Continued…
That doesn’t really have any weight when you’re trying to prove a point, because that would be assuming the I have a strong enough faith to accept that as an answer. Imagine how silly that sounds to an atheist?.. It wouldn’t be much different if an atheist would defend their position by saying that our energy is reincarnated after we die, “because Lucky the Leprechaun” says so.
I could not agree more. My initial questions began when I had the idea to check for non-gospel historical accounts of Jesus. There are three generally regarded as the most reliable contemporary sources: Josephus, Tacitus, and Pliny the Younger. They
do mention Jesus, but what just plagued my brain was the fact that on one side I had the gospels speaking of preachings, miracles, causing all kinds of hoopla, 3 years of ministry, virgin births, raising at least 2-3 from the dead, and then rising from the dead himself. What do we get from the non-gospel historians? He lived, people think they saw him after he died, and he has followers now.
I was not impressed. They obviously knew enough of him to write his name down, but nothing came with the name to cause them to write it? Tacitus even called the following a ‘silly superstition.’ I just found this peculiar.
After further research I was shocked that I perceived it would be easier to defend ‘not Christianity’ than Christianity. I looked back on my campus ministry time (was in an outreach for about 5 years) and realized that I had never once felt comfortable evangelizing a non-Christian. It was easy to approach a nominal Christian and invite them to something, but I never believed I had justification to persuade a complete non-Christian, non-believing individual that god was real and in particular that he was Jesus Christ.
My research began because I wanted to be as certain as possible. I never wanted to feel embarrassment or shame or hesitancy ever again. Whatever the truth was, I wanted it and wanted to stand firmly on it.
I had to swallow the big pill that this might mean I would become an ‘evangelizer’ for atheism. I didn’t care. I realized that truth and certitude were more important than sticking with what I used to believe.
But thank you very much-- You are definitely one of the more respectful people around here. It’s a pleasure to read what you write, and I can sense the passion behind your posts.
Thanks. Same to you. I was surprised by your honesty and situation. I relate a lot. It has been about 5 months since my first doubts at Christmas (ironic?). It has been enthralling as well as miserable. Enthralling in that the part that is extremely satisfied by naturalistic explanations over supernatural ones is very excited to be liberated to take on life’s questions in a new way. I’m excited to look at
why religions work, what’s good about them, as well as what’s bad. There are obviously saints, but there are a lot of individuals (like you and I) who have some dysfunctional aspects going on: being a bit too worried about hell, scrupulosity, obsessive about sexual matters, contemptuous about other religions, unwilling to compromise via the spirit of the law, etc. Make sense?
But there could be a lot of good as well: a ‘higher purpose’ that motivates people toward excellence, the communal aspect which is a human need vs. a purely religious one, reasons to love others (though I’d like to look into this and wonder if secular individuals do more actual work individually vs. religious individuals giving of money to others to do the work as well as praying), etc. So, the question then becomes what is healthy about religion and why does it work for some? It is clear that all religions produce outstanding individuals, not just Catholicism. Anyway, it’s exciting to be liberated to seek these answers vs. being confined to only one world view which says that they have it completely monopolized (aka the ‘fullness of truth’).
Why is it miserable? I hate not knowing for sure. I’m still not sure! I hate the idea that what matters most is most illusive and, like I said, have a hard time wrestling with whether that’s evidence of god’s nonexistence or whether he really cares supremely about faith… I am married with a daughter and one on the way. Not easy to have realized that Christianity may not be true in the midst of a Catholic marriage… All my friends are Catholic (almost entirely) and so this has become a sore spot. It’s aggravating to me that religion, which seeks to unify, ends up being so divisive. I think I’ve heard more divisive statements
from them than I have even come close to making
toward them. It’s also frustrating to be told that unless I read this list of 100 Catholic apologetics books, I’m not really making an informed decision. Someone else pointed out to me that it’s interesting that one doesn’t need a PhD in theology to
join a religion; only to
leave.
Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. I empathize sincerely with your journey.
