Awkward experience at RCIA

[jhigh]

I’ve been going through RCIA (I know they’re not called this anymore, but it’s easy and you all know what I mean). I’m a lifelong Protestant that is very passionate about my new home. I’m also very inquisitive and I love to discuss the finer points of Church teaching. Finally, I also happen to have become pretty good friends with my priest.

Therefore, our classes can sometimes get pretty involved in terms of theology. I ask a lot of questions, and we discuss a good bit. There are only two others in the class. One is an older woman that comes with her husband. They occasionally engage in the conversation but usually just listen, although they seem to enjoy learning. Another is an older gentleman who did not participate in the Rite of Election, and told us on the first day that he has been coming to our parish for over 20 years with his wife, and that this is just a formality for him. He’s very disinterested.

Last night, we discussed marriage. My priest, myself, and the woman teaching the class spent a solid 20 minutes talking about contraception, NFP, etc. I’m only 31, and am married…so I have a few questions about these things.

The gentleman who is there just as a formality became very confrontational and asked if “all of this detail was necessary.” He was visibly angry, and my priest politely explained that these things can be important, he may be asked to explain church teachings, etc.

My question, I guess, is do I continue engaging my priest at classes as I always have, or do I now need to be sensitive to the fact that this guy just wants to “put in his time,” so to speak, and go home? I’m close enough with the priest that I could get answers to my questions outside of class, but should I have to? I’ve been viewing RCIA as an opportunity to get answers to questions and the group benefits. But if this guy is going to flip out every week, maybe I shouldn’t.

Thoughts?

 

[ignatius777]

I’ve been going through RCIA (I know they’re not called this anymore, but it’s easy and you all know what I mean). I’m a lifelong Protestant that is very passionate about my new home. I’m also very inquisitive and I love to discuss the finer points of Church teaching. Finally, I also happen to have become pretty good friends with my priest.

Therefore, our classes can sometimes get pretty involved in terms of theology. I ask a lot of questions, and we discuss a good bit. There are only two others in the class. One is an older woman that comes with her husband. They occasionally engage in the conversation but usually just listen, although they seem to enjoy learning. Another is an older gentleman who did not participate in the Rite of Election, and told us on the first day that he has been coming to our parish for over 20 years with his wife, and that this is just a formality for him. He’s very disinterested.

Last night, we discussed marriage. My priest, myself, and the woman teaching the class spent a solid 20 minutes talking about contraception, NFP, etc. I’m only 31, and am married…so I have a few questions about these things.

The gentleman who is there just as a formality became very confrontational and asked if “all of this detail was necessary.” He was visibly angry, and my priest politely explained that these things can be important, he may be asked to explain church teachings, etc.

My question, I guess, is do I continue engaging my priest at classes as I always have, or do I now need to be sensitive to the fact that this guy just wants to “put in his time,” so to speak, and go home? I’m close enough with the priest that I could get answers to my questions outside of class, but should I have to? I’ve been viewing RCIA as an opportunity to get answers to questions and the group benefits. But if this guy is going to flip out every week, maybe I shouldn’t.

Thoughts?

He is reacting based solely on his motivation. If the old man was asking if this much “detail” is necessary it sounds like more then just church teachings were being discussed. There is nothing to be gained by aggrevating the old man is there? It sounds like maybe the discussion became more physically personal since thats usually what “detail” refers to huh? Maybe discuss the teachings on contraception in the class but leave the “details” for private sessions with your priest friend.

 

[JM3]

Ask your questions. It is up to the priest and the woman teaching the class to address the concerns of the others, not you.

Welcome home.

 

[I_Thirst]

It’s not called RCIA anymore? Really? What do y’all call it in your parish?

 

[jhigh]

He is reacting based solely on his motivation. If the old man was asking if this much “detail” is necessary it sounds like more then just church teachings were being discussed. There is nothing to be gained by aggrevating the old man is there? It sounds like maybe the discussion became more physically personal since thats usually what “detail” refers to huh? Maybe discuss the teachings on contraception in the class but leave the “details” for private sessions with your priest friend.

