Babies At Mass

[JamesAnthony]

Okay… my intention is not to offend. Perhaps I’m just venting?
Today I attended a Tridentine Mass in Central Florida. (I prefer it to the Novus Ordo.) I’ve attended it on numerous occasions.
As expected, Mom and Dad and their four little children berthed in the second row, where everyone can see (and hear) them. (They have been at every one of these Masses that I go to, perhaps once every couple of months.) Dad read the Epistle, so apparently he has some intimate connection with this service.
As expected, the youngest child whined, cried, screamed, and babbled during the ENTIRE hour-- no exaggeration. The requisite shushing and hushing and bringing-to-the-back was performed, to no avail; and every time that little boy opened his mouth, my shoulders tensed. The entire second row was like a circus.
All I ask for is a beautiful Mass without distractions… I’d LOVE to be able to concentrate fully on the Consecration without experiencing evil thoughts towards children… ! It hasn’t happened in YEARS. I’m tempted to start attending Masses at the retreat center up the road-- just me and the monks.
Thoughts? Similar experiences? Should I grin and bear it? Should babies be barred from the Tridentine Mass? Should I worship with the monks? Should this family sit in the back? I would DEARLY love to devote my mind entirely to a Mass and experience it fully.

 

[carol_marie]

Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Those parents are doing their job - bringing their children to mass. Perhaps they should sit in the back, but maybe the children actually behave better when they can see what’s going on? I think you just need to get over it. That little boy that drives you nuts may grow up to be a Priest someday.

 

[dbacks5439]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ve never been to a tridentine mass but desperately want to. However, several things come to mind.

  Jesus says that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to children. 


   Try not to focus on whining and crying babies. Perhaps Satan is trying to distract you from the Eucharist.......



    Remember that babies are your brothers and sisters in Christ. Just because they don't know the full holiness of the mass doesn't mean we should frown upon them.


    Mass with whining babies and mass with the monks are just the same. Both are valid and both bring you graces. Don't fret, just focus on what's important. Besides, one of those babies might just become your priest one day ;)

 

[sfo_mike]

I completely understand. It is hard not to say the King Harrod Prayer…You know he had all the children 2 and under slaughtered…lol

 

[decn2b]

Why don’t you just become a priest…then you wont have to worry about anybody bothering YOUR mass. OK just kiddnitn…well. sorta. I am not sure what you are implying though. Certainly you don’t think small children should be at Mass? I have four and they are very well behaved in church. I am thoroughly convinced that sitting in the FRONT with children is the best way to keep them quiet and not distracted. OH WELL.

 

[carol_marie]

I completely understand. It is hard not to say the King Harrod Prayer…You know he had all the children 2 and under slaughtered…lol

Has anyone ever told you that you make a very poor first impression?

 

[Genesis315]

The Kingdom of God is for such as those–get used to it.

I’ve noticed that Tridentine Masses have more babies and therefore more baby noises–but I’ll take baby noises over horrendous hymns like “Lord of the Dance” any day ! The other day I was surrounded by multiple lively babies, toddlers, and a girl around 12 who has a mental disability and therefore makes noises from time to time. It was great . It’s better to see tons of families and kids at Mass than just a few white haired old folks (no offense to the white haired old folks–I love you too )

 

[puzzleannie]

go on over to the Family and Parenting forum and read all the baby, nfp, pregancy, child-raising threads. then come back here and discuss babies at Mass.
Your title says babies, not older children, newsflash–it is harder to get a baby to behave than it is to train a cat.

The Catholic church encourages and expects married couples to welcome children. By extension, we are to welcome children into parish life, specifically worship. Yes, babies and noise go together. get over it. Jesus welcomed them, so do we.

 

[carol_marie]

The Catholic church encourages and expects married couples to welcome children. By extension, we are to welcome children into parish life, specifically worship. .

:clapping:

Thanks for telling it like it is.

 

[Unfinished]

Today I attended a Tridentine Mass in Central Florida.

Dad read the Epistle, so apparently he has some intimate connection with this service.

Uh, how did a lay person read the Epistle at a Latin Mass? I think I just misunderstand you.

 

[Giovanna]

I struggle with irritable, angry feelings toward others at times, too. I don’t truly mean or want the feelings; but they come, and I know how much of a temptation they can be.

