Attending a baby shower?

[VivienneJ]

A BABY SHOWER is celebrating the BABY. The entire theme of the party is BABY. The gifts are for the BABY.

So where is the baby at the baby shower?

Who gets to wear the funny outfits?

Who plays the fun games?

Around whom exactly does all the fun and excitement revolve?

If the baby shower took place after the birth of the baby, I could accept that it was celebrating the birth of the baby. Traditionally the baby shower takes place BEFORE the birth of the baby and the mother-to-be is the star of the show.

 

[Bezant]

I just don’t know what is the appropriate thing to do.

Maybe I’m just a cynical jerk, but the baby showers I’ve been to were more like politely concealed money grabs than “celebrations of life.”

Anyway.

Related questions (e.g., “Can I go to my gay friend’s wedding?”) come up all the time in CAF. I recommend you search the Ask an Apologist section for sources. You are not morally obligated to refuse or accept the invitation, but I question what you gain by refusing.

 

[RoseMary131]

So where is the baby at the baby shower?

In her mother’s womb.

Who gets to wear the funny outfits?

Who plays the fun games?

I didn’t know a baby shower meant anyone wore a funny outfit.

If there are “games”, the guests will play the games. The games will most likely be about Babies.

Around whom exactly does all the fun and excitement revolve?

If the baby shower took place after the birth of the baby, I could accept that it was celebrating the birth of the baby. Traditionally the baby shower takes place BEFORE the birth of the baby and the mother-to-be is the star of the show.

The excitement is about the baby, the baby present at the party in her mother’s womb.

Baby showers are often held in advance of the birth so that the mother and father have the items needed for their child. Friends gather to celebrate the new life within the mother’s womb. The parents accept the gifts for their child. Their friends have helped them to prepare for the needs of their child.

 

[CDB1718]

Related questions (e.g., “Can I go to my gay friend’s wedding?”) come up all the time in CAF. I recommend you search the Ask an Apologist section for sources. You are not morally obligated to refuse or accept the invitation, but I question what you gain by refusing.

I just did that. Here’s what the apologists say.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=378927&highlight=baby+shower

Going to a baby shower for an unmarried woman is not the same thing as going to a presumptively-invalid wedding. A baby shower is meant to celebrate the impending birth and to help a first-time mother transition to her new life as a mother. If you prefer not to go though, you could “find” another commitment that you have on the same day. Once the baby is born you could visit your friend, her daughter, and the new baby, and bring a gift for the baby at that time.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=16968&highlight=baby+shower

A baby shower is a small celebration that is supposed to outfit a mother with a few of the things she will need to take care of her baby. It is also a means of celebrating a birth. The circumstances of the child’s conception may constitute grave matter for the parents, but supporting them in accepting the good result God brought from their morally problematic action can be a practical working out of a prolife worldview.

You are certainly not required to attend such an event, especially since the expectant mother is apparently not a personal friend but a co-worker, but if you wish to do so there is nothing wrong with attending.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=585039&highlight=baby+shower

Hi,

Not at all. While we don’t condone the use of in vitro fertilization, what is done is done. Besides, what support one gives does aid the baby.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.

 

[thequeen]

My personal choice would be not to attend the baby shower. Simply tell your friend that you will not be able to attend. Hopefully she will not ask for a reason, as giving the reason may well contribute to her hurt.

But, I would also make a point of giving a gift after the baby is born. You could possibly mention to your friend that you will be giving a gift after the baby is born.

I must add that I prefer to give gifts after the birth of the baby in all cases, and will often give a small gift at a baby shower, followed by something more substantial after the baby is born.

That is usually what I do.

 

[Kelfa28]

Go to the shower. The gifts are for the baby and not the parents. It couldn’t be any simpler.
We aren’t celebrating the sins of an unmarried couple here…they aren’t accepting gifts…they are just accepting gifts on behalf of the baby.

I had my first daughter out of wedlock. I also returned to the Church and asked God for forgiveness through reconciliation. I also married her father, sacramentally, 4 months after the scheduled baby shower.

Just about everyone who was at the shower also went to the wedding.

A baby shower is not celebrating sin. You have no idea what is going on in the couple’s life. They may have asked God for forgiveness. They may have stopped sinning and truly repented…but this pregnancy won’t disappear because of it.

