Awkward Situation. Advice?

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Angela77

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Hi. I am a high school senior, and my mom and I have a great relationship, but we disagree on one major thing: religion.

I am kind of a hardcore Catholic. And my mom is…spiritual. She’s fairly closed about her beliefs; she doesn’t like discussion. She insists that spiritual matters are meant to be private. (Although I feel like she should have been more opened with me about it because it seems like that should be part of the job of raising me.)

Some background: My mom is from a Protestant background. My dad is sort of Catholic. My mom converted before they got married. They put me into religion classes (late), and I was never much into it…until I was confirmed. Since then I’ve wholeheartedly embraced Catholicism.

So I guess the reason I’m writing this is because of a disturbing conversation I had with my mom tonight. She and I are super close and get along really well, and I never feel awkward telling her anything. But tonight we got into religion and it was super awkward. She has totally different beliefs from me, and we both think we’re right. I just hate having this sort of rift in our relationship.

Here are the disturbing things my mom said, followed by what I was thinking. She said she didn’t need the structure/rituals of the Church for her relationship with God. (But the Church has everything we need!!) She also said that her spirituality is so much bigger than the Church–it’s in the way she lives and acts. (But the Church INCLUDES everything we need and GUIDES us on how to live and act.) She said that it’s not enough just to engage in religious activities like going to Mass—you gotta live it. (Which I agreed with, but said that both were important. The two go hand in hand, I think.)

I’m just concerned that my mom has sort of made up her own religion. She seems to be into some of this New Age stuff too, like if you tell the Universe you want something, it’ll give it to you. I feel like if she understood more about Catholicism (she really doesn’t know anything about it, I’ve found), she’d fall in love with it like I have. But she’s not interested at all.

What should I do?

Thanks!
 
Right or wrong- you’re the child, she’s the mother…most parents do not appreciate a forced lesson on life from their child. My best advice be the best you and let your example as a good Catholic show. I would avoid at all costs lecturing and arguing with your mother.

Respect her beliefs, while living yours fully. Invite her to church functions on occcasion- but don’t badger her. Invite her to volunteer at a church sup kitchen for example- show her Catholicism in action, not just words.
 
In my experience with ‘spiritual-but-not-religious’ people, no amount of explanation of the Catholic faith has made any difference. Perhaps the best thing you can do is to continue to live a holy life with Christ as your center; and to pray for your mother.

Certainly treat her with respect and honor, as she is your mother. And when you do get into religious discussions, consider focusing your part of the discussion on the person of Christ and His personal love for each and every one of us. I think people need to know Christ first, and then they will understand dogma; not the other way around.
 
Wow, this sounds a lot like my family, though my mom isn’t as new agey. Anyway, sometimes it’s just living the life that brings people back. I know its hard, but I think that works rather than baraging them with knowledge at first.
 
I think I have to agree with everyone else. Give her the respect that is due her as your mother. Whether she is Catholic or not, God gave you to her for your own protection and instruction. Sometimes, as my father pointed out, the best instruction they give is in how not to live. She is teaching you, indirectly, a very important lesson: learn religion, or you’ll be lead to believe anything.

She is also teaching you not to expect people to be perfect. All men need help and fall short of God’s glory. All men need prayers, and consolation. Pray for her, often. Pray for yourself that God gives you the grace to be a beacon to her. And love her all the more for her weakness.

As long as she doesn’t get between you and God, you should continue to obey her until you can get out of the house. And could you please pray for those of us who do have a hard time submitting to their parents while you’re at it? Insubordination is a grave problem, the fruit of pride, the mother of all sin. Pray and practise strongly against it.
 
Angela…
Thank you for bringing these questions here. Your concerns are legitimate, but before you get too upset about your mother’s views. Let me ask you one question…

How is your mother’s “Love”?
I mean her general outlook, is it Loving?
Does she show Love and gentle tolerance for her family, neighbors, friends, enemies, strangers?

