As someone who was decidedly NOT a virgin at marriage, I would like to put out some advice. Take it or leave it at your discretion.
1.) I agree with the previous poster that the couple should agree in advance NOT to have sex on the wedding night. If the wedding is anything more than just a handful of people and a short ceremony, there will be TONS of stress dancing, fatigue, and general exhaustion built up during the day. On my wedding night, I was asleep within 5 minutes of being in the hotel room (with that said, there’s no prohibition against it, if you both feel up to it, but there shouldn’t be an expectation).
This is not just for comfort. Both sides have built this up, and I guarantee that the guy is afraid of making a poor showing just as she is. If they hype the wedding night for months and then he’s too tired to perform, that can be a humiliation he will have a hard time recovering from.
My advice is to start the morning after the wedding, make sure they’ve got a light breakfast in their hotel fridge, or order room service if you can afford it. Be in no hurry at all, and just take it slow. This brings me to the number 2 thing:
2.) I could give you a list of “do this, not that” but really, every individual is different, and part of the “fun” of sleeping around (I say that in quotes because when I did it, I thought it was fun, but as I soon realized it was not in the least fulfilling) is learning what makes this new person unique, what they like and don’t like, etc.
But, if all goes well, this is the only time she’s ever going to be doing this, so she should draw it out as much as possible. Imagine if I told you this was the last time you could ever have a pie… you would savor it piece by piece and try to remember every bit for later. That’s a good plan for here.
3.) Don’t get wild and crazy. If they’re both true virgins, simply looking at each other is likely going to be a mind-blowing experience they’ll want to enjoy. Remember, you’ve got the rest of your life to try out random stuff.
4.) What I would tell her: First, restate the limitations. Ejaculation anywhere that can’t lead to babies is out. Everything else is allowed.
Second: Remember he’s new to this and just as nervous as you, probably more-so.
Third: Remember that you’re actually the lucky one. It isn’t really possible for a woman to be unable to perform. It is for a man, especially a newcomer under pressure. Fortunately, most men frequently wake up with the equipment ready, which is one reason I suggested the next morning
Fourth: Start touching skin anywhere (it doesn’t need to be genitals, shoulders, necks, and legs can be incredibly erotic). Not only do you not know what he likes, HE doesn’t even know what he likes. Take it slow and let him decide if he likes things or not (he should do the same for you). The other advantage of begining with touching is that there is no time limit on it. If you say “we’ll cuddle for 20 minutes, then consumate,” then you’re basically saying “be ready in 20 minutes.” But with this, both sides can relax and only move forward when both sides want to.
Fifth: He may well not be shy, but rather enthusiastic. If so, that’s a great thing, this is an adventure the two of you are on together, and as long as you two move at the same pace, you’re fine.
Sixth: Do not be afraid to laugh!! Sex is like riding a bike: your first time, you’re probably going to mess up and may skin your knee. It’s funny. Laugh.
In my experience, the key to great sex is that both parties agree that they are going to work for the other one’s pleasure. She can’t please him, if she doesn’t know what he wants, so her first task is simply to try things and find out how he responds. The only 2 complaints I’ve had with women I’ve slept with are:
1.) not paying attention when being told I don’t like something (certain places aren’t meant for biting), but this is usually from women who have a fixed idea (usually from a previous lover) of what sex should be. That scenario shouldn’t apply to you.
2.) believing that a woman’s role is simply to be there and let the man do what he has to do. This was mostly with younger women, but it’s a common enough that I wanted to mention it. Sex is supposed to be a shared act for mutual pleasure. Laying like a log gets old fast.
Treat it like a conversation, as they started talking, they explored areas that they were interested in, found things they both liked, they both were active participants, and they both got to know each other more deeply because of it.
That was somewhat long, and I appologize if it was a bit crude, but everything I said was designed to be helpful.
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That is horrible advice and not at all consistent with Catholic teaching.