Attending a baby shower?

[vsedriver]

I recently received an invitation to attend a baby shower. The young woman is not married to the father of the baby. I was invited by the father’s mother who is an old family friend.

I have mixed feelings about going. I feel going supports a couple having a child out of wedlock as normal. But I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. She’s had a really bad time of it lately. She’s a good woman who is very active in the church.

I just don’t know what is the appropriate thing to do.

 

[Rebecca_Monica]

This is a sticky situation! It would not be good to support a couple having a child out-of-wedlock; however, you would be supporting their choice for life. I would suggest that you pray about it.
I was once given some really good advice about decisions: if you have prayed the matter over thoroughly, and you feel it is time to make your choice, go ahead and make a decision. If you feel dissappointed with the option you have chosen, you should then go with your other option.
God bless you!

 

[VivienneJ]

My personal choice would be not to attend the baby shower. Simply tell your friend that you will not be able to attend. Hopefully she will not ask for a reason, as giving the reason may well contribute to her hurt.

But, I would also make a point of giving a gift after the baby is born. You could possibly mention to your friend that you will be giving a gift after the baby is born.

I must add that I prefer to give gifts after the birth of the baby in all cases, and will often give a small gift at a baby shower, followed by something more substantial after the baby is born.

 

[mommy_k]

Every baby is a blessing from God. So is a friend. I would go and celebrate both of these blessings.I would ignore the circumstances. A child conceived out of wedlock perhaps put many thoughts in the parents minds-adoption and God forbid, abortion.

You would be there to celebrate a new life! That is how I would look at this and I would go.

Mommy K

 

[mountee]

You I will be in my prayers for God’s guidance to help you with your decision. Personally, supporting a mother who chose life would be easy for me.

 

[MaryT777]

Every baby is a blessing from God. So is a friend. I would go and celebrate both of these blessings.I would ignore the circumstances. A child conceived out of wedlock perhaps put many thoughts in the parents minds-adoption and God forbid, abortion.

You would be there to celebrate a new life! That is how I would look at this and I would go.

Mommy K

I agree with the above and consider it a celebration of life.
Mary.

 

[RoseMary131]

I recently received an invitation to attend a baby shower. The young woman is not married to the father of the baby. I was invited by the father’s mother who is an old family friend.

I have mixed feelings about going. I feel going supports a couple having a child out of wedlock as normal. But I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. She’s had a really bad time of it lately. She’s a good woman who is very active in the church.

I just don’t know what is the appropriate thing to do.

Praise God this child is being given the gift of life!

This beautiful grandmother has invited you to join this celebration for her precious grandchild.

Just yesterday my young adult son asked for prayers for two of his friends who he had learned were planning an abortion. His prayer was that they would save the child’s life and if not that they parents would be able to find forgiveness and healing.

He put out prayer request to everyone he knew that he thought would pray for this couple (without sharing their names.)

He told me he thought the mother was going to tell the grandparents about her little baby. We were hoping that if they knew, then there would be hope for the baby.

Last night he called and said he found out the abortion had taken place.

My son will be having a Mass offered for them. Today he will fast for them for their healing.

The world has tricked our young people into believing that abortion is an answer.

In our town, we have prayer warriors praying outside the abortion clinic on all abortion days. When a mother decides to keep her baby, the prayer warriors offer to keep in touch helping the mother along her journey. If the mother wants, the prayer warriors host a baby shower for her. Many of these mothers are not married.

Your friend is a blessed grandmother. Her son and the mother of his child probably had someone suggest abortion to them.

I do not advocate sexual sins, co-habitation, etc., but I do rejoice when babies are given the gift of life.

Your friend may even be a bit embarrassed (even if it does not show) that her son conceived a child out of wedlock. We can rejoice with her that the parents chose life instead of death for their precious baby.

May God bless this beautiful baby and the baby’s parents and grandparents.

 

[ExGratia]

Previous posters have said it more beautifully than my post is: go to shower!

If your friend is having a hard time, as you say, having you there is good for her!

