Attracted to someone discerning religious life while discerning religious life

[dominic_neil]

I’m in a tad bit of a dilemma.

I began “officially” discerning religious life with a community a little more than a year ago. At about the same time God sent me a wonderful lady, who is also discerning religoius life with a community, who has been my companion on my vocation journey (prayers, mass, adoration etc. on top of the usual hang out activites)

Along the way we’ve gotten very sure of our call to religious life… well at least i have. Until recent spiritual directions which prompted me to be open to marriage (long story). Realized that i’ve developed an attraction, feelings and love for the above mentioned companion which i have been surpressing and since then i seem to have opened up a can of worms which ultimately make me accept my own desires that i’d like to take her out. Shared this with my SD and he’s left the ball in my court on what to do with this desire.

From my end i’m quite certain i’d like to give it a shot with her but the tricky thing is that she’s discerning too. If i told her about this, it my present to her as a distraction that she probably does not need. I’d really like her to stay focused without having to deal with concerns on how i feel. And God willing if she does enter religious life i’m willing to be happy for her though it’ll probably leave a bitter aftertaste in my heart.

Am I doing the right thing by keeping quiet? Any thoughts/experiences you can share with this poor boy stuck struggling to deal with this arkward situation?

 

[Cloisters]

I’m in a tad bit of a dilemma.

I began “officially” discerning religious life with a community a little more than a year ago. At about the same time God sent me a wonderful lady, who is also discerning religoius life with a community, who has been my companion on my vocation journey (prayers, mass, adoration etc. on top of the usual hang out activites)

Along the way we’ve gotten very sure of our call to religious life… well at least i have. Until recent spiritual directions which prompted me to be open to marriage (long story). Realized that i’ve developed an attraction, feelings and love for the above mentioned companion which i have been surpressing and since then i seem to have opened up a can of worms which ultimately make me accept my own desires that i’d like to take her out. Shared this with my SD and he’s left the ball in my court on what to do with this desire.

From my end i’m quite certain i’d like to give it a shot with her but the tricky thing is that she’s discerning too. If i told her about this, it my present to her as a distraction that she probably does not need. I’d really like her to stay focused without having to deal with concerns on how i feel. And God willing if she does enter religious life i’m willing to be happy for her though it’ll probably leave a bitter aftertaste in my heart.

Am I doing the right thing by keeping quiet? Any thoughts/experiences you can share with this poor boy stuck struggling to deal with this arkward situation?

Yes, that can be a tricky situation.

How well do you communicate? I wouldn’t be overbearing, but I’d probably ask if God had spoken to her about marriage at all. If He has, it might open a door for you.

When I see situations like this, it usually does end in marriage, and the couple is blessed with children with vocations. That could be the reason why you’re both so well-disposed to vocations, so that you can let your kids know that it’s nothing to be feared.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

 

[dominic_neil]

Yes, that can be a tricky situation.

How well do you communicate? I wouldn’t be overbearing, but I’d probably ask if God had spoken to her about marriage at all. If He has, it might open a door for you.

When I see situations like this, it usually does end in marriage, and the couple is blessed with children with vocations. That could be the reason why you’re both so well-disposed to vocations, so that you can let your kids know that it’s nothing to be feared.

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters

We communicate wonderfully. Except for a few very unpleasant incidents of the past that both of us don’t fully dare to open to each other that is. I’d be quite certain to say we know each other pretty well, share similar values, goals and wish wholeheartedly to please God, though both of us a tad bit guilty of being very hard on ourselves at times (false humility etc.).

When i shared with her once that my boat got rocked(which in actuality was due to my feelings for her though i did not specify), she did respond that my expreience rocked hers too and got her to start thinking of married life. Appears she’d love it but at the same time feels she’s filled with a love that’s focused on not just a family but for many… so yeah… i guess she might just be happier with religious life and open to marriage at the same time.

I’d be alot more comfortable asking her out if she were still in the initial stages of discernment but it’s come to a point she’s determined to pursue the community so that’s a bummer. I can understand how she feels though… It took about a couple of months to digest that I might not be called to religious life at all… that kinda dreaded fear that my plans are ruined!

She’s going on a 10 day retreat next week to stay in with the sisters. Guess i’ll see what comes out of it. She’ll make a great religious sister if God indeed is calling her there i’ll admit.

 

[zaramarie81]

We communicate wonderfully. Except for a few very unpleasant incidents of the past that both of us don’t fully dare to open to each other that is. I’d be quite certain to say we know each other pretty well, share similar values, goals and wish wholeheartedly to please God, though both of us a tad bit guilty of being very hard on ourselves at times (false humility etc.).

When i shared with her once that my boat got rocked(which in actuality was due to my feelings for her though i did not specify), she did respond that my expreience rocked hers too and got her to start thinking of married life. Appears she’d love it but at the same time feels she’s filled with a love that’s focused on not just a family but for many… so yeah… i guess she might just be happier with religious life and open to marriage at the same time.

I’d be alot more comfortable asking her out if she were still in the initial stages of discernment but it’s come to a point she’s determined to pursue the community so that’s a bummer. I can understand how she feels though… It took about a couple of months to digest that I might not be called to religious life at all… that kinda dreaded fear that my plans are ruined!

She’s going on a 10 day retreat next week to stay in with the sisters. Guess i’ll see what comes out of it. She’ll make a great religious sister if God indeed is calling her there i’ll admit.

I’d just like to step in and make a gentle suggestion. Just as some background - I personally feel called to marriage, although the discernment process has not been an easy one Having been through the complexities of discernment for marriage, here are my thoughts… Perhaps you should, without pressure, just let her know of your feelings. This gives her the option to decide. If she never knows of your feelings, she never gets that option – that freedom to choose. Especially since traditionally, it is the man that pursues so she would naturally wait for you to speak up even if she had a strong interest in discerning marriage with you. Just a thought… she may still choose religious life, but at least she does it with full knowledge, and both of you can move forward with peace in your hearts and no lingering “what ifs…”

 

[dominic_neil]

I’d just like to step in and make a gentle suggestion. Just as some background - I personally feel called to marriage, although the discernment process has not been an easy one Having been through the complexities of discernment for marriage, here are my thoughts… Perhaps you should, without pressure, just let her know of your feelings. This gives her the option to decide. If she never knows of your feelings, she never gets that option – that freedom to choose. Especially since traditionally, it is the man that pursues so she would naturally wait for you to speak up even if she had a strong interest in discerning marriage with you. Just a thought… she may still choose religious life, but at least she does it with full knowledge, and both of you can move forward with peace in your hearts and no lingering “what ifs…”

Hi zaramarie,

Thank you for your advice i believe i will do just that.