Attachment to Sin

[Princess_Abby]

I am having a very difficult time removing an attachment to a particular sin that is starting to consume me. This is a recent but powerful attachment and I just was wondering if anyone could give me some suggestions for how they personally have overcome sin in their life? Or the attachment of it? Yes, I am going to frequent confession but I feel like the few priests I’ve been to about it either blow it off… or, I have difficulty explaining the magnitude of how it is affecting me. Although…one priest gave me the smackdown () when I explained it had been a week or so since my last confession–he was like, what is the point of you coming here if you aren’t willing to make changes? (he said this before I even explained what the sin was, and this was behind the screen and i KNOW he didn’t recognize my voice, as it was a friend’s parish.) …I have been very nervous about going to confession since then, just sort of fearful about what the priest might say, even though I probably will never run into that one again. He just made me question if I should be going to confession at all, until I have conquered the sin. But that doesn’t make sense because I need the grace from the sacrament…I just worry about presuming upon God’s mercy. I feel like this attachment is huge.

Please be gentle. I know there are simple answers and I am more than able to tell myself, “Pray more, stop doing it.” I would just appreciate some support, prayers and experiences!

 

[Ter]

The best answer I ever got from a priest in dealing with a recurring sin was “you give in to sin when you feel sorry for yourself (I had told him that I would be angry & think it’s a stupid rule and then sin) and that when I start feeling like that I should try & feel sorry for Jesus, think of the Passion and pray ‘Jesus Mercy, Mary Help’”. It worked too.

 

[tkdnick]

I have a very strong attachment to a sin too. I have 2 simple ways of dealing with it when it comes up. The first is I tell myself to stop it or tell it (the thought) to go away. The 2nd is I ask God, or Jesus, or the Holy Spirit to help me. It actually took me a while before I started feeling like they were working. And there are certainly days I feel myself using them more than others.

 

[alyssa]

I find praying the Rosary can be of a great help, if you have not tried that.

 

[JimG]

The priest was upset because your last confession was a week ago?? Lord help us. In grade school and high school my family went to confession every saturday afternoon, regardless. He should be happy to have you back, and the continuing grace of the sacrament will continue to help you break the attachment to sin.

 

[dominicsavio]

peace be with you!

if the attachment to that particular sin is so strong, keep going to Confession!!! as you said, you need the grace of the sacrament. also, frequently receiving Our Lord in Holy Communion will help a great deal. at times when i have been most attached to certain sins, i will go to Confession as often as possible, every day or every other day if needed. (my parish has confession daily!) just really focus on trusting Jesus. He will supply all the grace you need to conquer this attachment. remember that He desires your holiness and freedom from sin more than you do and will certainly help you if you ask Him trusting that He will help you. He loves you deeper than you will know and thirsts for you to come to Him with your sins. remember too that when you come to Him and give Him your sins in Confession, you give Him the joy of being your Savior.

 

[justinmatter]

dear abby,
this is coz you asked for some experiences.
i too have had a problem with a particular sin for a long time.
my confessions over that sin alone must have lasted quite a proportion of my lifetime and they have been a rollercoaster ride!

i was initially encouraged by my spiritual adviser to keep going for regular confession. i would suggest the same- don’t give it up!!
once a week is great, i think; maybe the priest should ahve been easy on you.
try to go to one priest regularly as he can monitor and guide your progress and he will truly know and understand the state you are in the kind of encouragement you need.
unfortunately for me, my regular confession backfired (through my own fault). i forgot or lost the beauty of the sacrament along the way. it became for me a literal dumping ground where i went weekly to offload and feel good for a while, fully knowing that the same sin was not far round the corner. don’t let that happen to you!!
my confessor realised that my confessions were not sincere and did something very brave. he politely refused me absolution!!! this is something they do very rarely and with a lot of trepidation because it might very well drive the sinner away from the church if he/she takes it in the wrong sense. thankfully, i didn’t leave the church (it had nothing to do with my holiness, i didn’t have any back then).
it took some very severe shaking-up (courtesy god) to set me somewhat back on track. i cleaned up my act and was back on the confession line.
even today, i’m not totally free of that sin. things are much better now and i keep struggling each day.
there is only one essential i remember- god will always forgive me if i go to him with repentance. so, even though i feel ashamed of myself, i go to confession because i know the shame is the devil’s reward to us for doing his job. if i don’t go to confession because of shame, the devil has succeeded in driving a greater wedge between me and god than my sin.

