Babies are Beautiful.

[PaulinVA]

First, while well meaning, people with no children should not engage in discussions with parents about family size, except to perhaps learn from the parents about the struggles and how to make a decision about family size. Exhorting others to have more babies when you have none is well meaning but humorous.

You are not more holy if you have more children than other people. You just have more children. You can be holy with no kids or nine kids.

Parents who “quit” at a certain number of kids are not selfish. They are self aware. People who opine that they should just trust God and have one more should be assigned the 2AM feeding.

 

[TeachCatechism]

First, while well meaning, people with no children should not engage in discussions with parents about family size, except to perhaps learn from the parents about the struggles and how to make a decision about family size. Exhorting others to have more babies when you have none is well meaning but humorous.

You are not more holy if you have more children than other people. You just have more children. You can be holy with no kids or nine kids.

Parents who “quit” at a certain number of kids are not selfish. They are self aware. People who opine that they should just trust God and have one more should be assigned the 2AM feeding.

The only time I make a comment about a family size is if they can’t support the kids. Have as many as they want as long as they support them and not asking me to (whether welfare, benefits, whatever).

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Many parents are selfish too. So it’s better for people who don’t want babies to have them instead of saving the world potential heartbreak? Not all people are cut out to be parents.

Marriage is ordered towards procreation (and this does not make marriages that are not blessed with children despite being open to them any less of a marriage, that is a heavy cross they have been given, and they can have beautiful, holy, generous marriages and be shining examples for all.)
Section 1652 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “By its very nature, the institution of marriage and married love is ordered toward the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.”

So if people don’t want babies, if they aren’t cut out to be parents, maybe they better rethink if marriage is for them.

I saw a comment somewhere along the way about being able to have the luxury of having many children. True, God’s plans for some families may just include few or 0 children, but having a large family isn’t a luxury or a sign of luxury (yes, a blessing though!) Families of all sorts of backgrounds can be blessed with many new members, and can strive to raise their children with love and in the Faith; it doesn’t take someone extraordinary. Yes, there is responsible parenthood, and there is also generosity, and realizing that there is a supernatural dimension to life.

2371 "Let all be convinced that human life and the duty of transmitting it are not limited by the horizons of this life only: their true evaluation and full significance can be understood only in reference to man’s eternal destiny."160

 

[TeachCatechism]

Marriage is ordered towards procreation (and this does not make marriages that are not blessed with children despite being open to them any less of a marriage, that is a heavy cross they have been given, and they can have beautiful, holy, generous marriages and be shining examples for all.)
Section 1652 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church states: “By its very nature, the institution of marriage and married love is ordered toward the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory.”

So if people don’t want babies, if they aren’t cut out to be parents, maybe they better rethink if marriage is for them.

I saw a comment somewhere along the way about being able to have the luxury of having many children. True, God’s plans for some families may just include few or 0 children, but having a large family isn’t a luxury or a sign of luxury (yes, a blessing though!) Families of all sorts of backgrounds can be blessed with many new members, and can strive to raise their children with love and in the Faith; it doesn’t take someone extraordinary. Yes, there is responsible parenthood, and there is also generosity, and realizing that there is a supernatural dimension to life.

I’m not having kids likely because of my age, so I deserve to die alone? Not all are cut out to be parents but are cut out for marriage.

 

[Xantippe]

First, while well meaning, people with no children should not engage in discussions with parents about family size, except to perhaps learn from the parents about the struggles and how to make a decision about family size. Exhorting others to have more babies when you have none is well meaning but humorous.

You are not more holy if you have more children than other people. You just have more children. You can be holy with no kids or nine kids.

Parents who “quit” at a certain number of kids are not selfish. They are self aware. People who opine that they should just trust God and have one more should be assigned the 2AM feeding.

And the next “special” diaper.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m not having kids likely because of my age, so I deserve to die alone? Not all are cut out to be parents but are cut out for marriage.

That’s not at all what lifeisbeautiful said. In fact, she specifically mentioned that marriages that do not produce children can still be “beautiful, holy, generous marriages and be shining examples for all.”

I know of several such couples (or at least half of such couples ) on CAF, and in real life.

 

[TeachCatechism]

That’s not at all what lifeisbeautiful said. In fact, she specifically mentioned that marriages that do not produce children can still be “beautiful, holy, generous marriages and be shining examples for all.”

I know of several such couples (or at least half of such couples ) on CAF, and in real life.

