Babies At Mass

[netmilsmom]

What about those who are hard of hearing…should they not be able to hear what is going on because you are too stubborn to take your children where they cannot disrupt?

:heart:Blyss

Those who are hard of hearing are not as important as the children, don’t ya know.

 

[hasikelee]

OP do you have a dislike of children in general?

I don’t understand why you would attend a beautiful tridentine mass and then waste your time there by ignoring Christ and moaning about some babies in the first pew.

I notice things at mass and get totally distracted lots of times. But I have also been so involved in participating with Christ and the priest that I know it is possible.

How come the kids and the parents have to shut up or move out to accomodate you?

All that being said, if the kids are so loud and noisy all through mass, why in the world are they sitting in the second pew? My family always took the last pew when the baby was sick, teething, unhappy, weaning, what have you. Many times dad would spend hald the mass standing next to the doors so as to quickly step out.

Maybe you and the family were meant for each other.

 

[MJTK60]

I read through the replies and was taken back by some of the harsh comments!

I would respectfully suggest that you try to tolerate the noise and distraction. At age 60, I am a father of 5 and now a grandfather of 6. All my children and grandkids at one point in time made a major distraction during Mass. However, the grandkids are now 3 through 6 and are almost perfect at Mass. I credit this to them being there through the tough years and learning how to behave.

Please keep in mind that we are a community at Mass and we, as a community, need to teach our young ones and pass-on our love for the mass.
Secondly, I was an usher for several years and would be in the back of the Church when embarrassed Parents would bring their children out. I would always try to ease their embarrassment by asking them if their child was Baptized. If they said yes, I would remind them that that child’s soul was pure and much more pleasing to God than my soul that has sinned over the years and in need on purification.

Matt

 

[netmilsmom]

it is marked plainly for the simple matter that adults that whine and moan about kids at mass need to go there so **they **can cry and moan and complain with other adults that feel the same way they do

Now I can honestly say I am very happy that our Parish finds no need to build on a crying room or lock the kiddies in the basement while mass is going on**…ALL are WELCOME** regardless of age, color handicap etc!

Go back and read post 18.
What about special children that can’t take the behavior other kids? Where do they rank?

 

[netmilsmom]

OP do you have a dislike of children in general?

All that being said, if the kids are so loud and noisy all through mass, why in the world are they sitting in the second pew? My family always took the last pew when the baby was sick, teething, unhappy, weaning, what have you. Many times dad would spend hald the mass standing next to the doors so as to quickly step out.

Maybe you and the family were meant for each other.

Well, in between the insults, you got to the heart of the problem.
Why in the world would they be sitting in the second pew with a child that “whined, cried, screamed, and babbled during the ENTIRE hour”?

 

[netmilsmom]

I read through the replies and was taken back by some of the harsh comments!

I would respectfully suggest that you try to tolerate the noise and distraction. At age 60, I am a father of 5 and now a grandfather of 6. All my children and grandkids at one point in time made a major distraction during Mass. However, the grandkids are now 3 through 6 and are almost perfect at Mass. I credit this to them being there through the tough years and learning how to behave.

Please keep in mind that we are a community at Mass and we, as a community, need to teach our young ones and pass-on our love for the mass.
Secondly, I was an usher for several years and would be in the back of the Church when embarrassed Parents would bring their children out. I would always try to ease their embarrassment by asking them if their child was Baptized. If they said yes, I would remind them that that child’s soul was pure and much more pleasing to God than my soul that has sinned over the years and in need on purification.

Matt

What a kind soul you are, but you missed the point of the OP. The parents were in the second row, not the back.

 

[Karin]

In the spirit of Christian charity (love) why do you feel that a crying room is not the appropriate place for children to learn the discipline required at Mass.

every single cry room that I have seen is a mess…the kids are running wild and the parents that are in there are at a loss as to what to do with their kids…no one can hear the mass at all in the room.

It provides the parents the opportunity to discussed the Mass with their children, providing instructions of why the priest is doing what he is doing. A great training environment and one that allows minimum distraction to the parish as a community.

but in the mean time you are distracting everyone else that is in that crying room with you, IMHO.
if your kids need to know what the mass is about etc. that you sit in the crying room so you can have a running commentary for them…than perhaps the home is where you need to discuss these things with them.