i hope this helped
p.s. these are probably the most beautiful words i’ve heard, especially at times i most needed them-
GOD THE FATHER OF MERCIES
THROUGH THE DEATH AND RESURRECTION OF HIS SON
HAS RECONCILED THE WORLD TO HIMSELF
AND SENT THE HOLY SPIRIT AMONG US
FOR THE FORGIVENESS OF SINS
THROUGH THE MINISTRY OF THE CHURCH
MAY GOD GIVE YOU PARDON AND PEACE
I ABSOLVE YOU FROM YOUR SINS
IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER
AND OF THE SON
AND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

 

[Princess_Abby]

I am so moved by all of your gentle words of encouragement and support. Thank you very much for all of your experience, wisdom and hope. I think sin can sometimes isolate us from others, and it is good to remember that we all struggle together at times to receive our heavenly reward.

Thank you again!

 

[MattB]

First of all, thanks to justinmatter for posting the words of absolution. They are indeed beautiful! I have to admit (somewhat embarrassed) that by the time I hear them in confession I am always weeping and only “hear” part. The wonder of God’s love and mercy always overcome me and I feel such magnificent wonder that I break down. Just reading them here made me tear up.

One thing I wanted to add for Princess Abby: I’m sure you’ve thought of this and heard it before, but don’t forget to avoid near occasions of sin. For me, this means taking a realistic look at when I have committed sin in the past, and try to look at the circumstances. Often it is an environment I’ve put myself in or a place that I can control. To oversimplify, since I don’t know your sin (and I not sharing my multitude here either!), if I recognize that everytime I smell cookies baking I will eat too many, I try not to hang out in the bakery.

Just my humble observation – peace and love to you. You will be in my prayers today.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Very good observation, Matt. That is half of my battle. I feel very unable to get out of the “environment” but I am praying for better clarity in how to MODIFY my environment.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

“The beast you feed is the beast that will grow.” In my attachment to a particular sin, that has been the best advice. Prayer (the Jesus Prayer, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, the Rosary, Psalm 51), meditation
(the Stations of the Cross for both prayer and meditation), and diverting attention work (these forums are a fantastic way to divert attention!).

 

[preyoflove]

JimG:

The priest was upset because your last confession was a week ago?? Lord help us. In grade school and high school my family went to confession every saturday afternoon, regardless. He should be happy to have you back, and the continuing grace of the sacrament will continue to help you break the attachment to sin.

You know what, this has really bothered me a long time ago–when a confessor gets upset and rebukes the person for confessing, say every week, the same sins. It seems to me as if the confessor is remembering, intentionally or unintentionally, the person confessing, maybe through the voice or through the sins themselves. Is this not a violation of the seal of confession? I mean confessors are not supposed to even let this thoughts, or something similar, cross their mind, “Hmm, I think I really know this guy. He’s the one who confessed to me last week and weeks before. I can tell because of the sins he’s confessing now; they’re the same as the previous weeks.”, right?

Well, sometimes, I think confessors are only human and I let that pass away. I also kind of think since we’re actually whispering in our Lord’s ears that maybe it’s the Lord rebuking us for repeatedly sinning with any indication of recovering for the better. But God forgets our sins, right?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Princess_Abby:

Very good observation, Matt. That is half of my battle. I feel very unable to get out of the “environment” but I am praying for better clarity in how to MODIFY my environment.

Dear Abby,

I’m curious as to your own personal feelings about this “sin,” deep down. You have been pretty vague about it, so I can only talk generalities. Is this something you know intellectually is a sin because of church teachings but deep down you feel it doesn’t hurt anyone, or at least doesn’t have any near-term effects?

What I’m getting at, is whether you repeat the sin because you don’t really “feel” there is anything wrong with it despite your knowledge to the contrary, or whether you truly do “feel” the harm you are doing to yourself but just can’t resist?

I don’t know if this is making sense, but without knowing the specifics I’m trying to characterize the mechanism. For myself the more I understand why I do a certain thing and under what conditions, the more I stand a chance of controlling it with or without advice from others.

Alan

 

[JimG]

preyoflove:

You know what, this has really bothered me a long time ago–when a confessor gets upset and rebukes the person for confessing, say every week, the same sins.

I have never experienced this. But it does seem to me that the more tenacious the sin, the more frequently it must be confessed. If you have a purpose of amendment, even though the sin will recur, over time the graces of the sacrament have their effect, and the hold of sin on a person diminishes. Staying away from confession can only make the sin more difficult to prevent.

 

[MaryleeDorian]

Abby is a lovely name–it is biblical and the name of one of my granddaughters.

