Attention Singles and looking: Is smoking really a deal-breaker for you?

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childofmary1143

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I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.

Isn’t that a little harsh? Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break. I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.
 
While I’m not single and looking, smoking was a deal breaker for me when I was. For one, I’m severely allergic. Secondly, I didn’t want the future father of my children to be a smoker. I don’t think that’s harsh at all. Sure it’s an addiction. I’m not saying smokers are bad people, but it is my choice if I want that to be a part of my life.
 
I have a history of chronic bronchitis, upper respiratory issues (you’d think that as a runner, a singer and former rugger, I’d have better lungs than that…), a family history of lung problems (including lung cancer, asthma, and emphysema), and a high sensitivity to respiratory allergens including cig smoke. So, yes, it would be a deal breaker for me, not only for my health (second hand smoke is dangerous) but also for the health of my future children (since they don’t get much of a say as to what they’re exposed to). And honestly, I would not want to kiss a guy who smoked. That last sentence sounds harsh, but it’s true.

Now, I have friends who do smoke, but they know not to smoke around me unless we’re outside and even then, not often. They also know not to expect my presence if they want to go to hookah bars. Here’s the difference, I’m not as exposed to my friends as I would be to a husband. And even if he keeps his habit outside the house, he’d still bring the chemicals inside of the house. It’s one thing if it’s an occasional thing with a good buddy (my dad doesn’t smoke but he will have a cigar with his best friend, simply because they don’t see each other much), but not if it’s an every day thing.
 
I suppose it depends on what it is the potential mate smokes.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
While I’m not single and looking, smoking was a deal breaker for me when I was. For one, I’m severely allergic. Secondly, I didn’t want the future father of my children to be a smoker. I don’t think that’s harsh at all. Sure it’s an addiction. I’m not saying smokers are bad people, but it is my choice if I want that to be a part of my life.
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In your circumstances I can see how it would be due to your allergies.
 
Absolutely YES! Smoking is not only nasty, but an expensive habit. Plus, I wouldn’t want children around it.
 
childofmary1143 said:
I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.

Isn’t that a little harsh? Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break. I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.
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Yes its a deal breaker. Tell you what, I fell in love with a heavy smoker a while back… but had he and I been on a dating page this “detail” would have been enough for me to have looked at one of the other guys instead.
Smoking is an addiction that can cause not only health problems to your spouse… some smokers are even smoking in their homes with their children being present (actually I have never seen a smoker stand out side of his own house while enjoying a cig)… it makes a bad climate inside and causes dirt in the house… then its also a bad role model for kids in this area and being a heavy smoker can be quite a financial burden too.

So… If I fell for a smoker we could work things out (meaning he would not smoke in our home) and we would pray for his healing. but no, I would not send him away because of such a thing.

Do you think I am unfair?
 
Smoking is not a deal-breaker. In fact, I remember some psych-tests coming up with a general conclusion that the type of girl I attract is most likely a smoker. This is probably because I’m more likely to attract the more nervous types. Ones that take some things in life somewhat physically, perhaps, you know, like when a smoker feels he has to smoke one because of something that has just happened or because of his mood. I somehow know the feeling, even though I don’t smoke (my family did, I’ve known a lot of smokers, I’ve smoked a bit at university).
 
childofmary1143 said:
I am talking about tobacco. Anything else WOULD be a deal breaker for me!!
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Even allowing that we are only discussing tobacco, there is still a great deal of discernment to be made. I mean, if they’re smoking menthols, that’s so much worse than drawing on a fragrant, hand-rolled cigar.
 
chevalier said:
Smoking is not a deal-breaker. In fact, I remember some psych-tests coming up with a general conclusion that the type of girl I attract is most likely a smoker. This is probably because I’m more likely to attract the more nervous types. Ones that take some things in life somewhat physically, perhaps, you know, like when a smoker feels he has to smoke one because of something that has just happened or because of his mood. I somehow know the feeling, even though I don’t smoke (my family did, I’ve known a lot of smokers, I’ve smoked a bit at university).
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Interesting! The quote is from a concert transcript:
Then after a long, long time they finally said my name,
and there was just dead silence. (laughter) It was making
me really nervous, and finally, one fellow spoke up, he said,
“Rich Mullins…I think he appeals to smokers.”
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:rotfl:

Topic? I’ve dated smokers and would again so I guess it’s not a deal breaker.With that said it’s not my preference. The health issues, the cost, the potential for conflict (because you are going to smoke outside, not in the house).

