Attracted to a Priest

[casslean]

I don’t disagree with those who are telling you to find a different Mass - it may be an easier way to proceed if you are really struggling.

That having been said, I think you may be over-reacting just a little. You’re 18 - we all had infatuations at 18. The best way to deal with them is to recognize what it is - an infatuation. You really know nothing about this person, other than his “professional persona”, and I expect what you are attracted to (besides his physical appearance) is the general sense of compassion and caring that most priests I’ve met exude.

You’re in a new place and with new experiences since you are starting college - it’s easy to feel lost and wrong-footed. It’s easy to fall for people in positions of trust and authority when you feel vulnerable. Therapists and doctors often face the same issues (transference), and I would be very surprised if most priests did not have some training in dealing with transference.

A break might be helpful, if only to give you a break from the feelings, but I think this is something you’ll just grow out of if you stop obsessing over it. In the meantime, if you have a parish priest at home that you trust, Christmas might be a good time to sit down for a discussion and get some guidance as to how to better address these issues.

 

[SyroMalankara]

OP: you will have to wait til Francis abolishes the celibacy requirement for priests. Its not too far off. In the meantime, stay away from even dwelling on such thoughts lest you commit the mortal sin of lustful thoughts

What kind of terrible advice is this? The Pope will never allow ordained priests to marry, he may allow married men to become deacons and priests. Too bad, this one’s already ordained, so too late.

 

[Modern_Revert]

More than anything, we need faithful priests! Please do not continue with this line of thinking, not just for your sake and his, but for the congregation.

BTW - I get it. I have a big crush on Monsignor Gaenswein.

 

[Todd977]

Avoiding the near occasion of sin by removing yourself from the situation would probably be best. In the meantime, every time an inappropriate thought concerning your priest pops into your head, pray for him that God will bless him with all manner of spiritual gifts. Let each moment of temptation be turned into a moment of grace. Satan will stop tempting you in this way when he sees such efforts are counterproductive.

 

[houston1]

OP,

I strongly disagree that this a near occasion of sin but, rather, is the enemy’s tactic to make you try to quit going to Mass. See what happen in your case? Your attraction began at approximately the same time that you started attending Mass again in your attempt to become more devout. As a good Catholic, you are aware that these feelings are a little off and are trying to deal with them appropriately. Isn’t that why you posted this on the CAF?

To be attracted to others, even in a sexual way, is a natural tendency and are not sins in and of themselves. For those who are suggesting that the OP go to another parish, have you considered that this may involve great logistical challenges for the OP? And suppose that she become attracted to another priest or say a married man . . . what then? Should she keep running from parish to parish?

A near occasion of sin would be, for example, spending a lot of alone time with this priest in a non-professional manner. I would even say that God is using the OP’s attraction to give her even more incentive to keep going to Mass. Perhaps, she needs this attraction to continue to make the resolve to go to Mass. God made this priest attractive and his beauty is His work.

OP, be thankful for the joy that you receive from seeing this priest and hearing what he has to say. Give glory and thanksgiving to God every time you see this marvelous man. You are good to keep guard of your thoughts. Keep resisting the sinful inclinations and thoughts. So, as long as you are mindful of this and keep in constant prayer, God will protect you from sin. So, relax. May God’s peace be with you.

You are in my prayers. I agree with the others that you should also pray to our Blessed Mother for her protection.

houston1

 

[augustine14]

OP,

I strongly disagree that this a near occasion of sin but, rather, is the enemy’s tactic to make you try to quit going to Mass. See what happen in your case? Your attraction began at approximately the same time that you started attending Mass again in your attempt to become more devout. As a good Catholic, you are aware that these feelings are a little off and are trying to deal with them appropriately. Isn’t that why you posted this on the CAF?

To be attracted to others, even in a sexual way, is a natural tendency and are not sins in and of themselves. For those who are suggesting that the OP go to another parish, have you considered that this may involve great logistical challenges for the OP? And suppose that she become attracted to another priest or say a married man . . . what then? Should she keep running from parish to parish?

