Attrition...Should we seek fear of punishment?

[TNAB]

I have really been struggling with the perfect contrition and imperfect contrition (attrition) lately…As someone who as been dealing with anxiety, the idea that fear of punishment in attrition is GOOD is something that makes me even more anxious…This is my question: does anyone know if we should SEEK fear of punishment??? By seek, I mean try to be afraid of punishment in order to provide motivation for confession? This does not seem right to me and would, undoubtedly, increase my anxiety…

Perhaps what the Catholic Church means when they speak of attrition being good and profitable is that, if instigated by the Holy Spirit, it can lead to confession…However, fear of punishment should NOT BE sought for its own sake…In this way, perhaps attrition is medicine for the soul as Thomas Aquinas explains…However, if we, ourselves, seek fear of punishment, this is not good, since when we seek fear, we do not seek God, nor fully trust Him…So what I’m saying is that perhaps we should not be afraid of punishment but should seek forgiveness based on our love for God (the motivation in perfect Contrition)…However, if we try not to fear, but simply cannot prevent ourselves from doing so, the motivation is attrition…and although we should not seek this form of motivation, it is ultimately profitable…Has anyone ever thought about this, and what do you think? I’m just having a rough day with my anxiety, and do not want to fear…Thanks and God bless.

 

[baltobetsy]

I don’t know about you, but I fear punishment quite naturally, without any effort or seeking at all.

As I see it, fear of punishment should be an early step in a sinner’s return to God. As the person grows in love, fear fades and contrition becomes more perfect, more motivated by love. Perfect love casts out fear, as the scripture tells us.

Many, many sermons have been preached on the horrors of hell and the fearsomeness of judgement. I’m sure many souls have been started on the right path as a result.

To sum up: Fear of punishment is a lesser good than sorrow of love. Both are good. God meets us where we are.

Betsy

 

[TNAB]

Thanks Betsey, I appreciate your response…Perhaps what I will comment on now is what you are referring to: I have been technically a Catholic all of my life, but my extreme anxiety led me to confession for the first time in 3 years…I was afraid of going to hell because I was in the state of mortal sin…Perhaps this is when I sought imperfect contrition…However, now I have realized that while the anxiety was good, in that it led me to seek confession and learn more about my Catholic faith, I should not be fearful or anxious because I trust and have faith in God…In other words, while my anxiety might have been a MEANS of getting me to confession in the first place and is good ONLY in that respect, perhaps it is not good in itself…in other words I should never seek to be afraid or anxious because I trust in God…

In order to combat the anxiety, I pray to God that he will lead me to confession because I of my love for Him and not any anxiety for punishment…This relieves constant worry and anxiety about this.

I have been working on thinking about my motivation for confession…And the more I learn about God and His character, I realize that I should be going because of the love of God and not fear of hell… (in other words I seek confession b/c of charity, not fear).

Would this be an example of what you are trying to say?

 

[baltobetsy]

God is so good that He has arranged things so that fear of hell or punishment from God in general is always enough to be forgiven in Confession. Always. The sacrament makes up for the love that is lacking in attrition. I’m sure there are some people who never get beyond attrition, but if they are absolved in Confession, that’s ultimately good enough to save them.

Another “always” for you - we should always try to love God more. The more we get to know Him, in the Mass, in Confession, in prayer, in the scriptures, in the lives of the saints, in His gracious hand in our own lives, the more we will be motivated to love Him. This just grows peacefully day by day; it is not achieved by worry and anxiety over it.

Some day, and it may be tomorrow or a long time from now, the dear Lord may give you the gift of perfect contrition, and you will find yourself sorry for your sins because they offend Him, whom you love so much. Whenever that happens, it’s great.

I’m not quite sure I fully understand your situation. Have you not been to Confession for three years and just recently found yourself in mortal sin? Do you suffer from an anxiety disorder, or did the mortal sin frighten you? Are you afraid of Confession?

Whatever the answers are, you will do well to establish a daily plan of personal prayer and study to get to know God better and love Him more. You should try to go to Confession regularly, perhaps every month or more often if necessary, so you don’t end up with 3 years’ worth again.

Remember that your relationship with God involves both you AND God. He will give you what you need as you progress. It’s OK to trust Him and rest in His love. You don’t have to force yourself to be a certain way.