I know - that’s three questions…😃

The reason I ask this is because…Love is the core value in the Gospels. The base for all the OT law and prophets (Mt 22:36-40) and the Great command of Jesus to His disciples (John 13:34-35)

In so far as the things you mention in your post…your mom’s views and yours…there is truth in both. While you are rightly concerned that your mom is not “religious” (catholic) enough, I’m sure that you can easily find people who attend mass every week who are not “spiritual” (Loving) enough. So - which is worse??

If your mother is a loving person the two of you have a good basis for conversation. Build out from, in and through Love.

By the way - I use to think very much like your mother…Except for the “asking the universe” thingyy…

Peace
James
 
What I think you should do is continue living your faith and be an example for her, the fact of the matter is your mother is wrong about everything, but that’s cool, cause she has a loving daughter to pray for her to a infinitely merciful God.

Get your hands on a Green Scapular and place it in her room, pray for her everyday.

Placing her in the hands of our Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary is a done deal, she will be looked after.

Also, parents have a really hard time accepting any truth from their children, it’s a thing most parents have in abundance, its called arrogance, don’t let that get in the way of your relationship.
 
I understand how you feel because my mom isn’t Catholic. She identifies as Christian but doesn’t go to church and hasn’t been baptized. I do worry about her. I just pray for her conversion, invite her to church, and try to be a good example. She does come to Mass with me sometimes. She’s not antagonistic to the faith. More like indifferent.
 
Thank you all so much for all the fantastic advice!

Someone mentioned a green scapular. What is that?
 
What should you do? That’s easy (in theory, in practice, espcially as a teenager it’s difficult).

You continue to practice your Faith and your Religion as a Catholic and do not apologize for it.

You also recogize that we can not change other people. We can lead a horse to water, we can’t make them drink. Realize she may never change her perspective on spirituality. It’s not your responsiblity, nor do you have the power, to MAKE her change.

I grew up in a household where my mother took us kids to church, enrolled us in CCD (Catholic ed for kids). My father never went to church.

Now I’m 45, My parents are in their mid 60’s. BOTH have been EUCHARISTIC MINISTERS in the Catholic Church for the past 10 years or so. My father, in particular, underwent a major change in getting involved in the Catholic Church about 10 or more years ago. He never went to church before that.

So people can and do change.

I, myself, just went to confession for the first time in 17 YEARS about 5 months ago. I always believed in God and Jesus, prayed off and on, read the bible off and on, but saw the practices of Mass to be rigid and too structured for me. So I didnt’ go for almost 20 years.

Now I ENJOY Mass, I feel blessed that the Holy Spirit guided me back to my faith and to the Church. For years off and on my father would counsel me about getting involved in the Catholic Church. I listened but didn’t follow through. Eventually I did. And it wasn’t because he preached to me to do so. He only did that a couple times a year. I did so for many reasons, it’s complicated.

But you have your religion. Follow through. You can’t change your mom (and she can’t change you). Recognizing that can save you a lot of wasted energy and anxiety, etc. Lead by example and maybe eventually she will follow. Don’t try to force her and dont’ argue with her about her beliefs. God gave us all free will. We need to CHOOSE to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, we need to choose whether or not to be active in practicing the Catholic Faith.

God Bless,
Bill
 
I don’t see why you are disturbed by your Mother’s beliefs, maybe disappointed that she doesn’t share your beliefs, but it doesn’t make much sense to be disturbed or to have a “rift” caused in your relationship because she believes differently than you. My Dad believes in New Age and even is a Psychic and alternative healing practitioner. That doesn’t disturb me or cause any sort of rift in our relationship. He genuinely believes these things and isn’t doing it as an attack to me or anyone else.

I respect that he believes differently than I do, but I am not afraid to share my beliefs either. I don’t beat him over the head with it, but when conversations come up about spiritual beliefs I tell him what I believe and why and leave it at that. He is my father, I am his child, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions and I can’t force him to believe any differently. I pray for him all the time and hope that one day he will come to know the truth.

You need to respect your Mom and her beliefs. When conversations come up, don’t get mad, don’t use personal attacks, don’t become offended, just say what your beliefs are and why and leave it at that. There is no reason you can’t get along well and have no rifts in your relationship with your Mom even though you disagree on some things. That is just part of life.
 
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