Awkward moments during mass

[KarenElissa]

Ugh. I second that. Today was especially awkward as there was only one other person in the pew and I was in the very middle. So I had to slide all the way down and wait for the person to stop kneeling and come out so I could go back and kneel. Guess there really isn’t a graceful way to do it. Can’t wait until this isn’t a problem anymore!

I agree with this too. Most days it isn’t too horrible, I try and sit on the the end so there isn’t so much getting up and down and such. But one Sunday I was kneeling there, I think it was right before the consecration and two ladies came up and I had to scoot over while I was kneeling, and there went my nice end seat. So I had to move for them during communion and then as I was about to kneel again, a couple more people from the pew across the way came by and had to crawl over me too. Terribly awkward.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Our pastor always forgets to say “men” in the Creed. (Sorry… wrong thread!)

One week our lector announced, “A reading from the book of Noah.” Immediately the church was filled with the sound of people rifling through the missal.

Just when you think no one is paying attention…

 

[Gearoidin]

Japanese Kanji are hard to heard and many kanji have several readings, especially in names. We have 2 priests from Italy who speak excellent Japanese (with Italian accents) but sometimes have trouble reading kanji.
Many Japanese people when they become Catholic adopt a saint’s name and use it before their normal Japanese one so you get names like Francis Xavier Osamu Ikobe.
At a memorial Mass out Italian priest was doing quite well until he got to the name of the person the Mass was being offered for. He had no problems with the Christain part of the name but when he came to the Japanese part he had no idea how to read it. He tried the most common reading for the kanji but everyone started shaking their heads. We had a few moments of uncomfortable silence before someone in the front row got up, beckoned him over, and whispered it to him. He was a bit embarrassed but recovered well.

Our other Italian priest uses his hands a lot when he talks and forgets about other people and things standing near him. Last year during Easter he did an especially dramatic movement, knocked over the pascal candle which in turn set fire to the edge of the altar cloth. One of the older altar boys grabed a glass of water and ran to put out the fire but tripped, spilling water all over the altar, cutting his lip open and chipping a tooth. At this stage the altar cloth was still smoldering, there was blood all over the altar, the smoke alarms had gone off, and everyone was standing around in confusion. Someone had gone to the outside tap and had got a bucket of water which he threw all over the altar. The firemen and engine arrived a few minutes after that and they all stormed into the church but by then everything was under control. The bishop who lives next door came running in when he saw the firetruck along with 2 other priests. The firemen left taking the altarboy to hospital to get his lip stitched.
Mass finally restarted about 35-40 minutes later.
Gearoidin

 

[lak611]

I’m not Catholic yet, so I always find the Eucharist just a bit awkward. I have to file out to let everyone in my row get in line, then return to my seat and kneel. Then I have to time it just right so I can walk to the other end and let the people in my row back in.

On top of that, I always wonder if the people will assume I’m Catholic and think, “Hmm, I wonder what mortal sin he’s committed.”

No mortal sin to assume. A Catholic who broke the fast would not receive either! We should never presume why someone receives or does not receive. Only God knows the state of one’s soul. By the way, welcome home! It will be awesome when you do receive Jesus in Holy Communion! :extrahappy:

 

[lak611]

Just when you think no one is paying attention…

I was not at the Mass, but a friend from church told me that a reader said “Flaming Brassiere” instead of “Flaming Brazier” once. I’m glad I was not at that Mass. I probably would have had a hard time not laughing.

 

[dbacks5439]

I was 10 or so and I just received the Body of Christ. I then proceeded to receive the Blood of Christ but the EMHC didn’t give it to me! I’m guessing he thought I was too young because I was short enough to look 5. I stood there for maybe 10 seconds and then decided to head back to my pew.

 There's been other times when the priest or lector would say the wrong thing, nothing too serious.

Before Mass, one of the alter servers was attempting to light one of the side altar candles, but couldn’t do it. She was up there for 5 minutes trying to light the darn thing but it wouldn’t shine. Finally her father came up and lighted it. The congregation applauded, but man were her cheecks red!

 

[lak611]

I was 10 or so and I just received the Body of Christ. I then proceeded to receive the Blood of Christ but the EMHC didn’t give it to me! I’m guessing he thought I was too young because I was short enough to look 5. I stood there for maybe 10 seconds and then decided to head back to my pew.

 There's been other times when the priest or lector would say the wrong thing, nothing too serious.

Before Mass, one of the alter servers was attempting to light one of the side altar candles, but couldn’t do it. She was up there for 5 minutes trying to light the darn thing but it wouldn’t shine. Finally her father came up and lighted it. The congregation applauded, but man were her cheecks red!

