Awareness, mortal sin & confession

[CradleJourney]

Disclaimer: I do not believe myself to be scrupulous - but I can definitely see where they are coming from. Thus my reason for posting is I really don’t know and don’t trust my own judgement.

Query: Until reading these boards, I was completely unaware that withholding a mortal sin during confession was an issue. I was actually unaware at the time that some things even were a sin or that others - though I knew them to be wrong - were mortal sins. At other times I knew something was considered by the Church to be a mortal sin, but didn’t agree with that teaching.

So now as I reflect during Lent and am trying to become better about receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation, I find myself thinking in circles about past confessions - if they were valid, since mortal sins were withheld, and if not, do I need to reconfess all of them - and if having doubts about the validity of the confessions and still receiving communion is a mortal sin in itself.

My pastor is one who has publicly said during his homilies that for reconciliation all we need to do is come in and say “I am sorry for the things I have done wrong.” and that would be all we’d have to say. One part of me wants to take him at his word - that if he’s good with that, I should just go, say what I can remember/get out (I get phenomenally nervous), and consider all of it finished, done and forgiven.

Another part of me reads these threads and knows I have never confessed “number and type” of sins, and have to deal with issues that are sinful in my heart while other issues are objectively sinful according to teaching, but I have no guilt or real regret for doing them - and combined with my “exclusions” during prior confessions, render all confessions I’ve ever made invalid.

I’ve heard from many sources that priest have heard it all in the confessional. But all the priests I’ve seen so far in my life have been so laid back about the things I have confessed, that I feel like (and have been told) I shouldn’t be bothered by them.

So is it enough that I try to make a good confession on my part (intent) - or do I need to keep confessing / re-confessing them to make sure I’ve got it covered - or do I need to simply stay away from confession and eucharist until I’m sure I’ve finally reached the point where I’m totally on board with all catholic teaching and changed enough that I’m really sorry for everything I’m supposed to be (and let go of what bothers me, but keep being told it’s not sinful)?

This is something that’s been gradually and increasingly debated in my head for several years now - and the past confessions I’m talking about are strung out over several decades. I’m not reaching any answers on my own so thought I’d see what help I might get here. Thanks.

 

[Vico]

,

So is it enough that I try to make a good confession on my part (intent) - or do I need to keep confessing / re-confessing them to make sure I’ve got it covered - or do I need to simply stay away from confession and eucharist until I’m sure I’ve finally reached the point where I’m totally on board with all catholic teaching and changed enough that I’m really sorry for everything I’m supposed to be (and let go of what bothers me, but keep being told it’s not sinful)?, .

We are obliged to confess all grave sins that we remember in number and kind and circumstances that modify the kind. It is called a formally integral confession. If every actual grave sin was confessed, i.e. none forgotten, then it would be materially integral. We must have contrition for all those grave sins. We only confess the particular sin once for absolution of it. A past confessed sin may be mentioned again, not for absolution, but for presence of proper contrition when confessing a venial sin that we are not properly sorry for.

From the Baltimore Catechism No. 3:Q. 741. {191} What must we do to receive the Sacrament of Penance worthily?
A. To receive the Sacrament of Penance worthily we must do five things:

1. We must examine our conscience.
2. We must have sorrow for our sins.
3. We must make a firm resolution never more to offend God.
4. We must confess our sins to the priest.
5. We must accept the penance which the priest gives us.

Q. 755. {196} What kind of sorrow should we have for our sins?
A. The sorrow we should have for our sins should be interior, supernatural, universal, and sovereign.

Q. 756. {197} What do you mean by saying that our sorrow should be interior?
A. When I say that our sorrow should be interior, I mean that it should come from the heart, and not merely from the lips.

Q. 757. {198} What do you mean by saying that our sorrow should be supernatural?
A. When I say that our sorrow should be supernatural, I mean that it should be prompted by the grace of God, and excited by motives which spring from faith, and not by merely natural motives.

Q. 758. What do we mean by “motives that spring from faith” and by “merely natural motives” with regard to sorrow for sin?
A. By sorrow for sin from “motives that spring from faith,” we mean sorrow for reasons that God has made known to us, such as the loss of heaven, the fear of hell or purgatory, or the dread of afflictions that come from God in punishment for sin. By “merely natural motives” we mean sorrow for reasons made known to us by our own experience or by the experience of others, such as loss of character, goods or health. A motive is whatever moves our will to do or avoid anything.