It’s not the same as a “wedding” for a gay couple or a “wedding” shower for a gay couple. It’s not having a house warming party for a co-habitating couple. That is celebrating sin.

 

[mommy_k]

This shower is a celebration of life.

I believe this is why so many misguided young people are pro abortion out of fear of being judged when they find themselves in this predicament. I would want to be part of the bigger picture and emotionally support the young parents and grandparents too.

This is what friends, especially Catholic friends do.

 

[vsedriver]

Look at it this way – do you refuse all invitations from anyone who has ever sinned?

This young woman chose life, under circumstances where our society tells her it is perfectly acceptable – even preferable – to do otherwise. That’s something to celebrate. Not to mention, this young mother-to-be needs all the emotional support she can get. BTDT.

I have not gone to wedding showers where the couple has been living together. I was taught that a wedding shower was to help the couple start a household. Don’t see much point in that when they already have a household.

but from the posts I do see that a baby shower is not the same kind of event. I don’t know the girl but I will go to support my friend.

 

[Lasting_faith]

OK, I am probably going to get blasted for this but here is my opinion.

If the couple having the baby are NOT practicing Catholics and the shower has nothing to do with the church (ie it is being thrown by secular people in a private home) then I would go. Catholics are not to judge and are to respect the choices of others.

However, if the couple are practicing Catholics and the shower is being held at the church, I would not attend. As much as we are to forgive sinners, when a catholic couple has a baby out of wedlock, we are to welcome them at mass, show concern for the baby and if they are poor and we can afford it, buy formula and clothes for the baby. However, as Catholics, we do need to show that certain behaviours are sinful and are not to be public celebrated and we can not thrown a party for them. Example, if some commits murder, we welcome them into the church so they can mend their ways, we do not throw a party to celebrated what they did

Should we not as Catholics show a example in forgiveness? We are not judge, and don’t attend a baby shower is a statement that is judging? And the baby has done no sin what so ever. And what is important, in my mind, is to first and foremost we are Christians, then Catholics.

 

[Lasting_faith]

OK, I am probably going to get blasted for this but here is my opinion.

If the couple having the baby are NOT practicing Catholics and the shower has nothing to do with the church (ie it is being thrown by secular people in a private home) then I would go. Catholics are not to judge and are to respect the choices of others.

However, if the couple are practicing Catholics and the shower is being held at the church, I would not attend. As much as we are to forgive sinners, when a catholic couple has a baby out of wedlock, we are to welcome them at mass, show concern for the baby and if they are poor and we can afford it, buy formula and clothes for the baby. However, as Catholics, we do need to show that certain behaviours are sinful and are not to be public celebrated and we can not thrown a party for them. Example, if some commits murder, we welcome them into the church so they can mend their ways, we do not throw a party to celebrated what they did

Angie

Should we not as Catholics show a example in forgiveness? We are not judge, and don’t attend a baby shower is a statement that is judging? And the baby has done no sin what so ever. And what is important, in my mind, is to first and foremost we are Christians, then Catholics.

 

[Lasting_faith]

I have not gone to wedding showers where the couple has been living together. I was taught that a wedding shower was to help the couple start a household. Don’t see much point in that when they already have a household.

but from the posts I do see that a baby shower is not the same kind of event. I don’t know the girl but I will go to support my friend.

Why are you so hasty when judging, that is not our “job” at all. Our “job” is to do Gods will, and His will is that we do not judge. What is more important, be a good Catholic or a good Christian? Do we really, if we attend a wedding where the couple have been living toghether before the wedding, act as good Christians? Nope. We give a clear message that we think we are better then everybody else and that is not what God will.

 

[aloe]

Every baby is a blessing from God. So is a friend. I would go and celebrate both of these blessings.I would ignore the circumstances.

 

[Memaw]

I have not gone to wedding showers where the couple has been living together. I was taught that a wedding shower was to help the couple start a household. Don’t see much point in that when they already have a household.

but from the posts I do see that a baby shower is not the same kind of event. I don’t know the girl but I will go to support my friend.

And you can still pray for her and the baby. God Bless, Memaw

 

[RoseMary131]

I don’t know the girl but I will go to support my friend.

