Atheist husband discourages son going to mass

[Emo82]

@Dacinom thank you for your prayers and thank you for the advice. I am working hard at being kind and loving and not nagging but maybe need to work harder at it. Yes the children have little bibles and we read them every day. My husband is often present at this time and although he doesn’t participate (except to sometimes offer sceptical questions) I think he sometimes listens a bit.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Once you are baptized, you are a Catholic for eternity. Even if you don’t practice and never received another Sacrament (that is why we take the baptism of a baby very seriously, you are binding that child to the marriage laws of the Church).

Go ahead now and find out what parish he was baptized in. You will need that info.

 

[Emo82]

Ah OK thank you for clarifying that. I didn’t realise this. I will definitely speak to my priest as he is aware my husband is an atheist but I didn’t mention that he was baptised catholic as I didn’t think it was important.

 

[Damian]

Is it important that your husband believe the way you do about church service? I sing in my church choir and have been dating a woman there for 6 months now and she knows I’m an atheist. No one else knows because they haven’t asked, they all just assume. This works for us because she will defend who I am to the people at her church over appeasing the flock. Since I know that she stands up for me, even when I am not around, I’m fine going to her church. I like music and find ways to enjoy the service for myself. I would have a conversation with your husband to find out why he doesn’t want to join you in this event with you. Is it because you want to convert him and not support who he is? Then I wouldn’t want to go with you either. He should have enough social decorum to not pick religious arguments while you are there for the service though. That can be setup afterwards if he wants to argue with the members over theology, but you have to support who he is regardless of him having to stand next to you and give you a look when someone attacks his beliefs and identity.
As to taking the kids to mass, would you be okay with people taking their kids to political camps every Sunday? Of them presenting their children as a “democrat”, “republican”, “communist” child? They are too young to understand what those world views mean and its the same with religion. We are fine with people changing their political views when they get older, but there is a strong religious practice to disown your children if they leave the faith and find a faith of their own or come to no faith. Your husband’s relationship with his children and with you is more important to him than his relationship with your deity. But it is important that he respect who you are and what values you want to instill and participate in with your children as well. Find out what his fears are and find ways to address them; If he didn’t fear this, then going to church would just be a benign event in the day.

 

[Emo82]

@Damien do either yourself or the woman you are dating have children? I only ask because I really didn’t see the big deal with Christians dating people of different religoons or atheists before I had kids. Now it is a major source of heartache to me.

Also, please forgive me if I come across condescending because I really don’t mean to, but I don’t think you understand what having a relationship with God is like as it cannot be likened to a political opinion unless you are talking about someone who lives and breathes politics. Again sorry if this has come across badly.

 

[Damian]

I separate church service from relationship with the deity. I can have a relationship with any individual regardless of the institution associated with them. If you have to have a church tell you what type of relationship you are having with the deity, then it seems to me like you are having a relationship with a church instead of the deity. The deity should be as real in your life as your husband it seems to me. You don’t need a “husband organization” or “Husband Representative” to have a relationship with your husband, you just need him. Now if everyone wants to get together to talk about their relationship with your husband, that’s fine. It’s like inviting everyone that is a friend of your husband over to talk about him for game night, but you don’t need that every week to reaffirm your relationship with your husband. He’s there by your side every morning. Otherwise, if you do need that reaffirmation, it comes across as needing people around to reaffirm your relationship with someone that is not actually being there in your life like your husband is and you need everyone else to remind you of what you feel is missing in the relationship with the deity. But I digress.

We don’t have children, but we both feel that it wouldn’t be a problem since she’s fine with me and my approach to raising children. I don’t belittle her faith and she’s fine with children finding their own path to spirituality or non-spirituality. We all need ways to express ourselves in heightened emotional states. That’s why we punch the ground out of frustration and kiss pictures of our loved ones. What’s important for her is to spend time sharing her traditions with the family and that they are apart of our world. Your deity should know what it would take to convince your children of having a relationship with it though; to actually have an honest real relationship with it. Is your goal to have your children gain a relationship with your deity or to be a good practicing catholic for all to see? They are mutually exclusive. I was the latter for my dad all his life, but I was an atheist all of mine. However, because he could not handle me ever divulging this to him, we had a superficial relationship since I know how he would have reacted if I was ever able to have an honest discussion with him about who I am and why I think this way. So I just kept the peace and I saw what the church turned him into. I had a limited relationship with him because of the fears they taught him and learned to go to other people in the family for questions about how to become a better man as I grew up.