And a child is always a blessing. I’m sure you don’t think there is moral ambiguity in donating to a crisis pregnancy center, and there is none here. If anything, these parents may need more support than the married-did-everything-by-the-book neighbors down the street.

God bless you!

 

[Allegra]

I agree with other posters that attending the shower is celebration of the life of the new baby and not the mother’s chosen lifestyle. I would go without any qualms. My parish, in fact, often has “baby showers” in order to get the ladies of the parish to bring in items for mothers in crisis situations. (Many if not most of them are not married.)

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I would go to the shower. I’m not the type of person to hold past sins over someone’s head. This young mommy could have went to confession about her slip up before she even knew she was pregnant.

 

[Lasting_faith]

As a man I don’t know much about baby showers, but I say: GO!

If someone think it is wrong to attend a marriage between a couple who may have sinned, or the christening of a child born outside marriage they are hypocrites who think they are better then all others, and God will deal with them later on. It is, in my mind, right to attend anything that is maybe not absolutely “pure” for the simple reason that if God loves those who sin and are ready to forgive them, why do we think we are better then God and don’t forgive nor forget. We do not judge, God judge.

It is always important to remember that we do not rule, God does, and that how it is, and has been, and will always be. So don’t for a moment think that you are better then anyone else on this, or any other forum.

I get angry when people are judging, and I am sure that they have indeed sin as well and now only try to let us believe they are clean and pure. Only the true Christians can say that they have commited sin, anyone who say something else is lying. Blessed be the sinner for they shall be forgiven.

 

[foundmyfaith]

A baby is always a celebration, no matter what.

I would go.

 

[Anglewannabe]

OK, I am probably going to get blasted for this but here is my opinion.

If the couple having the baby are NOT practicing Catholics and the shower has nothing to do with the church (ie it is being thrown by secular people in a private home) then I would go. Catholics are not to judge and are to respect the choices of others.

However, if the couple are practicing Catholics and the shower is being held at the church, I would not attend. As much as we are to forgive sinners, when a catholic couple has a baby out of wedlock, we are to welcome them at mass, show concern for the baby and if they are poor and we can afford it, buy formula and clothes for the baby. However, as Catholics, we do need to show that certain behaviours are sinful and are not to be public celebrated and we can not thrown a party for them. Example, if some commits murder, we welcome them into the church so they can mend their ways, we do not throw a party to celebrated what they did

Angie

 

[Memaw]

I recently received an invitation to attend a baby shower. The young woman is not married to the father of the baby. I was invited by the father’s mother who is an old family friend.

I have mixed feelings about going. I feel going supports a couple having a child out of wedlock as normal. But I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. She’s had a really bad time of it lately. She’s a good woman who is very active in the church.

I just don’t know what is the appropriate thing to do.

The gift is for the baby not the situation into which it is being born. Rejoice in the new life and love it to pieces. It may very well need all the love you can give it in growing up. Things may change in the future and the parents may even marry properly. We all have situations like that in our families and I never do anything to hurt the children. I am even Godmother to some of these precious little ones. And believe me, I do love and Pray!!! God Bless, Memaw

 

[agnes_therese]

I recently received an invitation to attend a baby shower. The young woman is not married to the father of the baby. I was invited by the father’s mother who is an old family friend.

I have mixed feelings about going. I feel going supports a couple having a child out of wedlock as normal. But I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. She’s had a really bad time of it lately. She’s a good woman who is very active in the church.

I just don’t know what is the appropriate thing to do.

Look at it this way – do you refuse all invitations from anyone who has ever sinned?

This young woman chose life, under circumstances where our society tells her it is perfectly acceptable – even preferable – to do otherwise. That’s something to celebrate. Not to mention, this young mother-to-be needs all the emotional support she can get. BTDT.

 

[Regina_Love]

Our culture has it’s own commandments like…Thou shalt have sex with lots of guys, but…THOU SHALT NOT GET PREGNANT-THAT’S A HORRIBLE SIN!

WHAT? That’s up side down!

