Autistic child

[taye]

This morning, my husband and I were having difficulty dealing with our autistic son’s behavior. Just as I felt I could take no more of it, a verse from the bible popped into my mind. I don’t know the exact words, but it’s something like “To whom more is given, more is expected.” I have a tendency toward scrupulosity, and every time I feel angry toward him, I feel horribly guilty. Will God truly judge us less severely because we have children who are difficult to handle?

Anyone else out there struggling with their children? We only have three (were hoping for a dozen when we married) and often times I feel like I am on the verge of burning out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[leonie]

Will God truly judge us less severely because we have children who are difficult to handle?

I’m sure of it. But, you have graces from your marriage sacrament to help you with the particular children you have been given.

Have you read Beth Matthew’s book: Patrick Precious Treasure. It talks about how God uses her autistic son to sanctify her. She has 12 children.

catholiccompany.com/catholic-books/1004263/Precious-Treasure-Story-Patrick

God bless. I’ll remember you on my rosary today.

 

[shannyk]

hi taye

I too have autistic children, one with aspergers and one with severe low functioning autism, MR and ADHD. Recently I have been facing some new, out of the blue, violent and other behaviors that have tested my patience and then some. I know how you feel. And on top of the frustration, there is the guilt of knowing that as frustrated as you are, they have to be ever more so due to their condition.

As for God judging us, I can’t presume to know how he’s going to judge me, but I do know for certain that He’s ultimately fair and just. I know he knows a lot more about me than I know about myself. I knew that He gave me my children for a reason, knowing full well my faults and shortcomings. I can only trust in His ultimate plan.

 

[apromisemade]

While I don’t have children let alone an autistic child, my heart truly goes out to you. Don’t be do hard on yourself. Women often get the glorified, idealized image in their heads of what a mother is “supposed” to think, feel, and act like all the time, when really every parent has moments when they’d like to just run out the door screaming. Your frustration is understandable which is why you need extra support.

God bless you, stay strong.

 

[puzzleannie]

just to say God bless you and you are in our prayers
two of the holiest, happiest couples in our parish are the parents of autistic children, both afflicted with the most severe symptoms of the disorder. I have had the privilege of preparing autistic children for sacraments almost every year, including some older children and adults who had been held back by mistaken beliefs about sacraments. Our own son (now 37) is a fairly high functioning autistic, but we and his sisters will be caring for him in some ways for the rest of our lives. All I can say from my experience is that this child will be source of extraordinary graces for you and your family, even though most of the time that will not be apparent to you or anyone else.

 

[Galnextdoor]

Hi,
Don’t let this get to you. As long as you don’t act on your frustrations i.e. calling the child names or hitting him, you have done nothing wrong. I have a son with autism. When he was young, it was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. He would do things like dig in his diaper and smear feces on the wall. He would scream for hours and bang his hands feet. Just when I would eliminate one inappropriate another one would pop up.

One bible passage that stuck in my mind when I worked with my child is when Jesus said, “Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, that you do unto me.” “When I was hungry you gave me to eat, when I was thirsty you gave me to drink,…”

I was able to get a lot of help for him and he was diagnosed early. If you walk into his classroom today, you may not be able to pick him out as a child with autism. Trust in Jesus. Whenever you feel like screaming yourself, say Jesus, I trust in You. I would say it over and over until I was calm.
I have someone who will come in and work one on one with my son. The person is paid by a government agency. The more one on one your child has, the better his outcome will be.

May God Bless you
I will keep you in my prayers.
Andi

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I think all parents can relate to how you feel, even if they don’t have a child with a disability. I have a 4-year old with PDD-NOS, and a 19-year old with possible undiagnosed mild Asperger’s. Both can be very rigid and both have some anxiety issues. I always felt like autism was a blessing in my family because it helped me love more.

And yet, I do not pretend to understand the challenges of the parents of the severely disabled. I know how much you love your children, just exactly as they are, but if a child’s behavior is outside of your control, how could you possibly react with anything except rage at your own helplessness? You are only human, and there is a limit to what you can handle by yourself. Yes, I do believe that God gives you greater grace here.

I know some people with low-functioning kids, and some have used respite or looked into residential programs as their kids hit puberty. Many of them had a lot of guilt, but they were actually doing the very best thing they could for their children.