Q. 759. {199} What do you mean by saying that our sorrow should be universal?
A. When I say that our sorrow should be universal, I mean that we should be sorry for all our mortal sins without exception.

Q. 760. Why cannot some of our mortal sins be forgiven while the rest remain on our souls?
A. It is impossible for any of our mortal sins to be forgiven unless they are all forgiven, because as light and darkness cannot be together in the same place, so sanctifying grace and mortal sin cannot dwell together. If there be grace in the soul, there can be no mortal sin, and if there be mortal sin, there can be no grace, for one mortal sin expels all grace.

Q. 761. {200} What do you mean when you say that our sorrow should be sovereign?
A. When I say that our sorrow should be sovereign, I mean that we should grieve more for having offended God than for any other evil that can befall us.

Q. 762. {201} Why should we be sorry for our sins?
A. We should be sorry for our sins because sin is the greatest of evils and an offense against God our Creator, Preserver, and Redeemer, and because it shuts us out of heaven and condemns us to the eternal pains of hell.

Q. 782. What should one do who has only venial sins to confess?
A. One who has only venial sins to confess should tell also some sin already confessed in his past life for which he knows he is truly sorry; because it is not easy to be truly sorry for slight sins and imperfections, and yet we must be sorry for the sins confessed that our confession may be valid–hence we add some past sin for which we are truly sorry to those for which we may not be sufficiently sorry.

Q. 789. {213} When is our Confession entire?
A. Our Confession is entire when we tell the number and kinds of our sins and the circumstances which change their nature.

Q. 790. What do you mean by the “kinds of sin?”
A. By the “kinds of sin,” we mean the particular division or class to which the sins belong; that is, whether they be sins of blasphemy, disobedience, anger, impurity, dishonesty, &c. We can determine the kind of sin by discovering the commandment or precept of the Church we have broken or the virtue against which we have acted.

Q. 791. What do we mean by “circumstances which change the nature of sins?”
A. By “circumstances which change the nature of sins” we mean anything that makes it another kind of sin. Thus to steal is a sin, but to steal from the Church makes our theft sacrilegious. Again, impure actions are sins, but a person must say whether they were committed alone or with others, with relatives or strangers, with persons married or single, &c., because these circumstances change them from one kind of impurity to another.

Q. 792. {214} What should we do if we cannot remember the number of our sins?
A. If we cannot remember the number of our sins, we should tell the number as nearly as possible, and say how often we may have sinned in a day, a week, or a month, and how long the habit or practice has lasted.
​

 

[Shin]

What Vico said. Also this booklet on Confession should be helpful.

Reading some more of that Baltimore Catechism will help too.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

If you withheld “moral sin” and you are truly sorry and in the process of repenting from “mortal sin” then go to confession.

1 Corinthians 11:27
So then, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord.

It is for this reason (1 Cor 11:27) we are forbidden to partake of the Sacrament of our Eucharist while there is unconfessed mortal sin in our heart. I personally, take this seriously.

You are only responsible for when you sin knowingly.
Here’s the thing …

If you withheld mortal sin in past confessions but you are sorry for that and you’ve been repenting and wanting to show penance for it then confess it to a Priest. Just be open and honest, say, "I have witheheld the confession of mortal sin (state the mortal sin). You don’t have to give reason as to why you withheld confession of that mortal sin. Just say you’ve become more aware and more sensitive towards the need of confessing that mortal sin because you are ONLY absolved of the sin you confess. And you are absolved of the sin you are truly sorry for so if you confess a sin that you are not truly sorry for but you just go through the motions of confessing the sin, then if your confession won’t be valid and without a valid confession there is no valid absolution. It is God through the Priest that forgives sin but if we’re not truly sorry and not moving towards repentance than you are sinning against the body and blood of our Lord. This will make us spiritually ill. A true confession will bring healing.

MORTAL SIN ONLY CREATES TOXIC SHAME IN OUR HEARTS

God desires for us to become whole and desires for holiness in all of us. Toxic shame only hinders our spiritual growth not just spiritually but toxic shame eats away at us in such a way it negatively impacts EVERY relationship we have in life. It hinders our ability to truly be the woman or man that God created to be. Toxic shame empowers sin in our heart. It empowers unhealthy relating and keeps us as fragmented beings not truly alive to who we are as children of God.

