Attending a Wedding Question

[repentence]

You can give him a modified version of the explanation you give your family when you RSVP. I think Eileen is right that you ought to explain yourself before the wedding and hopefully ASAP.

“I’m coming to the ceremony (call it a ceremony, not a wedding) because you’re my brother and I want you to be happy, but I cannot (use cannot, not do not) approve of this relationship (call it a relationship, not a marriage) and therefore cannot in good conscience allow the rest of my family to participate. Your plans go against the Catholic faith we were raised in, and also go against the Jewish faith. I don’t understand why you are looking for happiness outside of God’s plan for us, but if you intend to move forward with your plan I will come to show you that I will love you as my brother whether or not I agree with your decisions.”

I, too, have a similar dilemna. I think that this is a good idea about explaining that plans go against the Catholic faith we were raised in, and also go against Jewish faith.
My nephew will be married soon. He was baptised and confirmed in the Catholic Church and will marry outside of the Catholic faith. He hasn’t been an active Catholic for a few years. I haven’t talked to my brother (father of the groom) as yet about this, but I’m planning on saying or writing some of your thoughts above. I don’t think my brother will agree with the thoughts written above. But, I will give it a try. Hopefully, he’ll “see the Light” and talk to my nephew. “As long as they make each other happy” seems to be the philosophy here. Please pray…any other suggestions would be appreciated.
This is only my second time on this marvelous site. It’s great!
-repentence

 

[Cari]

While he is now supposedly Jewish, my family knows everything I just stated and I am simply wondering if it is right for me to bring my family…

As head of the Domestic Church, it is your duty to set a Godly example for your family. Love for your brother and a wish to preserve a comfortable relationship are things we are called to do, but as a husband and father, your priorities must lie with them.

I agree with a previous poster’s suggestion you seek out the advice of a priest. You might have the weighty position of making the final decisions for your family, but thankfully you don’t have to do it unguided.

Best of luck,
C

 

[vluvski]

After I posted here, I found I am in a very similar dilemma. DH’s good friend has asked him to be a groomsman at his wedding, but he’s decided not to marry in the Church.

A lot tougher to take my own advice!

 

[BlestOne]

After I posted here, I found I am in a very similar dilemma. DH’s good friend has asked him to be a groomsman at his wedding, but he’s decided not to marry in the Church.

A lot tougher to take my own advice!

Indeed it is! Last year when my brother got married on the beach with a Protestant minister it was tough and my kids were the roughest on me about it, but we survived. I was mad at first that my oldest decided to drive out there for himself. He was 19 at the time and living on his own so I didn’t have much say. I told him how I felt, he said, “duly noted” and did what he thought best.

In the end, another sister refused to go too, so only half the siblings showed up… sad! But then not that i think about it… only half showed up for my wedding too. I think most of the family thought I didn’t show up for his because he didn’t show up for mine, even though I let people know why I wasn’t going. They will believe what they want anyway.

When son came back with wedding photos I took a look. I reaffirmed my decision not to go when I saw pictures of the bride totally drunk riding an ostrich statue…among many other things.

 

[vluvski]

I put to my husband in no uncertain terms that I would spend the day visiting other friends in the area if he decided to attend the wedding, and explained to him that his friend and the fiacee would, in fact, be fornicating since his Catholic friend is bound by Church law.

I’m proud to say that he has written his friend to find out if he has explored Catholic teaching at all on the matter. We’ll just have to wait and see what comes of it. It’s really a shame because the bride is a great girl, and this guy was a groomsman in our wedding. I bet my husband goes but declines being a groomsman if the friend doesn’t get his act together. We’ll see if I stick to my guns and stay home even if he goes.

 

[Tom317]

I plan to speak to an Opus Dei Priest about this topic. Right now, I would say I am leaning towards attending the ceremony with my family, but I will take the opportunity before the day to teach my kids about the proper way to live by using my brother’s situation as an example of what not to do. I will try to make it a teaching opportunity.

My brother many, many years ago rejected the Catholic faith and became a Jew, and is now reaffirming his choice of being a Jew by marrying this “new” woman in a Jewish ceremony. Since he has not been a Catholic for a long time, and has no plans on ever re-considering Christianity, I see no reason to force something on him that he will never accept from me. Yet, I must make it clear to my children what God expects of them.

However, if the Priest tells me something different, I will likely go that way.

 

[RWMorris]

I’m glad you are considering making this a teaching moment for your family.
If it was me, I would probably go to the wedding to avoid hurt feelings, but tell my children my position on the marriage.
BTW, you don’t mention how old your children are…?

 

[chosen_people]

Well let’s see.

You believe your brother is a sinner (and will be damned eternally in hell?) for leaving Catholicism and that his bride to be, your future sister-in-law, is a harlot!

On the other hand you might also want to consider that certain of the bride’s family may be less than thrilled with the Catholic connection.

Your brother and his bride to be probably know or a least suspect your opinions. They invited you despite those opinions because your the grooms brother. May I suggest that you attend the wedding with your family as a brother and not as anything else unless it is your intention to alienate them both forever.

Presumably you have been able to pass on your religious values as a parent in such a way as to not have your children forever corrupted by attending a single reform Jewish wedding ceremony officiated by female clergy. I can’t see how the prior living conditions of the couple is going to come up in conversation with your children and if it does than they are old enough to understand.

As for your brother converting and the whole Jewish thing you might want to prevent too much of a shock to your children by say taking them first to see protestants getting married