Attending a same-sex 'marriage' ceremony?

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CatholicLeanne

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Long story short, my mom is going to be marrying a transgender ‘woman’ (male-to-female), who is male but is legally female, and everyone involved considers this to be a same-sex ‘marriage’. I really don’t feel comfortable going, as a Catholic, because I would seem to be celebrating a type of union that makes a mockery of the sacrament of Marriage. However, I am still a teenager living with my mom and her partner, and if I don’t go to this wedding there is a serious possibility that not only I would ruin my relationship with my mom forever, but that I might be kicked out of home. (It’s a long story).

Also, my mom is divorced so remarrying would just add insult to injury.

I’m really conflicted about this, and I’d like some outside opinions. Thanks.
 
I think you should go. You’re a minor, and you shouldn’t put yourself in positions where things would become difficult with or for your mother. Especially if you can get kicked out. Is your mother Christian? Just let her know that you don’t agree with this “marriage” and are only attending out of the love and respect you owe and hold towards her, your mother.

P.S. I don’t mean to intrude on your private family matter, but we should all try to be kinder to our parents while they’re alive. Pray for your mother, and cherish her dearly, because there will come a time when you’ll sorely miss her.
 
Short and simple: you are a minor already living with your mom and her partner. It’s not going to change their relationship if you skip the wedding, but it will change your relationship with your mother. Consider the lifetime effect and go to the wedding.
 
No, my mother’s not a Christian, and in fact that’s one of the reasons why she is opposed to me being a Christian- because I don’t agree with same-sex marriage.

That’s a relief, I reeeeally don’t want to mess things up with my mom haha. I was sort of under the impression that Catholics should never under any circumstances go to a same-sex ‘wedding’- and while I agree with that to a point, it does make situations like mine a little more difficult 🙂

Thanks for the reply. I will pray for my mom.
 
Technically of course this is not a same sex marriage. Calling yourself a woman doesn’t make you one. Your mother’s partner may present as female but like 80 per cent of transsexual may retain his male genitalia, so despite appearances this is in fact a heterosexual marriage. If he has had surgery he is a castrated male - and would be unable to consummate the marriage.
 
Usually in these types of situations there is no definite “ Christian” answer. If someone says there is, they’re lying. I would use the Catholic faith as a sort of “moral background” for my decisions, but ultimately in situations like this I depend on my own judgement. Each situation is different, each poses new questions: Am I related to this person? Will not attending affect me or him or both of us? Will I change anything by not attending? Will my non-attendance possibly harden the person’s heart against the Church? So many things to consider. Don’t be afraid to make your own decisions, dear. Goodness knows there’s a lot of pretentious know-it-alls in the world who are going to try to make them for you. Don’t let them.

I will pray for your mother. Proceed with caution and courage, and above all, use your head! 😉.
 
Gilly_flower said:
Technically of course this is not a same sex marriage
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Yeah I know he’s a male, but I meant that they and everybody attending considers this a same-sex marriage because he lives as a woman and they believe in transgender ideology and stuff.
 
What a difficult situation. I will pray for you CatholicLeanne. You are doing your best and God will bless you for your strength. How old are you?
 
Hi, and wow, this is a complicated situation.

Several things to untangle.

You’re a minor, living under your mother’s roof, so obedience to parents is a factor here.
You’re a new Christian (are you baptized yet? Are you Catholic or Protestant? Do you have a church you go to? Is anybody else in your family a practicing Christian and do you have a Pastor or youth group leader to talk to?), and still working out your own spiritual life and understanding of relationship to God and other people
Do you have a high-conflict or low-conflict relationship with your mother? Are you comfortable to explain to her that you feel funny about the whole thing? (Without being judgey or “condemning” her to Hell) Would she understand or get really mad?

This is complicated, and I’m not sure anybody can give you a hard No or definite Yes.

Try to talk to your own pastor or a trusted RL grown up who’s strong in their faith.

I’ll remember your family in my prayers.
 
CatholicLeanne said:
I’m almost 16 🙂
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You mean you are 15. 😀

I got a good laugh out of that because, when I first met one student in Poland, and asked him how old he was, he said the exact same thing: “I’m almost 16”. I took a shine to him and prepped him for university in the UK, and eventually got him into Kings College, London, all on my tab, from which he just finished his masters with honors and walked into a higher executive officer position with the Ministry of Cybersecurity. I will be going to London next week to treat him to a super duper well-deserved vacation, and to celebrate his birthday. He’s currently almost 25, but he will turn almost 26.
 
