Athiest Family/Gay Niece

[Sarcelle]

It also has to be said: why do people think homosexuality is the ice breaker when talking to non Christians? If someone doesn’t know or believe anything related to your faith, why feel compelled to start the conversation by pointing out a very personal sin? If they don’t even accept Jesus, why would they accept his rules? How is bringing up the gay issue kind, helpful, or productive, even from a religious standpoint?

Yes. Good point.

 

[Demetra2]

I think you should not act shocked at all when your atheist relatives reveal this to you in person. Just be cool about the announcement and be kind to your niece. Very kind. After all she is still a teenager and she has grown up in a family that do not share your beliefs. This a moment to live the Christian life without offering your opinion. I would not gossip about this with other relatives either. Just see how it all plays out. Keep in mind that at such a young age there can be a change of heart as she matures concerning sexual identity. My daughter went to an all girl Catholic high school and quite a few girls claimed to be gay or bisexual. Some of these girls are now married to men. Pray for your niece and continue to be the nice auntie. This does not mean that you have to approve of the gay lifestyle. They already know that you don’t so do not bring it up. And if you are ever backed into a corner at a family gathering have a respectful response ready requesting that they respect your beliefs. If you are kind and cautious your atheist family will hopefully appreciate that. Your life is the best witness for this young woman right now. And your prayers which they do not need to know about either because that might irritate non believers.

 

[Demetra2]

A few years ago I was at a Halloween party and some atheist and Catholic hating neighbors were there. We had formerly been friends until they discovered that we were Catholic and “gasp” not the CINO type. Since they were former Catholics who now despised the Church they began to be very hostile. I was disappointed but just accepted it. They had a young adult daughter who I liked very much and she was pretty, smart and polite. She moved as far away as possible from where her parents lived and it was at that Halloween party that the parents marched up to me to inform me that their daughter was a lesbian, married and adopting a child. I think their intent was to shock me and then pick a fight. I quickly responded that I thought their daughter was a wonderful young lady and that I wished her every happiness. And I certainly do. That response shut them up. What I didn’t say was that I pray for her often in the hopes that she will find God and know and love Him.
Try to remember just to say something kind about your niece and it will be good for both you and your dear niece. Then pray!!

 

[Anglewannabe]

. ** If you want to maintain good family ties,** you’ll have to accept that not everyone believes as you do and is not interested in hearing how wrong you think they are.

I bolded the part that I think is important. It is all about what kind of ties you want with your family.

However, I would question why you would want good ties with people who think there is something wrong with your religious beliefs. Jesus said in the bible that he came to set father against son.

As Catholics, we have been (or should have been told) that following our faith is going to mean a lot of rejection especially by the people we want to be close to. We are called to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. It is up to you how much you follow Jesus, and how much you undersell your beliefs to be around family

Angie

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

My 17 year old niece just “came out” on instagram. My sister (her mother) and our father are both militant atheists (our mother passes away 6 months ago). I love my niece and know that same sex attraction is not something one chooses. actions are choices howeverHowever, she also indicated that her goal is to find a “beautiful wife” and raise children.she is 17. At 17 I thought my NFL career was a shoe in She also claims that this doesn’t define who she is.and yet she defines it

How do I support my niece, without supporting a gay lifestyle, and with out alienating my very anti-Catholic family? I just read her instagram post, so I haven’t had to deal with this in person - yet.

If you have a militant and anti catholic family I’m not sure what relationship you really have with them anyway. Do they respect your lifestyle?

Why do you have to address it at all?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Take the issue of homosexuality out of it entirely. Now, ask yourself how you go about confronting a minor child about their moral errors when you know these are the values her parents intentionally taught her. Ask yourself when you would be ok with your atheist sister stepping in to make her feelings clear to your children about the values you taught them.

Both situations are entirely inappropriate. Homosexuality doesn’t change that. If you want to maintain good family ties, you’ll have to accept that not everyone believes as you do and is not interested in hearing how wrong you think they are.

Exactly!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

It also has to be said: why do people think homosexuality is the ice breaker when talking to non Christians? If someone doesn’t know or believe anything related to your faith, why feel compelled to start the conversation by pointing out a very personal sin? If they don’t even accept Jesus, why would they accept his rules? How is bringing up the gay issue kind, helpful, or productive, even from a religious standpoint?

Sure but rarely us it brought up by the Christian. Most of the time the subject is brought to bear by the homosexual “defining” themselves. Sometimes loudly and proudly…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Sure but rarely us it brought up by the Christian. Most of the time the subject is brought to bear by the homosexual “defining” themselves. Sometimes loudly and proudly…

Doesn’t matter. I don’t care if it’s homosexuality, moving in with a partner, or any other “wrong”. Using someone’s perceived sin or flaw as a religious ice breaker is a really ugly and ineffective way to bring up your faith.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Doesn’t matter. I don’t care if it’s homosexuality, moving in with a partner, or any other “wrong”. Using someone’s perceived sin or flaw as a religious ice breaker is a really ugly and ineffective way to bring up your faith.

