Autistic fiance says we have to use condoms

[Morgan20]

me and my fiancé both have disabilities he has autism and I am in a wheelchair we are getting married on September 1 of 2019 we got engaged in August of this year and the problem is he is saying it is mandatory that we have to use condoms when we have sex but I don’t want to use condoms because the Catholic Church is against all birth control even condoms I guess I am trapped

 

[1ke]

I encourage you to talk to the priest preparing you for marriage. This is a serious matter that requires pastoral counsel with your priest.

You are correct contraception is against the sixth commandment. Natural family planning can be used to space children. Discuss your own health and ability to engage in sexual activity and become pregnant with your doctor, I would hope you already have since you mention you have a disability.

You do not say why he insists this is “mandatory” but perhaps you should think twice about marrying someone who places one sided absolute demands on you. Someone who doesn’t seem capable of discussion and compromise.

Marriage won’t magically change your fiancé.

 

[Morgan20]

He does not want to get hiv or aids or a std that’s why he says we have to use condoms

 

[NowAndTheEnd]

1ke is right - you should be going through Marriage Preparation through your parish with a priest and this should be brought up during the counseling.

My wife and I’s marriage prep was the best thing we could’ve done to prepare for our marriage. There were so many great conversations, problems cleared up, and questions answered. Pray for the intercession of the Holy Family that they might prepare you to have a blessed and holy marriage!

 

[1ke]

He does not want to get hiv or aids or a std that’s why he says we have to use condoms

So, you have HIV/AIDS and incurable STDs?

If so, you personally need to rethink whether you are called to be in a relationship such as marriage that includes sexual intercourse.

Talk to your pastor.

 

[Mary_Ellen]

Sex before marriage shouldn’t be happening so there’s no need for condoms now, anyway. That leaves plenty of time between now and 2019 for you both to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, which should allay his current fears.

You and your fiance need to learn about the vocation to marriage and the place of the marital act within that vocation. What is “mandatory” for a valid marriage is that you both be open to life and that precludes the use of condoms.

The fact that your fiance is making these kinds of demands on you and seems to refuse to further discuss the issue with you is a big red flag. You are not trapped at all - you can back out of this engagement any time. The salvation of your soul and his may be at stake.

 

[TheLittleLady]

As a woman with a very visible physical disability, it can be tempting to think that we must “settle” for the first man who will have us. Please, do not let your wheelchair make you feel that you cannot have a husband who will not only love you but who desires marriage that conforms to our Faith. The demand of condoms and fear of STDs are a huge red flag.

Take this time to have your fiancee meet with your priest. It sounds as if he is either not Catholic or has not been taught the primary ends of marriage.

If your parish has access to Formed.org, it has the “Beloved” video series that would be a wonderful way for you to learn about Catholic marriage.

 

[AdamP88]

Is this because you have HIV/AIDS or because he’s autistic and has a fixation with this issue?

 

[Morgan20]

he autistic and has a fixtation

 

[1ke]

he autistic and has a fixtation

He needs therapy then.

I encourage you to get some counseling and education on his condition, and counsel from your pastor. Have you and he approached your pastor for premarital counseling? He may not be in a mental state to enter into marriage right now.

 

[Rosalie]

(In reply to 1ke. I’m still getting used to the forum). This. You need to figure this out now and, in addition, decide if you two are compatible. If you manage to convince him, what’s to say he wouldn’t still have major hang-ups about sex being dangerous, etc?

You are not trapped. Like a previous poster said, you are a precious daughter of God and you don’t need to settle. Especially when it comes to something so essential to a Catholic, marriage.