Babies and Toddlers in Mass

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What is the catholic church’s policy on bringing babies and small children to mass on Sunday? My daughter has a 7 month old and a 2 year old and finds it very stressful taking them to church on her own (her husband is a non catholic). Since she spends most of the time trying to keep them quiet and still, she often comes out of mass feeling as if she would have been as well not being there at all. She would be happy to go on her own without the children but realises that they have to be encouraged to attend. She would like some advice on this subject.
 
A child is not “required” to be at Mass until the age of discernment which is usually considered 7. But how is a child to learn to behave without going? Also the child misses out on all the graces for attending Mass.

Personally I have a 3 year old and a 7 year old. Luckily our church has a cry room for when the child gets way out of hand. Unluckily a few families like to camp in the cry room and get upset if you bring a crying kid in it, but we still deal.

Does she have to bring the kids every week to Mass? No. If based on how the day is going she can tell there is no way the kid(s) will behave, if possible, leave the one that won’t behave home with someone.

There are different theories that people have on whether you should or shouldn’t bring distractions for the kid, in the end it is up to the person. Don’t worry about minor “normal” noises that the kids may make during Mass, if the kids really get noisy take them out, to the church hall, or to the cry room if they have one. Just make sure that when you take them out they don’t see this as a benefit for being bad. Make sure in the pew behaving is the preferred environment. Our pastor on the weekend of the March for Life, during a point when there was noise from a baby, he said that he would like to thank all the parents that bring their kids to Mass, it shows that we are a religion of Life, that we are a living and vibrant Church.

P.S. Take an occasional week or weekday off to go to Mass without the kids. It will allow you concentrate, but don’t feel bad if you can’t concentrate, God knows you are trying.
 
The children are too young to be required to be at Mass - which is not required until around age 7. She should leave them at home until they are old enough to pay at least some attention and sit (relatively) still for a significant amount of time (20 min +). Obviously there is no need to wait till 7, but at the same time she should think carefully about weighing the benefits to her and the other parishioners against the need for the kids to learn to behave in Mass.

I personally think the whole “receiving graces from being at Mass” thing for babies is crazy (I have only heard it on CAF)…there is no magic oxygen in the air…children receive graces from God, and God has not given babies and toddlers the ability yet to understand Him within the context of Mass.
 
There’s no one right way to do this. I’m of the opinion that most kids should be at Mass with their parents even at a young age. There are special graces that everyone at Mass gets just from being in the Real Presence of the creator of the universe. You can’t get that anywhere else! So if it’s possible I always encourage people to begin at a young age to teach their children how to behave during Mass. Even if an adult feels like they can’t pay attention and isn’t getting much out of it, they are certainly still getting benifits. Practice during the week with short prayer/quiet time so that they get used to being expected to sit relatively still and quiet. Kids are always going to make some normal noise, which is acceptable. It’s the all-out outbursts that parents try to avoid. When they do happen, just take the kids out to the foyer area (or somewhere else where their noise won’t be distracting) for a few minutes to calm down.

All of my kids have come to Mass with me since they were less than a week old. Most babies are able to tolerate an hour of being pretty quiet. They don’t do a whole lot, mostly just sit in Mom’s lap, nurse/take a bottle, and play with a blanket or soft toy. Toddlers can be a whole different story, though! They want to move around, talk, etc. And with your friend being the only adult and having two young ones in the pew, I understand why she’s feeling overwhelmed!

Certainly if she can tell that one or both of her kids are having an “out of sorts” morning and won’t do well that day during Mass, she can choose not to bring them on that day. Some parishes offer a nursery during Sunday Mass where parents can leave the toddlers, which she might use on a day like that as well. Other parishes have cry rooms where parents can sit in there and the kids noise won’t be heard by the rest of the congregation. (I’ve found that in some parishes, the cry room is more like play time for the kids, so this isn’t always the best solution.)
 
Generally speaking, kids are very welcome, including babies, but the Church understands that staying quiet enough for everyone else to have a hope of hearing the Mass is not within the capacity of every child. The general policy is that we would love if you would bring them, they absolutely belong here. You are asked to do what you can to keep them reasonably quiet and to teach them reverence and proper appreciation that they are in a place of quiet before God, but if they get loud instead, we’ll cope with it. Normally, a parish without kids is a parish that is going to die.

On the other hand, if the ordeal of having your children at Mass with you is too much when they are little, they aren’t obliged to be there until they reach the age of reason. Whether you bring them or not before that age is within your judgement as a parent. You are allowed to base your decision both on your own spiritual welfare as well as theirs. As the airlines will tell you, you have to have your own oxygen flowing before you can help your child with his.

My kids stayed at home with their non-Catholic dad until they were five. In retrospect, that may have been a bit late to start them back (it did not work well at all when they were two!), but now they are 7th graders who love to altar serve and voluntarily go to daily Mass, so I guess it turned out OK! When we re-introduced them to Mass, we sat up front (provided they behaved) and made sure they had comfortable Sunday clothes, so that helped, too.
 