A near occasion of sin would be, for example, spending a lot of alone time with this priest in a non-professional manner. I would even say that God is using the OP’s attraction to give her even more incentive to keep going to Mass. Perhaps, she needs this attraction to continue to make the resolve to go to Mass. God made this priest attractive and his beauty is His work.

OP, be thankful for the joy that you receive from seeing this priest and hearing what he has to say. Give glory and thanksgiving to God every time you see this marvelous man. You are good to keep guard of your thoughts. Keep resisting the sinful inclinations and thoughts. So, as long as you are mindful of this and keep in constant prayer, God will protect you from sin. So, relax. May God’s peace be with you.

You are in my prayers. I agree with the others that you should also pray to our Blessed Mother for her protection.

houston1

If this really isn’t that bad why do I feel so guilty about it? When I leave mass sometimes I feel terrible. Like a really bad Catholic. And isn’t going to mass because I want to ogle the priest rather than worship God wrong? Granted I do legitimately enjoy his homilies and find them interesting and enlightening (more so than the other priests who do daily mass), but I can’t help but think that the bad feelings outweigh the good feelings here. Thank you for praying for me.

 

[blaskoman]

What kind of terrible advice is this? The Pope will never allow ordained priests to marry, he may allow married men to become deacons and priests. Too bad, this one’s already ordained, so too late.

You have to be open minded to Bergolio’s “God of surprises”. We must go to where the Spirit moves the Church including change of doctrine and practices. Remember, the Pope recently was admonishing those who are “rigid”.

 

[houston1]

If this really isn’t that bad why do I feel so guilty about it? When I leave mass sometimes I feel terrible. Like a really bad Catholic. And isn’t going to mass because I want to ogle the priest rather than worship God wrong? Granted I do legitimately enjoy his homilies and find them interesting and enlightening (more so than the other priests who do daily mass), but I can’t help but think that the bad feelings outweigh the good feelings here. Thank you for praying for me.

OP,

When you started going to Mass at this parish, I’d ask that you examine your motives for doing so . . . I suspect based on what you’ve described in your original post that it was truly to become holy and honor God, i.e., you had good motives.

So, as you started going to Mass you developed “feelings” for this priest. He is handsome, well spoken, and he speaks about God! What a package! How any woman would not find this attractive, I do not know!

As to your feeling guilty . . . it may be that you are confusing your feelings of attraction with deliberate sexual thoughts which are sinful. Feelings of lust are sinful depending on what one does with them. So, for example, if you find that your mind starts to wander on thoughts of a sexual nature with this priest (like kissing, cuddling, and on and on), those thoughts are sinful depending on how diligently you try to resist them. If you continue the struggle against them by turning to God in prayer or to some morally neutral thought, you have committed no sin. Rather, this is a temptation.

Here are some examples of prayers that you could use. “Dear Lord, I find this priest attractive, I ask that you bless him and make him a saint and make me one, too.” or “Dear Lord, you make a beautiful creation in this priest. Thank you.” or “Dear Jesus, use these feelings that I have for this priest for your glory. I offer them to you, fully without reserve. Lead and guide me to know what to do next.” or “Dear Lord, I have these feelings for this priest. Please help me find a spouse who equally inspires similar feelings that I have for this priest.”

You, of course, can avoid this priest, if you find your situation too painful to face and you have another good alternative for Mass. However, do not avoid going to Mass because of your dilemma. Do not let the enemy of our souls win in this regard. It is clear that the enemy is using this situation to confuse and discourage you.

In addition, you have done nothing wrong by having these feelings. God made sex and made us sexual beings. Acting upon one’s sexual attraction is holy in the right context, i.e., in marriage. You likely are open to the possibility of marriage to some special, holy gentleman that God will reveal in time.