Our crying room is adequately furnished, speakers, pews, chairs, missals, song books, etc. It provides a excellent view of the altar

I have seen similar crying rooms…still could not ehar anything of the mass though…between parents and kids chatting.

I, as a parent and blessed with twin grandsons, cannot understand why parents have a negative view on the crying room. Disturbances that is not allowed at a movie are allowed at the most sacred offering of our Lord at Mass.

none of the infants, toddlers and other children at our parish disturb the mass.

Additionally, the damage allowed by parents to the Missals, songs books, etc., is outrages.

my kids have never damaged anything in the church…they are humans not animals!! as a side note I have yet to see any kid in our parish do what oyu have just described!

As sacristan, I have to clean up and fix the mess after each Mass. Although each has it’s place, the parents seem to be too occupied to clean up and restore these to the proper placed. Most have been torn, color on, etc. Simple RESPECT.

Exactly…RESPECT!
Lets not lump all kiddies into the same group as these animals you ahve described…some of us parents do know how to make our kids behave in mass with out them ruining the place

 

[Karin]

Those who are hard of hearing are not as important as the children, don’t ya know.

perhaps they should sit in the front of the church so they can hear better

 

[Karin]

Go back and read post 18.
What about special children that can’t take the behavior other kids? Where do they rank?

they rank as everyone else…WELCOME in the CHURCH during MASS!
Why should they be excluded or shut away somewhere?? Are they not just as worthy of the mass as you or I? I really have to wonder where these masses are being held with so many unruley and misbehaving kids?
Our parish has many families with many kids…newborn to teenagers…none of the masses are what is being decribed here (rude kids, parents etc.)…I mean is this a common occurence in the Churches today?

 

[netmilsmom]

they rank as everyone else…WELCOME in the CHURCH during MASS!
Why should they be excluded or shut away somewhere?? Are they not just as worthy of the mass as you or I?

Did you read it? Did you read what a problem unruly kids are to those with neurological problems?

So if a child with special needs has difficulties with unruly children, who do we accomodate first?

The unruly child who’s parents are praying or the special needs child who goes off with such behavior. All of them deserve to be accomodated, but it’s a whole lot easier to control the unruly child than to control the special needs child.

It’s a bigger picture than you’re seeing.

 

[Karin]

Did you read it? Did you read what a problem unruly kids are to those with neurological problems?

yes I did…are you implying that all kids with neurological problems have this problem? That is not the way I read the post…I read it to be specific to this family.

So if a child with special needs has difficulties with unruly children, who do we accomodate first?

I guess somebody is going to the isolation room or perhaps sit in an area of the church where there are no other kids…there is usually a pew or two around without kids.
Or you could sepak with these other parents bring to their attention what is going on and what a disturbance it is to your kids.

The unruly child who’s parents are praying or the special needs child who goes off with such behavior. All of them deserve to be accomodated, but it’s a whole lot easier to control the unruly child than to control the special needs child.

I would have to take your word for it…I have neither…nor do I attend a mass where we have this problem either…none of the kids are unruly

 

[cecilia97]

Exactly!! Otherwise why would it be there and marked plainly CRY ROOM?

:heart:Blyss

In a parish I used to attend, the cry room stank of dirty diapers. Hence, parents didn’t tend to take their noisy children there. In some churches the sound piped into the cry room is so bad that you can’t even hear the Mass being celebrated.

Cry rooms are not always the nicest places, and I’m sure parents would ALSO love to attend a beautiful, respectful, quiet Tridentine Mass. Are they less important than single people, couples with no children, or empty-nesters?

God and the Church asks married people to accept children. I don’t see why it’s so hard for the parish to accept the same children.

cecilia

 

[Nechasin]

I wasn’t going to post this, but as I continue reading, I feel I should. Behavior of Children at mass should be a banned topic on these forums. Every thread that I have read on this topic ends up with people from both sides of the issue making good points and totally ignoring the good points from the other side. This topic has been hashed over time and time again with the same results.

 

[Karin]

I wasn’t going to post this, but as I continue reading, I feel I should. Behavior of Children at mass should be a banned topic on these forums. Every thread that I have read on this topic ends up with people from both sides of the issue making good points and totally ignoring the good points from the other side. This topic has been hashed over time and time again with the same results.