It’s interesting how smoking is rather common where I live now (rural midwest) in comparison to others areas I’ve lived that very few of my friends or guys I dated smoked. So, if I were to date anyone around here it’s very likely that he’s a smoker. It’s already pretty slim pickin’s around here. If it were a deal breaker well, let’s just say what’s left over is the deal breaker :nope:
 
I always thought smoking was a dealbreaker for me. I certainly never looked twice at a guy with a cigarette in his hand, and if I were reading an online profile of a man, I would skip right past it if he said he was a smoker.

But, now I’m dating a guy who smokes occasionally. We were friends for six months before we dated, and I had never seen him smoke. You can imagine my shock when he bummed a cigarette from a friend about three weeks after we’d started dating. We were already serious by then because I don’t date casually. I interrogated him about it :rolleyes: and it turns out he smokes about three cigarettes a week, and only if he’s drinking with friends who smoke. At first, it was going to be a deal-breaker, but then I saw how little he actually smokes (about a fifth of the cigarette, and throws the rest away) and realized that other habits are much more dangerous than the little he smokes. If he started chain-smoking, I would end it, but he gets sick if he smokes more than he does, so I’m not too concerned about him increasing the habit in the future.
 
childofmary1143 said:
I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.
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It is definitely a deal-breaker for me. When I was single/dating (been married just under 3 years) I would not date a smoker.
childofmary1143 said:
Isn’t that a little harsh?
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Nope
childofmary1143 said:
Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break.
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It’s also stinky, expensive, and disgusting.

On top of it I can’t be in a room with smoking without stinging eyes, runny nose, and a headache.
childofmary1143 said:
I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.
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And, that’s perfectly fine. But, don’t expect everyone to have the same list of deal-breakers. Smoking is on mine, if it’s not on yours then that’s fine too.
 
Not single. Not looking. But I broke of a getting-serious relationship before I was married because of it. The guy came over for dinner, and it took me 3 days to get the smell out of my apartment.

My mother was a pack-a-day smoker, and I grew up gagging on the stench of cold ash trays. No way would I have entered a live-in relationship with a smoker.

The OP suggested that such a position was “harsh.” Too bad.
 
Simply put, it MAY be a deal-breaker for some; but not for everyone.
We’re individuals and as such,we all have our own set of personal deal-breakers.

My :twocents:
 
Guess so, although it would likely just “turn out that way.” The occassional celebratory cigar, okay, I would be fine with that. Habitual cigarette smoking – even a “weekend” or “social” smoker – would probably be a deal breaker.

I can’t stand the smell of smoke in my hair or clothes.
 
I grew up with a mother who chain smoked and I learned to hate tobacco. No, I’d never marry anyone who smoked. It’s expensive, it’s bad for your health, it gives you horrible bad breath, and it’s not impossible to quit. My mother did.
 
As a man who does not smoke, smoking is a deal breaker. While I wouldn’t mind someone who has an occasional cigar break or something, a pack-a-day smoker would be totally out of the question.

Also, I don’t look past their habit because its addictive for them. In that case, what would stop me from dating an alcoholic, crack-addict, etc…
 
Yes, it really is. I just find men that smoke very unattrative. Simple as that. If I cannot find someone attractive then I will not date them. If I won’t date them I’m unlikely to marry them!

I’m 27. Everyone of my generation grew up knowing how dangerous and addictive smoking is. There is no excuse any longer.
 
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