This seems to be an Anglo issue. I’ve been to Masses with mainly Hispanic congregations, and it’s a bit more lively in and around the pews.
 
It might be difficult for her, but it will change her babies lives long after they’re out of diapers.

Perhaps she might do one week alone, one week with them, or something along those lines for a while to regain her strengths.

Nothing pains me more than going to a Sunday (or Saturday vigil) Mass where the youngest persons besides me could easily be an older uncle to me. It gives the feeling that the Church is on the decline.

Babies give life to the Church! 😃 I’m sure there are good books on the subject (though with those babies, she might not have much time to read!)
 
“THE Church” has no policies for things like this. I bet there is no “Church” policy on bringing in a concealed weapon.
 
dconklin said:
“THE Church” has no policies for things like this. I bet there is no “Church” policy on bringing in a concealed weapon.
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So … bringing a baby or toddler to Mass is like bringing a concealed weapon? 😛
 
Joy, LOVE the oxygen mask analogy.

I can give only my experience. I attend daily Mass. I brought my baby with me the day after we got home from the hospital and she has come to Mass every day since. She is now 8. When she was about 2, she had a fussy day. After Mass, some people were complaining that “babies don’t belong here.” Our pastor said to them in reply, “This child is a Baptized Catholic and this place of worship is her home and her birthright. She is welcome here as is anyone who enters the doors. Those of you who think children are our future are just plain wrong – our children are our present. We need them in our community and they are welcome at Mass.”
 
A 2 yr old and a 7 month old alone 👍 I have a 3 yr old and a 19 month old and DH and I together often leave mass feeling like we went to a circus and not mass.

Is her husband willing to attend mass with her maybe even once a month. If her husband attends with her once a month and she went alone once a month she might find taking the kids alone 2 weeks isn’t as stressful. Also does she have a friend who is Catholic maybe even with kids that she could sit with once a month sometimes just the support of the people you sit next to has more to do with how you feel about your kids mass behavior then their actual behavior 😃
 
We have four children - now ages 7, and the other approaching 6,5 and 3. So we have had very young children for a long time now.

We have taken them every week since the 7 year old was born (where we were all healthy). We have gotten a lot of comments on how well behaved they are (They aren’t really that well behaved - when you observe them up close - but they aren’t disruptive enough for many to be distracted). But the reason that they are as well behaved as they are is because we do bring them every week. They learn to sit quietly for an hour. They do have small toys or things to color. We ask them to paticipate in some of the songs, stand for the gospel, put a dollar in the basket ,hold hands for the Lords prayer, say Peace to those around us. Over time, we have been able to teach them small things - and point out things about different seasons of the year.

While we have gotten a couple of complaints over the years, we have gotten many many compliments and people grateful that we have brought them. And we started sitting right in the front row when we had kids. So they don’t have to just see the back of others (which is what i remember being a small child).

We avoid the crying room because in our church, parents let their children run wild (and our previous church didn’t have one).

Our children have been told over and over again if they act up, we will take them out and they will not be happy because we will sit quietly on a step in the back until they beg to go back in.

Some of my beliefs come from as a volunteer in a group called SPRED (special religious education) which was a program that teaches religion to special needs people - and has masses dedicated to those same people. There was a time that people with special handicaps did not feel welcome in churches. We were taught that if people objected to our people - who may have autism or downs or some other issue - we were to say that all are welcome in God’s house.

But since spred came to our church, the congregation has been taught to welcome everyone.

So, of course, i was going to bring my children. I don’t always get everything out of mass myself because i do try to keep it under control. I may miss a reading here or there. Sometimes it seems that I haven’t paid attention at all - but, as i say, most thank us for bringing our kids to mass.

they are the future.
 
As far as babies go…I’ve been bringing my kiddo as early as 6 weeks. She’s not rambunctious yet so I have no personal strategies to tell you. Only that you’re not alone.

I’ve got a pretty good long-term memory regarding my childhood. I have a few memories dating back to age two…one in particular going back to age 1. I can remember going to Mass at the church we attended until I was 4 and moved to another state. I cannot remember the day my mom first took me to mass because I was going to Mass since the doctor said it was okay to take me out of the house.

Graces aside…the thing I got out of it was that this was something we always did and it was part of a weekly routine. It was never suddenly new to me like it certainly would have been if I started going at the age I was “required” to do so. I didn’t have to get used to Mass. I only had to learn how to behave.
 
Morel1 said:
What is the catholic church’s policy on bringing babies and small children to mass on Sunday? My daughter has a 7 month old and a 2 year old and finds it very stressful taking them to church on her own (her husband is a non catholic). Since she spends most of the time trying to keep them quiet and still, she often comes out of mass feeling as if she would have been as well not being there at all. She would be happy to go on her own without the children but realises that they have to be encouraged to attend. She would like some advice on this subject.
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I understand that she gets stressed and perhaps feels she is not able to focus on the Mass. Does the parish offer babysitting or daycare during one of the Mass times?

