Avoiding priests and religious

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OP, is there a priest in your parish and life that you know is a good and holy man? I always think of the oldest priest at our parish. When a sex abuse scandal occurred in our diocese years ago, he addressed it in his homily and allowed the people there to ask their questions and voice their concerns. I was getting scared for the guy, thinking that this place will turn into a riot. But, he handled it calmly and, when everyone was done, they clapped for him. He did that one more time when a choir director in another church was fired after getting married to a member of the same sex. It was all over the news and he wanted people to know why exactly he was fired and what the Church teaching was on that. Because of him, I know there are good and holy priests.

Can you find an example in your life or in your community? It might help to remember him whenever you see another cleric. Same goes for religious.
 
this is a problem that has become widespread;

men in perceived positions of power that abuse people in lesser positions

did it start w/the Catholic Church; i don’t think so

has the abuse syndrome become widespread? obviously yes

lay women teachers ,as well as men, have been found guilty of sexually abusing their students

maybe the issue is how do we deal w/ bad, evil people who have lost their moral compass

rather than " I can no longer look ANY catholic priest in the eye" …
 
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Do you avoid all school teachers and professors too? They are having sexual abuse problems with students in droves
 
You raise a good point. Another thing my daughter the prosecutor said: Predators come from all walks of life. There is almost no one who you could totally rule out as a predator. I think one aspect of priest scandals has been it has given people an institution to blame, to focus on, so they don’t have to think about the fact that the problem is all around them. “Well, that’s the Catholic Church! As long as my kids don’t get around any priests, I won’t have to worry about it!” Well, you need to worry about it, but not just around priests. The problem is everywhere!

One point you made I will take a slight issue with: Sexual predators are “Bad, evil people who have no moral compass.” They didn’t lose it. They can never get a moral compass. They literally can’t help themselves, but that doesn’t mean we should feel sorry for them. If they were moral, they would turn themselves in as soon as they realize what they are. When they don’t, they take the full blame.
 
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My question is why are bishops held responsible for priests but not principles for teachers? Is there a double standard? The church gets sued but not a school or university
 
I’m too young to remember the sex abuse scandal, but I’ve heard about people renouncing christianity altogether because of it. If I had to offer advice I’d say try and talk to a priest about this; tell him how betrayed you feel or how much difficulty you have trusting them. Most priests I imagine would be patient enough to answer your concerns.
 
I trust my priest more than my doctor… I trust the consecrated Eucharist more than medication
 
florin1 said:
this thread was about PEDOPHILE priests, the worst form of sexual abuse IMHO. Do not come up with other forms of sexual abuse, because it’s not the same.
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It is not the same, but something to understand is that both pedophiles and sexual predators abuse children. There is strong evidence that true pedophiles are rare and most abusers of children are actually predators. What is the difference? Pedophilia is a sexual perversion that causes an adult to have a preference for sex with a child. It is a deviant mental condition. Predators are criminal opportunists who just want what they want from whoever they can get it from. Pedophiles rarely use force. They like to set up a situation where the victim is “willing.” Predators use control, whether psychological or physical. So we may be talking more about predation than pediphlia here.
 
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I actually have been teaching children sometimes both in sports and tutoring for school.

One base rule with me: The parents have to be present at all time, or we have to reschedule. Either I give the lesson in the kitchen or in the living room. There is no chance, for my own protection, that I be left alone with the child not even for a minute. And under no circumstance do I accept the child’s phone number, email, or would I accept being friends on facebook. [I AM THE ONE WHO SETS THESE RULES, OR THEY CAN FIND ANOTHER TUTOR.]

All scheduling is made through the parents calling their phone. I never fail to remind the parents, after the first 2 years of tutoring, that there is no reason for me to be tutoring without their presence - that I don’t feel comfortable with it and they should guard against developing that sense of security with anyone.

And over the years, I have made not few young friends that are now becoming beautiful young adults.
 
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LittleFlower said:
Has anyone gone through similar feelings? If so, how have you managed them? If not, how do you move past this crimes?
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Have you, or has someone close to you, been abused by a priest? Long ago, it happened to a member of my immediate family. The priest was in my parish and I knew him. As far as I am concerned, that was one priest. At no time did it occur to me to suspect any other priest, or associate any other priest with this scandal, let alone all priests.

