Awkward conversations: What do you do?

[toknowservelove]

Okay, here’s my situation. I’ve been discerning about 3 years now. I’ve told all my close friends. I’ve told co-workers. In the past few months I’ve sold my home, quit my job, and moved in with my mom as I wrap up a few things. So, I’ve moved to my home town and keep bumping into old acquaintences who ask about my life.

It seems a little awkward, because I’m 40, no job, living at home–I mean in the eyes of the world that can seem a little strange. I’m completely comfortable with it, because I know where I’m headed. But, what do I tell these people I run into. Sometimes I just don’t want to get into a deep conversation. Sometimes, it’s like I can’t steer the conversation, and end up blurting it out rather awkwardly.

Am I making any sense?

I’m just wondering what you all do in same/similar situations. You run into someone you haven’t seen in years–do you tell them right up front, “Yeah, I’m entering a convent/monastery/seminary.” Or do you hedge, “Oh, I’m in transition right now.” Or, does it depend on the person/situation.

 

[Trishie]

I wish you didn’t feel awkward about this. Have you looked into yourself to see why it bothers you…and not the single-living-with-parents-answer…but are you embaressed you’re going into Religious life because the people you meet mostly secular folks or other faiths? I wonder if despite…awkward silence…when you do state your intention, it is a witness of sorts that here is someone willing to give their life to God.

At world Youth Day in Sydney, feeling the warmth of the people all around, and in view of the numerous Confessions that took place, a priest was heard to say “It’s cool to be a priest.” For once out in the world a priest could feel really accepted, not a bit of an oddity for giving his life to a God whom many think doesn’t exist or doesn’t matter, and basically throwing away his life in this practical world.

It mightn’t be cool in the world’s eyes and in old friends’ eyes to enter Religious life. It’s understandable that you feel awkward…and it’s your business not others’, in a way, anyway. You have to do what you think fit, though you seem to be uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell anyone anything, but people do show interest. Either answer will do, both are true.

So really all I’m doing is holding up a mirror to see what you might glimpse that you didn’t before. Just be at peace with whatever decision you make in the moment, with a general prayer for guidance. It just doesn’t do you any favors not to be at peace with how you handle things with some folk.

God bless. My prayers for your vacation and future. Trishie

 

[Mark77]

May God Bless you for your courage.

I wish I had more positive role models like you when I was younger.

Do not worry about what others think or say.

Perhaps God is using you to be an example to so many who are weak, scared, and totally disappointed with the empty secular lifestyle.

You are doing exactly what Jesus asked all of us to do, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (LK 9:23).

You are in my prayers!

Mark

 

[Bebekoualy]

I’ve got the same problem. I never know what to say when people ask me: **Where did you hang around during your holidays? **and I can only answer: I was in a monastery. but I’m too afraid and I avoid it.

Sometimes I think about the day I’ll have to tell my circle about the day I’ll join a monastery…

Be brave and carry on discerning. The rest will come later.

 

[Salonika]

Okay, here’s my situation. I’ve been discerning about 3 years now. I’ve told all my close friends. I’ve told co-workers. In the past few months I’ve sold my home, quit my job, and moved in with my mom as I wrap up a few things. So, I’ve moved to my home town and keep bumping into old acquaintences who ask about my life.

… I’m completely comfortable with it, because I know where I’m headed. But, what do I tell these people I run into. Sometimes I just don’t want to get into a deep conversation.

… I’m just wondering what you all do in same/similar situations. You run into someone you haven’t seen in years–do you tell them right up front, “Yeah, I’m entering a convent/monastery/seminary.” Or do you hedge, “Oh, I’m in transition right now.” Or, does it depend on the person/situation.

I think it depends on the person/situation. It’s not as if you aren’t comfortable with what you are going to do - you’ve been comfortable about telling your old friends and workers - people you really know and care about and who know and care about you.

Maybe your query, and the blurting out of your answer, could also be related to the difference between people asking questions out of genuine interest and people who ask them in the same way they ask about the weather and don’t really care about the answer.

I think if you are hesitant about saying anything you could be picking up vibes from the other person about their degree of real interest.

Best wishes.

 

[puzzleannie]

depends on the person, and their need to know. old girlfriends definitely need to hear the truth, as do those who might be considering offering you employment. anybody else just say your polishing your resume or planning a career change of direction. some will assume that just means unemployed, but most don’t really care when they ask, “so, what all are yah doin’ now?”

 

[toknowservelove]

Whew! I was starting to think I was the only one who felt this way. I was thinking about it today in front of the Blessed Sacrament and I realized it might be some poor social skills on my part. I’m not talking about telling people who care about me, or need to know because they play an integral part of my life, I’m talking about someone I run into at the grocery store whom I haven’t seen in a long time, and as one person said, is really just asking out of politeness.

You’re all right. I need to either say it with humility and honesty, but also the great joy I feel at my new life. Or, I need to simply say something like, “I’m between careers right now.”

Maybe I should be saying it as if it were a completely natural choice, since I think it is.

Thank you all for your advice, understanding and prayers.

 

[lepidoptera]

Along similar lines, how have people dealt with explaining to others (especially co-workers) about time spent out of town visiting different religious communities? This is something that I struggle with, since it seems that in following this path to see if it is where God is leading me (which I think it may be!), making up other reasons/lying to explain time out of town isn’t the right thing to do.

 

[toknowservelove]

Well, I was lucky in that area, since I was a teacher and just went on my breaks. If people asked where I was going, I’d just say “on retreat”, which was true.

Can you go on weekends if you’re just making an initial contact with a community? Sometimes I would extend an alread long holiday weekend by a few days if there was more travel or I just wanted a longer visit.

Is it possible to talk to your boss and explain? Would s/he be understanding? Most people I found to be more understanding about going to visit communities because I wasn’t looking for a new job in the same field, and there is an understanding, even with non-believers or non-catholics that this is something beyond just a “job switch”.

If you’re nervous talking to your boss, send your guardian angel ahead with a prayer to help soften his/her heart. Whenever I did this, my talks with people always seemed to go well.

I’ll keep you in my prayers.

God bless