Awkward situation WWYD?

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Allegra

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Here is the situation as it stands. I was invited to a bridal shower for the fiancee of my cousin and it’s being held at my aunt’s house. My aunt has been known to be high strung and become anxious and highly emotional. While I am vaguely aware that this is something that some people do somewhere, I have never personally experienced a family shower where children are not invited. Therefore, it went completely under my radar that the invitation did not include my 9-month-old daughter. I RSVP’d for both of us in a phone message. I’m 100% certain my RSVP included the fact that I was bringing my daughter. My aunt did not return the call and it has been several days since I left the message. HOWEVER, it has come to my attention that when my sister (to whom it also would never occur that a child would not be invited to a family shower) RSVP’d, she was told she could not bring her three-year-old. My sister has decided not to attend the shower as it was a difficult time in her schedule and she was going to be at least an hour late anyway because she would have to leave straight from work and pick up her daughter and take her home first. She wants me to bring her present. My husband and dad are working on the day in question and all of my best baby-sitters are planning to attend the shower, except my sister who doesn’t get off work until it’s half over. As far as I know, this is just a regular shower and not some sort of sordid, male stripper, alchohol soaked, non child appropriate bachelorette deal. I’ve also been invited to go on an end-of-the-summer playdate with my coworkers on the same day.

So, given the facts, should I…
a) assume my baby is allowed, since my aunt didn’t call me back to tell me otherwise.
b) call my aunt and confirm that it’s okay to bring her and risk an uncomfortable conversation when I tell her that I can’t come because I don’t have a sitter.
c) ask my step-mother to bring my present and my sister’s present and go glow-in-the-dark mini golfing instead.
 
I would just call my aunt and tell her just what you said here.

“It never dawned on me that this might be an adults-only kind of event. But when talking to my sister, I realized that I might have put you in an awkward position. Please tell me if I should make other arrangements - or refrain from coming if I can’t find someone to watch my daughter.”

If you phrase it something like that - it makes it quite clear that you believe it was you- not your aunt - that may have made the mistake, and it gives her a chance to correct it without being a bad guy - or jeopardizing your relationship with her.
 
I would just call you aunt and make sure. I think she’ll understand that you can’t leave your 9-month-old for a bridal shower if she is not allowed to go with you. However, the reason that maybe she is allowed and not your sister’s three-year-old is because she won’t be walking around and getting into stuff like an older child might.

I don’t really know, though, I’m only a seventeen-year-old boy; not exactly the best for answering questions on bridal showers! :rolleyes: 🤷

May God bless you! I hope you can find a solution!! 🙂
 
You might double check with the aunt about whether having an infant might be too disruptive. This may make it easier for her to share her concerns or to tell you that your little one won’t be a bother at all.
If she is hoping for a more mature group at the shower, you might send your gift over along with a lovely note to the expectant couple.
That way you can avoid rattling your hostess while reassuring everyone of your love for and commitment to family.
May God bless you and your family.
 
If you’ve already RSVPed for both of you, I think “a” is just fine.

Keep in mind that there is an enormous difference between typical 3 year old behavior and typical 9 month old behavior. I don’t bring my 3 year old to showers even if he is invited, but until my kids were a year old they went just about everywhere with me. I don’t think they were ever written in on the invitation, but they were never excluded.

My understanding is that etiquette says that you should attend the event you already agreed to go to, but if it’s going to be a massive headache because of whatever issues your aunt has, then don’t go.
 
I would ask her, just to be on the safe side, but I’m guessing the 9 month old is OK.

Three-year-olds could be a problem at a bridal shower, not just because they run around and could throw a tantrum because the presents aren’t for them or whine because they’re bored or because they can’t have the mimosa punch, but because they are old enough to understand (or think they understand) the gist of what they hear and repeat an inaccurate facsimile to friends and family members not at the party at the worst possible time.

A nine-month-old, on the other hand, doesn’t pose these problems. She is not mobile, doesn’t pick through the fruit salad to cull out just the strawberries or just the blueberries, doesn’t know what a present is, is mute and deaf when it comes to the transmission of gossip, and doesn’t offend anyone else because she cries (provided Mom takes her out if it is anything major). Besides, if she is still nursing everyone expects it is more convenient for her mom to just bring her places instead of having to pump.

Do be warned, however, that it is not reasonable to bring an infant to a bridal or baby shower and not agree to pass her around to any of the women present who want to hold her. It would be like bringing cupcakes and not sharing them. If you don’t like passing your baby around to your relatives, find someone else to take care of her while you are at the party. Trust me on that one…

If you are willing to have your child passed around as part of the day’s entertainment, then call your hostess and say that you’ve heard the party isn’t going to be appropriate for toddlers or young children, and ask if your infant is going to be a problem. If you do bring her, put her in a darling dress, preferably something with a frilly matching diaper cover.
 
shainski said:
I would just call my aunt and tell her just what you said here.

“It never dawned on me that this might be an adults-only kind of event. But when talking to my sister, I realized that I might have put you in an awkward position. Please tell me if I should make other arrangements - or refrain from coming if I can’t find someone to watch my daughter.”

If you phrase it something like that - it makes it quite clear that you believe it was you- not your aunt - that may have made the mistake, and it gives her a chance to correct it without being a bad guy - or jeopardizing your relationship with her.
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Yep.
 
