

 

[AlbertBall]

I’m wondering how old you people are who are advising against the advice of a mother who has this child (or teenager’s) best interest as far as his/her eternal salvation is concerned. I’m thinking that you are children too. The advice you are giving is unwise.

There only seems to be one person here who is unwise. Is Christianity not supposed to be about love and compassion? You don’t seem to be showing either.