I have some pragmatic advice for you:

Take some time off from the crowded Tridentine Mass you currently attend. Fulfill your obligation by going either to the monastery you mentioned, or elsewhere at some horrifically early break-of-dawn Mass frequented by a klatch of little old ladies. While attending these baby-less Masses for a few weeks, pray about your temper, confess it, and ask others to pray for you, too. Spend a few more weeks there, working toward a compassionate outlook toward kids and their noise. Once you feel you’ve healed the problem, go back to the parish with the Tridentine Mass and its boisterous little junior choir.

Some effort and dedication and an open heart, and you should be fine. If all else fails, stay at the old-lady Mass permanently…just do what it takes to avoid harboring anger toward children- that’s no good for your soul or your blood pressure!

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

I wish some of those lively babies would come to my parish. Then I wouldn’t feel so embarrassed and alone when my 14 month old boy begins to babble or hum. All the other babies in my parish sit on mama’s lap like perfect, silent china dolls.

To the OP: the mass is for all Catholics. It is not just for single men and women who have the freedom to concentrate their whole beings on the prayers. It is also for widows struggling to manage 8 children. It is for families with children who have disabilities, special needs, or loud temperaments. It is for many kinds of families in all kinds of difficult situations and with all kinds of crosses to bear.

I am really saddened to hear that you think so badly of me when my baby begins to babble during the consecration and I have to carry him to the back of the church. Do you think that my prayers as a mother are worth less to God than yours, because I have a small child to attend to and I can only rarely concentrate all my attention on the mass? Mothers are already carrying a heavy burden, and it increases our load to hear unkind comments about the noise our little ones make.

If Catholic churches were intended to be places of orderly silence, there would be separate areas for men and women with children in all church buildings, like an old Jewish temple. But they’re not designed that way because children have always been a part of our prayer and worship. It astounds me that many Catholics say they’re pro-life and then complain about the noises babies make.

Life is full of distractions. This is because the cross Jesus sends us is rarely the cross we envisioned. In most cases our real cross is less romantic and more irritating and pedestrian than the one we wanted. Peace comes with letting go of what we imagined would be best for us (in your case, peace and quiet at mass) and accepting what God has decided is best for our souls. I have difficulty with this myself, but I will pray for you. Maybe next time you are irritated in mass, you could return me the favor.

 

[marci]

OK, I am going to stick up for JamesAnthony (just a little bit)
I had four children in three years (set of twins in the middle). Going to mass was extremely difficult when they were babies and toddlers, but we always tried to be as little of a distraction as possible. I would let them bring things with them to help with their bordem, ie colorful wooden rosaries, books, even a zip lock bag of cheerios. (when they were really little, and I was careful not to leave a mess). I can even remember going and sitting in the bathroom to nurse.

Also, we ALWAYS sat in the back. This was so that if I or my husband had to take one of them outside because of crying or bad behavior, it wouldn’t cause a disruption for the other participants. Yes, sometimes I might have missed the Gospel or even Communion, but I figured that God was just happy that we were there and I knew that it wouldn’t always be that way.

Now that my youngest is five, there are no longer any difficulties for us in sitting through mass, but believe me, my children have been instructed from day one, that certain behavior will not be tolerated in mass. They range in age from 5 to 8. They are not allowed to talk, look around, figit, play with the kneeler, or any other behavior that is disrespectful.

No, I am not Attila the Hun, I was just raised by parents who expected certain behavior from their children when they are in public. Whether it be at mass, in a restaurant, a movie, the mall, whatever—children are not held to the same standards of behavior that they were 30 years ago.

I agree that you should try to be more charitable, JamesA, but I also think that we parents should try to be more respectful of those around us and give our children the discipline they need in order to be sources of pleasantness to those around them, rather than a source of irritation.

 

[GregoryPalamas]

Get rid of most of the pews. Allow the children in Mass. Learn to love people of all ages. Reinstitute the three sacraments of initiation for infants and stop starving them until the second grade and rejecting them until the 8th grade. Learn to love and train children as Jesus did.

CDL

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

…but I also think that we parents should try to be more respectful of those around us and give our children the discipline they need in order to be sources of pleasantness to those around them, rather than a source of irritation.