I am sorry for how you feel right now…I hope and pray you have the support you need in your life.

 

[taye]

I’d like to begin by thanking everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut. Although my child has mild autism, it’s a struggle every day to show him the love and care he deserves. The toughest part has been to do this without very much support from family. Most of my family, including my husband, has cut me out of their lives (emotionally). That hurts more than the autism, and I could start a whole new thread in regards to that. At least there’s plenty of support here at the CAF.

I’m sorry for the negativity in my post - I guess I was due for a mega venting session.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with parental burnout?

 

[purplesunshine]

It sounds as if you need a support group. Also do you live near a uni with a special ed program? Autistic children (among all the mental handicaps) are often the “children no one will babysit for” They are misunderstood, frustrating and, SMART.

I used to go over to my neighbors after my friend moved away to watch her little sister whom I’d bonded with over the years. For 3 hours or so all she did was run me ragged. But it was fun, and I liked it. One day her mom told me with tears in her eyes that she was so grateful becuase after school child was a ball of pent up energy and frustration and many days as much as she loved her she just hoped the bus would be late. This was the woman who gave birth to 4 children of her own, fostered a ton and adopted 6 others. child was the youngest adopted as a baby when no one knew about the autism. This woman bread and trained dogs for a living and lived out in the country. She is TOUGH!!! But little had prepared her for such a child.

It’s not from the parental side but it was definatly parental burnout.

There are so many good resources. See if you can apply for government funded respite services, even if its for just a night off. That could make a world of difference.

 

[Bobbie]

I am thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers. I am a teacher (in Scotland), who has worked with children on the Autistic Spectrum for many years. I hope you will find some friends locally who will support you and befriend you and your family. God blesss!

 

[shannyk]

I’d like to begin by thanking everyone for their (name removed by moderator)ut. Although my child has mild autism, it’s a struggle every day to show him the love and care he deserves. The toughest part has been to do this without very much support from family. Most of my family, including my husband, has cut me out of their lives (emotionally). That hurts more than the autism, and I could start a whole new thread in regards to that. At least there’s plenty of support here at the CAF.

I’m sorry for the negativity in my post - I guess I was due for a mega venting session.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with parental burnout?

hi again taye I feel you again with the family thing. I’m a single parent and there is ZERO help, support, in any way shape or form from my family. Most live right here in my town too. They are kind to my son (the low functioning one) when they see him on family get together occasions etc., but they have actually decreased how much they call me, ask me over for dinner, just regular family stuff, over the years. My mom and dad live under 1 mile away and I can go for weeks without hearing from them and I’ve stopped being the one to call. Same with my siblings. I know they are all busy, but it’s still bothers me. I think part of the reason for the distance is that I’m always consumed with something relating to my son, be it therapy which I have in my home, appointments, school meetings, yadda yadda. I think they also just don’t know what to say because they feel like Henry is the ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak, as if they’re not supposed to talk about his autism because it’s taboo. I’ve tried to explain this to them,that it’s OK to talk and ask questions, but they don’t seem to get it.

Anyway, in response to your question about burnout, I’d recommend looking into respite. I’m just beginning to do this myself. I have a county health department agent who has given me the info on how to go about getting on the ‘list’ for respite. Nice thing is, I can hire who I want OR I can use someone they have hired directly, either way the county pays for it. It’s worth looking into in your community.

Support groups can be great too like someone else said, but are hard to get to if you can’t leave your child with someone. It’s a nice place to meet parents with the same struggles.

I highly recommend most of all, making sure you can get to mass every week and adoration for an hour is a great way to rejuvenate and pray for that inner strength. I am rarely able to go but when I can it’s the very best medicine

 

[CB_Catholic]

I pray for all of you who have special needs children. I have a friend who not only has 4 natural children, but then adopted 5 more, all with some type of developmental problem, one who was diagnosed with Asperger"s. Plus she fosters. Plus she works 3 evenings a week as a nurse. (I think that’s what keeps her sane)

The child with the Asperger’s is her greatest challenge, as he is very impulsive and has major temper tantrums, among other things, and she had to put him in a special school, although he lives at home. But he is making progress. I think those of you who have and care for such children are very special in our Lord’s eyes, and will be greatly rewarded for your sacrifices.