Your anxiety over punishment for your sins is enough to be absolved in Confession. Just keep loving more and more, and your contrition will become more perfect over time. You only need to let it happen. Take a breath.

Betsy

 

[TNAB]

Thanks Betsey,

Although I have not been formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I have been experiencing anxiety for several months…However, I have turned to God, my Catholic faith, and self-help techniques in order to improve, and I have done so greatly…

A big part of my anxiety over the past several months had been uncertainty regarding the question of whether we should fear punishment, etc… I thought that Catholicism had always stressed that we should get scared about going to hell…This created big anxiety (not just natural) to the point of a panic attack…

My vast improvement began with a visit to a priest at the university I am attending… I asked him about anxiety over things such as fear of punishment, confession, and if I should be worrying about when to go and so forth… He told me that anxiety gets in the way of our faith… Instead of worrying about when to go to confession, we should pray to God, that He will lead us there and give us strength… He said that worry and fear is selfish on our own part, and that God does not want us to be anxious but to trust Him instead…

However, I became confused recently after reading the Church’s teaching about imperfect contrition… After discussing this with you, I think I misinterpreted what I thought it meant… It said that fear of punishment (the motivation for imperfect contrition) is a good and profitable thing… I took this to mean that fear was NOT bad… Following this logic, I was concerned that it meant perhaps that we should fear… In other words, I thought we should voluntarily be worried about hell…we should TRY to fear it! But this cannot be what God intends…He wants us to love and trust and not to fear, because if we are fearing, we lack faith!

This may not make much sense to you since you have not experienced such anxiety, and view anxiety likely as a natural thing, but my anxiety has been anything but natural… I know that we should go to confession, but it has caused me torment deciding about when to go and if we should be worried about sins after we commit them…

I have been going to more regular confession lately but it seems to sometimes increase anxiety…The fear of going to confession and the thought of it often makes me anxious… I think that I should pray for strength in not being anxious over it and realizing what an awesome gift it is…

Does that clear up some confusion? Please pray for me that God may lead the way for me in faith, hope, and trust.

Thanks so much!

 

[agbasinger]

Thanks Betsey,

Although I have not been formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I have been experiencing anxiety for several months…However, I have turned to God, my Catholic faith, and self-help techniques in order to improve, and I have done so greatly…

A big part of my anxiety over the past several months had been uncertainty regarding the question of whether we should fear punishment, etc… I thought that Catholicism had always stressed that we should get scared about going to hell…This created big anxiety (not just natural) to the point of a panic attack…

My vast improvement began with a visit to a priest at the university I am attending… I asked him about anxiety over things such as fear of punishment, confession, and if I should be worrying about when to go and so forth… He told me that anxiety gets in the way of our faith… Instead of worrying about when to go to confession, we should pray to God, that He will lead us there and give us strength… He said that worry and fear is selfish on our own part, and that God does not want us to be anxious but to trust Him instead…

However, I became confused recently after reading the Church’s teaching about imperfect contrition… After discussing this with you, I think I misinterpreted what I thought it meant… It said that fear of punishment (the motivation for imperfect contrition) is a good and profitable thing… I took this to mean that fear was NOT bad… Following this logic, I was concerned that it meant perhaps that we should fear… In other words, I thought we should voluntarily be worried about hell…we should TRY to fear it! But this cannot be what God intends…He wants us to love and trust and not to fear, because if we are fearing, we lack faith!

This may not make much sense to you since you have not experienced such anxiety, and view anxiety likely as a natural thing, but my anxiety has been anything but natural… I know that we should go to confession, but it has caused me torment deciding about when to go and if we should be worried about sins after we commit them…

I have been going to more regular confession lately but it seems to sometimes increase anxiety…The fear of going to confession and the thought of it often makes me anxious… I think that I should pray for strength in not being anxious over it and realizing what an awesome gift it is…

Does that clear up some confusion? Please pray for me that God may lead the way for me in faith, hope, and trust.

Thanks so much!

I really feel for you.

When you are in the grips of anxiety, paralyzed by it, do you think God is pleased as if you got your just desserts?

I don’t want to sound patronizing- anxiety is a serious all-encompassing state of mind.

I hope you get the help you need. God is love, God isn’t anxiety or paralytic fear.