Okay but there have been instances (mostly offline)where people told me I shouldn’t consider marriage because I probably won’t have kids. I’m okay not having kids but not staying single.

 

[pensmama87]

Okay but there have been instances (mostly offline)where people told me I shouldn’t consider marriage because I probably won’t have kids. I’m okay not having kids but not staying single.

Well, since those people are wrong, you needn’t mind them.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Okay but there have been instances (mostly offline)where people told me I shouldn’t consider marriage because I probably won’t have kids. I’m okay not having kids but not staying single.

That’s not an impediment to marriage. As long as you are open to life, it doesn’t matter if the Lord chooses to bless you with a dozen or none. You’ve done your job in just being open to the possibility of a child in your marriage. That’s all that God or the Church asks.

BTW: I see you are struggling very much over your infertility (from your recent posts in various threads) and potential childlessness. I understand from a personal experience. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’m so sorry you have to carry this heavy cross too. :console:

 

[Convert_in_99]

Well, since those people are wrong, you needn’t mind them.

Exactly!

 

[TeachCatechism]

That’s not an impediment to marriage. As long as you are open to life, it doesn’t matter if the Lord chooses to bless you with a dozen or none. You’ve done your job in just being open to the possibility of a child in your marriage. That’s all that God or the Church asks.

BTW: I see you are struggling very much over your infertility (from your recent posts in various threads) and potential childlessness. I understand from a personal experience. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I’m so sorry you have to carry this heavy cross too. :console:

I’m not struggling with infertility, I don’t know if I can have kids. Just that my age is an impediment and men online don’t date me because of it. Many others just want sex.

 

[Convert_in_99]

I’m not struggling with infertility, I don’t know if I can have kids. Just that my age is an impediment and men online don’t date me because of it. Many others just want sex.

Your posts just seem that you are hurting because of your potential future childlessness. Neither this nor age is an impediment to marriage. I’m sorry you haven’t found decent guys to date yet. I’m sure the tendancy towards promiscuity these days is a very big hurdle to overcome when trying to find a suitable spouse for marriage. Have you tried Catholic dating websites? They might have some more faithful men.

 

[E_7]

??!!!

I don’t know anyone who looks down on big families and views them with disdain.
Really?
Contempt?
People you know have actually expressed this to you?

I’m not Catholic and I don’t live in a Catholic or religious community…and still, no one I know feels this way.

And…almost everyone I know believes, as you do, that babies are beautiful.

.

Now that I think about it, it is probably a minority (very very few) people that think like that, I guess. I remember my professor back in College, he has 7 kids and was mentioning it to someone in the waiting room of a doctor’s office, and all of a sudden he is interrupted by this woman who said “how selfish”, because she believes in overpopulation instead of distribution. She thought the professor was being selfish by bringing many children to suffer or something stupid. I don’t remember well the story.

 

[E_7]

Have you tried Catholic dating websites? They might have some more faithful men.

I think she did, she mentioned it in the Online dating thread on the last pages. But there is also a traditional catholics dating site by gloria.tv, she could try there as well.

 

[TeachCatechism]

Yes I was on Catholic Match for a year. The men wanted much younger women and the men who wanted to date me were either much older or had kids. I met a guy offline but he has a drinking problem. He’s conservative and Catholic with no kids but so far just a friend.

 

[lax16]

??!!!

I don’t know anyone who looks down on big families and views them with disdain.
Really?
Contempt?
People you know have actually expressed this to you?

I’m not Catholic and I don’t live in a Catholic or religious community…and still, no one I know feels this way.

And…almost everyone I know believes, as you do, that babies are beautiful.

.

I live in Utah and I have heard many people complain that the Mormons have too many kids and are ruining the environment.

We had our first three children within four years and often heard we needed a t.v. In our bedroom.

Yes, babies are beautiful!

 

[Allegra]

??!!!

I don’t know anyone who looks down on big families and views them with disdain.
Really?
Contempt?
People you know have actually expressed this to you?

I’m not Catholic and I don’t live in a Catholic or religious community…and still, no one I know feels this way.

And…almost everyone I know believes, as you do, that babies are beautiful.

.

As a music teacher, I have four nights a year where I am obliged to sit and listen to parents talk. They are supposed to be talking about their own kid, but they often choose to take inventory of the other parents they know instead. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the condescending, “And would you believe she’s actually going to pop out ANOTHER kid?” It is a real attitude, even if you don’t know anyone who shares it.