James 5:16a
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

A generalized confession will only bring a generalized healing but specific confession will bring specific healing. If you desire to receive the grace there is in the Sacrament of confession… put it to you this way… the more you confess the more grace you receive. The more need for grace more abundant the grace received is. The greater need for mercy the more mercy is received. In other words, the more you take advantage of confession when needed the more grace abounding it is in the sacrament of confession! Take advantage of every opportunity there is to confess sin, especially if it’s mortal sin you are truly sorry for and repenting of it. And if you are not sure if you are fully absolved of any sin, discuss it with the Priest you see in the Confessional.

Most importantly, allow for the Priest to guide and lead you. If you don’t know it’s better to ask during Confession then to just leave without potentially receiving all you could. If you feel as though there’s a lot to discuss it’s better to ask to meet with the Priest for an individual one on one time with the Priest.

 

[SjMelnychuk]

***REMEDY FOR TOXIC SHAME AND STRENGTH FOR HOLINESS !! ***

**1. Confess as directly and as appropriately as possible. **
I don’t always go into ever little dirty detail but my confessions are more open. I avoid generalized confessions. For example, if I fail in my commitment to chastity and sexual sobriety and/or sexual fantasy, I’ll confess that openly to the Priest. It’s awkward I know, it’s kinda embarrassing I know, but if I have any hope whatsoever to break free of my sexual addiction and the toxic shame that comes with each failure then confession not only absolves me of that mortal sin, it heals me of the toxic shame, and it empowers me towards holiness and strengthens me towards maturity and the discipline necessary to continue on my journey towards sobriety and my commitment to chastity.

**2. Confession face to face instead of hiding behind the veil allows me to confess without “covering myself” in the fig leaf of shame so to speak. **

You know, when Adam and Eve first sinned, God covered them with fig leafs? But God’s desire is for true intimacy with him … to restore our relationship with Him that existed prior to the “fig leaf” … otherwise Christ’s death on the cross is done in vein but that’s not true right? Christ died on the cross so that we might be the new creation we’re called into as followers of Christ.

3. Confession face to face allows for greater accountability to the Church.

In other words, I’ve never been one to just dip my toes in. I’m all in or not in at all. The greater the need for confession, the greater the need for grace, the more grace needed the more opportunity to receive grace and mercy. If God desires to grant us peace, grace, and mercy, we receive as much as we are able … God desires mercy! He’s also provided a way to receive. So even if you question whether or not your past confessions were valid, let the Priest in the Confessional know about it because at least, if you are appropriately open and direct about it you will at least walk away from your next confession with the weight lifted off your shoulders knowing you’ve been absolutely forgiven and no longer have the weight on you but have truly surrendered it to God through the sacrament of confession and when you hear the Priest say “I absolve you of your sins go in peace,” you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are truly forgiven! If you hold back you will always question if you are truly absolved but if you don’t hold back you will truly walk out of the Confessional on a spiritual high, strengthened, and penance is just grace continued !! And instead of just going through the motions penance just becomes part of your relationship with God instead of being something you use to beat yourself into submission… it’s all part of receive grace which is the empowerment towards the life we’re called into as followers of Christ. It’s a beautiful thing to walk out of confession knowing, and I mean truly knowing, you’re forgiven. It’s absolutely beautiful and grace filling. It may be difficult, it may be awkward, but well worth it !!!

 

[John_Martin]

While it seems like a mechanical function, going to confession is actually a desire to be back in the presence of Jesus, walking along with him, in full trust and sincerity and honesty of being. Yet wondering, “will you want me with you if you know all I have done?”

So, you are telling Jesus the facts, what you did while away from him (sins) that are unsuited to being with him. Then you are telling him are sorry for the offence you caused him, that you do desire to be with him, and that you do intend to walk “uprightly” with him.

And then you are silent to wait and see if he will welcome you back, if he wants you in his company, and what he will do to make that happen.

And what does happen? Jesus has granted that decision to his Priests, who act for him as him to you.

So, if you are holding things back in confession, are you intending to walk with Jesus with only a part of your being and keeping another secret part that you are not giving to him? Jesus wants “all” of your being with him. “Sell all you have” he said to the young ruler.