I was about ready to leave my pew to light the candles once. I’m 5’9", so I can easily reach the candles. The altar boys were little (probably only 3rd grade). They stood on their tiptoes but could not reach the candles with their candle lighters. Someone in the first pew went and lit the candles. Otherwise, I would have lit them.

 

[vince2paul]

It was recently and the Knights of Columbus were processing into Mass wearing their full dress up garb.

My 4-year-old pointed at them and squealed loudly “look…PIRATES!”

It wasn’t during mass. I think it was at the airport when my niece, 6yo, saw a lady wearing blue mantle. She quickly kneeled in praying position and told her mum that she saw Mother Mary with a very serious look on her face.

 

[Petergee]

I’m not Catholic yet, so I always find the Eucharist just a bit awkward. I have to file out to let everyone in my row get in line, then return to my seat and kneel. Then I have to time it just right so I can walk to the other end and let the people in my row back in.

You DON’T have to do that, and you shouldn’t. If the space between the pews is too narrow (or they are not agile enough) for them to step over your legs, you should just sit up and move your knees to the side to let them pass, then kneel down again.

On top of that, I always wonder if the people will assume I’m Catholic and think, “Hmm, I wonder what mortal sin he’s committed.”

THEY are committing a sin if they make that assumption. There are several valid reasons why someone is not receiving Communion, e.g. ate within 1 hour, a non-Catholic, already received (or planning to receive) at another Mass that day, does not feel in the right spiritual frame of mind (distracted etc) or simply because they choose not to receive. And it’s nobody else’s business why they don’t receive.

The priest once asked me to make the Easter fire in a portable barbeque in the church porch. He thought I’d be good at it as I was a Scout, but I mucked it up and it was a very smoky fire, and the wind blew the smoke right into the church and made lots of people cough through the first half of the Easter Vigil.

 

[thann]

I just remembered another story.

When I was (much) younger I was in a teen choir. At Easter Vigil one year, the girl next to me had her hair in pigtails. During the candle lighting, she turned her head and one of her pigtails caught fire from the candle she was holding.

Fast forward a few years. I was singing for this same girl’s wedding. During the candle lighting ceremony, she turned her head and her veil caught on fire from the wedding candle!

[in both cases the fires were extinguished immediately and she was just fine]

'thann

 

[LilyM]

Well, this moment was both awkward and very sad.

At a mass on our vacation (Easter Sunday), the priest was blessing everyone with holy water, and fell to the floor when he got to us. He had died of a heart attack. :cry

Oh my! :console: prayers for the repose of his soul. I guess there aren’t too many better and holier ways to go though :getholy:

 

[AJV]

Three happened just yesterday at the Assumption Mass. At the responsorial psalm, the text of the response displayed to the congregation was “at your right hand stands the queen in garments of gold”. The reader thought it was something else “in gold of Ophir” so he announced that as the response. And so the psalm continued with half the people saying one thing and the other half another thing. Then at the Gospel, another priest was invited to sing it and he used a different tune for the announcing- and for the response there was silence! before a a few strangled voices from the choir tried to respond appropriately. And at the Offertory, the celebrants were being incensed and an extra vigorous swing almost hit one of them in the face- propelling him back into his seat.

On Ash Wednesday of the past year, the priest had just finished the doxology, when there was an audible “Uh” and suddenly everyone- priest, communion priests, sacristy members were all running out. Apparently the boy ringing the bell had collapsed.

Then at the Easter Vigil where the priests were blessing the water of the font. The MC moved one of the altar servers to one side. The priest moved him back. The MC moved him again. And it went on back and forth 4 times before they stopped.

And at last Easter Vigil, the choir was singing during the procession to the baptisery and they reached the baptistery. The choir however didn’t stop singing despite many hints. Finally the MC (a really elderly gentleman) said into the mic " The Baptism is going on. Choir please stop" the choir didn’t stop. MC got irritated and bellowed twice more “Choir stop”. Choir didn’t hear. Finally one of the altar boys went running up to the other side of the church to the choir to tell them to stop.

 

[Belle10]

I used to be an Alter server and I just wasnt very good at it…I could tell the Congregation didn’t like me.It was a horrible feeling,…I used to dread it…and once there was an Easter Mass and I couldnt do it right at all and it was just humiliating and I cried.:banghead: Even the Priest didn’t like me.I don’t go to that church anymore.

Hi there. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure you did just fine in God’s eyes.

I checked out your website and it’s nice. I’m going to share it with others.

 

[rigofamily]

When my wife and I were dating, we were at Mass and during the homily the priest noticed that the entire congregation suddenly became distracted.

He stopped and said, “the dog’s up on the alter, isn’t he?” During the homily his pet beagle had walked out of the Sacristy and onto the Altar and layed down.

Embarassed, he led the dog back into the Sacristy and then finished the homily.