My situation’s actually pretty weird. I was baptized Catholic as a baby, but my family wasn’t Catholic or even Christian (God was looking after me even from the start it seems 😉) but I didn’t start getting serious about my faith until last year.

I think I would be able to talk to my mom and explain to her why I felt uncomfortable- it would make her upset but I think she wouldn’t be angry. It’s her partner that’s the problem. He has anger management issues and any mention of anything remotely anti-LGBT sends him into a fury. Like one time we were all watching some movie where this man’s wife died and he had to raise their kids alone, and my mom commented that men typically aren’t very good at mothering children. I said ‘that’s why they’re fathers and not mothers’, and he went off at me. My mom calmed him down but that was just one little offhand comment that I didn’t even think was being very ‘anti-gay’. I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if he found out I didn’t like the idea of going to their wedding. That’s the problem, my mom’s infatuated with him, I don’t doubt she’ll do whatever he says even if he wants me gone.

I think I’ll just go and keep my mouth shut about the whole thing. It’ll save everyone a lot of strife and honestly I feel a bit stupid for asking this on an internet forum. I’ve just got no-one I can talk to about this sort of thing and needed a few opinions.
 
Lol. It sounds better to say I’m ‘almost 16’ cos I look way older than I am, most people who meet me think I’m eighteen or nineteen 😛 It was way worse when I was thirteen. People still thought I was seventeen, eighteen, and didn’t believe me when I said I was in seventh grade 😅
 
If you were not a minor living under their roof I would advise you not to go. However you are. Do you have anyone who would take you in if you were kicked out? Partly if there was I’d be more inclined not to go, but also it may happen because of a comment like in my quote.
CatholicLeanne said:
I think I would be able to talk to my mom and explain to her why I felt uncomfortable- it would make her upset but I think she wouldn’t be angry. It’s her partner that’s the problem. He has anger management issues and any mention of anything remotely anti-LGBT sends him into a fury. Like one time we were all watching some movie where this man’s wife died and he had to raise their kids alone, and my mom commented that men typically aren’t very good at mothering children. I said ‘that’s why they’re fathers and not mothers’, and he went off at me. My mom calmed him down but that was just one little offhand comment that I didn’t even think was being very ‘anti-gay’. I can’t imagine how angry he’d be if he found out I didn’t like the idea of going to their wedding. That’s the problem, my mom’s infatuated with him, I don’t doubt she’ll do whatever he says even if he wants me gone.
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Would your mother and her partner be more understanding if you focused on the divorce and remarriage aspect?

Are you attending Mass? Is there a priest you can talk to about it? If so my advice is talk to him.
 
Oops. Sounds like someone you need to bear with for the next few years.

Don’t feel stupid, even though we may argue a lot on these Forums, we’re still here primarily to help other Christians in need.
 
Yeah, sometimes online forums are good for testing the waters when you have a question 🙂

Not the final word, though
 
Dear Catholic Leanne

You are in a difficult situation, but you are right in believing that Our Lord takes care of his own. He takes care of all but some just don’t want his care.

Keep yourself in prayer, and your mom and her partner too. Ask our Lord to guide you when you speak to her privately, if you are able to share with your mom at all the truth about the discomfort you feel. Keep our Holy Mother in your heart and she will guide you too. It is important that your mom knows that you are attending because you love her and don’t want to cause a rift between you two. The 2 things are separate - the things we do or not do (which are not in accord with what God designed us for) & their effect on us, and ourselves, whom God loves and continually shepherds even when we go astray.

Our Lord loves your mom and her partner, as you love your mom too, even if what they do is not in accord with his design. As to attending, I would direct you to your Parish Priest. You are in a difficult situation and I would not venture to ask you to stay away from the wedding as it may present great difficulties for you and your mom and her partner. Please go for weekly mass and receive Holy Communion and go for Reconciliation as needed. establish a relationship with good, strong people within the Parish community, with the youth especially.

I share this with you as I would if you were my daughter far away.

Keep the Faith,
God bless you with abundant Grace
michele
 
This must be so difficult for you. Divorce is hard on kids, even when those kids are grown up. Remarriage is hard on kids, and you get the additional burden of these circumstances.

Please, love your mom. Be kind and gracious.

Do you have a Catholic Youth Minister, Priest, even your Godparent, who can talk with you to help sort through these things?
 
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