Attraction to woman in choir

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Fraevo63

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I don’t know why I have an attraction to this woman at my parish who is in choir at the Sunday 10am Mass I attend. I just glance at her 2 or 3 times during Mass but it is not a distraction. I wonder to myself if she is married. Could this be the Lord?
I am not married and am living chastely for God 7 days a week. I do not know if it would be prudent of me to inquire about her marital status.
Thoughts?
 
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You can start by checking on whether she wears a wedding ring. Most married women do. If no wedding ring, you could try engaging her in a short conversation at some church event.
 
Does she stop for coffee and donuts after Mass? Do you ?
 
@SuscipeMeDomine,

I have not seen her in the parish hall where coffee and donuts are served.
I do occaisonally.
 
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There’s no reason you can’t strike up a conversation with her and see what happens. Just if she’s married or you get the sense she’s not interested, back off gracefully and don’t weird her out.
 
At least at my parish it wouldn’t be abnormal for someone to go up to a stranger and talk with them, since everyone is friendly in nature
 
Fraevo63 said:
@SuscipeMeDomine,

I have not seen her in the parish hall where coffee and donuts are served.
I do occaisonally.
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I’d be a bit concerned if she doesn’t like coffee and donuts. Other than that, heck yes, inquire! Attraction is generally the motivator of these things; a God designed order of things. Unless your waiting for an arranged marriage. 😊
 
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I would ask the choir director about her first. But that’s just me, I always like to know more before any approach.
 
There’s the obvious things like, observe her when Mass is over to see if she leaves with a family. If she’s alone, she may not be married or seeing anyone. If she’s singing in the choir, you have a great, unfreaky opening of “Hi, I really enjoyed your singing today! Thanks so much for all you add to the Mass!” I would probably not segue directly into, “So, are you married?” but you could talk about the music, the parish, etc.
 
My father-in-law met my mother-in-law at church. I’m sort of glad he took the leap of faith to talk to her. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
 
If you’re attracted to her and would like to get to know her better, absolutely ask her out!
 
I’m the only person in my choir who stays around after Mass. I suspect it’s because the choir arrives half an hour early so most probably feel they’ve already done their duty for the day. In general the choir people are less involved in other church activities because the choir itself is a big commitment (which others may not observe) so you may be waiting a while to just bump into her in church. Which could make it difficult to find a way to know whether she’s taken or to approach her.

Don’t assume anything about her because she’s in the choir. She may be from another parish or may not be a Catholic.

Is it possible to sit close enough to the choir to see whether she’s wearing a ring?
 
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Hi all,
I am the Original Poster. Our parish ran a story of the choir member I mentioned here with her photo, name and a short bio in our weekly bulletin. Her marital status was NOT mentioned in the article. I found her profile on social media where her “relationship status” was posted. She is married. 😞 I am a bit embarrassed that I thought my noticing her was of the Lord. It was not.
😞
 
Yes, nothing to be embarassed about. We all do it - persuade ourselves that this little thing we want may really from God. Sometimes we are even right, but mostly not.

Another minor heartache to toss on the pile.
 
Think about it this way. You were wondering about her and the Lord gave you the answer. The timing for her to be profiled in the bulletin does not feel like a coincidence.
 
BoomBoomMancini said:
There’s no reason you can’t strike up a conversation with her and see what happens. Just if she’s married or you get the sense she’s not interested, back off gracefully and don’t weird her out.
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@(name removed by moderator)

Ha ha. Can you recommend any clean, Catholic romance stories? I may need to live vicariously through one. 😏
 
It happens to all of us at some point in our lives. It’s harder for us women because there are a lot of married men who like to act like they are not married and then we find out by accident they have a wife somewhere.

Better luck next time!
 
I’m experiencing the same thing except the choir goes out followed by the Priest and we’ll … It’s a large church shall we say, she is gone and beyond approach by the time mass ends. I do struggle not to focus on her singing though as she pulls slightly goofy faces when she sings, I like that in a woman 🙂
 
Join the choir (even if you can’t sing) you’ll get to know everyone, including her!
That’s how I met my wife, and I’m eternally grateful that God gave me the courage to talk to her. 😊
 
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