I think your friend, the grandmother, will be so happy you are there for her and her precious grandbaby.

 

[Lasting_faith]

I would like to add one more thing, and I still feel a bit silly taking part in a thread that really is “women only”.

To attend something we do not approve is not a sin. (Well it can be, everything can always be a sin.) If we think of a wedding, OK, why do we attend it? To honor the Sacrament or because we are friends with the soon-to-be couple? The latter I would say. Still, nobody ask us to approve the fact that they have been living together for let us say six years and have two kids. We don’t approve that, but we attend because we like them and it is absolutely right to be there. I do see the problem, it is not what we approve, it is what we want others to think about us. (Christ did walk among many not so good persons, and that is called love and care. We ought to follow His example.)

As a Catholic I reckon I should not defend sinners, or “approve” what they do, but if I say something it is a judgment, and that is not what I am supposed to do, according to The Bible, you know, the big book where all the truth is. No, I am as a Christian and Catholic required to do only what is good and pure. Insulting friends for doin wrong is not good and pure. It is pure only in one way, hypocrisy, and that is a sin, I think. Think about it like this, you are getting married and you invite all your friends and a few decline saying “well, I would like to come but I can’t, you see, I am a Lutherian”…and then some good explanation. How would that feel? Well, I am done with this “female” thread and are ready to offend and insult people on some other forum, but thank you for this joy, I did like this thread, and that did sound weird, I think?

 

[Memaw]

I would like to add one more thing, and I still feel a bit silly taking part in a thread that really is “women only”.

To attend something we do not approve is not a sin. (Well it can be, everything can always be a sin.) If we think of a wedding, OK, why do we attend it? To honor the Sacrament or because we are friends with the soon-to-be couple? The latter I would say. Still, nobody ask us to approve the fact that they have been living together for let us say six years and have two kids. We don’t approve that, but we attend because we like them and it is absolutely right to be there. I do see the problem, it is not what we approve, it is what we want others to think about us. (Christ did walk among many not so good persons, and that is called love and care. We ought to follow His example.)

As a Catholic I reckon I should not defend sinners, or “approve” what they do, but if I say something it is a judgment, and that is not what I am supposed to do, according to The Bible, you know, the big book where all the truth is. No, I am as a Christian and Catholic required to do only what is good and pure. Insulting friends for doin wrong is not good and pure. It is pure only in one way, hypocrisy, and that is a sin, I think. Think about it like this, you are getting married and you invite all your friends and a few decline saying “well, I would like to come but I can’t, you see, I am a Lutherian”…and then some good explanation. How would that feel? Well, I am done with this “female” thread and are ready to offend and insult people on some other forum, but thank you for this joy, I did like this thread, and that did sound weird, I think?

To compare a baby shower to an invalid marriage is a bit of a stretch.
An invalid marriage is an entering into a sinful state of life. The souls of those doing it are at serious risk. How can any Christan celebrate that. I wouldn’t ever celebrate someone carrying out a life style of successful bank robberies, or becoming an abortionist or any other seriously sinful life style.
While I realize others have a free will to choose good or evil, I also have a free will to choose that I don’t participate in any kind of sinful actions of others. Like I told my niece, “You choose to marry out of the Church, I choose to not attend.” She knew why. She had planned a Church wedding but then decided it took to long so she did it “her” way. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Irishmom2]

The gift is for the baby not the situation into which it is being born.

Exactly this! Amen!

 

[DaisymaeD]

The purpose of a baby shower is to give the mom the supplies she needs to take care of a baby. I’m sure you approve of people taking care of their babies!!!

You’re not doing anything wrong by going.

 

[Rachel126]

As someone else already pointed out, this was discussed on the ask an apologist forum, and the apologists said it was perfectly fine to go to such a baby shower. That doesn’t mean you are required to go, of course. But I do think it would be a lovely gesture. At least the mother chose life.

 

[cshoremom]

The gift is for the baby not the situation into which it is being born. Rejoice in the new life and love it to pieces. It may very well need all the love you can give it in growing up. Things may change in the future and the parents may even marry properly. We all have situations like that in our families and I never do anything to hurt the children. I am even Godmother to some of these precious little ones. And believe me, I do love and Pray!!! God Bless, Memaw

So perfectly stated.