Attending Mass with Autistic Child

[frangiuliano115]

People on the autism spectrum have difficulties coping with interpersonal discord in their social environment. It is imperative that you and your husband get on the same page with this. I tell you this because of very painful personal experiences with my own son.

If you learn how to be on the same page regarding all
Please Advise and post…

(it’s the ideal - but difficult for most to achieve…)

 

[Jerusha]

If you learn how to be on the same page regarding all
Please Advise and post…

(it’s the ideal - but difficult for most to achieve…)

You aren’t kidding! Our situation was extreme, and not just with his father. Son is in his twenties, and has serious problems. After experimenting with AA, he has realized that his off-beat sense of humor gains him acceptance. On of his biggest concerns about getting into recovery.

Temple Grandin says that despite severe early autistic problems, the fact that her parents worked together, with the school, to raise her permitted her to function like she does today.

A social worker who understands autism can help get parents working together. My marriage was so bad I ended up divorcing and getting an annulment. I sent him to his father two years ago on recommendation from psychologist and judge, and am glad I did. Not because his father is better equipped, but because where they live has better resources for rehabilitating people with such an unusual juxtaposition of problems. He has finally being plugged into such resources.

People on the autism spectrum have a knack for seeing through hypocrisy. Be sure your faith is lived, and not just the externals.

 

[Cloisters]

Yes, he has received First Holy Communion.

I think this comes from frustration about his situation. When he gets upset about “life” - which is often - he lashes out. Usually at me (I am mean, he hates me, etc) and he probably thinks of God as an extension of me since I am the “religious” one.

This is something we are also working through.

This is an issue of contention between my husband and I for several years. He has very little patience and can be rough on our son.

Thank you for your prayers.

There were ‘brainy’ saints – St. Albert the Great, for instance. He was an alchemist. Copernicus was a Secular Franciscan, as was Galileo and Leonardo da Vinci.

Ah, yes, rejecting the ‘abstract’ God. Tell your husband to get his act together for the sake of the family or you’ll consider some other way of life. “Aspie see, Aspie do” – keep that in mind. You son’s needing a good male role model right now, esp since he’s entering puberty. Is there a reliable Knight of Columbus or Catholic social worker who could help?

The homeschooling might also be closing in on him. Another suggestion is to put up a pic of the Ecce Homo in a prominent place.

One of my groups is the Leonie League, but it’s been very quiet as of late.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

You mentioned homeschooling. Does your family take advantage of resources that are available for children on the spectrum? You might pose this question to some of those people - even if they’re not religious, they could have ideas on how to make the sensory experiences easier or tone down some of the behavioral issues at Mass.

Do you work with the DRE at your parish at all for your son’s religious education?

I agree. Good advice.

 

[UbiCaritas]

A thought: do loud sounds bother him? If so, would attending a Mass with less music and fewer people help? Earlier Masses often are quieter and more sparsely attended.

I also used to attend a parish where there was an autistic boy who’d wear noise-cancelling headphones to help him get through Mass in the (large, echo-y) church.

 

[frangiuliano115]

You aren’t kidding! Our situation was extreme, and not just with his father. Son is in his twenties, and has serious problems. After experimenting with AA, he has realized that his off-beat sense of humor gains him acceptance. On of his biggest concerns about getting into recovery.

Temple Grandin says that despite severe early autistic problems, the fact that her parents worked together, with the school, to raise her permitted her to function like she does today.

A social worker who understands autism can help get parents working together. My marriage was so bad I ended up divorcing and getting an annulment. I sent him to his father two years ago on recommendation from psychologist and judge, and am glad I did. Not because his father is better equipped, but because where they live has better resources for rehabilitating people with such an unusual juxtaposition of problems. He has finally being plugged into such resources.

People on the autism spectrum have a knack for seeing through hypocrisy. Be sure your faith is lived, and not just the externals.

Temple Grandin books helped us a lot. We’ve read many books.
Men are usually less able to deal with this type of problem - women are more geared to this and so they get the brunt of it.