Rarely is that ever done in real life.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Rarely is that ever done in real life.

I disagree. It’s a pretty common experience to hear about religion from someone for the first time when you do something sinful.

How many people are met with disapproval when they say they’re gay or moving in together from people who never invited them to church or initiated spiritual discussions previously? It really comes off as smug and insulting when it happens, even if the person means well.

 

[holyrood]

It also has to be said: why do people think homosexuality is the ice breaker when talking to non Christians? If someone doesn’t know or believe anything related to your faith, why feel compelled to start the conversation by pointing out a very personal sin? If they don’t even accept Jesus, why would they accept his rules? How is bringing up the gay issue kind, helpful, or productive, even from a religious standpoint?

I got the distinct impression the OP did not bring this up. It was announced on social media and the OP is well aware it will come up in person and she’ll be forced to deal with it. Nowhere did I see any ‘compulsion’ on her part to START a conversation or to POINT OUT a sin or to BRING IT UP HERSELF.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I disagree. It’s a pretty common experience to hear about religion from someone for the first time when you do something sinful.

How many people are met with disapproval when they say they’re gay or moving in together from people who never invited them to church or initiated spiritual discussions previously? It really comes off as smug and insulting when it happens, even if the person means well.

Eh that’s almost never my experience.

But regardless the op has already indicated that the “hostility” here and intolerance comes from the other parties.

I will say to counter your point. People seem to share details about thier genital stimulation with others more than others share about God…

Hence the niece on Instagram.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I think some people just go looking for an argument and the best thing to do is refuse to argue.

 

[Rau]

I got the distinct impression the OP did not bring this up. It was announced on social media and the OP is well aware it will come up in person and she’ll be forced to deal with it. Nowhere did I see any ‘compulsion’ on her part to START a conversation or to POINT OUT a sin or to BRING IT UP HERSELF.

Exactly. As I pointed our earlier (post #17):
*The OP is not looking for a means or opportunity to "voice disapproval’. She is looking for a means to continue a close and supportive relationship without contradicting her values. She wrote: “How do I support my niece, without supporting a gay lifestyle, and with out alienating my very anti-Catholic family?” *

There seems to be a tendency to project on the OP an intention which is simply not there.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Exactly. As I pointed our earlier (post #17):
The OP is not looking for a means or opportunity to "voice disapproval’. She is looking for a means to continue a close and supportive relationship without contradicting her values. She wrote: “How do I support my niece, without supporting a gay lifestyle, and with out alienating my very anti-Catholic family?”

There seems to be a tendency to project on the OP an intention which is simply not there.

Unless the OP is taking her to gay bars or setting her up with women at work, she’s not supporting “a gay lifestyle”.

How does she handle this? Silently. What are her choices here? She can either keep her opinions to herself or feel compelled to pull her sister’s minor child aside and explain the nuances of Catholic sexual sin.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Eh that’s almost never my experience.

But regardless the op has already indicated that the “hostility” here and intolerance comes from the other parties.

I will say to counter your point. People seem to share details about thier genital stimulation with others more than others share about God…

Hence the niece on Instagram.

Well, its been my experience and the experience of virtually every homosexual and fornicator with religious extended family and/or in-laws I know. It’s a common enough experience that when one of these sinners talks about it, everyone else nods their heads and gets it. So just because you, a religious person, don’t see it very often doesn’t mean it’s not something many people have dealt with.

There’s been no hostility from the other side. She saw something on a teen girl’s Instagram. If being gay comes up in real life, silence is still her only real option. You know how you would respond if the situations were reversed and your atheist sibling jumped into something like this. Extended families get along better when they keep their opinions on others personal choices to themselves. This is Thanksgiving 101.

As for coming out, there’s no good way to handle it. If you come out, people like you accuse the person of over sharing- nevermind we all know your attraction to women. But if you don’t, you cause a lot of hurt feelings. I had a friend in law school who was a lesbian and she never mentioned it, not even to her family or roommates. She just brought home dates and acted like nothing was different at all. In her mind, being gay should be no big deal and not even worth announcing. She got a lot of very hurt “Why wouldn’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me?” conversations. Personally, I thought it was selfish and entitled of her to go about it that way.

 

[Rau]

Unless the OP is taking her to gay bars or setting her up with women at work, she’s not supporting “a gay lifestyle”.

How does she handle this? Silently. What are her choices here? She can either keep her opinions to herself or feel compelled to pull her sister’s minor child aside and explain the nuances of Catholic sexual sin.

It seems you are yet to understand the question the OP posed.