Authenticity and patience

[PelagiathePenit]

My family has raised me to be the sort to turn the other cheek. That is noble and all. Ignore confrontation or snide remarks. With my temperament I can honestly only deal with disrespectful behavior repeatedly from one person for so long. I may not say anything but I am seething inside and I often resort to passive aggressive behavior such as not listening when the person is talking, ignoring/pretending they do not exist when they are talking to me, rolling my eyes, phony smiles and half hearted apologies. At this point I know I am sinning and I feel very justified. I express little to no remorse. A particular good friend I had in high school. She had her excellent points and she was right I could very well be too sensitive. I can be too stubborn to see things from someone else’s point of view if I feel they neglect mine. This is immature behavior. I cannot let people I consider close friends talk to me however. My particular friend had no issue telling me when I was having a bad attitude or violated her boundaries. I need to be able to do the same. I have a tendency to wait until things are unbearable then I will say something by then it is lashing out, vicious words and I have damaged my friendship. It is very difficult for me to sincerely care or say sorry for my actions because I meant every last insult. I regret going about it that way. Perhaps I should learn to take things less seriously or ignore people’s attitudes.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

The main thing I cannot stand is someone replying to me with an unwarranted attitude, yelling at me, using foul language at me NOT around me. Do not call me the b word then expect me to listen to what you have to say. When people keep pressing/pressuring to answer a question or do something.

 

[Lou2U]

You don’t have to be passive, and I would encourage you not to be. Be assertive instead, it will serve you much better.

Lou

 

[St_Francis]

My family has raised me to be the sort to turn the other cheek. That is noble and all. Ignore confrontation or snide remarks. With my temperament I can honestly only deal with disrespectful behavior repeatedly from one person for so long. I may not say anything but I am seething inside and I often resort to passive aggressive behavior such as not listening when the person is talking, ignoring/pretending they do not exist when they are talking to me, rolling my eyes, phony smiles and half hearted apologies. At this point I know I am sinning and I feel very justified. I express little to no remorse. A particular good friend I had in high school. She had her excellent points and she was right I could very well be too sensitive. I can be too stubborn to see things from someone else’s point of view if I feel they neglect mine. This is immature behavior. I cannot let people I consider close friends talk to me however. My particular friend had no issue telling me when I was having a bad attitude or violated her boundaries. I need to be able to do the same. I have a tendency to wait until things are unbearable then I will say something by then it is lashing out, vicious words and I have damaged my friendship. It is very difficult for me to sincerely care or say sorry for my actions because I meant every last insult. I regret going about it that way. Perhaps I should learn to take things less seriously or ignore people’s attitudes.

Perhaps you could learn to set boundaries before they have walked all over you to the point that you are completely infuriated? This would be a spiritual act of mercy: instructing the ignorant. Sometimes just saying: Why would you say that–I thought we were friends? And not backing down. If they reply that you can’t take a joke, then admit it and say you just don’t like that behavior, joking or not.

My biggest recommendation is The Litany of Humility. I do not always pray it every day, but when I do, I really see how what I am praying about affects me. Link

 

[Dorothy]

The main thing I cannot stand is someone replying to me with an unwarranted attitude, yelling at me, using foul language at me NOT around me. Do not call me the b word then expect me to listen to what you have to say. When people keep pressing/pressuring to answer a question or do something.

If someone got so heated in talking to me that they would call me an inappropriate word, I think it is best to say…“Let us speak when you are not so upset.” …And then just walk away while saying a prayer for them.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Honestly I think this revelation has been the best thing that happened to me. I am not always the “victim.” I may not be directly aggressive but I am a perpetrator in my own way. I do not think anger is an easy emotion to ignore or manage, at least for me. I already know I am a very sensitive person to compensate I try my best to accept everything while I am silently seething inside. If something bothers you, it is not always best to suppress like I do. It will come out and OFTEN IN THE WORST WAYS. I have damaged many relationships by my quietness & agreeableness - PRETENSE.

 

[Rosebud77]

Wise OP to know himself so well… In younger days when terrible things happened that I could do nothing about I used to go out and mow the lawn with an old fashioned push mower, Worked a treat… Harder now I have no lawn and am too old to do that anyways

KNOWING YOURSELF is more than half the battle.