A priest once told me that I have to look at this as a gift. He said I have to make that jump of quality, is what he called it. I have difficult seeing this as a gift. I will say that this grandaughter is more loving than my other one and is very affectionate.

The hope I can offer to the O.P. is that most times the problem does improve with age.
I’m sorry to have to say this but these chidlren have so much to put up with, life is a battle from the moment they get up.

It’s difficult to balance keeping them safe with not over-protecting them.

I’m also sorry to say that I feel going to Mass for them is an added battle. I’ve had depression myself 3 X in my lifetime so I know a little bit of what they might feel. We cannot avoid some situations in life, but some we can. I do think it’s more important to get the child to know and love God than to force them to go to church. But then it also affects the rest of the family… It’s not easy.

These parents are to be admired and thanked and prayed for.

FG

 

[WillyAL]

Ah, yes, rejecting the ‘abstract’ God. Tell your husband to get his act together for the sake of the family or you’ll consider some other way of life.

Not sure what you’re getting at here. Care to clarify?

 

[Cloisters]

Not sure what you’re getting at here. Care to clarify?

Yes.

Well, quite frankly, I had to threaten hubby with divorce when both boys became suicidal because of his attitude. One is now almost a practicing Baptist because of the horrid example of his father. His Baptist friends showed him what a ‘stable’ family looks like. Hubby seemed to explode whenever he received communion. He hasn’t been to Mass in years, mainly because he thinks all clergy – including married deacons – are pedophiles.

He’s only hurting himself by being so prejudiced.

Somebody on this forum has a quote on their profile about the foolish man always voicing his opinion. Hubby says he has opinions and voices them where others don’t. Hubby’s a convert from atheism, then got sent to Gulf War I. He came back another man.

My FIL was an atheist, but still followed the 10 Commandments. He said that was the way to treat people. If people had to have a God to go along with it, so be it. My MIL is Finnish Lutheran, with no local church, and said her mother followed the 10 Commandments.

My MIL was a bit of a battleax when she was younger, but spiritual happenings in the house ran her to God. My FIL died 25 years ago, about a week after hubby and I married. My MIL is now 95 and very frail. I am hoping we can get her to a nursing home sooner rather than later. Her confusion may cause incorrect dosing for her meds. Please pray for this.

Hope this clarifies my comment.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Jerusha]

Cloisters, that story has been told a thousand times. So tragic.

 

[Cloisters]

Cloisters, that story has been told a thousand times. So tragic.

When his father was dying of cancer, I knelt next to the bed, and prayed for him. He thought Jesus was a myth, like Jupiter, etc. I felt the presence of the Lord behind me, and my FIL looked up. His expression softened, as if to say, “So you really do exist.”

Things are even-ing out now that I’ve sent numerous petitions to the St. Jude shrine in Chicago. I have been practicing “pray for those who curse you” and asked God to show all of us our faults so that we can get on the right track with him.

When the girl with the revoked license blew the intersection last October, and I t-boned her, God reminded hubby that He could have taken me and my son (we were going home from school).

Now that my Aspie son is nearing graduation, we have to figure out how to employ him. He doesn’t think he can handle 8 hour shift jobs. His sleep cycles are messed up – that’s one reason.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[Jerusha]

Now that my Aspie son is nearing graduation, we have to figure out how to employ him. He doesn’t think he can handle 8 hour shift jobs. His sleep cycles are messed up – that’s one reason.

Blessings,
Cloisters

Before his recent breakdown, my son was struggling to be super-responsible. He was doing well at temporary help, and it was a good way of experiencing different kinds of jobs. If called in, he could accept or decline depending on where he was on sleep/wake. Two things he mentioned were a fireworks stand eek, and working with an auctioneer. He really enjoyed one where he could work whenever he could–.

 

[1990Domer]

I so feel for you, as I was once where you were. Please feel free to PM me. Just for encouragement, nothing is impossible with God. My son, who was thought by experts to never live an independent life, is now a pious straight A student. However, it was a marathon!

I do agree with Monicad. You cannot force faith on those who are not open to it (your husband, for example). Perhaps family counseling, as opposed to marriage counseling, may help you unite for your son.