 

[netmilsmom]

yes I did…are you implying that all kids with neurological problems have this problem? That is not the way I read the post…I read it to be specific to this family.

Perhaps you haven’t read enough about Autism or Aspergers to make a judgement on whether it is specific to this family. It isn’t. The problems are related to the syndromes.

I guess somebody is going to the isolation room or perhaps sit in an area of the church where there are no other kids…there is usually a pew or two around without kids.
Or you could sepak with these other parents bring to their attention what is going on and what a disturbance it is to your kids.

Parents have a high tolerance for their own children. Maybe some courtesy on the part of the parent’s with the disturbing children would be a workable solution, but what if they don’t find it to be a problem.
Pastorally, how does one handle a child that is set off by other children. You assume that a row or two apart will work. What if it doesn’t? To send the special needs child to the “Isolation” room means that they are not welcome in the church because of their special needs.

I would have to take your word for it…I have neither…nor do I attend a mass where we have this problem either…none of the kids are unruly

But this thread is not about your parish, it’s about everyone.

 

[netmilsmom]

In a parish I used to attend, the cry room stank of dirty diapers. Hence, parents didn’t tend to take their noisy children there. In some churches the sound piped into the cry room is so bad that you can’t even hear the Mass being celebrated.

Cry rooms are not always the nicest places, and I’m sure parents would ALSO love to attend a beautiful, respectful, quiet Tridentine Mass. Are they less important than single people, couples with no children, or empty-nesters?

God and the Church asks married people to accept children. I don’t see why it’s so hard for the parish to accept the same children.

cecilia

It’s not about accepting the children, it’s about accepting the behavior of the parents.

Did you speak to anyone about the cryroom conditions?

 

[Karin]

Perhaps you haven’t read enough about Autism or Aspergers to make a judgement on whether it is specific to this family. It isn’t. The problems are related to the syndromes.

Nope have not read anything about this issues…but then my kids do not have these issues and none of the kids we attend mass with do either…perhaps if this issue effected me then I would read up on it

Parents have a high tolerance for their own children.

not always

Maybe some courtesy on the part of the parent’s with the disturbing children would be a workable solution, but what if they don’t find it to be a problem.

Got me …go to the priest then and see what he advises…perhaps a change to an earlier mass or later one(fewer kids etc.) is what is needed…

You assume that a row or two apart will work. What if it doesn’t?

i did not assume anything it was thrown out there as an option…and if one or two rows does not work what about 10-15 rows?

 

[cecilia97]

It’s not about accepting the children, it’s about accepting the behavior of the parents.

Did you speak to anyone about the cryroom conditions?

I do not have children so I did not have to use it, but I was the pianist in the choir directly adjacent to the cry room for many years. Lots of people spoke to lots of people about the cry room, believe me. The response always involved low diocisan services fund contributions.

It’s not that specific problem, it’s that, sometimes, when a child OR their parent is bothering someone at Mass, it doesn’t hurt to assume the BEST instead of the worst. MAYBE there’s a durn good reason that parent and kid aren’t in the cry room. You never know.

cecilia

 

[netmilsmom]

I do not have children so I did not have to use it, but I was the pianist in the choir directly adjacent to the cry room for many years. Lots of people spoke to lots of people about the cry room, believe me. The response always involved low diocisan services fund contributions.

It’s not that specific problem, it’s that, sometimes, when a child OR their parent is bothering someone at Mass, it doesn’t hurt to assume the BEST instead of the worst. MAYBE there’s a durn good reason that parent and kid aren’t in the cry room. You never know.

cecilia

That’s a pity.
We have bathrooms at our parish that are WELL used. 850 families with two bathrooms. Once a week cleaning was unacceptable to the moms. We take turns cleaning them ourselves.

Cecilia, you seem very reasonable in all this.
The OP said that the parents sat in the front row with disruptive children through the whole Holy Mass. That is the problem.
I stood in the back for more than my share of masses. I felt blessed to be one of the mothers who had children and to be there at all with my babies.
Cry room or not, no effort seemed to be made by these parents.

 

[Damascus]

I can offer an idea for the OP. Watch the Mass on EWTN before going to Mass. Or after. That way you heard and saw what you needed to hear and see without any distractions, and then you actually went to Mass.

Win, win situation and no body gets hurt. There you have it.