Attend Mass together

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CyrilSebastian

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At the church here, it was emphasized that families should attend Mass together.
What do you think?
 
All other things being equal, most couples find that attending Mass as a family is more profitable to everyone. Couples feel closer when they can go to Mass together, the parents are in a position to talk with children about what happened at a particular Mass and children remember their experience of attending Mass as a family memory, something they share with their parents and siblings, which strengthens the family bond.

Having said that, there are practical reasons for family members to attend at different times. For instance, if one of the children is too young to understand the Mass and is very disruptive, the parents may prefer to have one stay home with that child while the other takes the other children to Mass (with the caretaking parent being given another Mass to go to while the other watches the child, although the need to care for an infant can excuse the obligation when there is not such an alternative–but I digress). The one Mass that one parent can make may just be an awful time for one or more of the rest of the family, arguing in favor of separate Masses. Perhaps one child is an altar server for an early Mass and another child has a far better experience if they get to sleep in, because they’re at a stage in life where they can’t seem to get enough sleep during the week.

I’d say that parents ought to use their best judgment, erring in favor of going together when nothing argues clearly in favor of going separately. The main thing, though, is that everyone goes and if one Mass is just a lot better for one person that the family at least try to attend that Mass at least part of the time. Kids appreciate it when the family makes accommodations for them once in awhile, and profit when it goes both ways.
 
Jesus came into the world through a family. I would say yes, worship God as a family.
 
In an ideal world, yes, it would be great. However, not all families can do that and ordering kids to go to a mass when they have soccer practice and could easily go to a different mass is not going to score any ‘parent of the year’ points

After I was able to walk to church by myself (which probably was less than 10 years old since the church was two blocks down the street) I went to whatever mass I chose. I think my parents believed if they gave us control over which mass we attend, it would be easier to insist we attend every week and I believe that was wise on their part.

Looking back, it does not bring warm fuzzy when I think about how cold my family was that we did not attend mass together. However, it does show the reality of the situation, we were not a close family and pretending we were every Sunday would have been forcing me to live a lie

Angie
 
EasterJoy said:
All other things being equal, most couples find that attending Mass as a family is more profitable to everyone. Couples feel closer when they can go to Mass together, the parents are in a position to talk with children about what happened at a particular Mass and children remember their experience of attending Mass as a family memory, something they share with their parents and siblings, which strengthens the family bond.

Having said that, there are practical reasons for family members to attend at different times. For instance, if one of the children is too young to understand the Mass and is very disruptive, the parents may prefer to have one stay home with that child while the other takes the other children to Mass (with the caretaking parent being given another Mass to go to while the other watches the child, although the need to care for an infant can excuse the obligation when there is not such an alternative–but I digress). The one Mass that one parent can make may just be an awful time for one or more of the rest of the family, arguing in favor of separate Masses. Perhaps one child is an altar server for an early Mass and another child has a far better experience if they get to sleep in, because they’re at a stage in life where they can’t seem to get enough sleep during the week.

I’d say that parents ought to use their best judgment, erring in favor of going together when nothing argues clearly in favor of going separately. The main thing, though, is that everyone goes and if one Mass is just a lot better for one person that the family at least try to attend that Mass at least part of the time. Kids appreciate it when the family makes accommodations for them once in awhile, and profit when it goes both ways.
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Yep.

Most of the time we go together. But there have been times in our marriage that we have gone separately, either each staying home with the kids while the other goes or each bringing one child, etc. We all prefer when we can go together, though.
 
Children who attend Mass with their families learn right from wrong.
 
CyrilSebastian said:
Children who attend Mass with their families learn right from wrong.
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This makes me feel like such a bad mom!!! I hate struggling with a 2 year old during mass. It is embarassing and disruptive. My husband and I generally go to separate masses and let the kids kindergarten and up decide which parent they go with. We don’t make our four year old go but she usually wants to. We always leave the 2 year old and baby at home. We all go to Mass yet I feel like such a bad mom since we don’t all celebrate the mass as a family. I wish we could be like those families but I don’t have that kind of control over my kids!
 
Cathmomof6 said:
This makes me feel like such a bad mom!!! I hate struggling with a 2 year old during mass. It is embarassing and disruptive. My husband and I generally go to separate masses and let the kids kindergarten and up decide which parent they go with. We don’t make our four year old go but she usually wants to. We always leave the 2 year old and baby at home. We all go to Mass yet I feel like such a bad mom since we don’t all celebrate the mass as a family. I wish we could be like those families but I don’t have that kind of control over my kids!
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Don’t worry.

Your 2-year-old and your infant aren’t going to learn right from wrong based on what they hear at Mass.
 
Our just-turned-2-year-old has gotten very bold of late and recently made a very successful dash down the center aisle of the college chaplaincy and almost made it to the altar. She has a strong sense of mischief at her age, and nothing fills her with more glee than throwing a sippy cup hard against the floor of the vestibule repeatedly until it is confiscated. She walks around finding open doors to close. Her 12-year-old sister LOVES her and finds it very difficult to concentrate on praying when her baby sister is scampering about. (We generally sit in the large vestibule, where there is a lot of space and a somewhat more informal atmosphere.) I have often had to remind big sister that we come to church to worship God, not baby sister. When confined, baby sister has a tendency to squawk loudly and indignantly, which is why I’ve shied away from having her inside the sanctuary for Mass. There is no cry room, just the vast vestibule which is so perfect for running excitedly hither and thither.

Every time we go to church there, I think longingly of the church across town that has a nursery for 0-3s for morning Masses. Until the 2-year-old becomes a little bit less mischievous and more lady-like, I think it’s the best place for her.
 
First of all, I would say that each family is different, so there are no absolutes in this case. But I do have different experience, having raised 4 grown kids and still have 4 kids at home.
Normally, my wife and I have always gone to mass on Sundays together. Anytime we had a baby (say less than one year old) we would often go at different times, but by the time the kids were 2 or 3 they were always attending mass.
As the kids got older, it certainly has changed with the respect to the kids. When the older one’s could drive, we pretty much leave it up to the kids to decide which mass they go to. Sometimes we go to early mass on Sunday, but one of the teenagers didn’t want to wake up, so the younger kids could all decide if they go with us or the older ones. More often, we want to sleep in a little longer and the kids want to go to early mass, we wake up and find all of the kids are out of the house and at mass already.

I actually think this has worked out really well. Kids get it in their mind that they are responsible for attending mass, not their parents. Even the young ones have to decide when they are going. They have learned the personal obligation at a very young age.

With the 4 grown kids, all of them still attend mass each and every Sunday!!! And never do the teenagers or middle school kids at home complain about having to go to mass. It is not a struggle at all.
 
tafan said:
I actually think this has worked out really well. Kids get it in their mind that they are responsible for attending mass, not their parents. Even the young ones have to decide when they are going. They have learned the personal obligation at a very young age.

With the 4 grown kids, all of them still attend mass each and every Sunday!!! And never do the teenagers or middle school kids at home complain about having to go to mass. It is not a struggle at all.
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That is a very good point.

We don’t want to accidentally instill the idea that going to Mass is only something you do with your whole family, so that once a teenager is out on their own, it will feel weird to go on their own.
 
Xantippe said:
That is a very good point.

We don’t want to accidentally instill the idea that going to Mass is only something you do with your whole family, so that once a teenager is out on their own, it will feel weird to go on their own.
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Thanks. I should add that none of this was our planned approach. It just sort of developed that way in our family and has gotten to the point that we go about our Sunday mass obligation in a rather haphazard manner.
 
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