Awkward lady at Mass; Prayers & Advice needed!

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skippykerrie

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Hi everyone,

Just wanting to share this and get advice.

I’ve been able to go to daily mass a few times per week for the last few months. Over the past couple of months I began to notice a lady there who began giving me some pretty awful looks. So I started wondering what I had done, or if it was just that I was younger (well, 28!), or I was dressed ‘wrong’?

I don’t dress any differently to most, and I am conservative- it can’t be that.

It’s getting really bad, where I catch her glaring at me. She won’t look away if I look back, either.
I have been charitable, and I smile at her- nicely. She continues to glare. Sometimes she will shake her head and look visibly annoyed.

I am reverent, quiet, and like my quiet time in prayer before and after mass. I keep myself to myself. She seems to find any opportunity to be annoyed by my presence.

Last week, sat in the aisle, I crossed over to shake hands with a friend on the opposite side. Many people do this. She was approaching down the aisle (she is an EMHC) and she practically leapt in the air because I was in her way ( I really wasn’t- there was plenty of room!).
She let out a huge sigh and shook her head at me, and gave me one of the nastiest looks I’ve ever received.

This time- I decided to charitably engage her after mass. I said I was very sorry if I had been disrespectful in any way. She told me I hadn’t been, and I “had nothing to worry about” and quickly walked away.

I thought this might clear the air. It didn’t.

I’m now getting anxious about going to mass. Even when she gives communion, she glares at me in the line, and when I get to her, she is really not happy about me being there.

I pray for this lady, and I ask your prayers for me too. I am naturally self conscious and sometimes worry. But, I am positive about what is going on. My husband has seen her a couple of times, and agrees that there is something not right.

I have tried to keep away, not look at her; etc. But, when I’m there I feel she’s managing to invade my ‘space’ - even if it’s just with her glaring!

Thanks in advance!
 
The woman seems to have a problem. You have a problem only if you accept it as a problem. My advice is to ignore her as best as you can.

If you cannot ignore her, keep foremost in your mind that she is a creation and a child of God and that He loves her very, very much. She is precious in his eyes. He treasures her every breath and prayer and longs to embrace her in His Mercy. Note that when she has received the Eucharist she has become a living tabernacle. Remember that she is a fragile human being and has hurts and pains and needs your love and prayers. You need not approach her physically but maybe you can ask your guardian angel to assist her in her necessities. Offer prayers for her, a decade of the Rosary, the intention of your mass, or some small sacrifice. You may never see a change in her or any other effects of these efforts but God will bless you.

Be at peace.
 
skippykerrie said:
Hi everyone,

Just wanting to share this and get advice.

I’ve been able to go to daily mass a few times per week for the last few months. Over the past couple of months I began to notice a lady there who began giving me some pretty awful looks. So I started wondering what I had done, or if it was just that I was younger (well, 28!), or I was dressed ‘wrong’?

I don’t dress any differently to most, and I am conservative- it can’t be that.

It’s getting really bad, where I catch her glaring at me. She won’t look away if I look back, either.
I have been charitable, and I smile at her- nicely. She continues to glare. Sometimes she will shake her head and look visibly annoyed.

I am reverent, quiet, and like my quiet time in prayer before and after mass. I keep myself to myself. She seems to find any opportunity to be annoyed by my presence.

Last week, sat in the aisle, I crossed over to shake hands with a friend on the opposite side. Many people do this. She was approaching down the aisle (she is an EMHC) and she practically leapt in the air because I was in her way ( I really wasn’t- there was plenty of room!).
She let out a huge sigh and shook her head at me, and gave me one of the nastiest looks I’ve ever received.

This time- I decided to charitably engage her after mass. I said I was very sorry if I had been disrespectful in any way. She told me I hadn’t been, and I “had nothing to worry about” and quickly walked away.

I thought this might clear the air. It didn’t.

I’m now getting anxious about going to mass. Even when she gives communion, she glares at me in the line, and when I get to her, she is really not happy about me being there.

I pray for this lady, and I ask your prayers for me too. I am naturally self conscious and sometimes worry. But, I am positive about what is going on. My husband has seen her a couple of times, and agrees that there is something not right.

I have tried to keep away, not look at her; etc. But, when I’m there I feel she’s managing to invade my ‘space’ - even if it’s just with her glaring!

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...
There’s two things you can do besides praying.
  1. Sit somewhere else so you don’t see her
  2. Find a different parish to attend Daily Mass.
 
Can you sit behind her field of vision? Somewhere where she would literally have to turn around in her seat to glare at you? Or far enough in front that you would literally have to turn around in your own seat to notice her?

I think it’s wonderful that you are actively praying for her and that you’re seeking prayers for her. That is the epitome of Christian charity. I will pray for her and for you.

God bless you,

Dena
 
Skippykerrie

When you chose to use the adjective “awkward,” I think you were being euphemistic. “Rude” would have been closer to the plain truth. All I can suggest is that you try and be coldly polite to her. It isn’t always easy, but it’s possible.
 