 

[Sarabande]

When my wife and I were dating, we were at Mass and during the homily the priest noticed that the entire congregation suddenly became distracted.

He stopped and said, “the dog’s up on the alter, isn’t he?” During the homily his pet beagle had walked out of the Sacristy and onto the Altar and layed down.

Embarassed, he led the dog back into the Sacristy and then finished the homily.

That is just too cute of a story!!!

 

[ALLGIRLS]

Oh this is fun

I’m a reader, and one Sunday the ribbon was in the wrong part of the lectionary, and when I got up there to read, I couldn’t find the correct reading! I fumbled for a couple of seconds, then Father came over and found it for me (why I didn’t check it before Mass started I don’t know, I usually always do-I definately make sure I do it every time since then!).

One Sunday the reader either didn’t show up, or forgot he was reading, because when Fr. sat down after the opening prayer, no one came up to read. A few seconds went by, and Fr. just went to the ambo and started reading it himself. For the 2nd reading, someone got his act together and came up to read.

When my now 19 y/o dd was a server (probably 7 or 8 years ago), she got sick and as she was approaching the altar after the consecration w/ the extra chalices she passed out and fell on the floor (thankfully it was carpeted!). I had to hurry up their, pick her up and walk/drag her back to the sacristy, while Fr. went on w/ Mass as best he could.

During Mass at a Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat, we (Fr. and the group) were reciting the Gloria, and somehow morphed into the Nicene Creed. No one’s been able to figure out how that happened. All of the sudden, I just realized I was reciting the Creed, and not the Gloria, I have no idea where or when it happened, and everyone else I’ve talked to said the same thing.

When I was in 3rd grade I passed out during Benediction. I was kneeling in the pew w/ my class, feeling incredibly tired, then I remember waking up, thinking “oh, good, I was just dreamng that I was in church”. Then I realized I was laying on the church floor, and a bunch of teachers and students were hovering around me. I did get to go home early that day, though

That’s all I can think of for now. That was fun!

In Christ,

Ellen

 

[theweeper]

all very funny

 

[Beachcomber]

I have really enjoyed reading these posts.

And I recall another incident. A friend of mine talked me into going to Mass with her during a time when I was not involved with the Church whatsoever. When it came time for the readings, the lector said, the phrase ‘gold of Ophir’ as ‘gold of Oprah.’ I am not making this up. That still gets me to laugh when I think about it.

 

[Anne1964]

Well, the most recent one for me was two Sundays ago when I was out of town on vacation. The church was packed and just before the consecration a gant flew up my nose It is very hard to be discreet while trying to extricate a bug from your nose. I finally settled for squeezing my nostril closed until the bug stopped wiggling. I left immediately after receiving Communion so that I could take care of my problem.

Another time our Bishop was presiding at Mass and an older priest read the Gospel. He forgot to say “The Gospel of the Lord” at the end and left the ambo and walked by the Bishop when he suddenly realized that we were all still standing and why. He turned around, returned to the ambo and finished. I know he must have been embarrassed.

At a daily Mass this same priest was very late. We must have sat there for 20 minutes waiting for him. Finally he rushed in dressed in a hawaiian shirt and those dark sunglasses they sometimes give you at the eye doctor’s office when your pupils have been dilated. He made a brief announcement that he had told the parish office he was going to be late. It was obvious he was irritated that no one had come over to tell us. He then disappeared into the sacristy to vest. When he came out to begin Mass he was still wearing his sunglasses, and he wore them for the whole Mass. It was a little strange receiving Communion from a priest weaing sunglasses.

When I first returned to the Church and began attending weekday Masses, I was unfamiliar with the practice of two lines of people forming to receive Communion from the same priest. When I exited my pew to get in line I became confused and managed to gum up both lines so that I was left with a bunch of people standing behind me and the priest, with a puzzled expression on his face, waiting for me to approach for Communion.

 

[christcnection1]

Let me see if I can remember this correctly…

This little story was told to me by an orthodox priest (and friend). This incident is an example of an absurd post-Vatican II liturgical abuse by another priest in a “liberal” religious order.

During a Mass with many other priests, the celebrant had leaves and chestnuts from the local forest brought in to use on the altar. I have no idea what he was using them for, though they were meant to symbolize something.

(If I had to guess this symbolized a slap in the face to the Magisterium. )

Sometime near “consecration” he said to the people “now think about what we did here.” My priest friend told me that he was thinking, “yes, what the heck did we just do here.” Needless to say, he did not go up for communion. I believe it was invalid anyhow.

Fortunately this religious order is not as fanatical in their unorthodoxy as they once were.

Can you imagine how leaves and nuts could have any place in the most sacred part of the Mass?!?!

This is nuts alright.