No, the questions were specific to the details of Church teaching. Actually, we were discussing whether or not it was sinful to use NFP to contracept, as my understanding was that if you were intentionally trying to avoid having a child, that it was a sin. That was my question and the discussion was exclusive to that.

 

[jhigh]

It’s not called RCIA anymore? Really? What do y’all call it in your parish?

I could be wrong, but it was my understanding that it is not called RCIA at all anywhere anymore, although everyone still calls it that anyway.

 

[larsenl1]

Ask your questions. It is up to the priest and the woman teaching the class to address the concerns of the others, not you.

Welcome home.

Exactly. I assist with RCIA (we still call it that because it is the ordinary way for adults to join the church) and I see our teacher gloss over a question now and then and address the inquisitor during a break or after class.

You may ask any question. Leave the substance of the discussion to the priest and the teacher.

Welcome to the church.

 

[ignatius777]

No, the questions were specific to the details of Church teaching. Actually, we were discussing whether or not it was sinful to use NFP to contracept, as my understanding was that if you were intentionally trying to avoid having a child, that it was a sin. That was my question and the discussion was exclusive to that.

Then as someone else has already suggested let the leader of the meetings deal with the old man

 

[FightingFat]

I have some sympathy for the old fella if the subject matter became quite graphic. May I suggest you ask your priest this question and see what he says? I’m sure he would be happy to spend time with you privately, he sounds like a good priest from what you’ve said here!

 

[Barbkw]

It’s still called RCIA and keep asking your questions.

I wish all RCIA classes were like your experience (detailed in explanation).

This is my second year as an RCIA sponsor. I’ve found that in the large groups, it’s unfortunately “assumed” that people are actually reading the material.

When people ask questions, it’s evident that they have read the material and they want a deeper understanding of the material.

Good for you!

 

[losh14]

I think there’s nothing wrong with being peaceful and asking more intimate questions in a more intimate setting with just your husband and the priest.

I’m not surprised - maybe a little disappointed - at the older gentleman’s reaction. Our priest went on a 20-minute tirade the other week against pornography, and some parishoners actually left. People don’t always like these topics, but they’re important to discuss, certainly, and absolutely relevant to RCIA.

Now if the older gentleman has the same reaction to something central to all Catholics - not just Catholics of childbearing age - maybe it’s time for the priest to meet with him and his wife and ask if he’s really serious about entering the Church. I’d rather that people who don’t believe in the sacraments not partake in them.

 

[jhigh]

I plan to take everyone’s advice and keep asking questions. However, I want to clarify one thing. The gentleman in question made it clear that it wasn’t the content of what was being discussed. He has been visibly annoyed in the past at anything that goes beyond the bare minimum. For example, we had a lengthy discussion before regarding eucharistic adoration and he became annoyed because technically it wasn’t part of what we had to be learning.

The struggle for me is that it appears that this guy is just there to go through the motions. Do I just ignore him and do what I feel is right, which is to learn as much as I can, or do I not “rock the boat” with this guy and just wait to ask my questions later.

 

[Barbkw]

Another is an older gentleman who did not participate in the Rite of Election, and told us on the first day that he has been coming to our parish for over 20 years with his wife, and that this is just a formality for him. He’s very disinterested.

That’s a unique situation. See if I have this right.

The old guy and his wife have been attending Mass for 20 years.

After 20 years, his wife is converting, but he is not.

 

[jhigh]

That’s a unique situation. See if I have this right.

The old guy and his wife have been attending Mass for 20 years.

After 20 years, his wife is converting, but he is not.

No, his wife is already Catholic. He is now converting just as a formality, which I think is why he’s so disinterested in RCIA. He almost has the same mentality that I’ve seen in many “cradle Catholics,” like he feels he already knows everything because he’s sat in a pew the last 20 years…that the “details” don’t matter.

Part of me feels compelled to make an issue out of it because, as someone whose decision to convert has taken years of study and prayer (including reading through the Catechism - twice), I firmly believe that the details matter very much.

 

[puzzleannie]

Last night, we discussed marriage. My priest, myself, and the woman teaching the class spent a solid 20 minutes talking about contraception, NFP, etc. I’m only 31, and am married…so I have a few questions about these things.