 

[agbasinger]

As I see it, fear of punishment should be an early step in a sinner’s return to God. As the person grows in love, fear fades and contrition becomes more perfect, more motivated by love. Perfect love casts out fear, as the scripture tells us.

Betsy

I thought that contrition is sorrow because of fear of Hell?

I hope that I can get into the habit of loving God so much that to break his heart would be worse than Hell.

 

[TNAB]

I really feel for you.

When you are in the grips of anxiety, paralyzed by it, do you think God is pleased as if you got your just desserts?

I don’t want to sound patronizing- anxiety is a serious all-encompassing state of mind.

I hope you get the help you need. God is love, God isn’t anxiety or paralytic fear.

I have thought that God is pleased as if I got my just desserts before…but this was when I was unaware of the true and loving characteristic of God…I just feel that many Catholics think that they need to be afraid of eternal punishment all the time since hell is sometimes stressed (especially before Vatican II)…Should we really spend so much time focusing on Hell instead of God and His love for us? It just seems that too many have their priority backwards…Love causes true conversion, not fear of hell.

 

[baltobetsy]

I thought that contrition is sorrow because of fear of Hell?

There are two types of contrition, perfect and imperfect, which is also called attrition.

Perfect contrition, which we should all try to have, is sorrow of love.

Imperfect contrition is sorrow for sin based on any other motive that refers in any way to God. That includes fear of His punishment in hell.

There is also sorrow for sin that is not contrition at all, because it is unrelated to God at all. For example, our pride is wounded because we find we are not as good as we had thought ourselves to be. This is not sufficient for forgiveness.

Betsy

 

[baltobetsy]

TNAB, here’s a really good book for you to read. It shows the immensity of God’s love for you and how your sins just disappear in that love. It will inspire you to return that love to Him. It could alleviate a lot of your anxiety.

You might also benefit from learning about the Divine Mercy devotion. Just google “Divine Mercy.”

As I said earlier, I don’t think people have to stir up fear of eternal punishment. Once you understand what eternal punishment is, that fear operates all by itself. It is not necessary to keep it in the forefront of your mind.

Betsy

 

[TNAB]

K great, thanks…I will have to check that out…

 

[agbasinger]

There are two types of contrition, perfect and imperfect, which is also called attrition.

Perfect contrition, which we should all try to have, is sorrow of love.

Imperfect contrition is sorrow for sin based on any other motive that refers in any way to God. That includes fear of His punishment in hell.

There is also sorrow for sin that is not contrition at all, because it is unrelated to God at all. For example, our pride is wounded because we find we are not as good as we had thought ourselves to be. This is not sufficient for forgiveness.

Betsy

I was aware of perfect and imperfect contrition, but I have never heard of the last type of contrition. Could you please provide a few more examples?

I am having trouble seeing the difference between the latter form of contrition and imperfect contrition. Maybe we have different definitions of pride?

 

[Spirithound]

I was aware of perfect and imperfect contrition, but I have never heard of the last type of contrition. Could you please provide a few more examples?

I am having trouble seeing the difference between the latter form of contrition and imperfect contrition. Maybe we have different definitions of pride?

Betsy’s point was the last kind of sorrow is not contrition because it does not refer to God at all. Similar to that situation, but being an imperfect contrition is being sorry for your sins because you’re ashamed that you, a son or daughter of God could commit that. Also imperfect: you know you’ve sinned and you want to amend your life just because you know God wants you too (but you still kinda “like” those sins).

 

[EasterJoy]

I don’t think of God’s punishment the same way as I think of human punishment anymore.
People’s punishment is arbitrary. If the person is emotional, it can be all out of proportion to the offense. Their mercy can be capricious, unpredictable and inherently unjust, like the mercy and favor of the Greek gods were imagined to be. Human punishment is usually revenge or deterence, a way of making the perpetrator suffer in proportion to the suffering caused by the offense.

Offense against God’s law, OTOH, unlike offenses against the expectations of people, are offenses against reality. In the big (eternal) picture, God’s laws with regards to pride aren’t any different than God’s laws with regards to gravity. The consequences are real, but are in no way arbitrary. God didn’t make his moral laws in order to punish us any more than God made the law of gravity to punish us. That doesn’t mean that trying to act as if the rules don’t apply to us won’t carry real and sometimes fearsome consequences. God’s laws are the laws that lead to the relationship of love for which we are made, and without which we cannot be happy.