Richard_White said:
I would just call you aunt and make sure. I think she’ll understand that you can’t leave your 9-month-old for a bridal shower if she is not allowed to go with you. However, the reason that maybe she is allowed and not your sister’s three-year-old is because she won’t be walking around and getting into stuff like an older child might.

I don’t really know, though, I’m only a seventeen-year-old boy; not exactly the best for answering questions on bridal showers! :rolleyes: 🤷

May God bless you! I hope you can find a solution!! 🙂
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That was very sensible.

👍
 
Yes, babies (especially still of nursing age) tend to be allowed more places than do toddlers.
 
EasterJoy said:
Do be warned, however, that it is not reasonable to bring an infant to a bridal or baby shower and not agree to pass her around to any of the women present who want to hold her. It would be like bringing cupcakes and not sharing them. If you don’t like passing your baby around to your relatives, find someone else to take care of her while you are at the party. Trust me on that one…
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Funny and accurate!
 
EasterJoy said:
I would ask her, just to be on the safe side, but I’m guessing the 9 month old is OK.

Three-year-olds could be a problem at a bridal shower, not just because they run around and could throw a tantrum because the presents aren’t for them or whine because they’re bored or because they can’t have the mimosa punch, but because they are old enough to understand (or think they understand) the gist of what they hear and repeat an inaccurate facsimile to friends and family members not at the party at the worst possible time.

A nine-month-old, on the other hand, doesn’t pose these problems. She is not mobile, doesn’t pick through the fruit salad to cull out just the strawberries or just the blueberries, doesn’t know what a present is, is mute and deaf when it comes to the transmission of gossip, and doesn’t offend anyone else because she cries (provided Mom takes her out if it is anything major). Besides, if she is still nursing everyone expects it is more convenient for her mom to just bring her places instead of having to pump.

Do be warned, however, that it is not reasonable to bring an infant to a bridal or baby shower and not agree to pass her around to any of the women present who want to hold her. It would be like bringing cupcakes and not sharing them. If you don’t like passing your baby around to your relatives, find someone else to take care of her while you are at the party. Trust me on that one…

If you are willing to have your child passed around as part of the day’s entertainment, then call your hostess and say that you’ve heard the party isn’t going to be appropriate for toddlers or young children, and ask if your infant is going to be a problem. If you do bring her, put her in a darling dress, preferably something with a frilly matching diaper cover.
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I’ve already bought her a dress. It’s a ladybug dress from Craker Barrel. I don’t have a problem with other people holding her.
 
Allegra said:
I’ve already bought her a dress. It’s a ladybug dress from Craker Barrel. I don’t have a problem with other people holding her.
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Based on my experience at showers, I predict she will be a very popular guest.
 
In my part of the woods, bridal showers are always child free. Baby showers are child friendly though.

I would tend to text your aunt if she has a phone because then it can be resolved without any of the awkwardness that might happen in person. Just text… “Hi Aunty. I’m having trouble finding a sitter for my daughter, would you mind if I brought her with me to the shower?”
 
LongingSoul said:
In my part of the woods, bridal showers are always child free. Baby showers are child friendly though.

I would tend to text your aunt if she has a phone because then it can be resolved without any of the awkwardness that might happen in person. Just text… “Hi Aunty. I’m having trouble finding a sitter for my daughter, would you mind if I brought her with me to the shower?”
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Where I am from, there is no group of women that does not like having a baby to pass around. Besides, it is just assumed that mothers and babies still nursing ought to be able to be together whenever possible, because nobody likes pumping. This is true until the baby starts getting mobile and verbal. After that, all bets are off.
 
don’t go, stay at home and suck your husband’s cock instead

no one likes babies
 
I was afraid you all were going to say “B”. It’s just that my aunt is so uptight and I know she’s going to be annoyed if I can’t come and I’m under the impression that the conversation between her and my sister didn’t go well. My sister’s opinion on the subject is that our side of the family has never excluded my aunt’s daughters and grand-daughters from any family event and that my sister works upwards of 55 hours a week and has a limited amount of time to spend with her child as it is. So I imagine she was less than tactful when they spoke about it.

My aunt has hosted lots of showers and events before and she has never excluded children. She does have three little granddaughters now and I wonder if she isn’t a little overwhelmed with the idea of her house being overrun with at least four and a half little girls, three of which may be screaming “Grandma! Grandma!” every five minutes. Her older two grand-daughters have a tendancy to be wild and to get into fights with each other. My sister’s daughter, on the other hand, is very rarely a problem in public and my sister would never allow her to pick strawberries out of the fruit salad or do any of the things posters have suggested. However, my aunt can’t hardly invite her great niece and not her own grand-daughters! (talk about awkward!)
 
I can’t imagine a 9 month old being too much of a bother during a shower. A 3 year old on the other hand?
There is far more potential for disruption and just plain old boredom.

I wouldn’t bring my 2.5 year old to a shower, even if she was invited. Not because I couldn’t handle it but because it would be too boring for her.

I remember sending an invite for my wedding out to a good friend who had a 3 year old. When I sent out the invites I specifically addressed them to everyone in the family so there was no confusion. This friend wrote back on the RSVP…“thanks but he’s three…he’s staying home!” 😉

I don’t see why a phone call wouldn’t hurt. If the baby isn’t invited then let her know you can’t find a sitter so you won’t be able to attend…simple enough.
 
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