The gentleman who is there just as a formality became very confrontational and asked if “all of this detail was necessary.” He was visibly angry, and my priest politely explained that these things can be important, he may be asked to explain church teachings, etc.

?

it depends on what you were discussing, and how personal the discussion came. When it comes the nuts and bolts of practicing NFP and marital intimacy in general that should be private, not part of the general RCIA conversation. In general the RCIA group as a whole should not be in any territory that is personal and private such as who has a valid marriage or not, who is practicing birth control or not, that would get me angry as well. Once the basic doctrine on marriage and sexuality has been presented, the personal questions specific to one person should be handled privately at another time and place.

That holds also for any question that is specific to the questioner, and not immediately relevant to others in the group. For instance, once the basic doctrine on Mary has been presented, and the group’s general questions answered, if one member has persistent doubts or questions or issues with one aspect of that teaching, he should meet with the priest or catechist privately, not hold up the rest of the class.

I could be wrong, but it was my understanding that it is not called RCIA at all anywhere anymore, although everyone still calls it that anyway.

that is not the understanding of the Church, if you are speaking of the process, including but not limited to doctrinal instruction, whereby non-Catholics are brought into the Church. This is RCIA.

 

[JM3]

The struggle for me is that it appears that this guy is just there to go through the motions. Do I just ignore him and do what I feel is right, which is to learn as much as I can, or do I not “rock the boat” with this guy and just wait to ask my questions later.

It is the priest who will discern if this gentlemen has had a conversion and will be accepted into the Church. As long as the priest and your teacher are happy with your advancement, continue what you have been doing.

 

[JRKH]

I’d say go ahead and ask the questions you have. the teacher and the priest are in charge of guiding the class.
If they feel it is too much detail or the answer might put the curriculum behind schedule, they should say so and make arrangements with you to answer in more detail outside of class.
So - go ahead and ask and then let the class leadership do their jobs.

One thing I might suggest is that you make known to them (teacher and priest) that you would understand if they did not wish to go into great detail and would be more than willing to accept a short answer in class and more detail later…That they should not be afraid to “limit the conversation” and move on…It’s up to them

Peace
James

 

[jhigh]

that is not the understanding of the Church, if you are speaking of the process, including but not limited to doctrinal instruction, whereby non-Catholics are brought into the Church. This is RCIA.

I thought that I read somewhere that the name had been changed. If not, I stand corrected. Thanks.

 

[jhigh]

I’d say go ahead and ask the questions you have. the teacher and the priest are in charge of guiding the class.
If they feel it is too much detail or the answer might put the curriculum behind schedule, they should say so and make arrangements with you to answer in more detail outside of class.
So - go ahead and ask and then let the class leadership do their jobs.

One thing I might suggest is that you make known to them (teacher and priest) that you would understand if they did not wish to go into great detail and would be more than willing to accept a short answer in class and more detail later…That they should not be afraid to “limit the conversation” and move on…It’s up to them

Peace
James

I like your suggestion a lot, and I’ll let my priest and teacher know. I think that’s what makes it so awkward for everyone, not just me. It’s more of a conversation that we’re all having than anything. I’ve learned a lot about church history and little tidbits of information and we all kind of share together as we go through. It is only this one guy that appears to want to come in, be talked to, and run out the door.

I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing.

 

[Barbkw]

He is now converting just as a formality, which I think is why he’s so disinterested in RCIA. He almost has the same mentality that I’ve seen in many “cradle Catholics,” like he feels he already knows everything because he’s sat in a pew the last 20 years…that the “details” don’t matter.

Part of me feels compelled to make an issue out of it because, as someone whose decision to convert has taken years of study and prayer (including reading through the Catechism - twice), I firmly believe that the details matter very much.

I agree, conversion needs to be a continual process. RCIA is supposed to be an intense conversion experience. And it is adult faith formation.

And he’s disinterested.

May be, he’s one of those “know it all” kind of old farts. No body’s telling them anything they don’t already know. And nothing about things - they don’t care about.