Lastly, another reason that you may feel guilty about these feelings is that you find yourself caught a prisoner, in essence. You are stuck with these feelings in what seems an unworkable situation. So, you may be saying to yourself over and over . . . “I’m not supposed to have sexual feelings for this priest. So, I am bad. If I were stronger, I would overcome this.” This is faulty reasoning. We cannot control our feelings most times and, many times, cannot control our circumstances. These “feelings” are your invitation by God to draw closer to Him in prayer. God has a purpose for why He has allowed you to develop feelings for this priest. My best recommendation for you is to continue going to Mass and set aside some alone time in prayer every day so that you can be quiet and listen to God. He made be leading you to something and these feelings for this priest may be instrumental.

Jesus is always the answer to our problems. He wants to help you and does not will needless suffering. There is a purpose for this and it’s up to you to ask Him, “what next?”

Again, you are in my prayers.

houston1

 

[ServusHumilis]

You have to be open minded to Bergolio’s “God of surprises”. We must go to where the Spirit moves the Church including change of doctrine and practices. Remember, the Pope recently was admonishing those who are “rigid”.

Married men not being able to be ordained isn’t a matter of doctrine and could be changed though ordained men still wouldn’t be able to marry.

The Church will never “change” her doctrine, which is based on the word of God, just because the values of modernist secular society have gone out of whack.

 

[Faxero]

Is that church the only place in your area where it is convenient to attend mass? If so, then Confession is going to be awkward.

 

[Joy2day]

Dear OP, sometimes in the catholic church there can be those who try to destroy it from within, & I am certainly not referring to you here. You have likely been caught up in a ‘game’ which is about nothing more than ‘winning’. Sometimes men like to be able to conquer women, & the priest is a man…
There are elements in the church who.seek an uprising, attempting to force change via ‘majority rule’, & the tanikoctics they employ are often unscrupulous. Its about gettimg what they want. Dont be a pawn/tool in their game; this actually has very little to do with you. You, are actually, likely being manipulated, & unfortunately its not funny, especially when you have real faith. The very sad thing, is that they also are supposed to have real.faith, yet they would rather ‘win’ a game to support their egos, than stop.a nail being driven into.Christ. Have nothing to do with them. Follow what Christ said: remove the temptation, for He will say to them ‘get away from Me, I never knew you’.
Sometimes if you stand for something, the first thing negative people want to do, is tear it down; their motives being very mixed up.

 

[CaitlinSiobhan]

Dear OP, sometimes in the catholic church there can be those who try to destroy it from within, & I am certainly not referring to you here. You have likely been caught up in a ‘game’ which is about nothing more than ‘winning’. Sometimes men like to be able to conquer women, & the priest is a man…
There are elements in the church who.seek an uprising, attempting to force change via ‘majority rule’, & the tanikoctics they employ are often unscrupulous. Its about gettimg what they want. Dont be a pawn/tool in their game; this actually has very little to do with you. You, are actually, likely being manipulated, & unfortunately its not funny, especially when you have real faith. The very sad thing, is that they also are supposed to have real.faith, yet they would rather ‘win’ a game to support their egos, than stop.a nail being driven into.Christ. Have nothing to do with them. Follow what Christ said: remove the temptation, for He will say to them ‘get away from Me, I never knew you’.
Sometimes if you stand for something, the first thing negative people want to do, is tear it down; their motives being very mixed up.

what. :ehh:

I’m not sure where this applies to the OP’s story. She’s young, she’s somewhere new, there’s a lot of natural confusion and temptation going on. Based on what she told us, I see no evidence of the priest encouraging an infatuation or manipulating her.

OP - I agree that this is most likely a tactic of the enemy to keep you from drawing closer to God. Don’t let him win! Counter any lustful thoughts with prayer or praise for Jesus. Lean on Mary, who was the ultimate example of turning away from lust, the Blessed Ever Virgin.

I will be praying for you. And for your priest.