 

[iluvmybabies]

This morning, my husband and I were having difficulty dealing with our autistic son’s behavior. Just as I felt I could take no more of it, a verse from the bible popped into my mind. I don’t know the exact words, but it’s something like “To whom more is given, more is expected.” I have a tendency toward scrupulosity, and every time I feel angry toward him, I feel horribly guilty. Will God truly judge us less severely because we have children who are difficult to handle?

Anyone else out there struggling with their children? We only have three (were hoping for a dozen when we married) and often times I feel like I am on the verge of burning out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I have 3 children…I have been divorced for 4 years, separated from my exhusband for 5… I have been dating a wonderful man for several years…In previous posts here I showed I was having difficulties with him and my children accepting him, most here told me to just let him go and take care of my children first…But I felt that if I gave up on him now and on me having a great lifepartner now then what makes me think I will be able to have one later on?? So I have worked things out with my partner and we are taking our premarital classes, should be going to our PC in sept…Looking forward to that…Very excited…Things have been still difficult not kidding but every relationship is a work in progress no matter what. Whether it’s unemployment, step-children, newborn children, family life, inlaws, work, stress, etc everything requires a sacrifice and lots of love…

Recently my 9, then 8 year old son was diagnosed with ADD-borderline with ADHD and learning disability! After the school system failed him 2x without listening to me about helping me with my child…Ever since psychologists and doctor’s were involved, oh now they are more than happy to help! I am grateful better late than never…They still are trying to convince me to put my son on medication…sorry but I love my child more than that…Not saying there is anything wrong with that, I know many families that are succeeding with meds, but I also know many children in our lives whom are under meds and they look like zombies, I am not willing to make that risk!

We always had a difficult time with my children…First thanks to their father whom manipulated them and hurt them a lot…physically…And secondly after they found out he was getting remarried, my daughter kept threatening to kill herself, she was only 9.5-then. And my son whom failed school 2 x… But the one whom has been there by myside through it all has been my partner/boyfriend.

It’s a work in progress. We are seeing a counselor, to help our son and us to better understand his way of being and try to be more comprehensive and patient with him. It’s helping us out big time because we haven’t lost our patience that much lately with any of my children. And I feel that I do still have lots to learn, and he and our children as well. It’s a work in progress. I do pray for a lot of patience, I do because I have none. Dealing with my own health problems-heart issues-overweightness that doesn’t go down-PCOS-infertility, etc…Well it’s just been a huge rollercoaster ride and it hasn’t slowed down yet. I am still praying and hanging on and just enjoying the ride.

Children grow up way to fast before I know it they will be in hs and I will be all alone!! LOL No more babies!!! LOL SO I am enjoying them and their issues all at the same time. I try to forget about my own problems and forget to take care of myself because I am too busy making sure they are happy! To tell you that I have had bronchitis and sinus infection going on 5 weeks now! Yeah kind of dumb but when you are kids, house, work, pets, bf, and of course GOD somewhere in there-try to thank Him as much as possible- it gets a bit hectic trying to remember to take care of yourself…Then you are dying and remember you exist!! LOL

My father says I remind him of him, because I work, and he works as much as possible and until he’s terribly ill then he remembers to take care of himself…BUT isn’t that what parents are all about?! I don’t have a break…I finally took my first real vacation 3 weeks ago when my parents came to visit after not seeing them for 3 years…It was nice to have a break even though I needed a vacation from that vacation after that…LOL

Anyhow, the point is that I want to let you know to never stop praying! I do the same thing too become very upset and hate myself after words and I try to remember as much as possible that my son has a problem…AND I try not to be that way I try to be more patient and more loving to my children. I don’t treat either one of them with any kind of favoritism, I grew up with that and let me tell you it’s no fun! They are all treated the same no matter what. BUT I do have to show just a little more understanding and patience with my 9 year old. It’s a work in progress, I am not perfect nor do I fake to be, I know I make daily mistakes but I am trying very hard not to make as many on a daily basis…

I do wish you luck and don’t give up. Just continue being there for your child, and your hubby and keep on praying, GOD doesn’t let you down, nor leave you alone…He’s always there…Believe me…I know that He might get upset with me most of the times but He always stretches his hand when I fumble and fall to pick me right back up! Even though the fall really hurts, and it takes time to feel better and heal, He will be there to help you! I always ask for guidance, as much as possible…Good luck, GOD bless…