Have others witnessed this behavior? If this continues, I would talk to the pastor. The woman may be acting this way unconsciously, but such behavior should not be ignored.
 
Maybe you’re sitting in her regular spot?

Have you noticed whether she looks at everyone this way? Or are you sure it’s just you.

I like the advice someone else suggested…sit someplace in the church where she can’t see you, like directly behind her so she’d have to really make an effort to turn around to see you.

Good luck.🤷🙂
 
skippykerrie said:
Hi everyone,

Just wanting to share this and get advice.

I’ve been able to go to daily mass a few times per week for the last few months. Over the past couple of months I began to notice a lady there who began giving me some pretty awful looks. So I started wondering what I had done, or if it was just that I was younger (well, 28!), or I was dressed ‘wrong’?

I don’t dress any differently to most, and I am conservative- it can’t be that.

It’s getting really bad, where I catch her glaring at me. She won’t look away if I look back, either.
I have been charitable, and I smile at her- nicely. She continues to glare. Sometimes she will shake her head and look visibly annoyed.

I am reverent, quiet, and like my quiet time in prayer before and after mass. I keep myself to myself. She seems to find any opportunity to be annoyed by my presence.

Last week, sat in the aisle, I crossed over to shake hands with a friend on the opposite side. Many people do this. She was approaching down the aisle (she is an EMHC) and she practically leapt in the air because I was in her way ( I really wasn’t- there was plenty of room!).
She let out a huge sigh and shook her head at me, and gave me one of the nastiest looks I’ve ever received.

This time- I decided to charitably engage her after mass. I said I was very sorry if I had been disrespectful in any way. She told me I hadn’t been, and I “had nothing to worry about” and quickly walked away.

I thought this might clear the air. It didn’t.

I’m now getting anxious about going to mass. Even when she gives communion, she glares at me in the line, and when I get to her, she is really not happy about me being there.

I pray for this lady, and I ask your prayers for me too. I am naturally self conscious and sometimes worry. But, I am positive about what is going on. My husband has seen her a couple of times, and agrees that there is something not right.

I have tried to keep away, not look at her; etc. But, when I’m there I feel she’s managing to invade my ‘space’ - even if it’s just with her glaring!

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...
I suggest you just stop looking at her.That would solve the problem.Focus on the mass and your prayers and you will not notice if she is watching you.
 
Is it possible that this is her normal appearance and she isn’t directing any negative looks toward you specifically?
 
Sit in the front pew…look only at the priest.
Problem solved.
 
SuscipeMeDomine said:
Is it possible that this is her normal appearance and she isn’t directing any negative looks toward you specifically?
Click to expand...
That is what I was thinking.

I would try to ignore the lady. Could be that she is like me.

I have an auto-immune disease. Sometimes, most of the time lately, it causes great pain. I still try to function, but I am in pain. I am sure my face shows it. And unless you know it is pain, not annoyance, you might think I am quite rude.
 
Thanks everyone for your advice and comments.

I did start to sit right at the front (not in her seat! She sits quite far back!).

I notice it most during communion, especially when she is an EMHC.

When I had the ‘aisle episode’ with her, my friend, an older lady who has been in the parish for years, said she noticed- and that she (the rude woman) isn’t usually like that.

I’ll keep praying for her, and we’ll see what happens next. Surely she’ll give the reason away at some point.

I’ll keep you posted!
 
I agree with the other posters.

I have a good friend. He has a disorder of some sort that he can’t control some of his face muscles. His face always looks angry, even when he’s happy. People who don’t know him are scared of him. A lot of people even make rude remarks to him or return angry looks. This is very cruel.
 
skippykerrie said:
Thanks everyone for your advice and comments.

I did start to sit right at the front (not in her seat! She sits quite far back!).

I notice it most during communion, especially when she is an EMHC.

When I had the ‘aisle episode’ with her, my friend, an older lady who has been in the parish for years, said she noticed- and that she (the rude woman) isn’t usually like that.

I’ll keep praying for her, and we’ll see what happens next. Surely she’ll give the reason away at some point.

I’ll keep you posted!
Click to expand...
Please do this is interesting.
 
Could be any number of reasons, but it’s her, not you.

She could have some mental illness, paranoia, perhaps you remind her of someone in her past she didn’t like or feared, perhaps you look familiar but she can’t figure out who you remind her of and she is staring holes into you.
 
I totally agree with Mary Ellen’s response. " . . she is a creation and a child of God and that He loves her very, very much. She is precious in his eyes. He treasures her every breath and prayer and longs to embrace her in His Mercy. Note that when she has received the Eucharist she has become a living tabernacle. Remember that she is a fragile human being and has hurts and pains and needs your love and prayers. You need not approach her physically but maybe you can ask your guardian angel to assist her in her necessities. Offer prayers for her, a decade of the Rosary, the intention of your mass, or some small sacrifice. You may never see a change in her or any other effects of these efforts but God will bless you".

It is sometimes difficult to do but, God will help you.
 
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