If you have been personally affected, please seek counseling.

Here is the best advice I can give you to manage or move past these feelings:

Pray.

Pray for all priests.

Pray for the priests who have harmed vulnerable children or adults in their care. Pray that those priests may repent of their sins and, by God’s power, be healed and be saved.

Pray for the priests who have done nothing wrong but now are suspected, avoided, and judged harshly. Pray that the Holy Spirit may strengthen and assist them in their ministry.

Pray for the survivors of abuse, that they may be healed and that they may grow in faith, hope, and love.

Pray for all Catholics, that their faith may not be weakened and that they may not be discouraged from the practice of their faith, but rather may their faith grow stronger, with God’s help.

I pray for you as well, that you may find peace and be guided by the Holy Spirit always toward greater faith, hope, and love.
 
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Yeah, I get where you’re coming from and I don’t disagree. I always try to get the down and dirty facts out there about this, though. The more we all know, the better. This is a serious, serious problem. I don’t allow myself the luxury of “the blame game.” It is a problem to be attacked on all fronts, with knowledge and energy. It needs to be fixed! Not directed at you per se, or the OP, but complaining about it, looking for scapegoats and passive-aggressive actions like not looking priests in the eye accomplish nothing. We need to root out the problem and put an end to it.
 
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I feel like the right to privacy should be waived when being discreet can lead to more victims. Cancer and alcoholism are very personal matters that do not result in the sexual abuse of children. What I’m saying is, this logic doesn’t really make sense to me. “Avoiding scandal” seems selfish in the face of potential sexual abuse. Am I interpreting it incorrectly?
 
jfz178 said:
The more we all know, the better. This is a serious, serious problem. I don’t allow myself the luxury of “the blame game.” It is a problem to be attacked on all fronts, with knowledge and energy.
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Hey @jfz178 since you have had formal training on the matter, I would ask you to read my post nº40 and add anything you feel might be needed. I pride myself in giving “top-quality tutoring” and advising parents on this is of upmost importance. With this sort of regrettable thing in the news, I am sorry to say but the very first day I meet the parents I have to bring up the subject and set the rules clearly.
 
Yes, this is what happened throughout the Church worldwide. And the higher authorities allowed and encouraged it. I would recommend to read up on the historic abuse cases. It was and is devastating.

I hope so very much. 🌷
 
johnjacob2004 said:
My question is why are bishops held responsible for priests but not principles for teachers? Is there a double standard? The church gets sued but not a school or university
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Please stay on topic.

Schools and universities do get sued, and quite often—for the exact same behaviour.

The Church tried to sweep it under the carpet, which caused many survivors great harm.
 
BornInMarch said:
I’m too young to remember the sex abuse scandal, but I’ve heard about people renouncing christianity altogether because of it. If I had to offer advice I’d say try and talk to a priest about this; tell him how betrayed you feel or how much difficulty you have trusting them. Most priests I imagine would be patient enough to answer your concerns.
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Thank you for your kind post. 🌷 At this stage I am not ready to talk to a priest or any religious about my feelings.
 
Thank you for your kind words, and your prayers. 🌷

I am so sorry to hear of your experience and thank you for sharing it.
 
jfz178 said:
Not directed at you per se, or the OP, but complaining about it, looking for scapegoats and passive-aggressive actions like not looking priests in the eye accomplish nothing. We need to root out the problem and put an end to it.
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This isn’t entirely fair.

This post is not about how to root out the problem.

This post is about the emotional impact abuse has on the Church community and parishioners.

It is a very valid feeling to feel disgust and not at ease. I do not go around announcing it, and I came here for guidance and to see if others have felt the same way. This also helps in processing the events and also in moving forward.

Also it isn’t passive aggressive to sit on the side of the Church where you know you won’t encounter the priest. I am not refusing anyone a handshake, I am removing myself from the possibility.

Scapegoating does not apply in this instance.

If you cannot feel disgust, and talk about how it affects you, well—is it even a Church community?
 
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