In general, if she can not get upset with the kids, I think it is better to have them in the pews. One of my favorite quotes is that a church with crying babies is a church filled with life.

God Bless
 
Morel1 said:
What is the catholic church’s policy on bringing babies and small children to mass on Sunday? My daughter has a 7 month old and a 2 year old and finds it very stressful taking them to church on her own (her husband is a non catholic). Since she spends most of the time trying to keep them quiet and still, she often comes out of mass feeling as if she would have been as well not being there at all. She would be happy to go on her own without the children but realises that they have to be encouraged to attend. She would like some advice on this subject.
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I have a 4 year old daughter, a 3 year old son, and a baby due any day now. We attend mass nearly every week and have our whole lives. The few exceptions have been due to illness and a few times when my son’s behavior was really out of control around age 2. My husband works an irregular work schedule and isn’t always able to make it to mass with me. During those weeks I attend mass with my parents so they can help manage the kids. Can your daughter attend mass with you?
 
SummerSmiles said:
There’s no one right way to do this. I’m of the opinion that most kids should be at Mass with their parents even at a young age. There are special graces that everyone at Mass gets just from being in the Real Presence of the creator of the universe. You can’t get that anywhere else! So if it’s possible I always encourage people to begin at a young age to teach their children how to behave during Mass. Even if an adult feels like they can’t pay attention and isn’t getting much out of it, they are certainly still getting benifits. Practice during the week with short prayer/quiet time so that they get used to being expected to sit relatively still and quiet. Kids are always going to make some normal noise, which is acceptable. It’s the all-out outbursts that parents try to avoid. When they do happen, just take the kids out to the foyer area (or somewhere else where their noise won’t be distracting) for a few minutes to calm down.
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Excellent advice.

There are good reasons not to take some children to Mass some of the time. But in general children can and should be at Mass.

But Mass should not be the only time that “Mass behavior” is expected of children. It’s something that needs to be practiced at home.

I would also mention that the design and/or furnishings of some church buildings can either amplify or dampen the noises that young children are naturally going to make. If a parent is dealing with an especially rambunctious toddler then occasionally attending Mass at a parish with carpeted floors and/or padded seats might help the parent feel better.
 
Morel1 said:
What is the catholic church’s policy on bringing babies and small children to mass on Sunday? My daughter has a 7 month old and a 2 year old and finds it very stressful taking them to church on her own (her husband is a non catholic). Since she spends most of the time trying to keep them quiet and still, she often comes out of mass feeling as if she would have been as well not being there at all. She would be happy to go on her own without the children but realises that they have to be encouraged to attend. She would like some advice on this subject.
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They are not required to attend Mass until they are seven. I have a 11 month old right now and we do take her to Mass. I’ve learned pretty but slippery dresses are not wise. When she was younger, I kept her in a mobywrap and that worked pretty well. Now however, she is really eager to move around. My husband and I really want to keep Mass as being a regular part of her life, but I have to say it is hard for me to participate in the Mass when she’s squirming around. Last week I let her crawl in the back of the church where some other kids were. I tried to focus in on the consecration and ended up having only 2 seconds to catch her from falling down a set of stairs (she loves stairs right now. She doesn’t seem to understand that you do not crawl down them head first, though).
 
Suslar said:
Joy, LOVE the oxygen mask analogy.

I can give only my experience. I attend daily Mass. I brought my baby with me the day after we got home from the hospital and she has come to Mass every day since. She is now 8. When she was about 2, she had a fussy day. After Mass, some people were complaining that “babies don’t belong here.” Our pastor said to them in reply, “This child is a Baptized Catholic and this place of worship is her home and her birthright. She is welcome here as is anyone who enters the doors. Those of you who think children are our future are just plain wrong – our children are our present. We need them in our community and they are welcome at Mass.”
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👍
A child who goes to mass at a very young age will continue to go to mass later(or come back) Children belong at mass with their parents. Does her church have a cry room?
 
Morel1 said:
What is the catholic church’s policy on bringing babies and small children to mass on Sunday? My daughter has a 7 month old and a 2 year old and finds it very stressful taking them to church on her own (her husband is a non catholic). Since she spends most of the time trying to keep them quiet and still, she often comes out of mass feeling as if she would have been as well not being there at all. She would be happy to go on her own without the children but realises that they have to be encouraged to attend. She would like some advice on this subject.
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I would leave the kids at home if possible until they are almost 4 or older. It’s pointless to bring a toddler to church the parent is miserable most of the time and so it the toddler. My mom did nothing but complain about how we acted up in church every Sunday on the ride home from Mass. It was a major reason I left the church as an adult for awhile. My friends with smalls kids complained too.
 
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