I like to think that I discipline my young son well, yet he is still a source of irritation sometimes. It isn’t always the result of bad parenting or a lack of regard for others when a young child is unpleasant. I am sure you can remember instances with your kids in which you did the best you could and yet they still misbehaved or were too loud, right? And you were embarrassed, weren’t you? You weren’t trying to be disrespectful toward others.

So I agree with what you’re saying but I think that it’s kind of a non-issue. In mass it is a very rare parent who doesn’t care if his child irritates others. I just didn’t get the impression that the family the OP was talking about was purposefully disrespectful. It sounded more like they were having a rough day.

 

[Cranch]

…So I agree with what you’re saying but I think that it’s kind of a non-issue. In mass it is a very rare parent who doesn’t care if his child irritates others. I just didn’t get the impression that the family the OP was talking about was purposefully disrespectful. It sounded more like they were having a rough day.

A family with young children who won’t behave, or are too young to behave in church has no business being in the second row. Yes, they have a right to be at Mass. No, they do not have a right too make every one else’s experience more distracted.

 

[JezuUfamTobie]

A family with young children who won’t behave, or are too young to behave in church has no business being in the second row.

Why? And says who? I can understand sitting in the back with a habitually disruptive child (I do this myself), but most children have some good days and some bad days, and you don’t always know what they’re going to do beforehand.

How do you determine what kinds of distracting behaviors mean that one must sit in the back? How about a person with a chronic cough–should he sit in the back? Or a blind man with a cane or seeing eye dog? The elephant man? I can still hear children in the back of the church, even if I’m in the front. Can’t you?

It seems to me that some people just regard small children as a more distasteful distraction than any other of the numerous distractions encountered at mass. And some people are unwilling to endure any amount of distraction at all… but that isn’t very realistic. Or holy.

I’m not saying that parents should let their children monkey around in the pew. But normal, healthy, young chidren make a little bit of noise, and if we’re following Catholic moral teaching, there should be a lot of these children in our churches. They should indeed be properly educated and disciplined, but realistically speaking they’re not always going to be perfect or silent. People who can’t tolerate a short period of fussiness in a newborn or the sound of a crying two year old being removed from the building shouldn’t be under any illusions that they are “pro-life”.

 

[Giovanna]

People who can’t tolerate a short period of fussiness in a newborn or the sound of a crying two year old being removed from the building shouldn’t be under any illusions that they are “pro-life”.

…Not even if the reason for their intolerance is neurological, i.e., inability to tolerate loud, shrieking sound due to Asperger’s, adult ADHD, panic attacks, bipolar disorder, post-traumatic reaction, etc.? Does that still make them anti-life and uncharitable?

What about their right, and obligation, to the Mass?

 

[netmilsmom]

Then I wouldn’t feel so embarrassed and alone when my 14 month old boy begins to babble or hum. .

He didn’t say babble. The OP said

As expected, the youngest child whined, cried, screamed, and babbled during the ENTIRE hour-- no exaggeration

And the mother wasn’t alone.
The child should have been taken to the back and the parent should have stayed there.
Parents, it’s not all about you or your children. Every child has a tough day. Be thoughtful of those around you, if today is your child’s day.

BTW, I did mass alone with my kids too (Protestant husband) but would NEVER just sit there when someone starts to cry. If a child has a neurological problem, it’s another matter. I’ll get DJRakowski in here to explain what it is like with children with special needs and how bad it is for THEM when parents ignore their kids without neurological problem.

Suffer the little children to come unto me means all children. Not just yours. When yours are bouncing off the walls and you are lost in prayer, DJRakowski’s kids and mine (in times past) got wound up too.

 

[puzzleannie]

fortunately we are in a parish with lots of babies and children, or otherwise I would fear for the future of our parish. Most of these families come to the early Mass which is the children’s Mass, not that the liturgy is for children, but families with kids are encouraged to sit up front where kids can see, there is CLOW for younger children (not my idea but it is there), and lots of singing (less at the early “winter Texan” Mass). there is a lot of disruption at this Mass, most of it from old folks who talk loudly during the entire Mass, including the consecration. We just assume they have hearing problems or possibly nerve problems and don’t realize they are disruptive. Of course their activities are not nearly as annoying as the constant ringing of cell phones, and the people who actually answer them and start a conversation.