 

[Joan_M]

Disclaimer: I do not believe myself to be scrupulous - but I can definitely see where they are coming from. Thus my reason for posting is I really don’t know and don’t trust my own judgement.

Query: Until reading these boards, I was completely unaware that withholding a mortal sin during confession was an issue. I was actually unaware at the time that some things even were a sin or that others - though I knew them to be wrong - were mortal sins. At other times I knew something was considered by the Church to be a mortal sin, but didn’t agree with that teaching.

So now as I reflect during Lent and am trying to become better about receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation, I find myself thinking in circles about past confessions - if they were valid, since mortal sins were withheld, and if not, do I need to reconfess all of them - and if having doubts about the validity of the confessions and still receiving communion is a mortal sin in itself.

My pastor is one who has publicly said during his homilies that for reconciliation all we need to do is come in and say “I am sorry for the things I have done wrong.” and that would be all we’d have to say. One part of me wants to take him at his word - that if he’s good with that, I should just go, say what I can remember/get out (I get phenomenally nervous), and consider all of it finished, done and forgiven.

Another part of me reads these threads and knows I have never confessed “number and type” of sins, and have to deal with issues that are sinful in my heart while other issues are objectively sinful according to teaching, but I have no guilt or real regret for doing them - and combined with my “exclusions” during prior confessions, render all confessions I’ve ever made invalid.

I’ve heard from many sources that priest have heard it all in the confessional. But all the priests I’ve seen so far in my life have been so laid back about the things I have confessed, that I feel like (and have been told) I shouldn’t be bothered by them.

So is it enough that I try to make a good confession on my part (intent) - or do I need to keep confessing / re-confessing them to make sure I’ve got it covered - or do I need to simply stay away from confession and eucharist until I’m sure I’ve finally reached the point where I’m totally on board with all catholic teaching and changed enough that I’m really sorry for everything I’m supposed to be (and let go of what bothers me, but keep being told it’s not sinful)?

This is something that’s been gradually and increasingly debated in my head for several years now - and the past confessions I’m talking about are strung out over several decades. I’m not reaching any answers on my own so thought I’d see what help I might get here. Thanks.

First, the pastor who said that all you needed to do was that you were sorry for all the things you did wrong and nothing more was WRONG. We are bound to confess the sins in kind (what it is) and the number of times we committed each sin being confessed - that can be numerically accurate, or something like “I did this at least once a week for about 10 years” - the priest needs to know if the sin was committed only a few times or was something that was a habit over a period of time.

Holding back a mortal sin and not confessing it results in (a) a mortal sin, in itself (a bad confession), and (b) none of the sins confessed having been forgiven. The priest may have given you absolution, since he did not know about the unconfessed sin(s), but God knows, and the absolution did not happen.

You need to find a good priest - one who will not tell you such things as your pastor has, and make a general confession. Tell him what you have told us here and ask for his help in making your confession. You will be completely relieved of guilt and full of joy after receiving absolution. Don’t be troubled, though, if every so often, you remember a mortal sin you forgot about when making this good confession - If you have been covering several years in the general confession, this is quite normal. Just mention the sin when next you confess. You can say something like "Father, I have recalled a sin I forgot to confess. It was … Then go on with the sins you committed since your last confession.

Thank God for confession! He knows us so well. This sacrament is so important.

 

[PrayPsalm51]

I agree with JoanM. Consider making a general confession. Spend some time examining y our conscience and go. I’d recommend making an appointment or being last in line since this could take awhile. Explain briefly to the priest that upon learning more about your faith you realize you have made some bad and/or incomplete confessions and want to do a general confession. He will help you. Do your best to name all the mortal sins and then don’t look back. You will be so glad you did!!!

 

[CradleJourney]

Thank you all for your kind replies.

To be a little clearer, I believe at one time or another I have confessed all my mortal sins, except having withheld them previously. (Ex. I committed mortal sin “A” in 1980, went to confession in 1982, didn’t confess it because I wasn’t sorry for it, but did confess other sins. By 1994, I realized I had been in error, confessed mortal sin “A”, and thought I was forgiven, not realizing that by not confessing “A” back in 1982, that confession was invalid - so I don’t mention withholding it…and so on).