 

[adrift]

As a music teacher, I have four nights a year where I am obliged to sit and listen to parents talk. They are supposed to be talking about their own kid, but they often choose to take inventory of the other parents they know instead. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the condescending, “And would you believe she’s actually going to pop out ANOTHER kid?” It is a real attitude, even if you don’t know anyone who shares it.

Yes it is. My neighbor some years ago told me how her children’s teacher would rail in class that you should only have two children. That was forty years ago and I don’t think it has changed much.

 

[bitterhope]

As a music teacher, I have four nights a year where I am obliged to sit and listen to parents talk. They are supposed to be talking about their own kid, but they often choose to take inventory of the other parents they know instead. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the condescending, “And would you believe she’s actually going to pop out ANOTHER kid?” It is a real attitude, even if you don’t know anyone who shares it.

Yes, I get that all the time too. Some very ugly comments from people. When I had my first daughter I had neighbors throw me a party because FINALLY I could quit! She was my fifth child (boy/girl twins but they didn’t mention her twin). Two weeks ago in the grocery line the cashier was telling me how well behaved my daughters are. I guess she thought I only had three kids because she immediately followed up with how her neighbor has five kids and of course that’s just too many. Her kids will never learn to behave and will never succeed in life and would you believe she is having another, I mean she is like a rabbit! Imagine her trying to back pedal when my five sons came up started bagging the groceries for me. Big families are awesome. The world and unfortunately most Catholics don’t see that. It’s not easy but it’s so very worth it. I’m the 11th child born to a 5th child who married a 10th child. And none of us are the youngest in our families. I’m so glad that when both sets of my grandparents and then my parents had the perfect one boy one girl starts to their families that they decided they weren’t impressed with what the world told them was ideal. Big families are a blessing most people can never have. I have siblings with no kids, most have fewer than four, and two of us with more than 6. We are not rich but our kids want for nothing. Everyone who meets my kids remark they’ve never met such happy, polite, well adjusted kids. It doesn’t take any of the things most people tell you to raise kids, all it really takes are parents that respect each other and care enough to know each child as an individual. God doesn’t bless every couple with the gift of abundant fertility. Those of us He did should learn to rejoice and be glad. And Those that God blesses with fewer children (my husband’s family) are special too. It’s not a competition between family size. I have never heard comments about small families being bad but I realize that is probably because I am getting the comments about my big family. I really don’t know what the world even consider as big. I know people that consider 3 as too many kids so Kelfa rest assured you don’t have a small family. I’ve met others that think of 6 as a lot of kids. One of my former coworkers thinks more than one is too many kids. I just think too much is made about the number and not enough about finding joy in the life God has given us.

 

[Xantippe]

I have never heard comments about small families being bad but I realize that is probably because I am getting the comments about my big family.

Have you never heard people say that it’s sad to be an only child or that only children are selfish?

“Fifty years ago, when only children represented just 10 percent of all kids under age 18, “onlies” were often thought of as lonely, spoiled, and socially inept.”

parents.com/baby/development/sibling-issues/raising-only-child/

"“Don’t you get bored?” “What do you do all day?” “Don’t you wish you had siblings?”
Your child will be asked these questions, which will definitely become annoying and constantly put them on the defensive.”

abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/note-mothers-children-child/story?id=28055746

“But the notion that an only child might be a happy one contradicts strong cultural beliefs. According to these, children like mine will end up rotten with selfishness and beset by loneliness.”

nytimes.com/2013/06/09/opinion/sunday/only-children-lonely-and-selfish.html?_r=0

A number of the authors of these pieces are trying to rehabilitate only children, but I think the cultural forces they’re talking about are huge.

People who don’t want children at all get lots of grief about it from pretty much everybody.

Here’s an example:

“I’m 32 and partnered, so the condescending chatter about how I’ll change my mind when I get older or meet the right guy has finally died down. Ironically, nowadays most of the push against my choice doesn’t come from family or friends (very few of my friends have kids, I should note). It comes from strangers — people you meet at a party or are seated next to on an airplane — who start asking you invasive questions and then don’t like your answers. Lots of these people ask me why I hate kids, or what I’ll do to fill the hours if I don’t have a child to raise: two questions I am definitely not losing sleep over.”

refinery29.com/i-dont-want-kids#.d23eqt:RdFA

So for quick reference:

0 kids–you’ll change your mind
1 kid–when are you going to give Zoe a little brother or sister?
2 kids–a boy and a girl 2.75 years apart–how nice!
3-4 kids–polite silence
5+ kids–you should get cable!