That’s why I have come to think of Purgatory and Hell as the inevitable consequences that come with our choices, and not God’s way of getting back at us for not choosing what He wants. What He wants is a perfect relationship of love, which He was more than willing to endure pains to achieve! His only requirement is that we be allowed to have what we have chosen, regardless of the price to Him, in order that we might have the opportunity for the greatest of gifts: freely chosen love. To lose our love to our own willfulness is something God counts as a price to Himself, one He gave His life in order to avoid having to pay.

This way of looking at it points to why imperfect contrition is imperfect. Imperfect contrition is not primarily interested in putting our relationship with God above all else. It puts something else first: for instance, our fear of Hell, rather than regretting how we have harmed our relationship with God, mostly reflects a desire to avoid discomfort and pain. For haven’t the martyrs embraced pains of the kind Hell offers, because of how much more they loved God than either life or freedom from physical torment? Perfect contrition, then, would be willing to embrace the pains of Purgatory, if that is what it takes to perfect our relationship with God. Jesus went to Hell to preach to the poor souls there; it could just be that He did that at some price to Himself, as well! So perfect contrition is willing to endure whatever pains love might require, while imperfect contrition holds back, wanting to pay the minimum.

Perfect contrition remembers what the pearl of great price is. Imperfect contrition wants to buy the pearl, perhaps, but always with an eye to have a little something left in the bank afterwards.

 

[baltobetsy]

Betsy’s point was the last kind of sorrow is not contrition because it does not refer to God at all. Similar to that situation, but being an imperfect contrition is being sorry for your sins because you’re ashamed that you, a son or daughter of God could commit that. Also imperfect: you know you’ve sinned and you want to amend your life just because you know God wants you too (but you still kinda “like” those sins).

Thanks for jumping in with that!

Another of the last kind of sorrow - the unacceptable kind - how about being sorry you got caught doing something wrong? If you had not been caught, you would have continued to commit that sin, whatever it was, and not been sorry at all. Is that any clearer?

Betsy

 

[EasterJoy]

I have really been struggling with the perfect contrition and imperfect contrition (attrition) lately…As someone who as been dealing with anxiety, the idea that fear of punishment in attrition is GOOD is something that makes me even more anxious…This is my question: does anyone know if we should SEEK fear of punishment??? …However, if we, ourselves, seek fear of punishment, this is not good, since when we seek fear, we do not seek God, nor fully trust Him…So what I’m saying is that perhaps we should not be afraid of punishment but should seek forgiveness based on our love for God (the motivation in perfect Contrition)…However, if we try not to fear, but simply cannot prevent ourselves from doing so, the motivation is attrition…and although we should not seek this form of motivation, it is ultimately profitable…Has anyone ever thought about this, and what do you think? I’m just having a rough day with my anxiety, and do not want to fear…Thanks and God bless.

Think of it this way: a good pilot never forgets that carelessness can lead to a crash. Still, he doesn’t fly white-knuckled. He doesn’t panic when things aren’t going smoothly…but he also *never *takes his plane up in the air without having checked out every system himself. He finds crashing repugnant. He doesn’t want to die. This doesn’t mean that he worries. It means he acts in a careful manner, because he is mindful of the stakes.

Why is he so careful? He might say “because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I might crash.”

He doesn’t mean that he has that feeling of a tight band around his chest, keeping him from breathing. He doesn’t mean that he ruminates over and over about how terrible a crash would be. He doesn’t panic at the thought of what might happen if he takes the plane up. He is not afraid to get into the cockpit. He is means he is only too aware of the danger of taking his plane up without proper preparation, and he always acts accordingly.

If he became careless, and crashed but did not die, would it help if he beat himself up about it? No. Would it help if he were to develop a dread fear of flying? No! But by the same token, that pilot had better look back with repugnance on his carelessness. The damage done to his plane had better be looked at with sorrow, even if fixing it did not go on his tab. He had better be resolute about never letting the same foolishness behavior happen again, not for any reason.

This is what contrition is: acting with resoluteness to ensure that the carelessness won’t happen again. It is not the welcoming of crippling emotions. It is the willing embrace of life-saving resolve.

 

[Spirithound]

If you had not been caught, you would have continued to commit that sin, whatever it was, and not been sorry at all. Is that any clearer?

Betsy

Particularly unacceptable because God was watching me to begin with.