I think the idea of a doing a general confession sounds like a good one - and I would LOVE to find a priest who would make a good confessor and start going regularly.

I have been to probably six to eight different priests in my area and they all seem to follow my pastor’s type of thought. So let me ask - if I do tell the priest that I’m concerned about prior confessions being valid due to withholding of a mortal sin, that I want to make a general confession, etc. - if he does the “don’t worry about it” routine…am I still forgiven?

 

[CradleJourney]

While it seems like a mechanical function, going to confession is actually a desire to be back in the presence of Jesus, walking along with him, in full trust and sincerity and honesty of being. Yet wondering, “will you want me with you if you know all I have done?”

So, you are telling Jesus the facts, what you did while away from him (sins) that are unsuited to being with him. Then you are telling him are sorry for the offence you caused him, that you do desire to be with him, and that you do intend to walk “uprightly” with him.

And then you are silent to wait and see if he will welcome you back, if he wants you in his company, and what he will do to make that happen.

And what does happen? Jesus has granted that decision to his Priests, who act for him as him to you.

So, if you are holding things back in confession, are you intending to walk with Jesus with only a part of your being and keeping another secret part that you are not giving to him? Jesus wants “all” of your being with him. “Sell all you have” he said to the young ruler.

Thank you for putting into words what I believe confession is and should be.

I’m not withholding things anymore now - just wondering about things that I withheld then later confessed but didn’t confess withholding them because I didn’t know it was wrong at the time. I’m a work in progress, going to try the suggestions in this thread though and see how it goes.

 

[NHeath]

first of all, if it is bothering you, it a wonderful sign that you are being " nudged" by the Holy Spirit!! That’s an invitation!! GO! Speak to a priest, face to face, and you can make a special appointment for confession, instead of feeling rushed at the 2:30 time on Saturdays.
Beauty of confession, is that you are really openly admitting to Jesus what He already knows…

The quantity of times Can be important if it’s the habit that is the sin but if you forgot how often because you are old, or it was so long ago, or you have a memory disease it won’t effect or determine your being forgiven, but the fact that you have some old items to take care of, as well as confessing that you omitted some heavy ones in the past then received Communion is a very important sin that needs to be resolved ASAP.

Stop comparing one priest with another, that’s judging them. They have heard it all, worse than your sins probably. None of them are going to scold you, that’s not their job, and even the pope said there is no sin that won’t be forgiven. They are there to give you Jesus’ absolution and graces through this wonderful cleansing sacrament of Pennance.

Again, since it’s on your mind, Jesus is inviting you to take care of this . Just go!

 

[SjMelnychuk]

So let me ask - if I do tell the priest that I’m concerned about prior confessions being valid due to withholding of a mortal sin, that I want to make a general confession, etc. - if he does the “don’t worry about it” routine…am I still forgiven?

A good Confessor would listen to you carefully to do his best to discern the heart of the matter. I suggest that you make an appointment with a Priest because there are times during Confessions that Priests will feel a little rushed. Some are good Confessors and others are not. By requesting a meeting you could dialogue further with the Priest without feeling rushed and if the Priest says, “don’t worry about it,” you could ask him why? You could also gain further clarification from him that case.

Either or, I’d at the very least say…

I withheld confessing a mortal sin, continued every year in receiving Eucharist with unconfessed mortal sin, previous confessions following may not have been completely absolved because of unconfessed mortal sin (name unconfessed mortal sin) and then name any mortal sins (if any) that were committed from that time to present, that would include partaking of Eucharist with unconfessed mortal sin… I mean, I would just write it down on a piece of paper with it all confessed. The Priest, I don’t think should tell you what you are confessing is something you should or shouldn’t be concerned about… Obviously if it’s something that’s bothering you then the Priest should listen and maybe ask a question or two and then absolve you but if you feel it needs to be confessed you should confess it. If the Priest tells you not to worry about it then go to another Priest especially if it’s bothersome to you. However, it just might be better to schedule an actual 1 hour meeting with a Priest that way you can hash it out in a good conversation set aside with an hour set aside just for you!

 

[NHeath]

We are all a " work in progress". I would also suggest you read about “Divine Mercy Sunday”. The Sunday after Easter, it’s glorious!!! And will ease your mind and soul of all your past sins.