Anyway, I am very close to someone who had a very long-lived, very close attachment to a sin. For years I watched this person battle against this sin only to loose over and over again. So how did they finally overcome it? In the view I had, it seemed to happen over a year after this person got involved in a renewal program at our parish and began to say the rosary every day, go to mass before work each morning, go to confession often–and became in love with being in the presence of the expositon of the Blessed Sacrament.

For my own part, I have visited the Shrine of the Blessed Sacrament (Mother Angelica’s project) and had an experience that was literally out of this world.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Thanks for all of your comments and suggestions! You are all so kind.

Alan–I’m not sure exactly what you mean. This is not a cut-and-dry sin, no. It’s more my interpretation of my own actions that I consider to be grave matter, based on the teachings of the Church. And, I’m beginning to think it’s more a near-occasion-of-sin then an actual sin…I don’t know. I am just confused about it and the priests I consult have been all over the spectrum.

Thanks for all your thoughts. I think I’m just afraid that there’s a part of me who wants to choose this sin overy sanctifying grace–and that is very scary to me. Because there seems to be little explanation, other then habit, over it.

 

[felra]

“If in doubt, cast it out”, is what I heard a holy priest (Fr. Michael Scanlan) advise when someone is unsure if a particular action or thought is sinful or detrimental to your spiritual life. “Resist the devil and he will flee”–scripture. It sounds like you need to first make up your mind if you want to refrain from this sin habit, or occasions for sin, whatever the case may be. That it is having a big impact would indicate that God wants to rid you of this “sin”.

I know that from my own experience, it is sometimes only after I have distanced myself from a sinful habit, whether action or thought, that I then can see it for what it is. Many of the saints that I have read, were plagued by “comfortable” sins, but that they recognized the pitfall–how little sin can weaken their fortitude and resistance to other sins if they did not decisively break with this sin, however minimal or benign in appearance/substance.

From reading some of your previous posts, it sounds that you are well versed in taking a behavioral approach to eliminating/changing undesireable behaviors, so you may want to devise and implement a behavioral strategy. Always good to be accountable to another in the Lord. Along with confession, the Eucharist, prayerfulness, living a balanced lifestyle…

From my own similiar experience, I have struggled with God’s desire to rid me of sin that was a hindrance to greater holiness and freedom in His love. Funny how much I avoided the violence and pain of the Cross of letting go of my sin that God wanted to deal with. He certainly respects our free will. I am a bit better now at more readily giving myself over to the deprivation of refraining from sin that does not necesarily appear as a make or break, but, that God is convicting me in.

Gob Bless. Prayers.

1 Peter**
Chapter 5**

8

Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for (someone) to devour.

9

Resist him, steadfast in faith, knowing that your fellow believers throughout the world undergo the same sufferings.

10

The God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory through Christ (Jesus) will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you after you have suffered a little.

11

To him be dominion forever. Amen.

 

[otm]

preyoflove:

You know what, this has really bothered me a long time ago–when a confessor gets upset and rebukes the person for confessing, say every week, the same sins. It seems to me as if the confessor is remembering, intentionally or unintentionally, the person confessing, maybe through the voice or through the sins themselves. Is this not a violation of the seal of confession?

No. Where did you get that idea?

preyoflove:

I mean confessors are not supposed to even let this thoughts, or something similar, cross their mind, “Hmm, I think I really know this guy. He’s the one who confessed to me last week and weeks before. I can tell because of the sins he’s confessing now; they’re the same as the previous weeks.”, right?

Wrong. They are there to administer the Sacrament of Reconciliation. How can they correctly administer the Sacrament, if what is required by God is that you be reconciled with Him? And if you have a constant habit of sin, are you reconciled if you are in a pattern of constantly turning away from Him? Ever hear of the Holy Spirit? Ever think that the priest’s recognizing you might be the prompting of the Holy Spirit?

preyoflove:

Well, sometimes, I think confessors are only human and I let that pass away.

That is a shame. I suspect it wasn’t meant to pass away, but to get your attention.

 

[otm]

Princess Abbey: 1) Don’t give up on Reconciliation.

1. If this is really deep seated, and a constant problem, you might want to consider some professional counseling, to get at the “why” of your behavior, and some help in turning around. Too often, people think that counseling is only for those who are “crazy”. It is designed to help us get at what we are doing, and the motivation for it; and to provide the tools for change.

Going to counseling doesn’t imply that prayer is useless, or of no power. God gave us a brain, and the ability to understand our actions and motivations; using that knowledge isn’t wrong, or failing in faith, or expressing doubt.

Just make sure that you get a counselor with their head screwed on straight.