The sin is in having sex with anyone not your forever spouse! There is NO sin in getting pregnant. EVER! It is God’s design that we are supposed to get pregnant when we have a partner. HAVING A BABY IS NOT SINFUL - EVER. Scripture says that babies are a blessing! I would celebrate the blessing of this new baby in the world. Pray for them, and if given the opportunity, encourage moral choices in their lives.

 

[Abundant]

Every baby is a blessing from God. So is a friend. I would go and celebrate both of these blessings.I would ignore the circumstances. A child conceived out of wedlock perhaps put many thoughts in the parents minds-adoption and God forbid, abortion.

You would be there to celebrate a new life! That is how I would look at this and I would go.

Mommy K

I agree with this.

 

[CDB1718]

Our culture has it’s own commandments like…Thou shalt have sex with lots of guys, but…THOU SHALT NOT GET PREGNANT-THAT’S A HORRIBLE SIN!

WHAT? That’s up side down!

The sin is in having sex with anyone not your forever spouse! There is NO sin in getting pregnant. EVER! It is God’s design that we are supposed to get pregnant when we have a partner. HAVING A BABY IS NOT SINFUL - EVER. Scripture says that babies are a blessing! I would celebrate the blessing of this new baby in the world. Pray for them, and if given the opportunity, encourage moral choices in their lives.

It might not be wise for the couple to marry. The problem was the sex they had outside wedlock, not the pregnancy that ensued. The problem’s also not the baby being born outside wedlock, as if a marriage now would erase the problem. It won’t, but Confession will. And for all you know, they’ve already gone. They might be in a better state of grace than you!

Now they have a baby who needs life, love, and support. A shower is a part of that and you get to participate. Of course you’ll go and provide physical and emotional support for raising this child. And one hopes you’ll enthusiastically volunteer to join them at the baptism, too, to celebrate the child being initiated into the family of God.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=815245

The parents were not required to be married in order to have their children baptized. All that is required is the promise to raise the children as Catholics.

Can. 868 §1. For an infant to be baptized licitly:
1/ the parents or at least one of them or the person who legitimately takes their place must consent;
2/ there must be a founded hope that the infant will be brought up in the Catholic religion; if such hope is altogether lacking, the baptism is to be delayed according to the prescripts of particular law after the parents have been advised about the reason.

Everyone who brings forth their child to be baptized is a sinner. No one is required to have a perfect life in order to baptize their child. In addition, to force/coerce anyone to get married would do violence to the freedom of will that is required for a valid marriage.

 

[VivienneJ]

The gift is for the baby not the situation into which it is being born. Rejoice in the new life and love it to pieces.

Certainly the gift is for the baby, and it is quite right to celebrate the life of the baby; however the ‘party’ (baby shower) is not for the baby, nor for the father - it’s all about the mother and the exciting event. Her sin may well be forgiven, but it still seems to me that by foregoing the tradition of marriage first does not entitle the mother to the excited affirmation of a party.

However, as Catholics, we do need to show that certain behaviours are sinful and are not to be public celebrated and we can not thrown a party for them.

Strongly agree with this, Angle!

I am even Godmother to some of these precious little ones. And believe me, I do love and Pray!!! God Bless, Memaw

Perfectly right and correct that the baby should have loving, conscientious godparents and that people should pray for the child, same as any other - but that is still different from throwing a party to celebrate single motherhood.

Look at it this way – do you refuse all invitations from anyone who has ever sinned?

Hardly. But I do refuse invitations to celebrate something that offends my beliefs.

This young woman chose life, under circumstances where our society tells her it is perfectly acceptable – even preferable – to do otherwise. That’s something to celebrate.

Agreed that it is praiseworthy that the young woman has chosen life; however THAT is not what a baby shower is celebrating.

Not to mention, this young mother-to-be needs all the emotional support she can get. BTDT.

Yes, the mother-to-be needs all the emotional and probably material support she can get and that should be given. But the party? I really don’t think so.

I realise this is not the popular stance, but it is how I see it.

 

[RoseMary131]

Agreed that it is praiseworthy that the young woman has chosen life; however THAT is not what a baby shower is celebrating.

A BABY SHOWER is celebrating the BABY. The entire theme of the party is BABY. The gifts are for the BABY.